After Forever
by vinkunwildflowerqueen
Summary: It's been ten years since Elphaba and Fiyero fled Oz for a new life together. But is love enough to live happily ever after? Musicalverse. Fiyeraba. Post musical.
1. As Long As You're Mine

**Disclaimer: The characters of** _ **Wicked**_ **are not my creation or property. Any characters you don't recognise are mine though.**

 **AN. I'm back! Long time, no see. Sorry guys, things have been happening. But here we are, with a brand new story! This took a lot longer to finish than I thought it would- but in my defence, it's now my 2nd longest fic (after _Come What May)._ That may explain a few things!**

 **I had this idea in August, 2014. 3 years later... here we are. This story was hard to write (for reasons you'll find out eventually), but I really wanted to explore a post-musical Fiyeraba. I hope you guys enjoy this.**

 **(PS. Much thanks to Maddy for keeping my secret all this time and helping with the outlining stage!)**

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 **After Forever**

 **By Vinkunwildflowerqueen**

 **Chapter 1: As Long As You're Mine**

 **September, 1948**

It was a normal Tuesday morning in the Tiggular household. Well, sort of.

Elphaba awoke at six am, roused from sleep by the soft whispers of "Momma" and accompanied by gentle little fingers patting her face. As she opened her eyes, she found her daughter's face a mere inch from her own.

This was nothing unusual, in fact it was all part of her morning routine, and Elphaba only blinked sleepily and checked that she had a dry bottom before she pulled three-year-old Jiyah under the covers beside her and pulled her close, hoping to coax at least another hour of sleep out of her youngest child.

She wasn't terribly hopeful, it rarely worked. Luckily, this particular morning Jiyah seemed content to cuddle with her until Elphaba's alarm went off at six-thirty.

Stifling a yawn as she turned off the alarm, Elphaba lifted Jiyah into her arms as she got out of bed, warning her quietly to keep quiet so as not to wake anyone else in the house up.

"Do I get a stamp, Momma?" Jiyah asked in a loud whisper as they entered the kitchen.

"Absolutely," Elphaba agreed, putting her down.

Jiyah hurried over to the wall where there was a cardboard chart pinned to the wall. Once she'd set the kettle on the stovetop to boil, Elphaba handed her daughter a stamp to add to the chart. For every night that Jiyah successfully made it through the night without having an accident, she got to add a stamp to the chart. When she got enough, she'd get a small reward.

It was a method that had worked well when they were toilet-training her, and they'd found the need to dig it out again recently.

"Done, Momma!" she exclaimed in a loud whisper, skipping over to Elphaba proudly.

Elphaba smiled and brushed her daughter's sleep tangled blonde locks out of her eyes. "Good. Why don't you go play in the living room for a little while and then we'll have some breakfast, ok?"

Jiyah agreed and Elphaba settled Jiyah in the living room with a few toys while she brewed and drank her first cup of coffee for the day, a desperate necessity to kick-start her brain into working order. Mother and daughter enjoyed the quiet of the morning together.

Just after seven o'clock, the first real signs of life began to stir within the house with the thud of feet hitting the ground, and Elphaba knew her brief moment of peace was over for the time being.

"Breakfast time?" she addressed Jiyah, whose little face lit up.

"Bacon?" she asked hopefully and Elphaba chuckled.

"How about toast?" she countered.

Jiyah nodded in agreement and perched herself at her usual seat at the kitchen table where they ate breakfast, as Elphaba headed down the hall to check on her sons- five year old Cale, and seven year old Jozua before starting breakfast.

"Are you guys both awake?" she called out, approaching the bedroom the two boys shared.

"Yes," came two voices in return.

"Alright. Get up and dressed. I'm cooking breakfast now."

"Yes, Mom," came Jozua's answer, a little grumpily.

The eldest Tiggular child was not a morning person- just like his father.

As Elphaba made breakfast, there was the usual squabble between the boys over the bathroom and who got to use it first. Thankfully, it didn't escalate into a full-blown argument, Elphaba was in no mood to referee this early in the morning today.

Just as Elphaba put a plate of buttered toast before Jiyah, the only kind she would eat; Cale hurried into the room, mostly dressed for the day.

"Momma, I can't find my shoes!" he said as he entered the room.

"They're in the front hall where you left them last night. Where's Joz?"

"He's coming," Cale replied, sitting next to his sister.

Sure enough, Jozua sat down at the table a minute later. "What's for breakfast?"

"Toast. Eat up before it gets cold," Elphaba answered, handing him a plate.

As the kids ate, Elphaba made the boys' school lunches for the day.

"Jozua, you need to start your assignment today. It's due in a week and you can't leave it until the last minute," she reminded her eldest son.

Jozua nodded. "Dad said he'll help me start it tonight."

Elphaba nodded in acknowledgement.

"What do you have to do?" Cale asked Jozua.

"Make a birdhouse."

"Cool! You should make it have a chimney."

"It's a _birdhouse,_ dummy. They don't need a chimney."

"Hey, no one calls anyone 'dummy'," Elphaba interjected warningly, sitting down at the table with them.

"I bet Dad will agree with me," Calesaid. "Won't he, Momma?"

"You'll have to ask him," Elphaba replied. She looked up at the clock. "Your father had better get moving too, or you'll be late to school."

She needn't have worried, for a minute later there came the distinct sound of a door closing and footsteps and then Fiyero entered the kitchen.

"Morning, guys."

"Hi, Daddy!" Jiyah exclaimed happily.

Fiyero lifted her out of her chair to give her a cuddle. "Hi, Princess. Did you sleep well?"

Jiyah nodded. "Uh huh. I got to put another stamp on my chart, see?" she said, pointing to the chart on the wall.

"I see that," Fiyero said approvingly. "Awesome job, kiddo."

"Do you want some toast, Daddy?" she asked, offering him the remaining piece on her plate.

"You eat that, sweets. Daddy can have his own toast," Elphaba said, getting up from her seat to cook it.

Fiyero waved her down. "I've got it, Fae. You drink your coffee."

Elphaba resumed her seat and pulled Jiyah onto her lap, addressing the boys.

"Ok, now, don't forget. Mrs Gibbs is picking you guys up from school today-"

"And me!" Jiyah interjected, not wanting to be left out.

"Yes, Mrs Gibbs and Jiyah will pick you up," Elphaba amended. "Make sure you behave yourselves."

"Why aren't _you_ picking us up?" Cale asked, his brow furrowed and his dark eyes anxious.

"Momma and Daddy have grown up stuff we have to do this afternoon," Fiyero answered, buttering his toast.

"Will you still help me with my assignment tonight, Dad?" Jozua asked anxiously.

"Sure, kid," Fiyero reassured him. "We'll be back for dinner, don't worry. And we'll do it before you go to bed, ok?"

Jozua nodded, looking reassured.

That reminded Cale. "Dad, can birdhouses have chimneys?"

Fiyero chewed thoughtfully before answering. "Well, a decorative one maybe. Birds don't really need an actual chimney."

" _See?!"_ Cale muttered to his brother, sticking his tongue out.

Elphaba sighed and reached for her coffee.

"Come on, Jiyah. Let's get you dressed for the day," she said to Jiyah.

"I'll do it, Fae," Fiyero offered. "Come on, Princess," he added to Jiyah, who followed him happily out of the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom?" Jozua asked her thoughtfully, munching on a piece of toast.

"Yes?"

"Can we have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?"

Elphaba chuckled faintly. "Ask your dad. If he's willing to make them for you, then yes."

"I want blueberry pancakes," Cale protested.

"Guys, you may not get _any_ pancakes," Elphaba said in exasperation before Jozua could retort. "Like I said, ask your dad."

Fifteen minutes later, Fiyero returned to the kitchen with Jiyah, looking faintly disgruntled.

"Momma, can you explain to Jiyah that she can't wear her fairy wings and tiara to Mrs Gibbs' house today, please?"

Elphaba sighed and raised an eyebrow at Jiyah.

"Come on, sweets. We went through this yesterday, remember?"

"I want to wear them!" Jiyah argued. "Mrs Gibbs said we were going to have a fairy tea party this morning. How can I have a fairy tea party with no wings?"

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a look. It was a look they'd shared many times since Jiyah was born, the look that silently questioned how their daughter often seemed more like a girl they'd once known than either of them.

Nevertheless, it was hard to argue with that logic, even with a three and a half year old.

"She gets that from you," Fiyero informed Elphaba. "Too smart for her own good."

Elphaba smiled faintly despite herself. "Alright," she sighed. "You can't _wear_ the wings now, but you can take them to Mrs Gibbs' house for your tea party. But you don't need the tiara."

"But I'm the fairy _princess,"_ Jiyah insisted stubbornly.

Elphaba and Fiyero both relented without even sharing another glance.

"Coffee?" she asked him wearily, and he nodded.

"Please."

Elphaba went to get more coffee as Jozua seized the opportunity to ask his father about having pancakes for breakfast the next morning, who promised to consider it.

"Ok, guys are we ready?" Fiyero asked when he'd finished his coffee and the clock in the kitchen was nearing eight o'clock.

"I need to get my shoes," Cale said in reply, and dashed out of the kitchen.

As Jozua hurried off to get his schoolbag and Jiyahscrambled down from Elphaba's lap to run after her brothers, Elphaba looked up at Fiyero.

"Don't forget, the appointment's at three o'clock," she reminded him.

"I know," Fiyero said.

"Don't be late."

"I won't be."

"Because this appointment was hard to get and-"

"Elphaba, I _get_ it. I will be there. Three o'clock. On the dot," Fiyero cut her off in exasperation.

Elphaba faltered. "Sorry," she apologised quietly. "I just-"

"I know," Fiyero said, just as quietly. "I know. Just relax, ok?"

Silence filled the kitchen until it was broken as the boys returned, shoes on and backpacks ready.

"Are we going, Dad?"

"In a sec," Fiyero nodded. "Where's Jiyah?"

"I'll get her," Elphaba said, and slipped out of the room.

She found Jiyah in her room, trying to fit all her stuffed toys into her backpack.

"Kid, what _are_ you doing?"

"Taking my toys to Mrs Gibbs's," Jiyah answered, her little face screwed up determinedly as she tried to fit them all in.

"Oh, no," Elphaba stepped in firmly. "Mrs Gibbs has plenty of toys for you at her house. You already have wings and a tiara. Come on, sweets. Daddy's got to drop you off at her house first and you'll make your brothers late for school."

She shepherded Jiyah towards the front door and helped her into her boots and coat. It was still early enough in the Quoxian fall that it wasn't quite cold yet, but there was still a chill in the air in the mornings.

"Are we ready for another day of fun and learning?" Fiyero asked the boys brightly.

Elphaba couldn't help but scoff and Fiyero looked up at her from where he was kneeling on the ground helping Cale into his coat.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Sorry. I still can't see those words coming out of _your_ mouth in the same sentence," she said dryly.

Fiyero grinned at her and Elphaba's chest tightened for a moment.

"OK, guys. Say goodbye to Momma, so she can get to work."

"Bye, Mom," Jozua said cheerfully, heading out the door without so much as a hug for Elphaba.

Elphaba couldn't help but roll her eyes slightly. "Bye, Jozua."

Cale, however, hugged Elphaba tightly before following his brother. "Bye, Momma."

"Bye, kid."

Jiyah held up her arms and Elphaba obediently picked her up and kissed her cheek. "Have a good day, sweets."

"You come too, Momma?" Jiyah asked her, tightening her grip on Elphaba, little fingers curling into her hair.

Elphaba shook her head. "I'm going to work," she reminded her. When Jiyah's lips trembled, she squeezed her lightly.

"You're going to have so much fun with Mrs Gibbs, aren't you?"

"Yeah, come on," Fiyero said encouragingly. "The fairy princess can't keep her royal court waiting, can she?"

Jiyah considered that with a frown, and then ultimately shook her head.

Elphaba smiled and handed her over to Fiyero's arms, having to gently pry her hands out of her hair. "Good girl."

"So, what time is it this afternoon?" Fiyero asked her, a hint of teasing in his voice.

Elphaba pursed her lips and Fiyero hastily backtracked.

"I know, I know. Three o'clock," he reassured her and then left with Jiyah, calling after the boys to wait for him.

Left alone once more, Elphaba tidied the kitchen and then got herself ready for the day. At twenty-past eight, Elphaba grabbed her bag and left the house.

Normally she enjoyed the fifteen minute walk to work, but this morning she couldn't quite enjoy it. Fall was her favourite season, but this morning she was too preoccupied to appreciate the changing colours of the leaves.

The Quoxian town the Tiggulars called home, Limelle, was a decent size with only a population of only a little more than two thousand people. It was large enough for them to blend in, but small enough to give their children a sense of peace. Years on the run had left Elphaba with a strong sense of self-preservation, so she and Fiyero had tended to keep to themselves, especially in the first few years before the children were born.

They did have a couple that they were quite good friends with, Kalhey and Alvar Wood. Alvar worked with Fiyero, and Kalhey was a midwife. He and Kalhey had two children, Sabella and Zakhar; and Elphaba had been grateful for Kalhey's advice and support- both professional and personal- when she and Fiyero had started their family.

There was also their neighbour, Della Gibbs, a kindly middle-aged woman who lived down the street from them and was happy to look after Jiyahduring the day while Elphaba and Fiyero were at work, and the boys on the rare occasions when Elphaba and Fiyero couldn't pick them up themselves, such as this afternoon.

Fiyero worked as a carpenter, and Elphaba ran the local bookshop in town, _Chapter Two_.

Elphaba's sole employee at _Chapter Two_ was a young Monkey named Totit, who was in fact one of the very Monkeys whom Elphaba had freed from the Wizard's palace so long ago. Totit had found her way to Limelle four years ago, six years after Elphaba and Fiyero's "deaths". She'd been searching for her parents, who had escaped to Quox during the Wizard's enforcements of the Animal Banns. Totit had only been a little more than an infant at the time, and had been separated from her parents and then caught by members of the Gale Force.

She hadn't found her parents, but she'd found Elphaba, and had promptly begged to work with her. Elphaba hadn't been sure at first, although she was pleased to see Totit again and to hear that she could speak and what had become of her troop. She had been worried that employing Totitwould leave them more open to danger of the truth being known. But ultimately she had agreed and Elphaba could freely admit she didn't regret that decision.

It was nice to have a small connection to Oz and their former lives, no matter what. It was through Totit that Elphaba and Fiyero could gain some information about what was happening in Oz over the years; although it was rare they heard anything and never anything specific.

But if there were ever any rumours or speculation from Oz that the Wicked Witch of the West lived, Totit would hear of it before anyone else in Quox did. And Totit understood maybe better than anyone the importance of keeping Fiyero and Elphaba's secret, even from members of her own troop.

There was too much at risk now if the truth should ever come out or find its way back to Oz.

Totit was waiting outside _Chapter Two_ when Elphaba arrived at the store, waiting for her to open the door.

"Good morning," she greeted her.

"Morning," Elphaba replied.

She unlocked the door and led them into the store, going about the tasks to open the store.

"How are you?" Totitasked, a little hesitantly.

Elphaba looked over to her. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"Elphaba."

The green woman sighed. "What? I'm _fine,_ really."

"But today is-"

"I _know_ what today is. But worrying about it isn't going to help, is it?"

"So you _are_ worried?"

Elphaba shot her an exasperated look, and Totitapologised softly.

"You didn't have to come in this morning, you know," Elphaba said. "I told you I didn't need it."

Most days, Elphaba opened the store and Totit came in at two o'clock. Elphaba would then leave in time to pick the kids up after school, leaving Totitto close up at five-thirty. But Totithad insisted on coming in that morning, and working the whole day.

"I know."

They opened the store, and the day's business began. They were busy, which Elphaba was thankful for, it served as a nice distraction.

And finally, at a quarter to three that afternoon, Elphaba bid Totit goodbye and left the store. She walked briskly through down the main street of town until she reached her destination, hoping that Fiyero would be on time.

She was there a few minutes before three and she sat in the waiting room, her eyes fixed on the clock, hardly daring to breathe. As though Fiyero's punctuality was a sign of how this would end. At exactly one minute to three, Fiyero entered the room. He looked around briefly and then came and sat beside her.

"Told you I'd be on time," he greeted her triumphantly.

"Do you want a medal?" Elphaba retorted archly.

Fiyero rolled his eyes. "Hey, _you_ were the one-"

"You shouldn't need my praise because you turned up to an appointment on time," Elphaba pointed out. "It should just be expected that you will be on time."

Fiyero opened his mouth, closed it and said nothing.

The door to the inner office opened and a Peacock poked his head out the door.

"Mr and Mrs Tiggular?"

Elphaba and Fiyero rose to their feet, following him into the office.

"Please, take a seat," the Peacock said, gesturing for them to sit on the couch opposite his own chair.

Fiyero sat down comfortably, but Elphaba sat stiffly. The Peacock wasn't perturbed and simply sat down and met their gaze.

"So, Elphaba and Fiyero, it's nice to officially meet you both. I'm Dr Herk Palloa. So, why don't you tell me what brings you here today?"

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a brief glance, before Elphaba sighed and spoke.

"We're here to figure out if we can save our marriage."

 **Chapter Title Song: "As Long as You're Mine" from** _ **Wicked.**_

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 **AN.** **I'm coming to the US for a 2 week holiday, so updates may be a little sporadic while I'm here allowing for time zone issues/ Wi-Fi availability/ my busy holiday schedule.**

 **In the meantime, for more information on this fic, see my blog! (Link on my profile)**

 **ALSO: I have a request. This fic has a playlist of songs that I put together while writing. While I usually request you mention your favourite lines/moments (and please, keep sending those through), but if a chapter reminds you of a song, let me know and I'll add it to the playlist!**

 **When the story is complete, I'll share the list. (Because spoilers).**


	2. Forever and Always

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine.**

 **AN. So, is anyone still reading?**

 **Greetings from Orlando, Florida! Today I achieve one of my lifelong dreams- GOING TO DISNEY WORLD! First up, Animal Kingdom. Also I'm here with Julia-Caesar, which is amazing.**

 **I'm (attempting) to post this chapter via the ff app, which I've never used before, so hopefully it looks ok. If not, I'll try and get to an actual computer soon to fix it, and in the meantime please bear with me!**

 **Chapter 2: Forever and Always**

 **Counselling Session, September 1948**

Dr Herk Palloa, Limelle psychologist and marriage counsellor, nodded calmly at Elphaba's statement.

"Alright. Well, what we're going to do first, is I just want to get a sense of who the two of you are, as individuals and as a couple. Get some background, and what's led you both to this point. And then we'll work out a strategy to go from here, alright?"

Elphaba and Fiyero nodded silently. They didn't exchange a glance this time, and suddenly seemed very determined to avoid eye contact with one another.

Dr Palloa simply cleared his throat.

"Why don't you tell me about your relationship?" he prodded.

"What do you want to know?" Fiyero asked uncertainly.

"How long have you been together?"

"We've been together for ten years," Elphaba responded. "Married for almost five."

Dr Palloa nodded, making notes.

"You have children?"

"Three," Fiyero nodded.

"Tell me about them," he said.

As intended, Elphaba and Fiyero relaxed considerably at the question.

"Well," Fiyero said, with a glance towards his wife. "Jozua's seven, Cale's five and Jiyah's three. Nearly four. She'll be four in November."

The doctor nodded, wordlessly gesturing for him to elaborate.

"Joz is in second grade. He's a really outgoing kid, bundle of energy really. He loves sport and making things. Cale's just started school this year. We're only two weeks in, so it's a little hard to tell how he's doing. But he seems to enjoy it. He's a really sweet kid, a very gentle nature. He's also really smart, always got his nose in a book. And then there's Jiyah. What can I say about Jiyah? She's our princess."

Dr Palloa nodded, smiling slightly as he made a note. "Elphaba, anything to add?"

Elphaba hesitated. "They're my kids," she finally said simply. "They're my world… our world," she added, glancing at Fiyero.

"And how long have you been separated?"

"About a month and a half," Fiyero said, the smile that had lingered on his face as he talked about his kids fading.

"It's just a trial separation," Elphaba added quickly. "It's not an _official_ separation."

"And who moved out of the marital home?"

He noted a faint grimace crossing Elphaba's face.

"I did," Fiyero explained. "I moved out at the end of July. I'm renting a little house about a ten minute walk away."

"And have you worked out a custody arrangement?"

"We tried to keep everything as normal as possible for the kids," Elphaba said. "Fiyero comes by in the morning. He takes the boys to school and Jiyah to the neighbour who watches her on his way to work. I pick them up in the afternoon when I finish work."

"The kids stay with me Tuesday and Thursday nights during the week and every other weekend," Fiyero continued.

The Peacock frowned slightly. "May I ask why Tuesday and Thursday nights?"

"I do events at my store on Tuesday nights," Elphaba explained. "Book club, stocktake… that kind of thing. It made sense for the kids to stay with Fiyero than get a baby-sitter. And Wednesday nights, Fiyero plays poker with his friends. They've been doing it for eight years, and it just came back to trying to keep things as normal as possible. So, Thursday made sense and it works on the weekends that they stay with him."

Dr Palloa nodded again, making more notes.

"Alright. Now, I'd like you to tell me a little about the events that led to your separation."

Elphaba and Fiyero both fell silent.

"We've been fighting… a lot," Elphaba admitted, staring at her hands. "We kind of reached breaking point."

"Fighting about what?"

"Everything," she said simply. She didn't know what else to say.

The therapist paused only briefly. Twenty-five years of asking this question and it never got easier. "Was there another person involved?"

"No," came the answer in unison, Elphaba simply and matter-of-fact, whilst Fiyero sounded horrified at the very thought.

Dr Palloa nodded and made another note.

"Who made the decision to do marriage counselling?"

"We made it together," Fiyero said firmly.

"It was Fiyero's idea initially," Elphaba added, her tone still quiet.

Fiyero glanced at her briefly, but said nothing.

"Why did you wait until now to broach the idea of counselling?"

"I think we're both fairly independent people. I think we were hoping to come to a solution without any outside help," Elphaba said uncertainly and Fiyero nodded in confirmation. "Obviously, that wasn't going to work."

"Can I ask what you're hoping to accomplish with these sessions? What's your goal?"

The couple stared at him blankly.

"We want to work out our issues," Fiyero answered finally, as though it were obvious. "We want to save our marriage."

The Peacock had his eyes on Elphaba.

"Elphaba?"

Her eyes flicked up to him, and she hesitated.

"We can't accomplish anything unless there's honesty in this room," he reminded her gently.

She nodded faintly, but avoided looking towards her husband.

"I guess… I want to know if we can… if we _should_ save it," she said quietly. "Maybe our issues can't be solved. Maybe it's better, healthier- for us and for the children- to just… be separate. At least as a couple."

Fiyero turned to her, looking determined. "Fae, I told you-"

"I know," she cut him off. "But that doesn't mean it's enough. You can't fix a wound through sheer will."

"No, sometimes you need a band-aid-"

"We can't stick a band-aid on our marriage and hope it just magically fixes itself over time!"

"Which is why we're here!" Fiyero argued.

"Alright," Dr Palloa interjected smoothly. "Have the two of you set up a time frame for this trial separation?"

Elphaba and Fiyero both shook their heads.

"That's fine. Now, it's different for everyone. I've had couples who go on a month-to-month basis; couples who choose to separate for a year; or some who do six months. The idea is that when the deadline comes, they sit down and re-evaluate. Then, they either come to a decision on the state of the relationship- to reunite or make the separation official and move towards divorce, or they extend the trial."

Dr Palloa noticed that Elphaba and Fiyero both flinched at the word "divorce."

"What I'd like to propose is that I meet with you every other week for… let's say the next six months. When the six months are up, we'll re-evaluate. Does that sound plausible?"

Fiyero nodded, but Elphaba continued to stare at her hands silently.

Six months would take them through to March.

"Elphaba?" Fiyero prodded quietly, and her head jerked up.

"Yes. Six months," she repeated, looking to Fiyero and nodding. "It's fine."

Dr Palloa frowned slightly and made a note.

"How has your relationship been since Fiyero moved out? Are you fighting less?"

"Some," Fiyero agreed. "I think most of the time… it's just awkward. It's like we don't know how to be around each other anymore," he said unhappily.

"It's easier if the kids are there," Elphaba admitted and Fiyero agreed again. "I find…" Elphaba faltered only briefly, but pressed on as Dr Palloa looked at her expectantly.

"I think we're both very conscious a lot of the time about what we're saying. In case it does turn into a fight."

The Peacock was silent for a moment as he made a few more notes and then asked to speak to each of them separate for a few moments. He directed Elphaba out to the waiting room and invited her to help herself to tea or coffee, and then turned back to address Fiyero.

"So, I just have a few questions that I want to ask you and Elphaba separately. Just to see how your answers match up," he explained.

Fiyero nodded. "Ask away. I'll answer as best I can."

"How long have you and Elphaba known each other?"

Fiyero's brow furrowed as he thought. "Uh… I guess… like, thirteen years? Wow," he added, sounding a little surprised. "I guess time flies, huh?"

"When you're having fun?" Dr Palloa finished, and Fiyero sobered.

"It hasn't all been fun."

"The separation?"

"Would be one of the 'not fun' parts," Fiyero nodded.

That was an understatement.

"The fighting that led to your decision to separate. When did that start?"

Fiyero hesitated. "We've always argued," he began. "We- Fae and I, we're both rather stubborn," he admitted candidly. "And we both have a bit of a temper, although it's been better since we had the kids. We don't ever want to be those parents screaming at their kids, so we've always tried so hard to keep calm."

"Until recently," the doctor said knowingly, gently pressing for an answer to his question.

Fiyero sighed. "Yeah. I don't really know when it started," he said quietly. "A few months before I moved out, maybe? I think it just happened so gradually and it just exploded, you know?"

Dr Palloa nodded. "You think your marriage can be saved?"

"Yes," Fiyero answered firmly. "I'm not saying we don't have problems, but nothing that we can't work through."

"What if Elphaba's right?"

Fiyero exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over his brow. "Look, I'm usually the first to admit when Elphaba's right, and she usually is," he confessed. "But, as much as I love her, she's rather pessimistic."

The Peacock cocked his head. "Oh?"

"She calls it realistic," Fiyero acknowledged. "And maybe it is, I don't know. I just don't want to give up without a fight."

"And you think Elphaba is? Giving up without a fight?"

Fiyero blinked in surprise. "What? No! I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly. "I just meant that… Elphaba finds it easier to see all possibilities- even the negative ones. I try and think more positive. Or, it's easier for me to think positive," he explained, clearly choosing his words carefully.

"And why is that?" Dr Palloa asked, although he was sure he knew at least part of the answer.

Even in Limelle after all this time, Elphaba's former life- and reputation-in Oz was widely known, if not acknowledged. The Animal community knew better than anyone the importance of keeping it quiet, and the humans took their cue from the Animals and from Elphaba and Fiyero themselves.

"It's easier to expect bad things to happen when bad things keep happening," Fiyero replied simply, and then frowned. "Fae would word that better."

Dr Palloa chuckled. "I get the sentiment, don't worry."

"What do you want to know? Really, I mean," Fiyero asked.

Dr Palloa put down his notebook and met his gaze steadily. "I want to know what you want."

"I want-"

"Beyond 'I want to save my marriage'," the Peacock interrupted. "Deeper. What do you want?"

Fiyero was stumped and sat there staring blankly at him.

"I want our family to be happy. I want us to be happy. I want Fae to be happy," he said at last.

Dr Palloa almost asked the natural follow up question- even if that meant not being together? But instead, he nodded and made yet another note on his paper.

"You can send Elphaba in now."

The moment Elphaba sat down, Dr Palloa knew that she wasn't going to be as open as her husband. Her body language was stiff and tense and her eyes were guarded.

Dr Palloa started with the same question he'd asked Fiyero.

"So, Elphaba. How long have you and Fiyero known each other?"

"Thirteen years," Elphaba answered immediately.

"So you knew one another for quite a time before getting together, then. Were you friends?"

She faltered briefly. "Yes. In a sense. We didn't see each other for two years."

Dr Palloa nodded in acknowledgement. "I see. Those two years would cover your time as a fugitive, yes?"

Elphaba's eyes flew to his. "Yes," she said at length.

"When would you say that you and Fiyero began arguing?"

"About a minute after we met," she responded dryly and Dr Palloa's pen stalled mid-note.

Elphaba shrugged lightly as he looked up. "We've always argued," she said, unknowingly echoing Fiyero's words. Then she sighed.

"I guess it was about February? It just seemed like we couldn't have a conversation without it turning into an argument. And it didn't stop. At least, February was when I first noticed it. It could have been happening before that."

Dr Palloa cut to the chase. "Elphaba, I need to know what you want to come of these sessions. Because if you're going into this with your mind already made up that your marriage is over, I can't help you."

Elphaba blinked and he thought he detected a glimmer of tears in her eyes.

"I read somewhere once that people fall out of love for the same reason they fell in love. The quirks and trends that used to be so charming, just… lose their charm. And they become flaws that you can't overlook. What used to be a strength in the relationship, becomes a weakness."

"Do you think you've fallen out of love with Fiyero?" the Peacock asked her quietly.

"I don't know," Elphaba murmured, her throat constricted. "I don't want to be, but… just so much has happened. And I'm so tired of fighting," she said wearily.

"Do you think your marriage can be saved?"

"There's still love there, I know there is," Elphaba conceded. "But that may not be enough. If we can't fix the real problems- and I'm not even sure I know what they _are-_ then I think it' better we're apart. I don't want to end up hating him."

"So, what do you want?" Dr Palloa said gently.

Elphaba blinked away the tears that threatened to fall and straightened her shoulders.

"I want us to be able to make a fully informed decision about our future. The best decision. If not for ourselves, then for the kids."

It was like Fiyero had said, Dr Palloa realised as he scribbled notes. Elphaba was saying all the right words and saying them the right way, as though to present herself as being realistic. But there was something in her voice as though she was preparing herself for the worst possible scenario.

"Well," he said finally, looking up at Elphaba. "I think that gives us a starting point. You can ask Fiyero to come back in now, please."

When Elphaba and Fiyero were once again seated beside each other, Dr Palloa smiled at them both.

"I want to thank you both for your honesty. As I said, the success of these sessions will depend on you being open with me, yourselves and each other. If you want to make the best outcome for your marriage, you need to be honest and I think we're off to a good start. Our sessions are going to go deeper into your relationship, from the time you met up to now. With any luck, I'll help you work out what your issues are and how to solve them without arguing. How does that sound?"

Elphaba nodded.

"What do you think?" Fiyero asked him.

"As in, do I think you can save your marriage?" Dr Palloa asked and Fiyero nodded.

"As a rule, I don't really like to pass judgement, especially after only one session. Besides, I can give you the tools to communicate better and get to the root of your problems, but only you and Elphaba can determine what's best for yourselves and your family. I'm here to guide and mediate."

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance.

"We should go," Elphaba said quietly.

Fiyero nodded and got to his feet. "Yeah, I need to get the kids from Della's."

Dr Palloa told them to book their next appointment with his receptionist before leaving and then bid them farewell.

Taking a moment before his next and final appointment of the day arrived, the Peacock read back over the notes he'd made over the session. He wasn't too sure exactly what the root of Elphaba and Fiyero's issues were yet, but he knew before the couple could decide their fate, they'd have a lot of work to do. Fiyero had to be made to accept the possibility that Elphaba may be right, and she would have to be more open. It would be a long few months.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Forever and Always" by Taylor Swift**

 **AN. Jemma Rix has an album. It's called "Gravity", is available on iTunes worldwide, and everyone should go listen to it, because it's amazing.**

 **Thank you to those who have suggested songs so far!**


	3. Learn to Live Without

**DISCLAIMER: Nope.**

 **AN. First of all, thank you to those who have reviewed. I wasn't at all sure how this story would be recieved, and it means a lot to know people are actually reading it- especially when I've been gone for so long.**

 **Secondly- guys, when I die, look for me in the Magic Kingdom. Seriously. It's officially my favourite place ever. We did Epcot yesterday, which was also cool (99% because I got to meet Belle) and today... HOGWARTS.**

 **Chapter 3: Learn to Live Without**

 **September 1948**

On Tuesdays, Totit opened _Chapter Two_ and Elphaba came in a bit later and worked until close- at least in theory. These days, once the kids left for school, she was more likely to come in early and work the whole day to avoid being in an empty house for even a moment longer than she had to.

When Elphaba closed the bookstore at half-past five on the Tuesday afternoon the week after their first counselling session, she didn't bother going home. Instead, she puttered around the store- collecting stock that had strayed from their rightful spots throughout the day's business and placing them back on the correct shelves; sorting through the receipts for the day; and moving the chairs scattered around the store to the open space in the centre to set up for the book club meeting that night.

The _Chapter Two_ Book Club had been running for sixteen months now, originating after Elphaba had one too many conversations with people around town about books they were reading and recommending to one another. They met the first Tuesday night of every month, and they had on average eight to ten women come every month.

Elphaba had found it relatively easy to name the bookstore when it came about. She'd never really given any thought to what she'd do as a career- for so long it had been planned out for her by her father, and "Wicked Witch" whilst a noble cause (something Elphaba still wasn't sure about, but Fiyero insisted) didn't really pay well. And then not long after she and Fiyero had arrived in Limelle, the kindly elderly Cat who had owned the bookstore had died.

No one had come forward to take over the business, and although she was a relative newcomer in town, Elphaba had leapt for the chance. Fiyero had completely supported her when she brought up the idea to him, and was even listed as co-owner on the deed, although he didn't have much involvement in the store beyond building shelves and repairs, and maybe helping out on the occasional Saturday if the store was particularly busy.

"No one knows more about books than you," he'd said. "We're starting over, Fae. I think this could be great for you."

Elphaba had figured he was right, and if they were starting anew, _Chapter Two_ seemed the appropriate title for the store.

By seven o'clock, Elphaba had tea, coffee and refreshments set up and six women were sitting around and making small talk.

Elphaba's closest friend in Limelle (but not best friend- that title could only ever be held by Glinda), Kalhey, approached Elphaba as she stood at the counter.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit in?" she asked her, brushing a lock of hair out of her face.

Elphaba shook her head. "It's fine. I've got stuff to do, so I'll just listen in."

Kalhey regarded her for a moment and then nodded slowly. "Ok. But you're not getting out of it next month," she warned her.

Elphaba managed a faint smile. "Understood. You'd better get started," she added, nodding to the circle of chairs.

The regular attenders took it in turns each month to select the book and lead the discussion. Elphaba's turn wasn't until next month, but she had been unable to muster up the energy to read the book for this month- a romance called _Beginning in Winter._ Lately Elphaba wasn't one for romance.

Kalhey called for the others to seat themselves and start the discussion, as Elphaba settled herself behind the counter with a few crates of books that had arrived that day. _Chapter Two_ sold second-hand books as well as new, and these were books Totit had bought at an estate sale in a neighbouring town. Now, Elphaba had to sort through them, inventory and price them, and this seemed to be as good a time as any to do it.

The book club finished an hour later, but many women lingered to chat and it wasn't until eight-thirty that Kalhey was showing the last woman out the door and saying goodbye.

"Are you almost ready, El?" she asked Elphaba.

Elphaba glanced over at her friend. "You go ahead. I've got a few more things to do here."

"No, you don't," Kalhey said knowingly.

Elphaba went to argue, and then gave up with a sigh. "I hate going home to an empty house," she admitted. "It's feels so strange."

Kalhey smiled sympathetically. "You can come over to our place," she offered. "We have a guest room and two kids that make plenty of noise."

Elphaba chuckled. "Thanks, but I'll pass."

"Well, you can't stay here all night," Kalhey protested.

Elphaba hesitated and then sighed again. "Ok, ok. Let's go," she agreed tiredly.

She locked up and then she and Kalhey headed down the street towards their respective homes.

"What do you usually do on the nights when the kids are with Fiyero?" Kalhey asked her.

Elphaba shrugged. "Catch up on laundry, or housework, or paperwork for the store. Just keep busy, really."

Kalhey stared at her incredulously. "You have a house to yourself at least two nights a week, and you do _housework?"_

Elphaba laughed slightly. "Yes. Why? What do you do?"

"On the _rare_ moments I can have a moment to myself in the house that don't involve me hiding from my husband and children in the bathroom?"

Elphaba chuckled. Like Glinda, Kalhey could be a tad overdramatic at times, and although there weren't many similarities between her and the friend she missed every day; Elphaba thought it was a reason why she and Kalhey were such good friends. She helped Elphaba miss Glinda a tiny bit less. Although, with three children under eight herself, Elphaba knew she wasn't entirely exaggerating.

"I'd drink a bottle of wine," Kalhey said, almost dreamily. "Soak in a bubble bath for about three hours. Go to bed either at seven o'clock, or at one in the morning. Eat frosting for dinner and not have to sing the praises of vegetables or resort to bribery in an effort to get the kids to eat them. I'd read for hours without being interrupted."

When Elphaba smiled in amusement, Kalhey grinned. "Seriously, El. Use the time to treat yourself without having to be a mother for a night. You have all this time on your hands. Be luxurious."

Elphaba snorted. "I don't think I've ever been _luxurious_ in my life," she stated matter-of-factly.

Which was true. She'd gone from being basically a nursemaid and housekeeper to Nessa to Shiz; where whilst Glinda- once they'd become friends- had certainly tried to tempt her with makeovers and the such, Elphaba had steadfastly resisted. Life as a fugitive hardly lent itself to luxury; and once she and Fiyero had moved to Limelle, they'd had no money for luxuries in the first few years, by which time the children had come along.

"Well, now's your chance," Kalhey insisted. "Or, alternatively, you can have my kids over and _I'll_ treat myself," she teased.

Elphaba laughed. "I'll take that under consideration," she said.

When they came to the cross-street where they would go their separate ways, Kalhey turned to Elphaba solemnly.

"All jokes aside, I know how strange it must feel having the house to yourself," she said gently. "But avoiding being home isn't going to help. Especially…"

She hesitated, but Elphaba knew what she was thinking. If Elphaba and Fiyero's separation became permanent, so would the regular nights alone.

"Thanks, Kalhey," Elphaba said quietly. "I'll see you later."

Kalhey waved and headed towards the sprawling white farmhouse on the outskirts of town she called home, as Elphaba headed towards her own home. The house was dark as she approached, and Elphaba realised in hindsight she'd forgotten to leave the porch light on when leaving the house that morning.

Even in the dark, Elphaba dug her keys out of her bag and unlocked the door with relative ease; and stepped into the house that was just as dark on the inside as it looked from the outside. The thud of the door closing echoed through the house, and the resounding click of the lock made Elphaba almost wince.

Tiredly, she found herself something to eat, unable to stop herself from looking at the clock and thinking about what the kids would be doing at Fiyero's right now. It was almost nine o'clock.

The kids should all be asleep, although Elphaba was sure Fiyero let them stay up later than they should.

Once she'd finished eating and cleaned the kitchen, Elphaba was at a loss what to do with herself. Two months, and she never got used to it.

 _Treat yourself,_ Kalhey had said. Well, it was worth a shot.

Elphaba went into the bathroom and twisted the faucet to start the water running. Rummaging through the bathroom cupboard, she found a jar of bath salts that the kids had given her for Mother's Day the year before, and added them to the water. As the bath slowly filled, Elphaba went into her bedroom and to the pile of books on her nightstand waiting to be read.

She picked up two, and hesitated. One was the crime novel that she had picked for the next book club meeting; and the other was one she had brought home from the store- _Should I Stay or Go?,_ a book on separation and divorce.

Elphaba had always been one for research.

Deciding that reading about whether or not her marriage could be saved was only going to stress her out, which probably defeated the purpose of a relaxing bath; she put the latter down and took the crime novel back to the bathroom with her.

Elphaba only had a bath perhaps once a month- it usually being much more convenient and timely to shower, but she never had the option of spending as long in the water as she wanted to. There were always things to do, or something that needed her attention. Getting to linger until the water was cooling and causing her skin to erupt in goosebumps, reading half her book and drinking a glass of wine was something that had never happened; and made her realise that perhaps Kalhey had a point.

When she got out of the bath and put on her nightgown and robe, her hair in two braids; Elphaba settled herself on the couch to finish her book with a second glass of wine. She would never get used to the silence without Fiyero and the kids around- at least when the kids were here, they made enough noise so she didn't miss Fiyero as much. And she _did_ miss him. She just didn't miss the fighting.

At ten-thirty, her book and wine finished, Elphaba decided to turn in for the night. She'd go back over the book at some point, and make notes for discussion for the next book club, but she had a month to do that.

Before she went to bed, Elphaba double checked all the locks to make sure the house was securely shut up for the night. And then she went to bed. It always seemed strange to her that it had taken her a long time to get used to sharing a bed with Fiyero; yet now it was so hard to get to sleep without him beside her.

A ten minute walk away, at the small two-bedroom house that Fiyero now rented, he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Beside him, Jiyah lay sideways across the mattress, sleeping with her foot digging into his ribs. She rarely slept in the bed that was technically hers, in the second bedroom with the boys in bunk beds against the opposite wall. If she didn't fall asleep in his bed, she'd crawl in during the small hours of the night.

He knew she was doing the same thing at home and he made a mental note to talk to Elphaba about it the next time he saw her.

As uncomfortable as it was to sleep this way, Fiyero far preferred it over the nights when it was just him alone in the house. The nights he got to spend with the kids were the highlight of his week, and before this, he hadn't known it was possible to miss them so much. But it was still nothing compared to how much he missed Elphaba.

He was often reminded now of the time period between the moment with the Lion Cub and the moment he had handed her a bouquet of poppies at the train station, not knowing he wouldn't see her again for two years. Back then, they had been polite and awkward together, neither knowing what to say or how to say it. Now, there was the same air of politeness and awkwardness, but in this case, they weren't sure what to say without starting yet another argument.

Jiyah shifted in her sleep and breathed out a sigh, and Fiyero turned to look at his daughter. Her features were so much like Elphaba, never more than when she was sleeping. Apart from the peaches and cream complexion, instead of the emerald green (and the blonde hair), Fiyero had always thought this was how Elphaba must have looked as a child. Of course he couldn't know for sure, Elphaba had no childhood photos of herself.

Fiyero gently brushed a lock of her blonde hair back from her face musing absent-mindedly as to whether Jiyah's hair would darken as she got older, as his own had. A smile crept over his face in the darkness. Jiyah would be four at the end of the year, and he still remembered the shock he and Elphaba had had when Jiyah had been born blonde and stayed that way. Despite the fact he himself was blonde, they'd never considered the any of their children would inherit those genes.

Both the boys were dark, so they'd just expected baby number three would be likewise. Although surprised, Fiyero and Elphaba had both amused themselves, imagining Galinda's reaction if she'd been there.

Fiyero watched as Jiyah scrunched her nose slightly and he smothered a quiet chuckle. Elphaba did the same thing in her sleep, and when they'd first gotten together, he'd thought there was nothing more adorable. He wondered if Elphaba was sleeping now.

Gently easing himself out of the bed so he didn't wake Jiyah, Fiyero tiptoed out of the room in the dark and peeked his head into the next room. The bottom bunk was empty, and for a moment Fiyero's heart skipped a beat, until he saw both Jozua and Cale were sleeping crammed together into the top bunk.

Fiyero let out a breath, and rolled his eyes. Every time the kids stayed with him, the boys had the same argument over who would sleep in the top bunk. When Fiyero had said goodnight to them a few hours ago, Cale had won for tonight. Evidently, this was the solution they'd arrived at.

He thought about moving one of them back to the bottom bunk, but decided against it. They seemed content, and there was a rail on the edge to stop them from falling out.

Fiyero retreated back to his bed, noting that somehow in the two minutes he'd been gone, Jiyah had arranged herself across the entire bed. With a sigh, Fiyero squeezed himself into a corner of the mattress and closed his eyes.

After Jiyah woke him up a few hours later, whispering through tear-filled eyes that she'd had an accident, Fiyero's morning was like any other that the kids were with him. He stripped the bed and gave Jiyah a bath, who by now was mostly upset that she wouldn't get a stamp for her chart that day. Cale and Jozua had to be forcefully nudged from bed and to get moving for the day.

" _Dad,_ the bread's stale," Jozua complained, inspecting the loaf.

Fiyero looked over at his son from where he was brushing Jiyah's hair. "It's going to be toast, what does it matter?" he asked pointedly.

"I don't like stale bread," Jozua whined.

"Once it's toasted, you won't know the difference," Fiyero retorted, but Jozua just pouted.

"Joz, I'm sorry," Fiyero said impatiently. "It's the only bread I've got. Have fruit for breakfast."

"I want toast," Jozua said glumly, half-heartedly picking a banana from the fruit bowl. Fiyero ignored him.

"Cale, what are you having for breakfast?"

Cale shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat something, kid. Momma will kill me if you go to school hungry and pass out from hunger. Princess, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Butter on toast!" Jiyah chirped happily. " _I_ don't care if the toast is stale, Daddy," she added superiorly, with a smile towards Jozua, who's eyes narrowed.

"Ok," Fiyero agreed quickly, hoping to head off an argument and get them out the door on time.

He made Jiyah her toast, coaxed Cale into eating half an apple, and ate the other half himself as he hastily shepherded the kids out the door with their bags.

He and Jiyah dropped the boys off at school, Jozua disappearing with only a wave and Cale following his big brother after allowing Jiyah to plant a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Alright, Princess," Fiyero addressed her, hoisting her onto his shoulders as they left the school.

"What are you and Mrs Gibbs doing today?"

"I don't know. Maybe colouring," Jiyah replied thoughtfully, and Fiyero grinned.

"Colouring, eh? Maybe you can draw me a picture to put up in my workroom at work, huh?"

"Ok, Daddy," she agreed easily.

Mrs Gibbs opened the door when she saw them coming up the path, and Fiyero waved in greeting before lifting Jiyah down from his shoulders and crouching down before her.

"Be good for Mrs Gibbs," he told her, the same thing he did every morning. "Momma will pick you up this afternoon when she finishes work, and I'll see you in the morning, ok?"

Jiyah nodded. "Ok, Daddy. I love you."

Fiyero smiled softly and kissed her cheek. "Love you too, Princess."

He watched her hurry towards Mrs Gibbs, and waved to them before he straightened up and headed off to work. He shook his head slightly, wondering why Jiyah had to be pried away from either parent whenever they handed the kids over, but skipped away to Mrs Gibbs each morning without a second glance.

There were three other carpenters Fiyero worked with in the workshop, including Alvar- Kalhey's husband. They were among the few that knew that Elphaba and Fiyero had separated.

"There's a house for sale down the block from me if you're interested," a co-worker and one of his poker friends casually remarked to him later that day.

"Why would I be interested?" Fiyero replied in confusion, looking up from the table leg he was sanding.

"Well…" the man hesitated awkwardly. "You're in a two bedroom place now. You can't have the three kids sharing a room half the week forever. If… you know…"

Fiyero did know. If he and Elphaba divorced and their situation became permanent. On one hand, Fiyero knew he was right- it was fine now while the kids were young, but once they hit puberty, they'd need their own space. But the idea of finding a bigger house and moving again, however practical, seemed like giving in to Fiyero. Admitting defeat and that his marriage was over. And Fiyero wasn't ready to think about that yet.

"Right," he said finally. "Thanks."

Fiyero was distracted for the rest of the day, unable to concentrate. Alvar noticed and pulled him aside on the pretence of getting more lumber.

"You right, man?" he asked.

Fiyero shrugged. "Just thinking. Fae and I started counselling yesterday," he reminded him.

"Right," Alvar nodded.

He was a tall man, over six feet tall, with dark skin and broad shoulders.

"How's that going?"

"I think it's too soon to tell," Fiyero frowned. "But the house issue is a bit of a sore subject."

"Sure. Well, will it make you feel better to lose a few bucks to me tonight?" Alvar offered with a grin.

Fiyero laughed. "It'll make me feel better if wipe the floor with you, Wood," he grinned.

"Not gonna happen," Alvar shook his head and then looked to Fiyero solemnly.

"If you need to talk, Yero… get a beer or something?"

Fiyero waved him off. "I'm fine. But thanks, mate."

Alvar smiled and clasped him on the shoulder as they returned to work.

"See you guys at seven," Fiyero said as he was leaving a few hours later.

Alvar nodded, waving a hand in farewell. "Yep. I'll bring the beer."

Fiyero said goodbye and headed home, trying to remember what food he had left in the kitchen that the kids hadn't eaten already. He'd have to remember to go grocery shopping before he had the kids again the next night. Which either meant he had to go tonight before the guys came over for their poker night, or tomorrow once he picked up the kids from Mrs Gibbs.

He knew taking the kids grocery shopping was not the optimal choice, but he really didn't feel like going out for food right now.

A quick survey of the kitchen when he got home turned up the remainder of the slightly stale loaf Jozua had rejected that morning. It would do for his dinner tonight. He made himself some toast with peanut butter, and boiled the water for coffee. The milk jug was empty after the kids had finished it off for breakfast that morning, so he went without. Fiyero collapsed onto the sofa tiredly and looked around the living room.

There was no sign in the room of the kids. In fact, unless you looked in their bedrooms, you'd never be able to tell children lived in the house part-time. Fiyero hated that. He hated having to refer to this place as 'home'. He missed how things used to be.

"Ah, screw it," he muttered, throwing away the last few bites of toast.

He got to his feet and grabbed his shoes and jacket, heading for the door. Grocery shopping seemed as good a distraction as any right now. And he was sure the guys would appreciate something to eat other than stale bread while they played poker.

He grabbed his keys, and left, shutting the door firmly on the overbearing silence that threatened to overwhelm him.

 **Chapter Title Song: 'Learn to Live Without' from the musical** ** _If/Then_**

 **AN. Reminder to let me know what songs remind you of each chapter for the playlist!**


	4. Hey Kid

**DISCLAIMER: Still nope.**

 **AN. Hello from New York! It's been a whirlwind of a trip, and wow my feet are killing me. Last night we saw _Phantom of the Opera_ and tonight we see _Dear Evan Hansen._ Also today we saw Nia, and I generously offered to update :p **

**Chapter 4:** ** _Hey, Kid_**

 **August, 1940**

 _Chapter Two_ was quiet, caught in the still of a Wednesday morning lull. There were only a few people browsing the shelves, and Elphaba was left to sit behind the counter to try and look busy. Which suited her just fine in this moment.

The bell above the door rang out as it opened and Elphaba looked over and smiled.

"Good morning," she greeted Kalhey.

"Good morning," Kalhey replied cheerfully, expertly manoeuvring the stroller she was pushing through the door.

"You're not working today?" Elphaba asked her.

Kalhey shook her head. "No. Bella had her two year check-up today, so I took the day off," she explained.

She peered down at the rosy-cheeked toddler secured within. "Sabella, can you say hi to Elphaba?"

Two year old Sabella smiled widely at Elphaba. "Hi Elba," she replied.

Kalhey giggled. "Eventually, she'll get that middle syllable, I promise."

Elphaba forced a smile. "I don't mind," she said. "Are you guys looking for anything in particular or just browsing?"

"I thought I'd treat us both to a new book," Kalhey explained. She glanced around. "Slow morning?"

"Yeah," Elphaba nodded. "So, if you need help with anything, let me know."

Kalhey nodded. "Thanks, Elphaba."

Elphaba managed a smile as Kalhey pushed the stroller through the aisles towards the children's section. Alvar had been the one who had given Fiyero his job as a carpenter after he'd become human again, and the couple had made Elphaba and Fiyero feel welcome in Limelle from the first time they'd met.

And although Elphaba knew Fiyero and Alvar had become very good friends and she liked Kalhey immensely, Elphaba was wary about forming too close a bond. In some ways, it felt almost like she would be forgetting or replacing Glinda by making new friendships. But rather ironically, she desperately hoped Glinda had close, good friends that she could depend on.

Left alone again, Elphaba rested her elbow on the counter and flicked through the book on her lap with a frown. Then she shut it firmly and dumped it back on the counter, shoving it aside to join a stack of books that needed to be put back onto their shelves.

A young Horse bought a few used romance novels, and an elderly Tiger couple bought nothing, but happily chatted to Elphaba for a few moments before leaving. As the door shut behind them, leaving the store empty save for Kalhey and Sabella, Elphaba dragged herself to her feet and grabbed the pile of books to put away.

"Finding anything?" she asked Kalhey as she came across her in the fiction section.

"For Bella, sure. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, so it's a little harder," Kalhey sighed. "Any suggestions?"

Elphaba was always happy to discuss literature. "Tons," she smiled. "What was the last thing you read?"

Kalhey frowned thoughtfully. "A murder mystery. Really heavy."

"So, maybe something lighter?" Elphaba suggested.

They went back and forth for it a bit, debating different genres and authors. Finally, they selected a book, and as Elphaba was ringing the purchases up, Sabella began to whine to be let out of her stroller.

"Alright, sweetie," Kalhey said consolingly. "I know, you're hungry, huh? We're going to get some lunch in a minute, I promise."

"Cookie?" Sabella asked pitifully and her lower lip wobbled.

"Oh, Bells," Kalhey laughed lightly.

"Could I ask you a question?" Elphaba asked abruptly, as Kalhey lifted the little girl out of the stroller and bounced her on her hip comfortingly.

"Sure."

Elphaba put the books into a bag slowly. "Before you had Sabella… did you guys want kids?"

Kalhey grinned. "Are you and Fiyero talking about it?"

"Not exactly," Elphaba said slowly.

Realisation dawned on Kalhey's face. "Elphaba, are you…?"

Elphaba winced slightly. "Maybe," she admitted, lowering her eyes. "I- I'm not sure. It's possible."

Kalhey placed Sabella back in her stroller, consoling her with the promise of a cookie if she ate her lunch and hung the bag of books from the handle before turning back to Elphaba.

"Do you want to talk about it? Over lunch or something?" she suggested.

Elphaba had to fight her instinct to flinch at the kind offer. "Thanks," she said awkwardly. "But I've got the store…"

"There's no one here," Kalhey pointed out gently. "And you have to eat lunch, don't you? Especially if you're-"

"Ok," Elphaba interrupted before she could say the words. She wasn't ready to hear them aloud yet. "Lunch sounds fine. If you really don't mind," she added hastily.

"Not at all," Kalhey reassured her.

As Elphaba closed up the store, placing a sign on the door that she'd be back in an hour, she was rather torn between a desire to talk and her instinct to put up her walls and back away. Her internal struggle persisted all the way down the street to a restaurant, as they ordered and Kalhey set up Sabella with some toys to entertain her while they waited for their food to arrive.

"The first time Alvar and I talked about kids, it was right before we got engaged," she said casually. "I wanted three, he wanted eight."

" _Eight?!"_ Elphaba cried in alarm, her eyes widening.

Kalhey nodded knowingly. "Yep. I said that the only way that would happen is if the third time I fell pregnant, it was miraculously with sextuplets," she told Elphaba, who chuckled despite herself. "So, we compromised with four. And he proposed a week later."

Elphaba played with her napkin, staring at her lap.

"We've talked about marriage before," she admitted quietly. "Fiyero, he... well, we talked about it. But we decided in the end, it's not that important to us. Just a piece of paper."

"And kids?" Kalhey asked.

Elphaba shook her head. "Never came up."

For the nearly the first two years of their arrival in Limelle, Fiyero had been made of straw, so the question had been rather redundant. After Elphaba had been able to find a spell to transform him back, she had been expecting it to be mentioned. But he never broached the subject, and neither did she.

That had been five months ago.

"So, how sure are you?" Kalhey asked her.

Elphaba made a face. "Not totally, but sure enough. I've been feeling… _off_ for the past few weeks. Tired, nauseous, dizzy…"

"Vomiting?"

"No."

Kalhey sighed. "Lucky. I was sick for the first four months with Sabella."

"I might not be-"

"Have you missed a period?" Kalhey asked bluntly and Elphaba was taken aback for a moment.

Then she smiled at the other woman. "I knew there was a reason I liked you," she chuckled.

"I'm a midwife," Kalhey reminded her gently. "It's my job. So, period? None?"

"Yes," she admitted. "I was due three weeks ago. It hasn't come."

"Then it sounds to me like you're pregnant. You should get a blood test to find out for sure."

Their food arrived and they began to ate.

"I never really thought about kids," Elphaba said, poking at her salad. "Is that horrible?"

"Of course it's not! I've never been more terrified in my life than when I realised I was pregnant," Kalhey said candidly. "And honestly? It didn't go away until Bella turned one."

" _One_?" Elphaba repeated incredulously.

Kalhey nodded. "Yeah. It was like she turned one, and then I realised. 'We've kept you alive for a year. You haven't broken anything or starved. Maybe we can do this.'"

Elphaba could admit, at least to herself, that the idea of being pregnant _was_ terrifying. She found it hard to imagine that this feeling wouldn't go away until her child was a year old.

"It's normal to be anxious," Kalhey reassured her. "I see it all the time with first time mothers. Hell, I see it with mothers having their third kid. Have you said anything to Fiyero yet?"

Elphaba shook her head. "No."

"Get a blood test," Kalhey advised her. "If you're not, there'll be another reason why you're not feeling well and if you don't want to, you don't need to say anything to Fiyero. Although I think you should."

Elphaba managed a weak smile in return.

At Kalhey's prodding, before she returned to the bookstore, she went to the local doctor's and got a blood test. The doctor reassured her that she'd know the results by the end of the week, but agreed with Kalhey that it was most likely that she was pregnant.

And so Elphaba was left to return to the store and continue to ponder the question of what to say to Fiyero. He hadn't seemed to notice that she hadn't been feeling well the past few weeks, or that she had been rather distracted the past few days; but Elphaba had been rather glad for the latter, so she wasn't pressed to tell him her suspicions.

The truth was, she wasn't sure how she felt about the idea of having a baby. It had never been something she'd wanted, or spared much thought on. Fiyero had only been human again for eight months, and once that had happened, his focus had been on finding work and settling back into a life where he now required food and sleep.

There was little work available when you were made of straw, aside from some seasonal work that involved fulfilling the traditional role of a scarecrow, which Fiyero admittedly was not good at and involved far too many bird droppings for his liking.

"Stupid birds, with their stupid faces. Think it's funny to crap all over everything," he frequently ranted insults against the crows, not particularly eloquent insults at that.

Even now, he was prone to scowl lividly and mutter curses under his breath whenever they passed a crow. Elphaba would never tell him, but she found it more than slightly amusing.

Fiyero had been overjoyed at the idea of getting "a real job" once he'd been returned to his human form, although he was pretty much overjoyed at everything. He'd never imagined he'd be so happy at needing to use a bathroom once more.

They'd been so ridiculously happy with their triumph, of being able to find a source of magic strong enough to overcome that of the Grimmerie. It was in the midst of this euphoria that Fiyero had turned to her one night as they lay in bed and asked,

"Do you want to get married eventually?"

Elphaba had blanched. "Married? Why?"

He'd shrugged. "That's what people do, isn't it?"

"You want to get married because _'that's what people do'_?" Elphaba had asked sceptically.

"I was just asking if _you_ wanted to get married," Fiyero asked hastily. "How you felt about the idea. I wasn't, you know, proposing or anything."

Elphaba had found herself unusually flustered, raising herself onto an elbow as she looked at him. "Do _you_ want to get married? I never got the impression it was really your thing."

Given Fiyero's former reputation, that was putting it lightly.

"I- We don't _have_ to, do we? I mean, will it change anything? We're ok without the piece of paper. Aren't we?"

"We're ok. It wouldn't change anything," he'd agreed. "I just wanted to check."

That had been the last time the topic had come up.

It was Friday afternoon when Elphaba closed the store, stopping at the post office on her way home, there was a letter from the doctor's office waiting for her. As soon as she recognised the return address, Elphaba grabbed it and hurried inside the small cottage she and Fiyero called home.

"Yero?" she called out.

There was silence, Fiyero obviously wasn't home yet. Still, Elphaba shut herself in the bathroom for privacy before she opened the envelope, perched carefully on the side of the bathtub.

She read the results. And then read them again. As the words sunk in, gulped back a wave of nausea. _Positive._ She was pregnant.

 _Shit._

 _Shit, shit, shit,_ she thought wildly, and then realised she was whispering it under her breath and stopped herself abruptly.

She shouldn't be swearing. It probably wasn't the ideal reaction, and was it too soon for the baby to be able to hear?

 _Shit._

"Fae?" she heard Fiyero call out, accompanied by the sound of the door closing.

Elphaba jumped a mile, and had to steady herself on the bathtub to stop herself from falling in.

Exactly how long had she been sitting here staring at the results before he'd come home? It had felt like an age, but checking her watch, it seemed it had only a few minutes.

"Fae? You home?" Fiyero called again.

She heard him moving through the house, most likely heading to the kitchen.

Elphaba didn't trust herself to speak. She'd so far made it without throwing up, and she was hoping that would continue. She was pretty sure it wouldn't if she opened her mouth just yet.

Instead, she stood up shakily, flushed the toilet and washed her hands and face. She slipped the letter into her skirt pocket and took a deep breath before leaving the bathroom.

She headed for the kitchen, where sure enough, Fiyero was standing before the icebox.

"Hey," Fiyero greeted her as he spotted her.

Elphaba swallowed hard, feeling sick. "Hi. How was work?" she asked, trying to make her voice sound normal and keep her stomach settled.

"Eh, it was ok," he shrugged. "You?"

"Fine," Elphaba answered.

"I grabbed some steak from the butcher on the way home, I was thinking I'd cook them up for dinner, what do you think?"

Elphaba wasn't hungry in the least, but she nodded anyway. "Sure."

"I'm going to grab a shower and then I'll get cooking on the steaks, ok?"

Elphaba nodded and Fiyero kissed her lightly before heading into the bathroom.

While Fiyero showered, Elphaba slowly began to pull out the things they'd need for dinner, still thinking about the letter in her pocket. How did one announce the news they were going to be parents? Should she try and suss out his opinion on the subject before breaking the news? Although what purpose that would serve she didn't know.

By the time Fiyero shut the water off, the only conclusion Elphaba had come to was that perhaps she shouldn't tell Fiyero until she had her own thoughts in order. She felt too overwhelmed just yet to even begin to consider telling him.

Elphaba was jumpy and distracted all night. Of course, _now_ Fiyero would notice and softly inquired if everything was alright, but Elphaba simply nodded and waved it off as a long day at the store.

"Busy?" Fiyero asked sympathetically.

"No, just long," Elphaba managed a tired smile.

She almost brought it up. It was on the tip of her tongue to nonchalantly mention she'd seen Kalhey and Sabella that day and had lunch with them, just to see his reaction. Sabella adored Fiyero- Alvar often joked that his daughter was more excited to see Fiyero than him. But if she did, where did she go from there?

It seemed too much to hope for that a comment along the lines of "Sabella's cute, isn't she?" would lead to Fiyero confessing he'd always hoped for a daughter of their own one day, inevitably followed by a somewhat awkward "what do you think, Fae?".

Elphaba could see it in her mind, but the fact that Sabella was utterly adorable wasn't news to either of them, nor something they'd never commented on before. Usually, the other just agreed and the conversation moved on to other topics.

She wished she'd asked Kalhey how she'd told Alvar she was pregnant the first time.

Sunday morning found Fiyero frowning over the crossword puzzle in the paper on the couch, as Elphaba hovered in the bedroom anxiously. She wasn't completely sure that she was ready for this, to break the news and really make it a reality, but the news was weighing on her chest so heavily she was afraid she'd let it slip.

"Yero? You got a sec?" she asked, entering the living room.

He looked up. "Of course, Fae. What's up?" he asked her, frowning slightly.

Elphaba sat beside him. "I- we need to talk," she said, her face solemn.

Fiyero's frown deepened. "I didn't miss an anniversary or anything, did I? Did I do something? Am I in trouble?" he asked, a note of anxiety in his voice and she managed a small smile.

"No. Feeling guilty, are we?"

Fiyero grinned. "No. It's just, you look so serious."

A sudden fear struck him and his grin faded. "You haven't heard anything, have you? About Oz?"

Elphaba blinked. "What? No!" she quickly reassured him.

Fiyero relaxed, but then noted the strange look that appeared on her face.

"Fae, what is it?" he asked gently.

Elphaba blinked and her eyes filled with tears, despite her best efforts.

"I'm already screwing this up," she said in a trembling voice. "The moment I try to tell you, your first instinct is that we're in danger again-"

Fiyero tossed his newspaper aside and reached for her hands comfortingly. "Elphaba, what are you talking about?" he demanded. "What are you screwing up?"

Elphaba opened her mouth, but found she'd lost her voice. Finally, she drew the letter from the doctor from her pocket and handed it to him.

She hardly dared to breathe as she watched him read the letter. Saw him frown as he tried to figure out just what he was looking at, and then saw the shock that dawned on his face as it sunk in.

"Are- are you serious?" he asked finally, looking up at her.

Elphaba nodded. His face only registered shock.

"Like, for real? You're pregnant?"

Elphaba nodded again, a lump in her throat.

Fiyero looked at the letter again. "This is for real?" he asked again.

" _Fiyero,"_ Elphaba said exasperatedly, her voice stronger. "Do you really think I'd make this up?" she demanded.

Fiyero chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "Oz, no."

"Language," Elphaba corrected immediately.

They both made an effort to always speak Quoxian, not Ozian, even at home. By now, they were both fluent, but the habit of using "Oz" in figures of speech was a hard one to break, particularly in moments like this.

But it was a clear indicator that they weren't from here. Not that it wasn't obvious anyway, but they tried not to draw attention to it.

"Yeah, sorry," Fiyero apologised. "I just… wow."

He turned to her and grasped her hands tightly. "Fae.." he said softly. "This is amazing."

Elphaba wasn't sure if this was the reaction she'd been hoping for or dreading.

"Is it?" Elphaba asked anxiously, fighting the urge to break down and sob. "Are you happy? Because, we've never talked about this," she reminded him.

"No, we haven't," he agreed distractedly, staring at the letter again. "I mean, I've thought about it-"

"You have?" Elphaba said, surprised.

"You haven't?"

"Not really," she admitted. "If you've thought about it, why didn't you say something?"

Fiyero looked a little uncomfortable and avoided her eyes. "Well, I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure it was anything to worry about."

Elphaba's brow furrowed in confusion.

"I spent twenty months living as a Scarecrow," he reminded her, as though that was something she would ever forget. "I wasn't sure if there were any… lasting effects of that," he said, reddening slightly.

Elphaba stared at him in shock. She'd never thought about that.

"Oh," she said quietly.

In hindsight, it made sense. It wasn't as though there were a lot of examples of humans turned Scarecrows turned _back_ to humans to know these things. And although the spell- powerful as it was- was relatively simple, Elphaba knew far too well by now that magic could be unpredictable and have unexpected results. She suddenly felt like an idiot for not considering that before.

"Fae," Fiyero said softly, bringing Elphaba out of her stupor and directing her gaze to him. "We're really having a baby?"

The shocked expression was long gone, replaced with one that made Elphaba's chest tighten. There was a light on his face that Elphaba had never seen before, his blue eyes glistening with tears. She could only nod and Fiyero cupped her face gently in his hands and kissed her deeply.

"How long have you known?" he demanded, pulling away.

"I've suspected it for a week or two, but I found out for sure on Friday," Elphaba explained.

Fiyero reached out almost tentatively and placed a hand on her stomach gently, eyeing the flat surface in wonder.

Elphaba's eyes burned with tears that she blinked back desperately.

"Do you feel ok?" he asked worriedly.

"I feel fine," she reassured him. "A little nausea and dizziness, and I'm exhausted all the time, but I'm ok."

Fiyero looked at her carefully. "Are you happy?"

Elphaba paused before answering. "I'm… I'm feeling… everything," she said honestly. "I'm still trying to get my head around the idea. And I don't know, there's so much to think about."

"Like what?"

Elphaba didn't want to dampen the happy mood here, but she knew there were realities about this that Fiyero hadn't thought of yet.

"What if someone found us?" she asked him. "If someone finds us, and we have a baby-"

Fiyero's face softened and he pulled her close to him. "Fae, you can't think like that," he told her quietly. "We are _safe_ here, ok? And if by some chance, someone did find us? I know you, Fae. There's no way you'd ever let them separate us from the baby. You'd die first."

That was true.

"More importantly," Fiyero continued, his voice dropping solemnly. "If you don't know by now that I'd give my life to protect you, and our child-"

Elphaba burst into tears just thinking about it. "I know you would," she sobbed. "But if you had to, and I lost you… I don't have the Grimmerie anymore," she reminded him. "It took so long to find the spell to turn you back. I couldn't do anything to save you now."

Fiyero held her tightly. "You won't need to," he whispered. "I promise, Fae. Everything is going to be ok."

Elphaba wanted to believe him. And as he gently held her in his arms as she wept, it was almost possible to believe it would be.

"So, what happens now?" he asked eventually, when she'd calmed down and wiped her eyes.

She heaved a shuddering sigh, sniffling lightly. "I guess we go see a midwife. Kalhey, I guess. I trust her. Make sure everything's ok, and figure out when… _it_ will be born."

"Ok," Fiyero said slowly.

She sighed again. "We're going to have to move," she pointed out.

Fiyero blinked, that hadn't occurred to him, but he quickly realised that she was right. Their tiny one bedroom house they'd been renting since they'd come to Limelle had no room for a baby. Hell, it barely had room for the two of them, but when Fiyero had been made of straw and had no need to sleep or eat, somehow space hadn't been an issue.

For the first time since Elphaba told him the news, he felt a thrill of panic run through him.

"Oh, right. We've got time though, right? We don't have to move like, in the next week or something? I mean, you can't be _that_ pregnant and the baby will only be… that long or something, right?"

Elphaba raised an eyebrow as Fiyero held out his hands to indicate his approximation of the size of a baby. Apparently in his mind, a baby was only as long as a shoe.

"Yero, the average newborn is between nineteen and twenty-one inches long," she said gently.

Fiyero shot her a questioning glance and she shrugged lightly. "I've been doing some reading."

That didn't surprise him.

"We don't have a spare twenty-one inches here?"

"And that's not including the crib, the change table, chest of drawers-"

Fiyero cringed slightly. "Ok, I see your point."

"We've been to Kalhey and Alvar's a hundred times. You've seen how much stuff they have for Sabella all over the house."

He nodded, thinking hard. "Yeah… what do you think about buying a house?"

Her eyebrows went up again. " _Buying_ a house?"

Fiyero nodded, liking the idea the more he thought about it. "Yeah! Fae, think about it. We have the money- the store's doing great, and I get plenty of work. That's not an issue. We're starting a family. Wouldn't it be great to have a yard?"

"And houses for rent don't come with yards?"

Fiyero grinned. "I just think it would be nice to have a house that _ours."_

Elphaba considered that carefully, thinking about the tiny form now growing inside her and what it would become.

"I guess we could look around. See what's there," she finally conceded.

Either way they'd be moving. It was just one option involved putting themselves into heavy debt for the next few decades.

"Wow," she murmured, feeling overwhelmed again. "Impending parenthood and potential mortgage. Two years as a wanted fugitive never made me feel this grown up."

Fiyero knew what she meant.

"Maybe we should go for the adulthood trifecta."

She glanced at him. "Is that your very subtle way of asking for sex?"

Fiyero grinned. "No, but now that you mention it, it's not a bad idea."

Elphaba rolled her eyes and he chuckled, taking her hand. "Seriously though. I was just thinking, do we- I mean, _should_ we, get married?"

"Married? You went from 'is this a joke' to marriage in five seconds? Why?" Elphaba asked him, visibly surprised at the question.

"Well, what surname do we give the baby?"

Elphaba shrugged. "Tiggular?"

"But then you and the baby won't have the same surname."

"Ok, then. Thropp-Tiggular."

Fiyero looked thoughtful, and Elphaba sighed. "Look, Yero. We've agreed marriage isn't necessary, right? If we ever make the decision to do it, I don't think it should be because we're having a baby."

"That makes sense," Fiyero agreed slowly.

"I promise we can still discuss the house-buying option," she said gently. "Some might even say the mountainous debt of a mortgage is even a stronger bond than a marriage certificate."

Fiyero smiled, running his thumb over the back of her hand. "Nothing like debt to keep a couple together," he agreed with a chuckle.

"So, Tiggular for the surname?"

"Thropp-Tiggular," Fiyero corrected her.

"Are you sure? Because it's not as though I'm particularly attached to 'Thropp'," Elphaba pointed out. "I really don't care."

He shook his head. "No, I want it to be Thropp-Tiggular," he said firmly.

"Ok. If you're sure."

He placed his hand on her stomach again, and Elphaba got the feeling there'd be a lot of that happening before the baby was born.

"Hey, kid," he addressed her stomach quietly. "I'm your dad."

Elphaba rested her head on his shoulder tiredly, and he kissed her forehead lightly.

"You're going to be a great mom, Fae," he murmured.

Elphaba smiled faintly. "I can't be a worse parent than my father, right?"

"Elphaba, _everyone's_ a better parent than your father," Fiyero replied in distaste. "He's not the standard, trust me."

He fell quiet then and Elphaba looked up at him. "Are you thinking of your parents?"

Fiyero nodded sadly. "It feels weird they'll never know they're grandparents, you know?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Fiyero squeezed her lightly with a smile. "It's ok, Fae. Really."

"I love you," Elphaba said.

As though that made up for everything. Although in Fiyero's mind, it did.

"I love you too, hon."

 **Chapter Title Song: "Hey Kid" from** ** _If/Then._**


	5. Long Night

**DISCLAIMER: Still not mine.**

 **AN. Well, my trip is over. Tomorrow we begin the long trip back over the rainbow to Oz. And what better way to finish the trip than by visiting the other Oz. Tonight I saw _Wicked_ for the 30th time. I'm already missing it, so I thought I'd post one more chapter before we leave.**

 **(We also saw Phantom, Dear Evan Hansen, Anastasia and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)**

 **Chapter 5:** _ **Long Night**_

 **October 1948**

Fiyero had barely knocked on Mrs Gibbs' door on Friday afternoon before Jozua flung the door open to greet him.

"Hey, Dad!" he said brightly.

"Hey, 'Kid Who's Not Supposed To Answer The Door Unsupervised'," Fiyero greeted him. "Where's Mrs Gibbs?"

Jozua heaved a long suffering sigh, and in a moment Fiyero dreaded their forthcoming pubescent years more than he ever had before.

" _Dad,_ I _knew_ it was you. I saw you coming."

"Where's Mrs Gibbs?" Fiyero repeated, entering the house.

"Waking up Jiyah," Jozua replied and Fiyero frowned.

"She's asleep?"

Whilst Jiyah didn't always have a nap these days, it was never this late.

Jozua simply shrugged and hurried ahead of his father out of the room. When Fiyero followed him into the kitchen, Cale was sitting at the table.

"Hi, Dad."

"Hi. How was school today?" Fiyero asked, sitting down beside him.

"It was ok. Zakhar and I played soccer at lunch and our team won, and I scored a goal!" he said excitedly.

"That's awesome!" Fiyero said, holding his hand up for a high five.

Cale, unlike his older brother, was much happier with a book than playing sports; so for him to be this excited was a huge deal. Fiyero supposed it was the influence of Zakhar, Kalhey and Alvar's son who was Cale's best friend and classmate.

"I'm drawing a picture of it for Mom, see?" Cale showed him.

"Mom will love it," Fiyero reassured him.

At least the picture would soften the blow of their second child exchanging "Momma" for "Mom". Fiyero wondered when _that_ had started- and when did he miss it?

Mrs Gibbs entered the kitchen with Jiyah just then, and smiled at Fiyero.

"Hello, Fiyero."

"Hi. Hi, Princess," he said to Jiyah softly as she reached out for him silently. "Is she ok?" he asked Mrs Gibbs, lifting Jiyah into his arms.

"She's been fine all day," Mrs Gibbs reassured him. "She was colouring when I went to make the kids a snack after we picked the boys up from school. I came back and she was sleeping, so I just moved her to the bedroom and let her sleep."

Fiyero looked at Jiyah carefully, but she didn't appear to have a fever or anything.

"Thank you," he said to Mrs Gibbs. "Alright, guys. Let's head home, huh?"

The boys grabbed their things and said goodbye to Mrs Gibbs, and Fiyero bid her a hasty goodbye as he followed them outside, Jiyah in one arm and her things in the other.

"What's for dinner, Dad?" Cale asked him before they were even at the end of the garden path.

"What do you think?" Fiyero replied.

"Hamburgers?" Cale asked hopefully and when Fiyero nodded, Cale grinned happily.

The weekends Fiyero had with the kids were always far superior to any other for him, and it had become something of a tradition to start those weekends with hamburgers on the Friday night.

"Do you have eggs at your house, Dad?" Jozua asked.

"Yep," Fiyero nodded.

Jozua liked to experiment with his burgers, something different every week; whereas Cale ate the same thing each week. Jiyah, who was going through a phase of being a picky eater, seemed content to pull her patty apart over the course of an hour and somehow only eat three bites.

"Did you guys finish all your homework at Mrs Gibbs' house?" Fiyero asked them, as he let them inside the house.

"Yep," Jozua nodded. "Cale, want to play until dinner?"

Cale nodded and followed his older brother out of the room, leaving Fiyero with Jiyah.

"Alright, Princess. What do you want to do while I get dinner ready?"

Jiyah shrugged.

"Do you want to go play with your brothers?"

She shook her head and Fiyero squeezed her lightly. "Want to just sit here on the sofa? Have a rest?"

Jiyah nodded in agreement. As Fiyero placed her on the sofa, he couldn't stop himself from feeling her forehead to check for a temperature. She didn't feel overly warm, but he thought she looked a little flushed.

"Sweets, do you feel ok?" he asked her.

She nodded but said nothing.

Fiyero decided just to keep an eye on her throughout the weekend, maybe she was just coming down with a cold or something.

At Fiyero's coaxing, she ate about half a hamburger bun and then slipped away to curl back up on the sofa, ignoring her brothers as they each helped themselves to a second hamburger and talked about what they wanted to do that weekend.

"I don't want to do a puzzle," Jozua whined at Cale. "They're _boring._ Can't we go to the park tomorrow, Dad?"

"We can do both, guys," Fiyero tried to make peace. "But we'll see how Jiyah is in the morning, ok? I don't think she's feeling well."

The boys reluctantly agreed and once they'd finished eating, Fiyero shooed them off towards the living room while he cleaned the kitchen.

He was able to coax the boys into playing quietly until it was time for baths and bed, using Jiyah an excuse. Fiyero had found her almost asleep on the sofa and she hadn't protested when he'd put her into bed- her own bed, for once. He was hopeful she'd for once spend the night not in his bed.

Jozua had agreed to do a jigsaw puzzle with Cale once his brother agreed to play soccer with him at the park the next day; so the boys settled themselves at the dining room table with Fiyero and worked on the puzzle until he declared it was bed time.

"Aw, Dad," Cale protested. "Can't we finish the edges at least?"

Fiyero shook his head firmly. "Nope. We can do it tomorrow. It's _way_ past your bedtime."

The boys pouted, but didn't argue too much. They both knew Fiyero let them stay up later than their mother did, even if they didn't have school the next day.

"Don't wake Jiyah up," Fiyero warned them as they got up from the table.

Jozua nodded. "Ok, Dad."

Fiyero listened out with half an ear to the hushed sounds of the boys brushing their teeth and getting ready for bed. It was so much nicer to have noise in the house, and of everything, he might miss tucking them in to bed most of all. But he could still admit he was looking forward to when they were asleep and he could sit down and relax.

There were the usual dramas- Jozua got up twice claiming he was thirsty and wanting a drink of water, and Cale thought there was a shadow on the wall that looked like a spider. But at last, Fiyero was relaxing on the couch and flicking through the newspaper, looking for ideas of fun things the kids might like to do that weekend.

"Dad?" came a voice from the hallway an hour or so later, and Fiyero suppressed a groan.

"Go to sleep!" he called back.

There was a pause and then- "Dad, Jiyah threw up everywhere!"

In a flash, Fiyero leapt to his feet and down the hall. He switched on the light as he burst into the kids' room, and sure enough, Jiyah was sitting up in bed surrounded by vomit and sobbing quietly. Cale was sitting up in bed too, looking faintly queasy himself, and Fiyero remembered with a sinking stomach that Cale didn't do well with vomit or blood, or basically any bodily fluid. Toilet training him had been a nightmare.

Jozua had climbed down from the top bunk and was standing at the foot of Jiyah's bed, looking concernedly at his sister.

Fiyero took the scene in, and let out a breath slowly, trying to think of the first thing to do. He wished Elphaba was here- she was always better dealing with the kids when they were sick.

"Ok," he said softly. "Joz, take Cale and go out to the dining room. Do some more work on the puzzle," he suggested. "Get Cale a glass of water. Maybe open the window a little."

Jozua nodded. "Ok, Dad. Come on, Cale. We'll finish the edges of the puzzle."

Cale climbed out of bed and followed his brother from the room, skirting as far from Jiyah's bed as he possibly could. Fiyero squeezed his shoulder as he passed him, before turning his attention to Jiyah.

"Oh, Princess," he murmured.

"Daddy, my tummy hurts," Jiyah sobbed miserably.

"Ok, sweets, ok. We're going to get you cleaned up, and then we'll fix it."

"I want Momma," she cried and Fiyero's heart ached.

"Momma's at home, Princess. Come on, let's go."

He lifted her into his arms carefully and out into the bathroom.

"Does your tummy still hurt? Do you think you might be sick again?" he asked her.

Jiyah shook her head, paused and then nodded.

"Ok," Fiyero said again. He wasn't sure if he was trying to keep her calm or himself. "You sit here for a sec. I'm going to run you a bath, and get you some fresh pyjamas. If your tummy hurts again, let me know, ok?"

"I want Momma!" Jiyah sobbed again.

"I know, sweets. Just hang on, alright?"

In the time it took for Fiyero to run the bath, strip the bed and grab fresh pyjamas and underwear, Jiyah had been sick again- thankfully this time in the toilet. Fiyero cleaned her up and gave her a quick wash, then once she was dressed, moved her to his own bedroom. Anxiously, he felt her forehead again. She still didn't feel warmer than usual, but he decided to grab the thermometer anyway when he got a second.

"Alright, Princess," he said soothingly, tucking her in. "I'm just going to get the thermometer, alright? I'll be right back," he promised.

He started for the door, then had second thoughts and grabbed the wastepaper basket in the room and placed it next to her on the bed.

"If you're going to be sick again, aim for the bin, ok?"

Jiyah nodded with a sob, and Fiyero hurried out of the room. He grabbed the first aid kit from the bathroom and a glass of water. When he returned to the bedroom, he found Jozua standing in the doorway, peering in at his sister.

"Joz, what are you doing, mate?" Fiyero asked.

"Checking on Jiyah," he replied. "She wants Mom," he added helpfully.

Fiyero held back a sigh. "Yeah, thanks, kid. Mom's not here though, is she?"

He handed Jiyah the glass of water. "Sip on this, princess."

Jiyah shook her head, but Fiyero held firm.

"You have to drink, sweets. It'll get the yucky taste out of your mouth," he tried to tempt her.

Jiyah shook her head again. "Purple," she wept. "It's not purple."

Fiyero grimaced. Jiyah insisted on using her favourite purple plastic glass at every meal, which naturally, was not the one Fiyero had poured water into.

"Sweets, I know it's not purple. Just for now, can you go without the purple cup?"

Jiyah shook her head. "It's not purple," she insisted. "Where's Momma?"

"I'll get the cup, Dad," Jozua offered and disappeared.

Fiyero took the opportunity to take Jiyah's temperature.

"Ninety nine," he murmured, looking at the thermometer. A little higher than usual, but still within normal range.

Jozua returned with water in the purple cup and Fiyero managed to coax Jiyah into taking a sip, which she promptly threw up again a few minutes later.

"Dad, should you go get Mom?" Jozua asked.

"Joz, can you go keep Cale occupied, please?" Fiyero replied, avoiding the question.

"I could go get her," he volunteered.

"Jozua," Fiyero said warningly, and Jozua obediently left the room.

Jiyah continued to ask for Elphaba, getting herself more worked up. Eventually, Fiyero gave in.

Leaving Jozua with strict instructions not to move from his sister's side, Fiyero hurried next door, never being more thankful that his new neighbours were Wombats and hence, nocturnal.

Once he'd explained the situation, they immediately agreed to go fetch Elphaba while he stayed with the kids. Fiyero knew when Elphaba did arrive, she'd be completely panicked, but there wasn't much he could do about that.

He thought it would be at least twenty minutes before she arrived, taking into account the time for the neighbour to get to her, and another ten for her to walk over. So, he was rather admittedly impressed but unsurprised when she burst into the cottage less than fifteen minutes later, without knocking or even wearing a coat.

"Mom! Jiyah's been throwing up _everywhere!"_ Jozua greeted his mother enthusiastically as she stepped through the door.

" _Hey,_ kid," Fiyero interjected, appearing in the doorway from his bedroom, Jiyah in his arms. "Thanks for the recap. You and your brother can get back to bed now, please."

"But what if it still smells like vomit, and _Cale_ throws up everywhere?" Jozua wheedled his father.

Fiyero sighed and turned to Elphaba. "Hey. Jiyah, look who's here."

Jiyah lifted her head from his shoulder and saw her mother.

"Momma!"

"Hi, sweets," Elphaba said softly, taking her into her own arms. "What's wrong?"

"She doesn't seem to have a fever, it's just the vomiting. Mrs Gibbs said she had a sleep this afternoon, and she went to bed pretty early."

"Just a gastro bug then?"

"I'm thinking, yeah. She's had a little water, but she brought it up again."

Elphaba nodded, checking Jiyah for a fever herself.

Fiyero nodded towards his bedroom. "I've got her in my room. You deal with her, and I'll sort out the boys."

She nodded again and headed in the direction he'd pointed out. Only then did Fiyero remember she'd never been to the cottage since he'd moved in. She'd been hesitant about stepping into 'his' space.

Shaking the thought off, he stuck his head into the boys' room and sniffed tentatively. It didn't smell too bad, and everything had been cleaned.

"Ok, guys. Let's get to bed. It's really late."

"But the smell-"

"There is no smell," Fiyero promised. "It's all gone, and you guys need to get some sleep."

Jozua reluctantly left the room and headed for bed, but Cale hesitated.

"Cale, I swear, it doesn't smell," Fiyero reassured him.

"Is Momma going to be here in the morning?" Cale asked him.

Fiyero hadn't expected that question. "I don't know, buddy. I guess it depends on how Jiyah's feeling. Maybe, though. Why?"

"Could she come say goodnight?"

Fiyero squeezed his shoulder. "I'm sure we can manage that. Come on, let's tuck you in."

He tucked Cale and Jozua in, and then slipped out to check on Jiyah.

"How's she doing?" Fiyero asked Elphaba softly.

She looked up from where she was kneeling beside the bed, gently stroking the hair back from Jiyah's face.

"She's dozing," she murmured. "I got her to drink some water. So far it's staying down, but we'll see."

Fiyero nodded. "Cale wants you to go say goodnight to him. I'll stay with the princess."

"Ok. I'll be back in a minute."

Jiyah was sick again not long after she returned, and that was how they spent their night. It was three am before Jiyah finally fell asleep. She had nothing left to bring up, and had managed to keep down a little water.

Elphaba was still sitting beside the bed on the floor, her head resting wearily on the mattress. Fiyero was slouched against the doorway, watching them. They'd left the hall light on, and it was the only light flowing into the room.

"Thanks for coming," he said quietly. "She was just getting all worked up asking for you, and I thought she might make herself sicker."

Elphaba managed a tired smile. "It's ok. I was still up."

"I guess sometimes you just want your mom."

"Yeah…" She stifled a yawn.

Fiyero felt even more exhausted just looking at her. "Fae, get in the bed and get some sleep."

She startled, blinking herself away. "What? No, I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Get some sleep."

She hesitated. "Maybe I should go home."

"At this time of night?" Fiyero said in disbelief. "Don't be ridiculous. You take the bed. I'll drag an armchair in to sleep on."

"No, really-"

"Really, Elphaba? We're going to argue over _this_ now?" he cut her off exasperatedly.

Elphaba paused, but then nodded. "OK. Thank you," she said, a little too politely.

Fiyero supressed a sigh, but figured politeness was better than arguing at this time of night.

"I'll go get a chair."

By the time he carried an armchair into the room, Elphaba was stretched out atop the covers next to Jiyah, her eyes already closed. Fiyero went to the linen closet and grabbed two blankets. One he threw over Elphaba, and the other he kept for himself once he'd settled into the armchair.

Then with a sigh, he closed his eyes, trying to pretend that it didn't feel weird to have Elphaba sleeping in the same room with him once more. He hated that it was weird.

The next thing he knew, he was jerking awake. The room was full of light, and Elphaba was still sleeping on his bed, Jiyah cuddled up beside her. Fiyero sat up in the armchair slowly, stretching out his neck with a grimace.

' _I'm too old to be sleeping on an armchair,'_ he thought ruefully. Yet somehow, he felt he'd slept better than he had in a long time.

The house was silent, and Fiyero tossed the blanket aside and went to check on the boys. They were both still sound asleep, and the clock in the kitchen informed him it was just after half-past nine.

He made some coffee, and when it was ready, made himself a mug and took another into Elphaba. She stirred as he entered, and he suppressed a grin. The smell of coffee could always wake her up.

"Thanks," she greeted him sleepily, accepting the mug and sitting up.

"No worries. Was she sick again?" he asked, nodding towards Jiyah.

Elphaba shook her head. "No, she slept like a rock after three."

"Good. Oz, I hope the boys don't pick this up," he said tiredly, sinking back into the armchair.

She nodded in agreement. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine. You?"

"Fine."

Silence fell.

"Fiyero?"

He looked over at her. "Yeah?"

She looked tentative. "No matter what, we'll always be able to do this, right? Not just the everyday parenting stuff, but the big things. Like this. Together, I mean."

Fiyero nodded solemnly. "Always," he promised her.

Elphaba couldn't deny she felt relieved at that. She may not know what was going to happen, but at least she knew she could always count on him where their children were concerned.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Long Night" by The Corrs**

 **AN. Guys, I hate being that person who asks for reviews, but just a reminder that without them I have no idea who, if anyone, is reading this. I don't know if you're liking this or hating it.**


	6. I'm Not Ready

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

 **AN. I am back in Australia, severely jet lagged and struggling not to fall asleep at 8.30 pm right now. But I thought I'd post the next chapter now that I'm home and reunited with my beloved laptop! There's a bunch of reviews I want to reply to or comment on (when I'm no longer jet lagged), but for now I'm just going to say _thank you_ to everyone, and... be patient! All shall be revealed in due course! :) **

**Chapter 6: I'm Not Ready**

 **July 1948**

Elphaba sat on the back step, silently watching the kids play in the back garden. Jozua was kicking a soccer ball around, while Cale sat under a tree reading a book and Jiyah frowned in concentration as she drew on the paved area with chalk.

It was a beautiful Wednesday afternoon, the perfect summers day. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, yet it wasn't too hot either. But Elphaba was numb to it all.

"Mom?"

Elphaba blinked, jerking out of her stupor to see Jozua standing before her. "Yeah, hon?"

"Can you get me a glass of water?"

She raised an eyebrow ever so slightly at him, and he grinned sheepishly.

"Could you please get me a glass of water, Mom?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Thanks, Mom!" he beamed at her, and ran off towards the ball again.

Elphaba slowly got to her feet. "Cale, Jiyah? Do you guys want a drink?"

"No thank you," Cale replied but Jiyah nodded.

"Purple?"

Elphaba nodded. "Yeah, sweets. We'll use your purple cup."

She stepped back inside to the kitchen, going to get Jiyah and Jozua their drinks. As she passed the hallway, she stopped dead in her tracks.

At the end of the hall, two suitcases stood by the front door. It had been expected, yet it was a blow that took Elphaba's breath away. The picture was so innocent, yet Elphaba found herself trembling. She collapsed heavily into a chair at the kitchen table, closing her eyes and forcing herself to take deep breaths.

This was real. It was actually happening. In a matter of minutes, Fiyero wouldn't live here anymore.

She felt as though the suitcases were pressing on her chest and they were weighted with stones, constricting her lungs. Her hands were shaking and her head was swimming and making her dizzy, even with her eyes shut tightly.

"Fae?"

Her eyes shot open and she whirled around in her seat to see Fiyero standing in the kitchen doorway.

"I'm just about- are you ok?"

She nodded. "Y-yep. I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

Elphaba pushed herself out of her seat and headed into the kitchen. "The kids want a drink."

"Elphaba."

She didn't look at him as she rummaged through cupboards. "Have you seen Jiyah's purple cup? She used it at breakfast, didn't she? It's the only one she'll use, you'll have to make sure she has one at your-"

Fiyero stepped forward as she cut herself off mid-sentence, her hands pressing into the countertop as though to give herself a stable surface to grip onto.

He silently reached past her into the cupboard and pulled out the purple cup, placing it before her.

"I've got it sorted, Fae," he said quietly.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

Fiyero moved to place his hand on her back, hesitated and dropped it back to his side.

"I'm just about ready to go. I'm going to round up the kids to say goodbye."

She nodded again, and he went out the kitchen door, calling to the kids. She poured Jozua and Jiyah their water, trying to keep her hands steady.

He brought them inside, ushering them into the living room and onto the sofa. Jiyah sat on his lap, with Cale and Jozua either side. Elphaba sat at the other end, on Cale's other side.

"Alright guys. Do you remember what Momma and I told you guys last week?"

"That you were going to go live somewhere else?" Jozua asked.

"Yeah," Fiyero agreed. "Well, remember the other day when we went for a walk and looked at that little cottage? The one near my workshop? That's where I'm going to live for now."

"Is that why your suitcases are out?" Cale asked quietly.

Elphaba closed her eyes briefly, glad the boys were looking at Fiyero and not at her. Of all the kids, Cale was the one she was most worried about. He was far too observant for his own good.

"Yeah, bud. I'm going to head off in a bit."

"When will we see you?"

"You'll see me tomorrow," Fiyero promised him. "You guys will come over and have dinner and spent the night, ok? Like a sleepover."

It was why he and Elphaba had picked this day for the move, once they'd figured out the custody agreement, to make it as easy as possible for the kids.

"Can I bring my bear?" Jiyah asked him.

"Of course you can, Princess," Fiyero reassured her. "You guys can bring whatever you want."

"Can we come over now? Has the house got furniture in it now?" Jozua asked.

Fiyero smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "Let me get settled in first, kid, ok?"

"Ok," Jozua agreed, then turned to Elphaba. "Mom, can I go back outside now?"

Elphaba blinked, startled. "Um, sure. Just say goodbye to Dad first."

Jozua nodded. "Ok. Bye, Dad," he said.

He casually gave Fiyero a half hug, and headed for the door.

"Your water is on the counter," Elphaba called after him.

Fiyero and Elphaba exchanged a bewildered glance, before Fiyero shrugged slightly.

"Well, I guess I should get going."

Cale was still watching him anxiously.

"I'll see you tomorrow, buddy," Fiyero reminded him.

"What time tomorrow?" Cale asked.

Fiyero faltered for a moment. "Uh, noon?" he said, glancing over his head to Elphaba.

She nodded slightly.

"I'll pick you guys up at noon," he repeated to Cale firmly. "Sound good?"

Cale turned to Elphaba. "What will you do while we're with Dad?"

"I'm going to work, hon," Elphaba answered, trying to keep her voice light. "Just like normal."

During the summer, they both took half days so one of them could be with the kids without imposing on Mrs Gibbs or another babysitter. Fiyero preferred to work mornings, when the carpentry workshop was cooler; so Elphaba let Totit open the store and would work afternoons. If needed, Elphaba could take the kids with her to the bookstore, but they preferred not to.

"Exactly. I'll pick you up when I finish work, and Momma will go to work. The only difference is we'll go to my new house instead of here. Ok?"

Cale nodded. "Ok."

He reached over and hugged Fiyero tightly.

"I just need to talk to Momma for a sec, alright?" Fiyero asked him and Jiyah.

"Cale, honey, why don't you take Jiyah into the kitchen?" Elphaba spoke up. "She's got her drink on the counter."

Cale nodded again. "OK, Momma."

"Jiyah, say goodbye to Daddy," Elphaba urged her.

Jiyah reached up and wrapped her arm around Fiyero's neck, and kissed his cheek daintily. "Bye, Daddy. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, princess," Fiyero replied and he and Elphaba watched Cale lead her from the room.

Silence fell between Elphaba and Fiyero once they were alone in the room.

"I don't think Jiyah really understands," Elphaba said quietly. "Joz is far too nonchalant about it, and Cale…"

"Elphaba, it'll be ok."

"How?" she demanded, choking on the word. "How is _any_ of this going to be ok?"

Fiyero hesitated and then reached out to take her hand.

"Fae, look at me," he said softly. "This is just a trial, remember? Breathing space?"

"But we don't have a plan."

"I'm moving out," he pointed out. "Isn't that a plan?"

"That's not a plan. Or a solution," she argued, pulling her hand away from him. "We need something more, something solid. Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know yet," Fiyero admitted. "Why do we need a plan? Can't we just wing it?"

"When has 'w _inging it'_ ever worked out for us?" she demanded. "I'm pretty sure that's how you ended up being made of straw," she snapped.

Fiyero set his jaw, and Elphaba's shoulders sagged, the fight leaving her as quickly as it had come. She stared at the opposite wall silently.

"I don't want to fight," Fiyero finally said quietly. "Not now. I just- can we just sit here for a second? Have one more moment where we can pretend this isn't happening?"

Elphaba nodded, and he gently took her hand again. Elphaba tentatively rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"If we can't fix this-"

"Elphaba."

"No," she said firmly, opening her eyes. She didn't lift her head though. She didn't look at him.

"If we can't fix this, that needs to be ok. It needs to be ok that we didn't make it forever."

Fiyero paused, and she could practically hear him trying to think of what to say.

"Fae, look at me."

Reluctantly, Elphaba lifted her head and met his gaze.

"I can't promise that," he said honestly.

Tears stung Elphaba's eyes and she pressed her lips together tightly to try and keep the tears at bay.

"But I do promise that if we- we can't fix this, it won't be because we didn't try everything possible," he continued.

Elphaba could only nod minutely.

Fiyero released her hand with a final squeeze, and got to his feet. Elphaba likewise rose on autopilot, following him to the door where his bags waited.

Fiyero turned to her hesitantly.

"I've never been very good at saying goodbye to you, Fae," he said softly, his voice cracking.

Elphaba took a shallow breath, there was that weight crushing her chest again.

She felt dizzy and nauseous and the only clear thought she had was _poppies._

"Me either," she choked out.

He faltered for a moment, and then opened his arms. Elphaba stepped into them without another thought, pressing her face against his shoulder and squeezing her eyes shut. His arms were wrapped tight around her, and he cradled the back of her head in one hand as he whispered to her.

"No matter what happens," he murmured. "I love you. And if we really can't fix this, I'll let you go, but-"

His voice broke and Elphaba was trembling with the effort of trying not to cry.

"But," he continued. "It doesn't mean that we failed, ok?"

A breathless sob slipped from Elphaba's lips, muffled by his shirt, and his grip tightened on her.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she choked out. The words were barely distinguishable, but Fiyero heard them.

Fiyero could have stood there forever, anything to delay this moment. But he forced himself to step back and pick up his bags.

"I should go check on the kids," Elphaba said hoarsely.

Fiyero nodded. "Yeah… it's way too quiet," he said and Elphaba forced a smile.

"Daddy?"

Elphaba and Fiyero both turned at the small voice from the doorway, and Fiyero forced a smile for Jiyah.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Princess. You be good for Momma, ok?"

"Daddy stay," Jiyah said.

"I have to go, sweets. I'll see you at lunch tomorrow," Fiyero promised her.

Jiyah's large brown eyes were on the bags in his hand. Elphaba knew she was right- all that Jiyah saw or understood in this moment was her father leaving without her.

"Daddy stay," she repeated, her face crumpling into tears.

Elphaba lifted her into her arms, trying to comfort her as Jiyah began to sob in earnest. Fiyero watched with a pained expression, hesitating.

"Go," she mouthed at him, trying to nod reassuringly.

She slowly backed out of the room, trying to keep Jiyah positioned so she couldn't see Fiyero. She went into Jiyah's room, murmuring to her gently.

"It's ok, sweets. You're ok."

Even over Jiyah's sobs, Elphaba made out the distinct sound of the front door closing and she suddenly found she couldn't speak at all.

It was at least ten minutes before Jiyah was consoled, and Elphaba took the opportunity to put her down for a nap, because it was about that time of day anyway. Jiyah didn't always have an afternoon nap these days, but Elphaba figured she could use it today. She was already dreading bedtime and how Jiyah would go down without Fiyero there.

When she emerged from Jiyah's room, gently pulling the door to behind her, she went looking for the boys. She didn't feel much calmer herself, but she couldn't let Jozua and Cale see.

The boys were still in the back garden, Jozua still kicking the ball around and Cale with his book- although Elphaba suspected he wasn't really reading it.

Elphaba paused before she stepped outside, closing her eyes and taking some steadying breaths. She was still trembling, and the last thing Elphaba needed right now was to lose control of her magic. It was the thing she was most worried about not having Fiyero here.

"You'll be fine," Fiyero had reassured her the night before.

Elphaba was not as confident.

She settled herself back on the steps, where she would still hear Jiyah if she called out but watch the boys. It wasn't long before Cale got up and joined her.

"Momma?"

"Hmm?"

"What's this word?" he asked, handing her his book as he sat beside her.

Elphaba was glad for the distraction. "Well, let's sound it out, huh?"

If she was honest, Cale was probably the brightest of her children. Jozua was bright, but like his father before him, wasn't too keen on school itself and often didn't apply himself. He much preferred to be outside playing games or doing something more active or hands on.

Cale, however, had been reading since he was two and was much more content to do something quiet, especially if it involved learning something. In other words, Fiyero often remarked, he was just like Elphaba.

Elphaba, however, thought his personality was more like Nessa's. The thought consoled her, that a little bit of her sister lived on in some way; although it hurt to think how much Nessa would have adored her nephews and niece. Well, Elphaba liked to think so anyway.

Cale seemed quieter than usual, but Jozua seemed to be his usual self. The only real change she noted was that he was unusually patient and considerate of his brother, Elphaba didn't have to sort out a single argument all afternoon. She didn't expect that to last too long.

The afternoon passed quietly and without incident, except Elphaba couldn't keep her thoughts from wondering what Fiyero was doing. She'd been alone with the kids before, of course, but it was different now, knowing Fiyero wasn't just out at work or running some errands. A voice kept saying in her head, taunting her.

 _Fiyero doesn't live here anymore._

Jozua was the only one of them who ate with his usual gusto at dinner that night. Jiyah ate half of her meal, Cale picked at his, and Elphaba ate nothing at all. She couldn't stomach it. The weight that had been on her chest had sunk to her stomach.

"Alright sweets, bedtime," she announced to Jiyah as the clock neared seven o'clock. "Let's brush your teeth and go to the bathroom, ok?"

"Momma, is Daddy going to read me my story?" Jiyah asked innocently as Elphaba helped her brush her teeth.

Elphaba's heart sank. "Sweets, Daddy isn't here remember?"

Jiyah's brown eyes were huge as she stared up at her mother. "But Daddy _always_ reads me a story!" she protested.

"I know, sweets. I'll just have to read to you for now. Is that ok?"

Jiyah shook her head. "I want Daddy. He does the voices!"

Elphaba faltered, and then had an idea. "Hey, why don't we see if Joz will read to you? He does some pretty funny voices, right?"

Jiyah frowned thoughtfully as she pondered that option. "Hmm… not as good as Daddy," she said. "But he's pretty funny."

Elphaba smiled as Jiyah smiled for the first time all afternoon.

"Alright. Let's go ask him, shall we?"

Jozua agreed to read to his sister, and Elphaba couldn't resist hovering outside the room. The sound of Jiyah giggling at the voices her big brother was making as he read the story to her made her want to cry.

When Jozua bid his sister goodnight and left the room, even tucking her in and switching off her light, Elphaba was waiting for him in the hall. Without a word, she pulled him into her arms and hugged him tightly.

Jozua squeezed her back tightly.

"I told Jiyah I'd read to her on the nights we're not with Dad," he informed her when she finally released him.

Elphaba cupped his little face in her hands, looking into the blue eyes that were so like his father's.

"You're a good kid and I love you, you know that?"

Jozua smiled and squirmed out of her grip. "OK, Mom. Can I go play now until bedtime?"

Elphaba nodded. "Quietly, yes. You've got an hour. Tell Cale he's got half an hour."

Jozua nodded and took a few steps before pausing. Then he turned and hugged Elphaba again.

"Love you too, Mom," he said quietly and then hurried off again.

By eight thirty, all three kids were in bed and asleep, and Elphaba found herself at a loss.

She could have read, or cleaned the kitchen or done some laundry. There were work matters for the store that always needed attention. But Elphaba couldn't bring herself to do anything. So she locked up the house for the night, showered, changed into her nightgown and checked on the kids one more time.

Standing in her bedroom doorway, the bed looked bigger than usual. It suddenly occurred to Elphaba that she and Fiyero hadn't spent a single night apart in the entire time they'd been together. If Elphaba went to bed before Fiyero, she knew he'd be along eventually to join her. Even the night before their wedding, they hadn't bothered separating.

"Why start following tradition now?" Elphaba had said.

So, Elphaba slipped into the bed alone and switched off the lamp, rolling over to face the empty side.

The decision to separate had been difficult and painful, but ultimately done for the right reasons. But having Fiyero actually leave proved to be more excruciating than Elphaba had expected.

She'd expected the hurt, but what had caught her unaware was the terror. And she wasn't sure what scared her more- the days stretching out towards her with no idea what is going to happen now; or the idea that maybe this would be permanent.

Fiyero was optimistic that somehow, they'd be able to fix this, to stop the fighting. What if they couldn't? Or what if they thought they had, reunited and then a few weeks, months or years down the track, they were right back here again? Elphaba feared if that were the case, they wouldn't be able to survive it. And she wouldn't do that to the kids.

The darkness and silence of the room was heavy, and Elphaba wasn't sure whether to give into the urge to cry or give into the urge to panic. Tears burned her eyes, and she took a slow shuddering breath, feeling herself begin to shake again.

"Mom?"

Elphaba jumped, and immediately bolted upright in bed, fumbling for the lamp.

"Joz? You ok?"

Jozua winced against the light as it lit the room, and then shrugged slightly. "I had a bad dream. Could I sleep with you?"

Elphaba blinked rapidly, in equal parts bewilderment and in an effort to blink back the tears. "Sure, hon. Come on," she replied, patting the empty side of the bed and hoping her voice sounded normal.

Jozua climbed in next to her, settling under the covers and smiling at Elphaba.

She raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, suspicions stirring in her brain. "Nightmare, huh?"

Jozua nodded, his blue eyes wide, the very picture of innocence.

Elphaba smiled softly. "Night, kid."

"Night, Mom," Jozua replied quietly, closing his eyes.

Elphaba shut off the light once more, listening to Jozua's breathing replace the empty silence of the room. It reminded her of when Jozua had first been born, and she'd been so terrified of something happening that she and Fiyero would lay there at night at listen to his tiny breaths until he stirred or they finally fell asleep.

Jozua's breathing evened out eventually, and with every breath Elphaba relaxed a little more.

She was almost asleep when the mattress dipped and she felt another body crawl over her and into the bed. Elphaba opened one eye and made out the small figure of Cale settle in between her and Jozua.

Elphaba felt the urge to cry again, but this time, she wasn't so scared.

She wasn't sure that she agreed with Fiyero that if they couldn't fix this, they hadn't failed. But she knew whatever happened, their love was real. They had three amazing kids that were proof of that.

 **Chapter Title Song: "I'm Not Ready" by Delta Goodrem**

 **AN. If you only look up _one_ song mentioned in this fic (before the playlist goes up at the end), please make it this one! This is the song that made me decide to make every chapter a song. (There's also a duet version with Michael Bolton FYI)**

 **Next chapter- Back to marriage counselling!**


	7. The Story

**DISCLAIMER: _Wicked_ still isn't mine.**

 **AN. Now that I'm home, I've started going through all the song suggestions you guys have been sending in! Thank you :)**

 **And to** **satilliteheart, there's 31 chapters in this fic!**

 **Chapter 7: _The Story_**

 **Counselling Session, October 1948**

Elphaba and Fiyero's next counselling session began with a question, that for so simple a statement, caught them both by surprise.

"Tell me how you met."

Elphaba and Fiyero both stared at Dr Palloa.

"Excuse me?" Elphaba finally answered.

"Tell me how you met," the Peacock repeated. "It'll give me an idea of your history together, how your relationship started. You've known each other for thirteen years. That's a long road between then and now. I'd just like to fill in some of the gaps."

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance.

"We met at college," Fiyero said.

"Ah. So you had classes together?"

"We did," Elphaba allowed. "But we met a bit before classes," she added, looking at Fiyero dryly.

Fiyero heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Go on," he told her, in a tone suggested this was a long running discussion. "Say it."

Elphaba actually smiled as she turned back to Dr Palloa. "He ran me over. Now elaborate," she waved a hand at Fiyero, as Dr Palloa cocked his head inquiringly.

Fiyero nodded distantly and sighed again. " _I_ didn't literally run her over," he assured the Peacock. "I'd just arrived on campus-"

"You were asleep in the backseat," Elphaba interjected.

"-My carriage driver _almost_ knocked her over. She wasn't hurt or anything," Fiyero finished, ignoring her.

"Which makes it completely fine," Elphaba said sarcastically.

"The first I know of it, is I'm being woken out of a very peaceful nap-"

"Hmm, I'm pretty sure that you were hungover, no matter how much you claim otherwise."

"I wake up to find this girl-" he pointed to Elphaba, although that much was obvious. "-Right in my face and yelling at me and basically demanding I take responsibility for what happened."

"To which your very eloquent and witty response was 'maybe the driver saw green and thought it meant go,'" Elphaba recited.

Dr Palloa smiled. This was why he liked getting couples to recount these stories, particularly those couples who had been together for a long time. Chances were they'd recited that story so many times at social events, it was a well-practiced art at this stage. It always relaxed them, without even realising it.

But he certainly liked to point it out to them.

"And how many times have you told that story together?"

Fiyero immediately looked to Elphaba, who's face sobered as she lowered her eyes.

"Yeah, well… it's a simpler story to tell when people ask how we met," she said quietly.

Dr Palloa nodded and made a note. "I see. And how long after this did you begin dating?"

They both fell silent.

"That's… where it gets complicated," Fiyero said slowly.

"Because of your history?" Dr Palloa asked Elphaba.

She smiled wryly. "My history… that's a nice way of putting it. Nicer than-"

"Elphaba," Fiyero cut her off. "Don't go there."

She glanced at him, sighed and turned back to the therapist. "I'm sure 'my history' didn't help, but no, there was other complications."

Dr Palloa waited, but neither offered any further explanation.

"Alright," he finally said. "These complications aside, how long had you known each other before-"

"Two and a half years," Fiyero interrupted.

"Although there were the two years…" Elphaba trailed off. "So, in some ways, it was only six months."

Dr Palloa nodded thoughtfully, and scribbled some notes, letting silence settle upon the room.

It was only a few minutes that passed before Fiyero could stand it no longer.

"I was dating her best friend," he blurted out, and Dr Palloa lifted his head, his pen stalling.

"Excuse me?"

"One of the complications," he explained. "I was dating her best friend."

Elphaba winced slightly. "You were _engaged_ to my best friend," she murmured.

Her tone was laced with guilt.

"It wasn't a real engagement and you know that, Fae," Fiyero said softly. "I never proposed," he elaborated to Dr Palloa. "It was kind of… sprung on me. There wasn't much I could do about it."

"I see. And considering you are not married to this woman, how did the engagement end?"

It was Fiyero's turn to wince. "I, uh, committed treason and went on the run with Elphaba."

"I see," Dr Palloa said. "How long was the engagement?"

"Like, two days." Fiyero replied.

"Hmm. Elphaba, how long were you friends for with…?"

"Glinda," Elphaba said quietly, as she saw him scan his notes for a name that wasn't there. "And I guess for the same amount of time that I knew Fiyero. We weren't really friends until he came to the school."

"Glinda as in… Glinda the Good?"

Even in Quox, people knew the name.

"Yes."

Dr Palloa readjusted his wings and read over his notes.

"Let me just ensure I understand this. The two of you met, knew each other for six months, then you didn't see each other for two years. During this time, Fiyero became engaged to your best friend, Elphaba. Two days after said engagement, Fiyero committed treason?"

Elphaba nodded slowly. "Brief, but accurate."

"How long after this did you come to Quox?"

"We left Oz about a week after that. It took us maybe a month to get to Limelle."

Elphaba nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that sounds right."

"And how did you leave things with, uh, Glinda?"

They both winced then.

"Glinda thinks we're dead," Fiyero said quietly. "I mean, everyone does. It's the only way we could be safe."

Dr Palloa set aside his notes and turned to Elphaba.

"Elphaba, in the name of being honest, I will tell you that we in Quox are not ignorant of the circumstances that brought you to our country. I'm sure you're aware of this. Many of Oz's northern Animal population immigrated to Quox at that time, and many of them were helped to do so by yourself."

Elphaba blushed, even as Fiyero beamed at her with pride.

"I didn't help that much," she mumbled.

"She's being modest," Fiyero informed Dr Palloa, rolling his eyes. "Or stupid."

Elphaba whipped around to face him and arched an eyebrow. "You're calling me _stupid_?"

"If you're going to ignore or play down all the good you did in Oz, yes," Fiyero snapped.

"I don't _ignore_ it," Elphaba protested.

"No, you just don't think you made any difference at all," Fiyero retorted, trying to soften his tone. "Instead of winning-"

" _Winning_? I faked my death and left the country. How is that winning?" Elphaba demanded. "What did I win, Fiyero?"

"Your life!" Fiyero exclaimed.

Elphaba opened her mouth and started to say something, but then abruptly stopped herself and shook her head, leaning forward and resting her head in her hands.

"No," she said quietly. "I can't- I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Are your children aware of your past?"

"No," Elphaba replied sharply, lifting her head.

"We think they're too young to understand any of it," Fiyero explained. "They don't even know we used to live in Oz."

"I don't know if I ever want them to know," Elphaba admitted. "What age can you ever understand that your mother was a terrorist?"

"You weren't-"

"That's what they called me, Fiyero," Elphaba snapped. "Whether it's true or not, that is what they called me."

Fiyero couldn't argue with that.

"Let's leave this topic for another session, shall we?" Dr Palloa said gently.

Fiyero looked reluctant, but glanced at Elphaba and then nodded.

"Ok."

Dr Palloa made a few more notes in silence, giving Elphaba time to collect herself.

"How are the children coping with the separation?" Dr Palloa asked them.

Elphaba leaned back in her seat. Her shoulders relaxed, but she was still frowning.

"They're coping… for the most part," she said. "Jiyah's probably the most unsettled."

"That's perfectly natural at her age," Dr Palloa assured them. "But elaborate, in which ways is she unsettled?"

"In the beginning she'd get upset whenever one of us left," Fiyero explained. "Like, hysterical sobbing, clinging to whichever one of us was leaving. She's mostly better now, but sometimes she still gets… I guess anxious is the best word."

Elphaba nodded slowly. "She's been having accidents. I mean, she's been pretty good at the toilet training until now. But she's started having accidents again, mostly at night."

"It's normal for children to have setbacks in toilet training. It may not even be related to the separation."

"That's what we thought at first, because the boys were the same," Fiyero added. "But with everything else, we weren't sure it wasn't unrelated."

"There's more?"

"She doesn't sleep in her own bed at my house," Fiyero said. "I mean, she usually goes to bed there, but by morning, she's crawled in with me."

"Same here," Elphaba agreed.

Dr Palloa was making notes hastily. "And the boys?"

"Cale's quieter than usual," Fiyero replied. "A little anxious himself, but he's ok. And Joz… he's pretty much the same so far."

"Elphaba? Do you agree with that?"

Elphaba nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess. We're trying to let the kids be kids. I don't want them to be forced to grow up too fast, Jozua especially. I know what that's like," she added in a mutter.

"It's not going to happen, Fae," Fiyero said softly. "Joz asked for ice cream for breakfast this morning, so I don't think you need to worry."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't let him have it," he added hastily and she rolled her eyes.

Dr Palloa moved the session along, moving the conversation on to how things were between them.

They informed him that Jiyah had been ill recently, and everything that went along with that. He was very pleased with how they had handled it, he knew from experience it could have ended in disaster.

"I'd like to ask you both a few more questions before we finish up for this afternoon," he said as they approached the end of their hour.

"If circumstances had been different, if Elphaba had never become a fugitive, what would be different between you two?"

Fiyero shrugged. "I've wondered that a lot over the years. I don't have any answers," he said truthfully.

Elphaba hesitated. "I don't think we'd be together," she said softly.

Fiyero turned to her, looking stunned. "What?!"

She met his gaze and sighed. "Come _on_ , Fiyero. It's not as if this is the first time I've ever said that. With my father? My life? How would that have worked?" she asked practically. "And no matter what, you were still dating Glinda."

"Glinda and I wouldn't have lasted, no matter what the circumstances were," Fiyero said confidently.

"Why not?" Elphaba challenged.

"Because I fell in love with you!" Fiyero exclaimed. "Rewrite the story any way you want, Elphaba. But as long as I fall in love with you, _somehow_ we're going to be together."

"And Glinda?"

"What about her?"

"In this hypothetical world of yours, you break her heart and she's magically ok with you and I being together?"

Fiyero hesitated. "I guess it would depend on how long we'd been together before I broke up with her," he admitted. "But I think eventually, yeah."

Dr Palloa gently intervened here. "Elphaba, why is that important to you?"

She looked at him as though that were a stupid question. "Glinda is… was," she corrected herself, "my best friend. No matter the circumstances, I wouldn't want to hurt her like that. I _did_ hurt her like that, and it… it didn't end well," she looked away, a lump rising in her throat.

"Do you know how Glinda is now?"

"No," Elphaba shook her head, but Fiyero hesitated.

"A little," he said quietly, which stunned Elphaba.

"You… what? How?"

"I asked Totit. When she first came to Limelle," Fiyero admitted.

"You never said anything."

"Because I thought _you'd_ ask Totit! And when you never said anything, I thought you didn't want to know."

"Of _course_ I want to know!" Elphaba exclaimed.

"So, why did you not inquire?" Dr Palloa asked her.

Elphaba hesitated. "I don't know… I just couldn't bring myself to ask. What do you know?" she asked Fiyero.

"All I know is four years ago, she was engaged," Fiyero replied.

Elphaba appeared relieved. "To who?"

"Some Gilikinese guy. Old family, I think, but I don't know him."

"And in the last four years?"

"I haven't kept tabs on her," Fiyero said honestly.

Dr Palloa was watching Elphaba's reactions carefully. He cocked his head as a thought came to him.

"Elphaba, do you still feel guilty?"

She met his gaze tiredly. "You'll need to be more specific," she said.

"That Fiyero left Glinda to be with you," the Peacock elaborated.

Fiyero scoffed quietly, but Elphaba bit her lip hesitantly.

"Yes," she confessed quietly.

Fiyero gaped at her in shock, but Dr Palloa only nodded in acknowledgment and made a note on his pad.

Now they were getting somewhere.

 **Chapter Title Song: "The Story" by Brandi Carlile.**

 **AN. Also, congrats to Alyssa, who was reviewer 50! I'd like to offer some kind of reward, but I'm not sure what. Ideas for milestone reviewers for this fic?**

 **And a pop quiz- can anyone guess why Dr Palloa is a Peacock? There is a reason! Prize if someone guesses correctly!**


	8. All I Ask of You

**DISCLAIMER: Still not mine.**

 **AN. Alyssa- LOL. The ending is already written, so if it's not a happy ending, it's far too late to change it now!**

 **And congrats to** **KaiyeInternational who guessed the peacock question right!** **Peacocks are a symbol of Hera, who was the Greek goddess of marriage. For a prize, you get... I don't know, tbh. What would you like?**

 **Chapter 8: All I Ask of You**

 **August 1942**

Sometimes Fiyero could only take a moment to stop and marvel at how different his life had become from five or ten years ago. His world, which had once seemed so small and constricting- even with the lavish parties and all the perks that came along with the royal lifestyle; now consisted of three people and yet seemed to be make up an entire universe. And he had never been happier.

Fiyero stood in the doorway to the living room, just drinking in the sight before his eyes. Elphaba sitting on the couch with Jozua on her lap and reading to him quietly. Jozua, freshly washed after his bath, sat contentedly cuddled into his mother.

The picture mother and son made together, lit by the lamplight, made Fiyero's heart swell with warmth.

"Alright, Joz. Time for bed?" Elphaba asked Jozua, closing the book.

"Story," the toddler insisted, pointing to the book.

She laughed. "Story? The story's over, kid. The End."

"The End," Jozua echoed.

"Exactly," Elphaba confirmed. "It's time for sleep now. Come on. We'll say goodnight to Daddy and I'll tuck you in, ok?"

"You sure, Fae?" Fiyero asked, taking a step forward as she got to her feet.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm ok. I want to do it while I still can," she smiled slightly.

Fiyero smiled in understanding and nodded. Elphaba was four months pregnant, and eventually, she'd be too big and too tired to be able to do things like tuck Jozua into bed.

"Night, little man," Fiyero said to Jozua, planting a kiss on the top of his head.

"Night, night," Jozua replied.

Fiyero couldn't help but grin. "Sweet dreams, buddy."

Elphaba smiled at him and headed off towards Jozua's bedroom, leaving Fiyero alone in the living room.

They'd broached the subject of having another baby once Jozua had turned one back in March. Fiyero had found being an only child a rather lonely existence at times, and Elphaba had been rather surprisingly easy to convince. She'd fallen pregnant quickly, to both their surprise. The baby was due in February, just a month before Jozua's second birthday, which they thought would be a good age gap between them.

"There was three and a half years between Nessa and I," Elphaba had mused to Fiyero after she'd told him the news. "I hope they'll be closer than we were though…"

"They will be," Fiyero reassured her. "You had to be sister, mother and caretaker to Nessa," he reminded her gently. "This won't be the case here."

Elphaba nodded in agreement.

Although Fiyero was thrillified about having another baby (and he could admit to himself- if not to Elphaba- that he was hoping for a girl this time), there was something that he'd been turning over in his mind ever since. He just wasn't sure of the best way to bring it up to Elphaba.

"He's asleep," Elphaba announced when she returned to the living room, collapsing into an armchair. "At least for now. I had to sit with him until he fell asleep. Hopefully we can stop that before the baby comes."

"Hey, Fae?"

Elphaba looked over at him tiredly, tucking her feet up under herself and resting her head against the cushions. "Yeah?"

"I think we should get married."

Elphaba stilled, blinked, and then slowly lifted her head to meet his gaze.

"Just so I know, is this going to be a conversation we have every year or so, or just every time that I'm pregnant?"

"Come on, Fae. We've talked about this before," Fiyero argued.

"Yes, and every time, we come to the same conclusion. That it's a piece of paper and makes no difference," Elphaba retorted. "What's changed since I was pregnant with Jozua?"

Fiyero faltered. "Well, we're a family now. Doesn't that change anything?"

"That requires us to get married? No, not especially."

"Elphaba."

"What? Are we going to be _more_ of a family if we get married?" she demanded.

"I guess not," Fiyero admitted.

"So, what's the point?" Elphaba asked reasonably.

"I just think it would be nice," Fiyero shrugged. Elphaba's eyebrow rose quizzically and he got the impression she wasn't convinced by that argument. "Can we just… think about it? Please?"

Elphaba regarded him closely and then sighed. "Fine," she agreed.

Fiyero gave her a few days to mull it over before broaching the subject again.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and it was expected to be the last fine day before autumn truly descended upon Limelle. Elphaba and Fiyero were sitting in the back yard playing with Jozua while it was still warm enough to do so. On weekends, Elphaba only opened the bookstore on Saturday mornings until noon, and she had just returned home in time for Jozua to be up from his morning nap and be having lunch when she walked in the door.

"Momma!" Jozua beamed, handing Elphaba a leaf he'd picked up from the ground.

Elphaba accepted it with a smile. "Thanks, sweets."

"Damn, there goes my idea for your Lurlinemas present this year," Fiyero teased her and she laughed.

"Watch your mouth," she scolded him lightly. "You know he repeats everything."

Fiyero grabbed Jozua and tickled him, making him squeal with happy giggles. "Ah, he knows better than that, right Joz?"

Jozua only giggled, and as Fiyero released him, placed his tiny hands either side of his father's face.

"Ow!" Fiyero exclaimed after a moment, pulling his hands away. "Joz, we don't pinch," he scolded lightly.

"I hope he stops that before the baby comes. We don't need him pinching the baby," Elphaba frowned.

Fiyero nodded in agreement. "We can always pinch him back," he suggested. "Hey, don't look at me like that, Fae. I'm seriously tempted. You've got a strong grip, kid," he said to Jozua.

"It could be worse," Elphaba replied. "Remember when Sabella was his age and she bit people?"

Fiyero rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Alvar showed everyone the mark on his finger for a week."

Jozua wandered off to examine more leaves on the ground nearby, his parents watching him contentedly.

"Hey, so I had an idea for a name for the baby- if it's a girl, at least," Fiyero commented.

"Isn't it too early to think about that?" Elphaba asked. "I'm only four months… I don't want to jinx it. After last time-"

"Hey," he interjected gently. "Last time was nothing, you know that. You can't jinx it."

Elphaba was more dubious, but decided not to push that issue right now. "OK. What's the name?"

"Klio," he replied.

"Klio," Elphaba repeated.

"Yeah, Klio Tiggular. Sounds nice, doesn't it?"

Elphaba quirked an eyebrow in surprise. "Tiggular?"

"Or Thropp-Tiggular," Fiyero said nonchalantly. "You know… whatever."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Subtle, Yero," she remarked dryly.

Fiyero grinned sheepishly. "You said you'd think about it," he reminded her.

Elphaba heaved a sigh. "Why is this suddenly so important to you? Am I wrong in saying that we agreed it wasn't important to us that we were married?"

Fiyero watched as Jozua handed Elphaba another leaf with a proud smile. "You're not wrong," he said quietly. "We did agree that it wasn't important."

"So?"

"So…"

Elphaba drew Jozua into her arms for a cuddle as she waited for him to finish his sentence.

"You know, if we were in Oz, we'd have to get married. That was drummed into me for as long as I can remember."

She arched an eyebrow. "1- we're not _in_ Oz, and 2- even if we were, who's to say that we'd even be together?"

Fiyero startled. "What? Fae-"

"Fiyero, do you honestly think if I'd never gone on the run, we'd have ended up together?"

"Yes," Fiyero said stubbornly.

"OK. So, you would have broken up with Glinda? She would have been ok with us dating? Your parents would have been ok with us as a couple?"

They were all good questions, Fiyero had to admit. And none of them had simple answers, as much as he pretended otherwise.

"I'm not saying it wouldn't be complicated," he allowed. "But I knew before you went to the Emerald City that day that I loved you, Fae. And if you'd come back, despite the complications, I would have done everything in my power to be with you."

Elphaba softened.

"I love you," she said simply. "But Yero, we _are_ a family. We're linked in the most… profound way imaginable," she squeezed Jozua to her with one arm, the other resting on her stomach. "And this means _so_ much more to me than any piece of paper."

"Is that a no?" Fiyero asked her quietly.

"Momma, milk?" Jozua interrupted, tugging on Elphaba's arm imploringly.

She sighed and turned her attention to their son. "Sure, sweets. You can have some milk," she agreed.

She rose to her feet and perched Jozua on her hip before looking down at Fiyero, still sitting on the grass.

"I don't think it can be a 'no' if you haven't actually asked me," she pointed out. "I'm just… I'm asking if this has come up just because it's what was always expected of you. Because I don't think that, or our children, are a good enough reason to get married. It has to mean something."

"Or are you against it because you never expected to get married?" Fiyero countered.

Elphaba faltered for a moment but said nothing as she headed inside the house.

Two days later, Kalhey came by the bookstore as Elphaba was closing for her lunch break, four year old Sabella and seven month old Zakhar in tow.

"I needed to get out of the house," she explained in greeting. "I brought lunch?"

Elphaba smiled in sympathy, offering a hand to Sabella to help them inside. "I understand that. Jozua's just woken up from his nap, so you've good timing."

She was grateful for the company actually. She hadn't slept well the night before, thanks to a nightmare, and then she'd found it difficult to get back to sleep afterwards.

They settled into the back room, with sandwiches for Jozua and Sabella and salads for Elphaba and Kalhey.

"How are you feeling? Still no morning sickness?" Kalhey asked her.

Elphaba shook her head. "No, nothing. I'm exhausted constantly, but I feel fine."

"Lucky," Kalhey said enviously.

"What about you? When do you go back to work?"

"I'll start back in the new year," Kalhey answered. "Just in time to deliver this little one," she said with a smile, nodding towards Elphaba's stomach.

Elphaba chuckled, a hand going to her stomach without even really thinking about it.

"So, I haven't seen you in a little while. What's new?"

Elphaba hesitated and then sighed. "Fiyero and I are having… discussions."

Kalhey frowned quizzically. "About?"

"Marriage."

Kalhey's face lit up as she gasped excitedly. "You're getting married?! He proposed?"

"No!" Elphaba said hastily. "Well, maybe. I don't know. He didn't propose, we're just talking about marriage. _He_ wants to get married. Or rather, he thinks we shouldget married."

Kalhey nodded thoughtfully. "Ok. What's the problem? You don't want to?"

Elphaba bit her lip. "I just… I don't think it's important. I'm no less committed to him than I would be as his wife," she pointed out. "We have a life together, we have a kid- and a half. We share a home, a mortgage. Isn't marriage really just a piece of paper?"

"In some aspects," Kalhey allowed.

"I don't know what's changed," Elphaba said, frustrated. "We've had the discussion twice. We agreed both times that it didn't matter if we were married or not. What's changed?"

"Have you asked Fiyero that?"

"Yeah. He just said something about how he was always expected to get married growing up."

Elphaba tried to be nonchalant about her vague response. No one in Limelle knew Fiyero was royalty- he didn't want to be treated any differently.

"Oh, so it's a tradition thing?" Kalhey asked her, bouncing Zakhar on her lap as he started to fuss.

Elphaba shook her head. "See, Yero _hated_ that. He spent most of his time from puberty until we met rebelling against that expectation."

Kalhey shrugged. "Sounds like he's grown up and realised it might not be so horrendible after all."

Elphaba stabbed a piece of lettuce thoughtfully. "I don't know. I think there's more to it, but he's not telling me what, and I don't understand."

Fiyero was struggling with a similar problem- how to make Elphaba understand his change of heart.

He gave her a few more days to think on the subject, or to get his own thoughts in order, he wasn't quite sure.

He'd just put Jozua to bed for the night, as Elphaba looked over the books for the store. He made them each a mug of cocoa, and carried them out to the kitchen table where she was working.

"Hey, Fae? Can we talk for a sec?" he asked her quietly.

She glanced up, and once she spotted the expression on his face, slowly removed her reading glasses.

"Ok," she said simply.

Fiyero sat down next to her and handed her the cocoa.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"Fae, I haven't really done a good job of trying to explain my thoughts on the whole marriage thing," he acknowledged. "But I think I know how to try and make you understand it now."

Elphaba turned sideways on her chair to face him, her face solemn.

"I'm listening."

Fiyero opened his mouth and then hesitated. "I think we have chocolate chip cookies in the pantry, don't we? Do you want some?"

"Stop stalling, Tiggular. You can't flatter me with cookies," Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Start talking."

Fiyero took a deep breath.

"I never thought I had a choice about the whole marriage thing. I think I was twelve when my dad first laid it out for me. Get married, provide an heir, you know? That was it. I hated the idea."

"I know," Elphaba replied calmly. "So, you can understand why I'm finding this a little confusifying. Yero, what's changed?"

"I've changed," Fiyero said simply. "Fae, marriage was always an obligation. A responsibility. And then, for a brief moment, it was…"

Elphaba remained silent as he faltered. They both knew what "brief moment" he was talking about.

"It was a trap," he said finally. "It sounds horrendible, but it was. I felt trapped. Agreeing to marry Glinda, to go along with the charade, it was giving up on the possibility of a life with you. But, Elphaba, I _have_ a life with you. And maybe it isn't perfect, and didn't pan out the way we would have liked it to, but we have a life together. By choice. I've _chosen_ to spend my life with you, and that is everything to me."

Elphaba still said nothing, and he squeezed her hands tightly.

"Don't you see it, Fae? _That's_ the difference. _Choice,"_ he stressed, his eyes fixed on hers intently.

"That's what I keep thinking about lately, and this is what it comes down to. I love you, Elphaba. I love our son and whatever this kid is going to be, and I love our life together. I had no choice in loving you, but I've chosen to spend my life with you. And because I can, I choose to make you my wife."

Elphaba could have chosen to blame the tears in her eyes on hormones, but she didn't.

"What about me?" she asked with difficulty, a lump lodged in her throat. "Do I get a choice?"

Fiyero gave her a crooked smiled. "Of course you do. Which is why, I'm _asking._ Elphaba, will you marry me?"

It was a definite question, and the only time he had ever said those words to anyone. Despite the fact his stomach was in his throat as he tried to read her face and find the answer in her eyes; he took some small measure of delight in being able to ask- freely.

Elphaba opened her mouth, and then closed it again, swallowing hard. She repeated this several times, trying to dislodge the lump in her throat so that she could speak. The natural 'no' got stuck in her throat, but neither would the 'yes' she knew he wanted to hear fall from her lips.

"I- I don't know," she finally got out.

Fiyero did an excellent job of not looking completely crushed, but Elphaba saw the light in his eyes dim. It broke her heart.

"I just… I need to think about it. Just for a minute," she pleaded. "Please?"

Fiyero hesitated, and then nodded, squeezing her hands again. "Sure, hon. Sleep on it," he urged her.

The lump was back in Elphaba's throat. "And if I can't?" she asked in a croaky whisper. "If I can't marry you?"

He smiled again, the same crooked smile that had always made Elphaba's stomach drop since they'd stood in a clearing with a Lion cub.

"Then nothing changes," he said simply. "We'll be fine. No big deal."

Elphaba's brow furrowed, but he only leaned forward and kissed her lightly.

"I love you," he said quietly. "I'm going to check on Joz, ok? Do you need anything?"

Elphaba shook her head silently.

For the first time since discoverating she was pregnant, she felt sick to her stomach.

Abandoning the books for the store- because as if she could concentrate on anything right now- she changed into her nightgown and crawled into bed. She lay there, listening as Fiyero closed up the house for the night, changed into his pyjamas and climbed in beside her.

"Joz is out like a light," he muttered softly through the darkness. "Night, Fae. Love you."

"Love you too," Elphaba whispered back, facing away from him.

One calloused hand found the curve of her belly, a wordless goodnight to the baby within, before he withdrew his hand and turned on his side.

It didn't take long before his breathing evened out, and then turned to soft snores, and Elphaba marvelled at his ability to sleep while her mind was in turmoil.

" _Will You Marry Me?"_

Elphaba felt that those four little words shouldn't terrify her so much, considering it wasn't as though they hadn't discussed marriage before- especially in the past week. But this was no longer a conversation. This was a question, one that required an answer.

Elphaba wished Glinda was here for her to talk to, although under what context she'd be having a conversation with Glinda about whether or not she, Elphaba, should accept a marriage proposal from Fiyero, she couldn't fathom. And, she realised, Glinda would really be no help to her. Her advice would be to marry him.

She assumed she fell into an uneasy sleep, because the next thing she knew, she was being abruptly awoken by a little voice calling out to her in tearful sobs.

"Momma!"

Without even really being awake, Elphaba instinctively sat up, but Fiyero stopped her.

"I've got him, Fae," he mumbled sleepily. "You go back to sleep."

"You sure?" she asked and he made some semblance of an affirmative reply, already halfway to the door.

Trusting he had the situation in hand, Elphaba fell asleep again almost immediately, until she woke up at five o'clock, needing the bathroom. But what caught her attention, besides her bursting bladder, was that the bed beside her was empty.

She went to the bathroom and then went in search of Fiyero. She stuck her head in to check on Jozua, and stilled as she took in the empty room. The kitchen was likewise empty.

She found them in the dimly lit living room, both sound asleep. Fiyero was sprawled out on the couch, with Jozua sleeping peacefully on his chest. Elphaba stood in the doorway, a soft smile creeping onto her face at the sight. It seemed like only yesterday she had watched a similar sight, Fiyero cradling a tiny newborn Jozua against his chest. And come February, she knew there'd be many more sights of a similar nature with the new baby.

As though the baby knew she was thinking of it, Elphaba felt movement from within, and she stilled for a moment. She'd felt plenty of movements for the last week or so, but this was the first really definitive kick. Her hands cradled her stomach gently, pressing gently to try and coax another movement from the baby.

Elphaba remembered the first kick from Jozua. Fiyero had spent every free moment of the next three days with his hands and face pressed up against her stomach, talking to the baby and prodding every inch of her stomach until he was able to feel it too. The look on his face when he'd felt the little foot kick back against his fingertips… Elphaba would never forget it.

She wondered if she woke him up now, if he'd do the same thing. He probably would.

And then suddenly, it was all so clear to her.

Elphaba crossed the room and settled herself onto the floor beside the couch before she gently shook Fiyero's shoulder.

"Yero?" she whispered.

He frowned, squinted one eye open, and then slowly forced the other eye open.

"Hey," he croaked sleepily.

"Yes," Elphaba replied.

Fiyero paused, frowned and then shook his head slightly. "Yes what?"

Elphaba's face was solemn as she met his gaze. "Yes. I'll marry you."

It took Fiyero a few moments to comprehend her words and then his head jerked up so fast Jozua wobbled from his perch on his father's chest, but didn't stir.

"Seriously?" he asked her.

She nodded. "Yes."

His face split into a broad grin and Elphaba couldn't not smile back at him.

"Before the baby comes?"

"If you want," Elphaba agreed.

Fiyero's grin grew even wider if possible, and he made to move, and then hesitated. "I really want to kiss you right now, but I'm kinda stuck," he said, gesturing to the sleeping toddler on his chest.

Elphaba chuckled quietly and then leaned over and kissed him softly. "Better?"

"For now," he grinned. "What time is it?"

"About five in the morning."

His smile was replaced by a slight frown. "Why are you up?"

"Bathroom. Why are you asleep on the couch?" she countered.

"Joz wouldn't settle."

Elphaba frowned and gently ran a hand over her son's head. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he seems ok. But I figured it was either come out here and try to get him to sleep a bit more, or bring him into bed with us. I'd rather not start that habit."

"I'd rather not start _this_ habit either. It's weird not sleeping next to you," Elphaba admitted.

Fiyero smiled and steadied Jozua with a hand as he gently moved as far over on the couch as he could. With his other hand, he reached for Elphaba and tugged her gently towards him.

"Come here."

"I am _not_ going to fit on there," Elphaba protested immediately.

"Sure you will, Fae. Come on," he urged.

With a sigh, Elphaba reluctantly squashed herself onto the couch alongside him.

"Better?" Fiyero murmured.

Despite feeling like she was going to fall off the couch, Elphaba had to admit she did feel better.

"Yeah," she said softly, cuddling into him.

Fiyero kissed her temple lightly. "I love you, Mrs Tiggular."

Elphaba chuckled faintly, even as her stomach squirmed slightly at the title. "Not yet," she replied. "But I love you too."

And somehow, crammed together on the couch, they fell asleep once more.

 **Chapter Title Song: "All I Ask of You" from** _ **The Phantom of the Opera**_


	9. All Too Well

**DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine.**

 **Chapter 9:** _ **All Too Well**_

 **October 1948**

From the moment Fiyero woke up on Monday morning, something didn't sit right with him. He couldn't put his finger on why at first, probably because very little seemed to sit right with him lately, caught in this odd limbo while he and Elphaba tried to determine the future of their marriage.

It was the peculiar sensation as though he was forgetting something, something important. Something that perhaps he didn't really want to remember.

And then, as he was brushing his teeth hastily, not wanting to piss off Elphaba (and avoid another argument) if he was late picking up the kids to take them to school, it suddenly struck him.

Today was their wedding anniversary.

Their fifth wedding anniversary, to be exact.

Slowly, Fiyero spat into the sink and turned off the faucet.

He couldn't believe he hadn't realised. He'd never forgotten their wedding anniversary before, and he felt a surge of panic rise in his chest, as though his mental slip of the date was an omen as to how this separation would end.

He wondered if Elphaba had remembered. She wasn't one to forget any date or event normally, but nothing was normal anymore.

Fiyero finished getting ready for the day and left the cottage slightly earlier than usual, walking briskly towards the house he still thought of home- although he wasn't sure if he still should. He didn't know if he should say something about the day to Elphaba. Whether she had remembered or not, how did you address your wedding anniversary with the wife you were separated from?

Things were extra tense between them lately anyway. Ever since Elphaba's bombshell at their last counselling session. Elphaba refused to say anything more on it, and Dr Palloa didn't want them discussing anything from their sessions outside of his office. Fiyero was still trying to process that revelation.

He walked straight inside when he arrived at the house, and Jiyah bolted towards him with an exuberant cry of "Daddy!" that was far too energetic for that hour of the morning, and he wondered how long she'd been up for.

"Good morning, Princess," he greeted her, swooping her into his arms. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

"Momma's making my toast now," Jiyah explained.

"Cool," Fiyero replied, slightly absently.

He carried her through the house and into the kitchen, where Jozua and Cale were eating cereal and involved in what appeared to be a very serious discussion. They barely acknowledged Fiyero's greeting, and he rolled his eyes as he turned to face Elphaba in the kitchen.

The moment he met her gaze, he knew that she knew exactly what this day was.

"Hi," he said awkwardly.

"Hi," she replied. "Coffee? Toast? Cereal?"

Fiyero shook his head. "Nah, I'm ok. Thanks."

Before it could get too awkward and he was tempted to mention something- this wasn't a conversation to have in front of the kids over breakfast- he sat down at the table with the boys, placing Jiyah on the ground.

"What are we talking about, guys?" he asked them.

Jozua looked up at him, his expression very Elphaba-ish for how much he resembled Fiyero.

"Dad," he said seriously.

"Jozua," Fiyero mimicked his solemn tone and facial expression, although he was slightly alarmed.

"Who do you think would win in a fight, The Blue Wizard or Captain Cheetah?"

Fiyero blinked slowly. "You guys are sitting here at-" he paused to check the exact time. "- a quarter past seven in the morning, debating which comic book superhero would win in a fight?"

"Yeah," Jozua replied, the subsequent _"duh"_ all but implied in his tone.

Fiyero turned and glanced at Elphaba, who just shrugged.

"Hey, they're not arguing, so I don't care."

"Fair enough," Fiyero conceded.

There was the usual rush to get the kids to finish breakfast and ready to leave the house, but at last Fiyero had dropped the boys at school, Jiyah at Mrs Gibbs and had arrived at work.

As he was cutting lengths of timber for what would become a bookshelf, an odd fact popped into his brain.

Five years was the wood anniversary.

Fiyero knew this, because for his parents' own fifth wedding anniversary, his father had ordered a myrtle tree planted on the castle grounds for his mother. Fiyero had only been a year old at the time, so in a way, he'd grown up with the tree.

"Why a myrtle tree? You can't even climb it," Fiyero had complained to his parents when he was about seven.

His father had laughed. "A myrtle tree symbolises marriage, Yero. 'Something true and everlasting'."

Fiyero hadn't particularly cared about the symbol of the tree at the time- all he'd cared about was he couldn't climb it, nor have a treehouse built in it. But as he'd gotten older, he'd always remembered it somehow.

Pausing in his work, Fiyero frowned.

He still wasn't sure if or how they were supposed to acknowledge the day. He had nothing prepared- normally he'd buy Elphaba some flowers, have a card and some kind of gift. Other than that, they'd never made a big deal of the day.

He was quiet all day, and after lunch, Alvar dragged Fiyero over to the lumber yard to help him pick up a load of lumber.

"Everything ok?" he asked casually. "You're weird today."

Fiyero chuckled lightly. "Thanks, man."

Alvar grinned. "Sorry. I just mean… you're quiet."

Fiyero kept his gaze on the road as the cart trundled down the road. "Today's five years since Fae and I were married."

Alvar didn't seem surprised. "Ah," he simply said.

"You remembered?" Fiyero asked him.

"I _was_ there," Alvar reminded him. "And Kalhey remembered it," he added sheepishly. "She mentioned it last night."

That made more sense.

"Are you guys doing anything for it?" Alvar asked after a pause.

"Do you festivate your wedding anniversary when you're separated?" Fiyero countered.

Alvar shrugged. "I don't know, man. I mean, Kal's parents divorced when she was nine, and they still have dinner together on their wedding anniversary every year. But I don't think that's the common thing."

Fiyero had to agree with him.

"I don't know if Elphaba remembered or not before today," he said finally. "She didn't say anything to me, but… she knows. I know she knows. She didn't say anything this morning either, but she remembers what today is. And I don't know if she didn't say anything because she doesn't know what to say either, or if it was supposed to be some kind of test to see if _I_ remembered and would do anything."

"Would Elphaba do that? Test you?"

"No," Fiyero admitted. "She wouldn't. But… everything's screwed up right now. I don't know any more."

Alvar glanced at him from the corner of his eye, then turned back to the road, before glancing at him again.

"What?" Fiyero asked impatiently.

"How's the therapy going?"

"It's not _therapy,_ it's counselling," Fiyero corrected.

"Hm, I'm pretty sure it's therapy."

"It's not."

"Why not? What's the difference?"

Fiyero faltered. "I don't know," he admitted. "I just know that there is one."

They arrived at the lumber yard and loaded the cart with everything they needed to make their next lot of orders.

It was while he was loading lengths of oak into the cart that Fiyero found the perfect solution to his dilemma.

That night, when he finished work, Fiyero called by the house instead of returning to the empty cottage, a log of wood under one arm. He'd timed it so that Elphaba, hopefully, wouldn't have started cooking dinner yet.

While he always let himself in of a morning, it somehow didn't seem right to do so now, so he knocked on the front door when he arrived.

It was Cale who opened the door, and his face lit up at the sight of his father.

"Dad!"

"Hey, bud," Fiyero greeted him, putting the wood he was carrying down so that he could hug his son extra tightly. "Where's Mom? Why are you opening the door?"

"Mom's talking to Jozua. He's in trouble," Cale said, lowering his voice. "He pushed Jiyah."

"Ah," Fiyero said in understanding.

"Are you coming inside?" Cale asked hopefully.

"Sure. Do you want to go tell Mom that I'm here?"

Cale nodded and hurried off as Fiyero stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

" _Hi, Daddy!"_ Jiyah squealed, running into the room and crashing into Fiyero's legs headlong.

"Hi, Princess," Fiyero laughed as he scooped her up. "Did you have a good day today?"

She nodded. "Daddy, do you know what me and Mrs Gibbs counted today?"

"What?"

"There's twenty… twenty _three_ days until my birthday! And then I'll be _this_ many," Jiyah said earnestly, holding up a hand with five fingers splayed.

Fiyero laughed again, and gently folded her thumb into her palm. "I think you mean _this_ many, sweets."

Elphaba entered the room a moment later, catching their attention. Fiyero met her gaze, but couldn't read her expression.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replied quietly.

Fiyero nodded in the direction of the front door. "You got a sec to talk?"

Elphaba nodded.

Fiyero put Jiyah on her feet once more, and Elphaba sent her off to play with Cale before she followed Fiyero outside.

"So, happy anniversary," he said as they stood on the front porch.

Elphaba managed a tiny smile. "Happy anniversary," she repeated.

Her gaze found the log on the ground and she frowned quizzically. "What's with the wood?"

Fiyero picked it up, feeling a little awkward now.

"It's myrtle wood," he explained.

That meant nothing to Elphaba. "Ok…"

"Did you know five years of marriage is wood?"

Surprise flickered across Elphaba's face. "No. Why do you know?" she asked warily.

"My parents," Fiyero explained. "You know, trees have meanings, just like flowers do."

"And what does a myrtle tree mean?" Elphaba asked.

"Marriage. Something true and everlasting."

Elphaba flinched ever so slightly. She didn't mean to, but she did.

"Fiyero-"

"Fae, just let us have this. Please?" Fiyero implored her, his tone soft.

Elphaba faltered, then let out a slow breath. "So, you got me a log of wood for our wedding anniversary?"

Fiyero grinned. "Not exactly. I'm going to make something from it."

"What?"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

Elphaba regarded him for a moment. "You have no idea, do you?"

"No," Fiyero admitted.

She actually laughed. Briefly, but it was there. And every genuine laugh he got from her gave Fiyero a dash of hope.

"I'm glad you said something," Elphaba said. "I wasn't sure-"

"If you should," Fiyero finished. "I know. Me either. I guess we should have thought about this earlier."

Silence fell.

"I'm going to go," Fiyero finally said. "I just wanted to let you know… about the wood."

A small smile flickered on her face for a moment. "Thank you. I appreciate… the wood. Or I'm sure I will once it becomes… whatever," she said quietly.

Fiyero decided not to tell her he'd spent all afternoon racking his brain for something to make out of the wood that didn't resemble any project he'd made in his adolescence- a spice rack, a bird house, a box.

"You will," he said instead. "'Night, Fae."

"Goodnight. Happy anniversary."

Fiyero tucked the wood under his arm and gave her a small wave, before turning and heading towards the front gate. He turned back as he closed the gate behind him, and saw Elphaba still standing on the porch, watching him.

"Happy anniversary, Fae. I love you," he said quietly.

She didn't say anything, but he knew she'd heard.

So there were no cards exchanged, no flowers and only a log of myrtle wood. But overall, Fiyero felt that they'd handled the day fairly well.

When he said as much to Alvar the next day, his friend just stared at him.

"Neither of you discussed the day ahead of time, or had a real conversation about the day. You yourself described it to me as 'super awkward', and you gave her a log of wood. _That_ is 'fairly well'?"

"There was no fighting, so yes," Fiyero replied.

Alvar shook his head and resumed his work. "Ok, well you didn't do anything pathetic last night did you? Sit around moping over wedding photos or anything?"

"The wedding photos are at home," Fiyero scowled at him. "I didn't take any with me, I only took a couple of family photos. And even if I _had_ , I'm not sure that's necessarily pathetic. Well, maybe a _little_ pathetic," he amended. "But I think I'm entitled to a pity party sometimes."

"So, what did you do last night?"

Fiyero shrugged. "Had dinner, did some more work on Jiyah's birthday present, went to bed."

Which was true, although he didn't admit that the time between going to bed and falling asleep was spent replaying all his favourite memories of Elphaba, and missing her more than ever.

Elphaba never said anything more about the day to him. Kalhey and Totit asked her how she was holding up, but she'd shrugged their concern away.

"It was just a day. Not a big deal," she said brusquely when Kalhey popped into the bookstore the next day.

"Are you sure?"

"We managed. We acknowledged the day, and we didn't fight. Which, considering I'm yet to find a book on 'how to festivate your wedding anniversary when you're separated', I think I'll call it a success," Elphaba retorted, busily stacking books onto shelves.

"Did you keep busy at least?"

"I have three kids. I'm always busy," she pointed out. "Honestly, I'm fine."

Kalhey didn't push, but made sure to reiterate that she was available if Elphaba ever felt like talking.

Truthfully, Elphaba wasn't sure how she was feeling. It had been odd to see Fiyero and not really acknowledge the day, but their anniversary had never been a huge occasion anyway. Elphaba had found herself mentally reciting their wedding vows in odd moments throughout the day and even though she wasn't speaking the words aloud, she still stumbled when she came to the phrase 'until death do us part'.

They hadn't even had that phrase in their vows, they'd changed it at the last minute. It had seemed like such an immense phrase five years ago, Elphaba recalled vividly. And it seemed to loom over her even larger now, as she wondered if this was a vow she was going to break.

When Fiyero had turned up on the porch with a log of myrtle wood, she almost could have cried. Almost.

Wedding anniversary aside, Elphaba was still trying to process everything from their last counselling session- namely Fiyero's bombshell about Glinda. Elphaba had thought a million times over the years about asking Totit what she knew of Glinda's life, but was never sure if she really wanted to know the answer. But since their last session, it was always on the tip of her tongue. Yet she didn't ask.

Maybe she still wasn't sure if she wanted to know. Or what she was hoping to hear.

On Wednesday afternoon, Elphaba picked up the boys from school, and Jiyah from Mrs Gibbs' before returning home. All three kids were trying to talk to her at once, telling her what they'd done at Fiyero's the night before and throughout the day.

It was only as she was unlocking the front door that a phrase caught her ear.

"Dog?" she said sharply. "What dog?"

"Dad said we could get one!" Jozua exclaimed excitedly. "Etlan, in my class, his dog had puppies! He brought them in yesterday to show us and Dad saw them."

Elphaba's mouth tightened slightly. "I see," she said, and opened the door. "Let's go. We'll get your homework done."

The next morning, when Fiyero entered the kitchen and greeted the kids, Elphaba met him with a solemn face.

"Can I talk to you for a second, please?" she asked tightly.

Fiyero's heart sunk. He didn't know what this was about, but he knew it couldn't be good.

"Sure," he agreed and followed her to the living room.

"Why the hell did you tell the kids they could have a dog?" she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What? I never said they could have a dog," Fiyero said in bewilderment. "I said we could talk about maybe getting a dog."

"Well, that's not what the boys said."

"Yes, and our seven year old and our five year old are _notorious_ for their attention to detail when listening to our instructions," Fiyero said sarcastically.

"Look, Fae. A kid in Joz's class had puppies, Joz asked if they could have one. All I said was that we could talk about getting one. I made them no promises."

"We _have_ talked about this. Ever since he first learned what a puppy was and asked for one. We both decided it was a possibility when the kids were old enough to actually take care of it themselves. Seven, five and three are not old enough."

"I know that," Fiyero said calmly. "I am not seven, five or three, however. And it would be great if you didn't talk to me like I was."

"I'm not!" Elphaba argued. "And if you _know_ that, why did you tell the kids we'd talk about it? Why didn't you tell them no?"

"Because I didn't want to deal with the protest and arguments I knew would follow a 'no' right then. We were still at the school, and I didn't want a scene."

"It's because you didn't want to tell them 'no'," Elphaba accused him. "If you really feel the need to bribe our children with pets, get them a damn goldfish," she snapped.

Fiyero's eyes narrowed. "Bribe? You think I'd bribe them? For what purpose exactly?"

"Because you're the fun parent!" Elphaba exclaimed. "And I am _so sick_ of having to be the bad guy _all_ the time."

"You're not-"

"I am! Because now, _I'm_ the one that has to tell the kids they're not getting a dog, and they'll complain about how mean I am. Meanwhile, you're the cool dad who would have gotten them a puppy if not for me."

"Don't be ridiculous," Fiyero replied impatiently. "The kids love you, and I discipline them _just_ as much as you do."

Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? So, the kids go to bed on time when they're with you? You make them do their homework and eat their vegetables and clean their room?"

"Don't do that," Fiyero warned her. "When they're with me, they are safe and taken care of. Don't make me out to be irresponsible."

"Then tell them no," Elphaba said frostily. "Don't make me the bad guy. I have been the bad guy my. Entire. _Life_. And I am so, so tired of it. Don't make me do this alone."

Fiyero went to say something and then stopped. He turned away and then back.

"It's been ten years, Elphaba," he finally said, his voice cold. "I don't know what the hell I can do or say anymore to get you to understand that you are _not_ alone."

He turned away again and walked back into the kitchen. Elphaba stayed in the living room as Fiyero got the kids to finish eating breakfast and getting ready.

"Hey, Dad?" Jozua asked him as they walked to the school. "Did you and Mom talk about the puppy?"

Fiyero was quiet for a moment. "Yeah, bud."

"Cool. Because I want to name it Gyp."

Fiyero drew to a stop and crouched down. "Listen, Joz. I don't think a puppy is the best idea right now."

Jozua's face fell. "Mom said no."

"Hey, no," Fiyero interjected quickly. "Did I specifically tell you that you could have a dog?"

"Yes."

Fiyero raised an eyebrow slightly.

"No," Jozua mumbled, heaving a sigh.

"What did I say exactly?"

"That you'd talk about it with Mom."

"That's right. We talked about it, and we both think you guys are a little too young just yet. A pet is a lot of responsibility guys, and a dog is a lot of work. You have to feed it, and walk it and train it. Mom and I think it might be a better idea to start off with something simpler. A goldfish, maybe."

Jozua's face was glum. "You can't train a _goldfish_ to fetch," he complained.

Fiyero stood back up. "How do you know? Have you ever seen someone try? Come on, guys. We'll be late."

Jozua, still disappointed about losing a dog he'd never actually had, headed into the school and over to his friends with barely a wave to Fiyero. Cale, however, hesitated.

"What's up, bud?" Fiyero asked, keeping an eye on Jiyah as she stepped away to watch a snail crawl across the footpath. "I know you're bummed about the puppy, but we can talk about it again when you guys are older, ok?"

"Did you and Mom fight about the puppy?" Cale asked him.

That got Fiyero's full attention. "You heard that, huh?" he asked gently, wincing slightly.

Cale nodded. "Yeah."

"Don't worry about it," Fiyero reassured him. "You just go to school and have a good day, ok?"

Cale finally agreed and headed into the school, but he didn't look comforted. Fiyero didn't feel much comfort himself.

 **Chapter Title Song: "All Too Well" by Taylor Swift**

 **AN. Sorry this is delayed, guys. Been having a hard time the last couple of days as I evaluate elements of my future- namely, my writing future. I won't bore you all with that, and I don't really have any definitive answers yet; but today's the first day that the thought of updating seems bearable, and I know it's not fair to keep you guys hanging.**

 **Just know if future updates continue to be sporadic, it's because I've needed to take some time away from the internet as I think and deal with some things. Thanks.**


	10. Just Give Me A Reason

**DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine.**

 **Chapter 10: Just Give Me A Reason**

 **August, 1948**

It had been two weeks since Fiyero had moved out. In terms of arranging custody of the kids, it was going smoothly, although Elphaba expected hiccups once the boys started school in the fall and their normal routines resumed. She and Fiyero could definishly say they were fighting less since he'd moved out, but that may be helped by the fact they hadn't really talked.

The kids were with Fiyero this weekend, Elphaba's first weekend without them. When Fiyero brought them home early Sunday afternoon, she couldn't stop herself from greeting them at the front door before they'd even really got through the front gate.

"Hi, Momma!" Jiyah greeted her, squirming out of Fiyero's arms to run towards her.

"Hi, sweets," Elphaba replied, crouching down and hugging her tightly. "Did you have a nice weekend with Daddy?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't have any cookies."

Elphaba chuckled.

"Do we have cookies, Mom?" Jozua asked her.

"We do," Elphaba confirmed. Then glanced at Jiyah, waiting for her to realise Fiyero was leaving and start crying.

"Why don't you go get one for each of you?" she said to Jozua, hoping a cookie would be a suitable distraction.

Sure enough, Jiyah's face lit up. "Cookie?"

"Only one each," she warned Jozua, straightening up. "I don't want you spoiling your appetite for dinner."

Jozua nodded and led the way inside, leaving his parents standing alone on the porch.

"How was your weekend?" Fiyero asked her, his brow creased faintly.

Elphaba sighed and gave a small shrug. "Fine, I guess. Quiet."

One corner of his mouth turned up. "Yeah," he said knowingly.

Fiyero paused, sighed and then stared at her feet. "So, I've been thinking."

Elphaba had to swallow the response that was on the tip of her tongue. "I- yes. About what?"

"Us," Fiyero said slowly. "Figuring this out."

"OK," Elphaba replied warily.

"How do you feel about going to marriage counselling?"

Fiyero couldn't help but smile at the expression on her face. "I saw that coming," he told her.

Elphaba shifted uncomfortably. "I don't love the idea of talking to a stranger about our problems," she said honestly.

"I get that," Fiyero acknowledged. "But do you have an alternative on how to fix this without counselling?"

"It's only been two weeks," Elphaba protested.

"And this is the longest conversation we've had in that time," Fiyero pointed out. "Fae, you've said you want me to be more realistic. This is me being realistic. If neither of us really knows what went wrong, how do we know how to fix it?"

"But therapy?" Elphaba asked with a grimace.

"Not therapy. Counselling," Fiyero corrected.

"I'm not sure there's as big of a difference between the two as you think."

Fiyero shrugged. "I just think it's worth a try. At least one session, to see how it goes? If you don't feel comfortable, we don't have to go back. But, I just don't have any other ideas. You wanted a plan," he reminded her.

"This is my plan."

Elphaba hesitated. "It is a plan," she said slowly.

"Just think about it?" Fiyero pleaded with her.

"Ok. I'll think about it," she agreed.

Elphaba didn't love the idea of talking with a stranger about their marriage. The mere thought of it immediately made her put her walls up.

But at the same time, Fiyero had a point. This was a plan, at least, and she had no more idea than he did about how to fix their problems.

After trying to overcome her misgivings on the subject, Elphaba forced herself to go to Kalhey for advice. She took the kids over one morning for a playdate with Sabella and Zakhar the next weekend, and as the kids played together, Kalhey served them both lemonade.

"I hope you don't mind if I talk to you about this whole thing," Elphaba began uncertainly.

"Of course not," Kalhey reassured her. "You know that. I may not have any advice, but I'm happy to listen."

Elphaba was still somewhat hesitant. She'd confided in Kalhey before, but it seemed different now. But she was woefully short of people to talk to, without Fiyero around, and between Kalhey and Totit, Kalhey seemed the better choice.

"Fiyero wants to try marriage counselling," she finally said.

"Ok. And… you don't?" Kalhey asked hesitantly.

Elphaba grimaced. "I don't love the idea of telling all our problems to a stranger. Or anyone, really."

Kalhey nodded knowingly. She'd known Elphaba since they'd first come to Limelle, and although they were friendly (after the initial wariness on Elphaba's part), they hadn't really become good friends until Elphaba had fallen pregnant with Jozua. If motherhood wasn't a bonding experience, what was? Although as Kalhey had once told Elphaba after she'd found out about the separation,

"I personally delivered all three of your children. What topics could possibly be off limits after that?"

Elphaba had chuckled and agreed, but still didn't often discuss her and Fiyero's relationship. Kalhey still knew nothing of the problems leading up to the separation besides the fact they had been arguing constantly, and had actually only found out about it from Alvar who had heard it from Fiyero.

"Who _is_ it easy for you to talk to?" she asked Elphaba now. "Fiyero?"

"It was," Elphaba agreed. "But even that took a few months after getting together. And it's gone now. I mean, sometimes I feel like it's there, but it's all so strange now. I keep forgetting he's not going to be there when I get home."

Kalhey smiled sympathetically but Elphaba stared into her glass of lemonade.

"I've never really had anyone I could confide in," she revealed. "I mean, except for… a friend… once."

It still surprised Elphaba, even now, her ready impulse that long ago night after the dance at the _OzDust,_ to tell Glinda- then Galinda- her deepest secret, she who had only just barely turned from foe to friend.

"Well, I've never done marriage counselling," Kalhey said. "But my parents did and they seem to have found it helpful."

Elphaba frowned. "Your parents are divorced," she reminded her. "How is that helpful?"

"It was a _really_ peaceful divorce," Kalhey shrugged. "I mean, my dad was at the wedding when my mom remarried."

Elphaba was sure Fiyero would not find that as reassuring as Kalhey had intended, but in a way, Elphaba drew a small measure of comfort from that story.

"I have had counselling, as a kid and an adult. It _is_ a weird experience," Kalhey admitted.

She shook her head slightly. "I mean, when you're there spilling your guts and then they just stare at you and nod, like they're expecting more but you have nothing to say. It's awkward. But, in the long run, I found it really helpful."

Elphaba craned her neck as a particularly loud cry came from the back garden. There didn't appear to be any blood or tears from any of the children, so she relaxed back into her chair and sighed.

"I feel like if I don't do it, it's like I'm not willing to try and fix things. That I'm giving up," Elphaba admitted.

"I don't want to give up. Not if we have a chance. But… I'm not good at this."

Kalhey considered that. "Maybe," she said slowly. "I mean, you said you can talk to Fiyero, right? If you do the counselling, it might be easier to try to think of it as just talking to Fiyero."

"With someone else in the room?"

"Yes. But they're there to mediate, to guide. Not to judge."

Elphaba said nothing, but looked thoughtful.

"Have you read that book for book club yet?" Kalhey tried changing the topic.

Elphaba winced. "Uh, no. I think I'm going to sit this month out."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. The last thing I feel like reading about right now is someone else's successful relationship, even fictional."

Kalhey smiled sympathetically. "I understand that."

"Have you read it?"

"I've read the first three sentences about five times," Kalhey said ruefully. "I keep either getting interrupted or falling asleep. But I'll get there."

They ended up staying the whole day. The kids were playing peacefully, and Elphaba and Kalhey were enjoying having some adult conversation. The kids moved inside to play board games in Sabella's bedroom as the day got warmer, and Jiyah fell asleep on the sofa and napped for a few hours.

It was late afternoon when there came the sound of the front door opening and voices echoed towards the kitchen. A moment later, Alvar and Fiyero entered the kitchen. A myriad of emotions flickered across both Elphaba and Fiyero's faces in just a second, before an awkward silence settled upon the kitchen.

"Hey," Fiyero finally said to his wife. "I didn't know you'd be here."

Elphaba quirked an eyebrow slightly, and Fiyero hastily added, "I just meant… um, hi."

"Hi," Elphaba replied. "The kids are in Bella's room playing. I'm sure they'd like to see you."

Fiyero broke into a smile. "Yeah, ok," he agreed and headed in that direction.

Even from the kitchen, they could hear Jiyah's excited cry of "Daddy!"

Kalhey turned to Elphaba. "You and the kids should stay for dinner," she suggested.

"You already fed us lunch," Elphaba protested.

"So? We'll feed you dinner."

Alvar grimaced. "Um, Kal. I kinda invited Yero to stay for dinner."

Kalhey faltered. "Oh."

"It's ok," Elphaba reassured her. "Like I said, you've put up with us all day."

"No-"

"I'm sorry, El," Alvar said apologetically.

"No, don't be silly," Elphaba replied brusquely.

"What's going on?" Fiyero returned to the kitchen, a beaming Jiyah perched on his hip.

Kalhey jumped in quickly. "I was just inviting Elphaba and the kids to stay for dinner."

Fiyero and Jiyah's faces both lit up.

"You'll stay, right?" Fiyero asked Elphaba, unabashedly hopeful.

Elphaba didn't have it in her to say no.

"If you're sure that's ok," she said slowly. She was addressing Kalhey and Alvar, even as she looked to Fiyero.

"Of course," Alvar said quickly.

Fiyero nodded minutely, looking terribly pleased.

So, Elphaba found herself sitting down to dinner opposite Fiyero. The kids were already pumped up by a day of playing and sugar, but to have both their parents at the same table for a meal was sending them through the roof. Elphaba knew Jiyah would crash fairly quickly, and she only hoped the boys would settle down in time for bed.

It was the most relaxed Elphaba had felt around Fiyero since he'd moved out. She didn't feel the need to censor every sentence in case it led to an argument, because having Kalhey and Alvar there seemed to do that naturally.

It was almost eight when they took their leave, past both Jiyah and Cale's bed times and even Jozua was beginning to visibly tire.

Elphaba didn't protest when Fiyero scooped an almost asleep Jiyah into his arms and said he'd walk them home. She was quiet as they walked through the darkening streets of Limelle towards the house, Fiyero by her side and Jozua and Cale a few paces ahead of them.

"Mom, can I unlock the door?" Jozua asked as they rounded the corner onto their street and the house came into view.

Elphaba handed him her keys without argument. "Don't run," she said simply.

Naturally, he immediately ran off, Cale at his heels. Elphaba heaved a sigh but didn't bother calling out to reprimand them.

"I should have left the porch light on," Elphaba said, almost to herself.

"There's still enough light," Fiyero pointed out. "They'll be alright."

He looked up at the sky, the rays of the setting sun illuminating the few clouds in the sky a brilliant red.

"Oz, I love daylight savings."

Elphaba couldn't help but smile. "You always say that every year, after you've spent the first half of the summer complaining about daylight savings."

"Well, it takes me half the summer to adjust to it now. I'm old," he grinned.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "You're thirty-six."

Fiyero groaned and readjusted Jiyah in his arms. "Only thirty-six? Sometimes it feels like a hundred and six."

Although to be fair, neither of them was sure how true that was. They were a little hazy on whether Fiyero had physically aged while in his Scarecrow form.

"It doesn't really matter, I guess," Fiyero had once said on the subject. "Even if I didn't age, I'm still older than you."

"Yeah, but not wiser," Elphaba had retorted with a smirk, even as she rolled her eyes at him.

Remaining older than her _would_ be what he deemed important.

Elphaba drew to a stop and turned to Fiyero as they approached the house. "I can take her from here," she offered, holding out her arms to take Jiyah.

Fiyero hesitated, but then nodded and handed her over gently. "Sure. Well, I'll see you on Monday, I guess."

He made to leave with a small wave, but Elphaba stopped him.

"I'll do it. The marriage counselling."

Fiyero turned back, undeniable hope on his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" Fiyero winced and tried to backtrack. "I mean, not 'why' but-"

"It's ok," Elphaba cut him off before he could talk himself into a corner. "I know what you meant, Fiyero."

"I know you don't love the idea," Fiyero said quietly.

"I don't," she admitted. "But you're right, this is a plan, at least. And I don't have any idea of how to fix this- if we can be fixed."

Elphaba met his gaze openly, her tone soft. "What it really comes down to is that I love you more than I hate the idea of therapy-"

"Counselling."

"Whatever. I'll do it. I'll try, at least. I can't promise it'll be easy for me."

"I know," Fiyero said gently. "Thanks, Fae."

Elphaba smiled faintly and nodded. "Ok. Well… goodnight."

"Night."

As Elphaba headed towards the house, and Fiyero turned away to return to his dark and empty cottage, for once his heart was light.

Elphaba hadn't said she believed they could fix their marriage. But she loved him enough to try. That counted for something, right?

When Fiyero arrived at the house at noon on Monday from work, ready to pick up the kids for the afternoon so Elphaba could go to work, he was surprised when Elphaba greeted him with a piece of paper.

"I did some research," she said. "There's a marriage counsellor right here in Limelle, Dr Palloa."

"That's handy," Fiyero replied, a little surprised that there was one in town. He'd expected they'd have to travel to Dorbush, the biggest town nearby.

"How did you do research this quickly?" he asked her.

"I looked in the town directory," Elphaba shrugged nonchalantly.

Fiyero figured he shouldn't have been surprised.

"I'll send a message over this afternoon and see when we can get an appointment."

"Are you sure? I don't mind-"

"No, its fine. I don't think his office is far from the store."

"OK," Fiyero agreed. "Well, any time is fine with me. Just let me know when."

Elphaba nodded.

Fiyero rounded up the kids and shepherded them out the door. "Ok, guys lets go. Momma's got to get to work."

"I want to go with Momma!" Jiyah insisted, gripping her mother's hand.

"Aw, come on, Princess," Fiyero beseeched her. "Don't you want to come to my house? We're going to have cookie cutter sandwiches for lunch! You love those!"

Jiyah shook her head, blonde curls tumbling around her face. "I want to go with Momma," she said stubbornly, her lower lip beginning to tremble.

Fiyero sighed and looked to Elphaba. "She gets that from you, you know," he told her.

Elphaba rolled her eyes and knelt down to speak with her daughter.

"Sweets, you can't come to work with me today," she said gently. "You'll have so much more fun with Daddy and your brothers. And then I'll see you at dinner, ok?"

"No," Jiyah pouted, her grip on Elphaba tightening.

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance. Then Fiyero nodded slightly and braced himself as Elphaba gently eased Jiyah's hand out of hers, not without difficulty. Jiyah started to sob and Fiyero lifted her into his arms as Elphaba hastily grabbed her bag and keys.

"Come on, boys. Let's go," Fiyero said over Jiyah's wails and led them out the door.

"No, I want Momma!" Jiyah's sobs pierced Elphaba painfully as they all left the house, Fiyero and the kids turning right towards his house, and Elphaba turning left for the walk into town.

It always broke Elphaba's heart to watch Jiyah leave in tears. And she knew there was a very good chance that Jiyah would go through the same thing when Fiyero returned them and left for his house later tonight. They just didn't know what to do anymore. In the beginning, they'd tried reasoning with her, even bribing her. It had only taken a few days to realise they couldn't do that all the time, and sometimes, all they could do was leave.

When Elphaba arrived at _Chapter Two,_ there was only a few customers inside.

"Hi, Elphaba!" Totit greeted her brightly from behind the counter, where she sat perched on a stool.

"Hi. Has it been busy this morning?" Elphaba asked rather distractedly.

"A bit of a rush about half an hour ago. This is the tail end of it."

Elphaba nodded in acknowledgment and surveyed the store.

"Do you need to rush off?" she asked Totit suddenly.

Totit looked a little surprised. Unless they were incredibly busy, Elphaba didn't normally ask her to stay, and the few people in the store hardly counted as 'incredibly busy'.

"No, not really. Do you need to me to stay?"

"Just for a few minutes, if you don't mind. I have a quick errand I have to run," Elphaba explained.

"Sure. I can spare a few minutes," Totit agreed.

Elphaba thanked her and left the store. As per the city directory had stated, the office was on the other end of the town centre. As she identified the correct building, Elphaba stilled and tried to examine the building nonchalantly.

It was a small, non-descript brick building, single story. Elphaba wasn't sure what she'd been expecting- someone standing there to point and single her out as someone who had screwed up her marriage.

But it was just an ordinary office building, nestled between a bakery and the dentist's office. A single sign over the doorway read ' _Dr Herk Palloa. Psychologist'._

Elphaba faltered, braced herself and entered the office. Five minutes later, she emerged, a small slip of paper gripped tightly in her hand.

"Tuesday September fourteenth. Three o'clock," she said brusquely to Fiyero when he returned the kids to her that evening.

Fiyero blinked at her. "That's like a month away," he said.

She shrugged. "What do you want from me? It was the next free appointment he had."

Fiyero frowned slightly.

"Look, unless you want to go into Dorbush, we don't have another option," Elphaba said impatiently. "This was _your_ idea, remember? I can't help-"

"Ok, ok," Fiyero cut her off. "It's fine. I guess."

He didn't really want to go into Dorbush. They tried to avoid large towns.

Elphaba was clearly irritated by his lack of enthusiasm, but Fiyero didn't want to tell her he'd envisioned starting counselling that same week and possibly being home again with a few weeks.

"It's fine," he said again, forcing himself to sound more positive. "Really, Fae. September fourteenth. I got it. I really appreciate it," he added softly.

Elphaba avoided his gaze. "I said I'd try, didn't I?"

"It'll help," Fiyero promised her, although both of them knew he could promise no such thing. "We can fix this."

Elphaba looked up at him. "Goodnight Fiyero," she said quietly and then went inside and closed the front door behind her.

Fiyero remained confident even as he turned and headed home. They could fix this. They had to. Because he didn't know if he could live with the alternative option.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Just Give Me A Reason" by P!nk feat. Nate Ruess**

 **AN. You guys... your reviews from the last chapter and your support mean a lot. It's the little things at the moment, and even just a little sentence about a part or line that you liked has just made my day. Thank you.**


	11. It is You (I Have Loved)

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

 **AN. Meant to update this weekend but got sidetracked! Went home for a wedding and ended up seeing a lot of old friends and classmates. Cue a lot of discussion about how the hell it's been 10 years since we graduated high school. I've got a drs appointment this afternoon and not sure how long it'll take, so thought I'd update now.**

 **Chapter 11: (It is You) I Have Loved**

 **Counselling Session, November 1948**

"Let's talk about Glinda."

Elphaba, who was already naturally tense for at least the first fifteen minutes of every session, stiffened.

"Let's not," she said sharply.

Dr Palloa shook his head gently. "I let you avoid it last session, Elphaba. But not today."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Like hell there isn't," Fiyero shot back immediately. "Elphaba, you can't just say that you still feel guilty about Glinda, and then drop it."

"We haven't seen or heard from Glinda in a decade," Elphaba retorted. "She's from another lifetime ago-"

"Then why would it matter how you and I got together? Ten years later, why does it still bother you?" Fiyero asked her quietly.

Elphaba faltered.

"We don't talk about Glinda," she said finally, meeting Fiyero's gaze.

It was the biggest rule in the Tiggular household. Oz was rarely mentioned. Fiyero's parents- occasionally, but only ever in passing. But Glinda was never, ever discussed.

"I know," Fiyero said gently. "But maybe we should."

Elphaba said nothing, which Dr Palloa took as a silent, tentative agreement.

"Fiyero, I understand that you met Elphaba and Glinda at the same time."

Fiyero nodded. "Yeah. When I started Shiz."

"Tell me about your life before Shiz," the Peacock prodded.

Fiyero looked a little surprised at the question, but answered nonetheless. "My life was… empty," he said honestly.

Dr Palloa nodded. "Well, in hindsight-"

"No," Fiyero shook his head firmly. "I knew it was empty at the time. I just pretended that I didn't know. Or that I didn't care."

Dr Palloa made a note. "Why?"

Fiyero frowned. "Why?" he repeated. "Why it was empty or why I pretended not to care?"

"Both. Tell me about your childhood."

Fiyero chuckled. "Look, Doc. My childhood has nothing to do with our marriage."

"No," Dr Palloa agreed. "Maybe not. But it has everything to do with the person you are. So, your childhood?"

Fiyero hesitated, sighed and began. "I was born in the Vinkus, in Oz. My family is… wealthy."

Elphaba scoffed, drawing their attention. "Sorry," she apologised. "But 'wealthy' is an understatement, and you know it," she said to Fiyero. "Just say it."

Fiyero considered that for a beat, then conceded.

"I'm a prince," he elaborated. "My parents are the King and Queen of the Vinkus. I'm their only child, and heir to the throne."

Dr Palloa cocked his head in interest. "I see."

"I hated being royalty," Fiyero continued. "Or rather, I hated the responsibility that came along with it," he amended. "I liked the lifestyle, the perks. As a kid, I thought it was great, you know? We never had to worry about money, everyone wanted to be my friend, and one day, I'd get to be in charge of everyone. It was like, what more could anyone want?"

"And when did that change?"

Fiyero paused thoughtfully. "I don't know, really. I mean, I think I was about thirteen or so when I really got what it meant to be the future king. My parents really started laying out all the responsibilities that came with being royalty. No other kids at school got their 'birds and the bees' talk with an added dose of 'you need to provide an heir to the throne.'"

"Eventually I just got fed up with it all, and started 'acting out' I guess is the best way of putting it. I stopped really trying in school and started just having fun with my friends. Taking all the liberties and perks that came with being royalty and avoided all the responsibility. Elphaba, what's with that face?"

Dr Palloa looked up and saw Elphaba grimacing, as though bracing herself for something.

"I'm just waiting for you to say it," she said.

"Say what?"

"You know what," she retorted pointedly. "Your stupid motto."

"It wasn't a _motto,_ it was a life philosophy," Fiyero corrected her. "And it wasn't _stupid."_

"To this day, it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Elphaba returned. "Although you describing it as a 'life philosophy' may be the second most stupid thing I've ever heard."

"What was it?" Dr Palloa asked, bemused.

The expression on Fiyero's face suggested he didn't want to say it aloud now that Elphaba had labelled it 'stupid'.

"Dancing Through Life," he finally replied, somewhat sheepishly.

Dr Palloa nodded slowly, then wrote it down in his notes. "I see."

"I was sixteen when I came up with it!" Fiyero defended himself. "And an idiot, I don't deny that."

"How did this… 'Dancing Through Life' lifestyle manifest? You said you avoided your responsibilities. What happened?"

Fiyero winced slightly. "I finished school-barely. Went to six universities. Flunked out of three, got expelled from another three. The longest I was anywhere was a year and a half. The shortest was seven months. Then I went to Shiz."

"Was it making you happy? This life, with no responsibility?"

"No," Fiyero said honestly. "I knew the truth by now. Everyone wanted to be my friend, because they wanted the same perks I was getting. The only real friend I had was a guy who worked in the castle stables. It was pretty lonely, I guess."

"Did you have any relationships during this time?"

Elphaba made a noise in her throat, drawing Fiyero's attention.

"Sorry," she apologised again.

A glimmer of reluctant amusement passed over Fiyero's face for a moment, before he turned back to Dr Palloa.

"I always dated," he shrugged. "And I had a few relationships. Nothing serious, never lasting very long. I knew by then that if I ever dated a girl for more than a month, everyone started to think that I was going to marry her. I hated that. The pressure, the expectations from everyone. It made marriage feel like a chore. I never dated a girl for longer than two months, until Glinda."

"Is that why you broke up with these girls? To prevent marriage rumours?"

"I didn't love them. That's why I broke up with them. I never loved any of them, or felt like I _could_ love any of them."

"Until Glinda?" Dr Palloa asked him.

Fiyero hesitated. "Glinda…"

"Tell me about your relationship with her."

Fiyero glanced at Elphaba, who rolled her eyes.

"It's not news to me, Fiyero."

"I know, but there's things that we've never-"

"What, that you slept together? You were with her for over two years, I assumed as much," Elphaba said bluntly, although she didn't look at Fiyero. "I'm not an idiot, Fiyero."

"Let's speak about this calmly," Dr Palloa interjected gently. "And if it gets too much for you, Elphaba, let us know, alright?"

She hesitated, nodded and then stared at her lap. Fiyero glanced at her once more before beginning to speak.

"I met Glinda about two minutes after I met Elphaba," he began. "She was pretty and flirty and she made it pretty clear she was interested in me."

"And were you interested in her?"

Fiyero shrugged. "She was pretty. That's all I knew at that point. We organised a dance at the local place in town, and Glinda was my date. We danced, we kissed… it was a date. Nothing original, nothing special. Just a fun night out."

"There must have been something special if you stayed with her for two years. You were engaged, yes? So, when it came to that two month mark with Glinda. Why didn't you break up with her? Why was she special?"

Fiyero hesitated. "She wasn't," he admitted. "I mean, she was pretty and sweet. I cared for her, but I wasn't in love with her. By the time we got to the one month mark, I already knew I was in love with Elphaba. Glinda didn't have a chance."

"Then why did you stay with her?"

It was the next question on Dr Palloa's list, but he hadn't asked it.

Elphaba had.

"Why didn't you break up with Glinda?" she asked again as Fiyero turned to her. "If you _knew_ you didn't love her-"

"Because the fact that I loved you terrified me," Fiyero said bluntly. "I'd never been in love before. And, honestly, it was easier to stay with Glinda and not deal with my feelings for you. At least until I got my head sorted out. And then suddenly it was all over the newspapers that you were a wanted fugitive."

"So, because I was on the run, you didn't have to _deal_ with your feelings for me?" Elphaba demanded.

"No!" Fiyero exclaimed quickly. "Look, when Glinda came back to Shiz after spring break, she was a mess. She'd been interrogated by the Wizard's guards after you took off, in case she knew where you were going-"

"She _what?!"_ Elphaba exclaimed furiously, sitting bolt upright on her seat and staring at Fiyero in disbelief. "You never told me that!"

"Well, I knew you'd freak out," Fiyero said gently. "And she's clearly fine _now."_

"I _told_ them," Elphaba fumed. "I _told_ them she had nothing to do with it! They had no right to-"

"Fae, they didn't hurt her," Fiyero interrupted. "They just held her in a room for a few hours and asked her a million questions she couldn't answer. Morrible 'stepped in' eventually and told them to let her go."

Elphaba snorted. "Oh, _please_. They probably questioned her on Morrible's orders too."

"Glinda and I agreed they had," Fiyero nodded. "Once she'd told me the truth about what happened, and then about the interrogation. We both thought it made sense that it was done as a subtle reminder that Morrible could have let her be carted off to Southstairs if she wanted. By 'rescuing' her, it was a very clear message that Glinda owed her- and the Wizard. Glinda could work with them, or become an enemy- just like you."

Elphaba said nothing.

"She was all freaked out after that, thinking Morrible would turn on her at any moment," Fiyero continued. "She was worried about you, and feeling guilty that she hadn't gone with you. I couldn't break up with her after that. We were the only ones who knew the truth about you."

Dr Palloa frowned slightly. "What was that like? To have that secret between you?"

Fiyero considered that. "In the beginning, it brought us closer together," he answered slowly, thoughtfully. "It was when I realised that Glinda and I had more in common than I first thought. We both had a face that we presented to the rest of the world, I guess. Glinda was smarter than she let people see."

"So, what changed?"

Fiyero shrugged. "Glinda was happy to play their game, Morrible and the Wizard's. And I was only playing to find Elphaba. I felt like Glinda was playing to save herself."

"Did you resent her for that?"

Fiyero faltered, which caught Elphaba's attention.

"Fiyero?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Fiyero admitted, not looking at his wife. "I guess I did. I don't think I realised it at the time though."

Elphaba's eyes widened in surprise.

"Look, I still wasn't in love with her. I couldn't be, not when I felt the way I did about you," Fiyero told Elphaba. "But that first year when you were gone, I did grow to genuinely love her. That was enough for a while."

"For a while? What changed?"

"She became 'Glinda the Good'! She had people worshipping her at every turn, and she loved it. She was playing the game, the game _you_ refused to. Every time you raided another Animal camp or evaded another Gale force squad, every time you defied the Wizard, I fell a little bit more in love with you. Which I had to keep secret, and it killed me. Glinda couldn't compete with that, no matter if I did love her."

The Peacock felt like he was missing something here as he read back over his notes. "Then why did you propose to her?"

"I didn't," Fiyero sighed tiredly. "Glinda and Morrible threw a press conference when Glinda took the title, apparently to festivate the good work Glinda was doing and for my promotion to Captain of the Guard. To boost morale. And suddenly Morrible asks ' _how does it feel to be engaged?'_ I was blindsided."

"You didn't say anything?"

"On a podium before the citizens and the press, with Glinda flashing around a giant diamond ring on her finger I'd never seen before in my life? No," Fiyero said dryly. "Somehow I didn't think that was the best time."

A sombre look came across his face. "There was the usual gossip floating around," he recalled. "Awful rumours about you," he said to Elphaba.

"Oh good, something different," Elphaba snarked.

"I got fed up, and stormed off. Glinda and I argued. She said I had to face the fact that you didn't want to be found and we couldn't stop living. That idea killed me."

He paused for a moment, looking distant.

"I had all these fantasies that I'd find you," he said quietly.

"I don't know what I thought would happen after that, if I always knew that I'd go with you, or whether I thought we'd fight the Wizard and clear your name. I just knew that I wanted to find you, and I'd turned all of Oz upside down for two years, and I'd never found a trace. If it wasn't for the reports of you rescuing Animals, we wouldn't have known you were even still alive," he said honestly.

He sighed again, a long, sad sigh. "So, I thought… maybe I have to grow up and let go of the fantasies. Maybe I'd never find you. So, I told Glinda I'd marry her."

"You never told me that," Elphaba said quietly.

Fiyero smiled wryly and then reached over and took her hand. "Well, it gets better. I prayed for a sign I was doing the right thing. And two days later was the engagement ball, and suddenly, you were there. If that wasn't a sign, I don't know what was."

Dr Palloa hated to break the silence that followed.

"Elphaba, you said that you still feel guilty that Fiyero left Glinda to be with you. Why?"

Elphaba jumped slightly at being addressed, and her face seemed somewhat flushed as she looked away from Fiyero, withdrawing her hand from his.

"Glinda was the first friend I ever had," she said soberly. "And she loved Fiyero the moment she laid eyes on him. The day they met was the day we became friends. And she told me that night that one day she was going to marry him."

It was Fiyero's turn to look at her in shock. "She said _what?!"_

Elphaba looked faintly amused. "Does that surprise you?"

"Yes. Although I guess it probably shouldn't," Fiyero muttered.

Elphaba's smile faded as she stared at her lap. "The look on her face when you said you were coming with me… as she realised what it meant… it was awful," she said, shuddering slightly at the memory. "I'll never forget it. She was so hurt, and betrayed… we broke her heart."

Something passed over Elphaba's face at that moment, and in the blink of an eye, something within her visibly closed off.

"Can we change the subject now, please?" she asked, her throat constricted.

"I feel there's more to discuss here-"

"No," Fiyero cut the Peacock off, looking at Elphaba. "Let's change the subject."

Dr Palloa wasn't sure what had happened, but he decided not to push for now.

"Fiyero, tell me why Elphaba is different."

They both stared at him.

"Well, obviously," Elphaba said, gesturing to herself.

Dr Palloa smiled slightly. "No. I mean, why Elphaba is different than the other girls you dated. Than Glinda. You said you were 'terrified' of your feelings for her, that marriage felt like a chore, an obligation. Yet, you married Elphaba. Why?"

Fiyero looked at him blankly. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, uttering sounds that may have been the beginning of words.

"I fell in love with her," he said finally. "She makes me better. Makes me want to be better. Ever since I met her, I see the world differently, and she knows me better than anyone else. I married her because I chose to. Because the idea of life without her was more terrifying than what I felt for her."

"And now?"

Fiyero fell silent, fighting with himself as he tried to answer. He was conscious of Elphaba's gaze on him.

"The truth is, there is no life without Elphaba. Even- even if our marriage is… over," he said that word with difficulty. "She's still my best friend and the mother of my children. I will never have to experience life without her again, which I'm grateful for. But… the idea of not sharing a home with her again, or waking up beside her… I can't say that terrifies me, because I'm living it right now. But I hate the thought of it."

Silence fell once more.

"It terrifies me," Elphaba said in a whisper.

Fiyero met her gaze.

"I was always alone until I had you," she explained brokenly. "I'm terrified that we won't fix this and I'm going to be alone again. I don't know how to go back to that," her voice shook as she spoke.

Fiyero took her hands. "Hey, you'll _never_ be alone," he said firmly. "Never, ok?"

Elphaba sniffled, tears brimming in her eyes. "The last time I lost you-"

"You saved me," Fiyero cut her off. "You've never lost me. No matter what, Fae. I'm always here for you, ok?"

"I don't know how to fix this," Elphaba choked out.

"That's why we're here," Fiyero reminded her. "Maybe this time, Fae, we have to save each other."

Dr Palloa thought Fiyero was on to something there.

 **Chapter Title Song: "(It is You) I Have Loved" by Dana Glover (AKA the song from the end credits of** _ **Shrek).**_

 **AN. Anyone on reddit? I've gotten into it the last few months- there's a pretty good ff group on there, and there's a Wicked one too, but it's not very active.**


	12. PS I Love You

**DISCLAIMER: Wicked isn't mine.**

 **AN. And** **satilliteheart, you are right- no Glinda in this story, save for mentions in conversation. As weird as it is not to write Glinda in a fic, it makes no sense for her to turn up and her arrival would really just make the plot more complicated and distract from the Fiyeraba.**

 **Chapter 12: PS. I Love You**

 **November 1948**

Elphaba sat in her tiny office in the back of _Chapter Two,_ staring absent-mindedly at the opposite wall. In theory, she was doing paperwork- at least, that's what she had told Totit she was doing. In actuality, she was avoiding the blank piece of paper that was mocking her from the desk.

For the first time, Dr Palloa had given them homework after their last counselling session.

"I want you to write a letter to each other," he'd said.

"A letter? About what?"

"Anything you're too afraid to say aloud."

"Are we going to be exchanging them?" Elphaba asked hesitantly.

"Eventually, yes," Dr Palloa nodded. "I'd like them for our next session if that's convenient."

"Sure," Fiyero had agreed.

That had been a week ago, and Elphaba had gotten nowhere. She and Fiyero hadn't discussed it, but she had a sneaking suspicion he hadn't started his either. And then when she'd had that thought, she'd felt bad, as it was mostly formed by his work ethic when she'd known him at Shiz.

 _Anything you're afraid to say,_ Dr Palloa had told them.

What was she afraid to say to Fiyero? At times, anything. She wondered when that had changed.

She wondered what he was afraid to say to her.

"Elphaba?" Totit called out to her from the other side of the door. "It's almost three."

With a start, Elphaba checked the time herself.

"Thanks," she called back, leaping to her feet.

She grabbed the paperwork she hadn't even started completing and placed it into her bag and exited the office, grabbing her bag and coat.

"I'm off. Send someone for me if you need anything," she said.

Totit nodded, but they both knew there'd be no need.

"Alright. See you tomorrow," Totit replied and Elphaba waved as she hurried out of the store and towards the school to pick up the kids.

It was almost mid-November, and freezing, although it still hadn't snowed. Jiyah was hopeful it would be snowing before her birthday, which was in about ten days.

Elphaba thought it was likely she'd get her wish, it had always snowed by the time Jiyah's birthday came round in previous years. Most memorably, the day she had been born, when there had been a massive snowstorm and if Elphaba had been in labour for another hour, Kalhey wouldn't have been able to get back home.

Elphaba picked up the boys from school, Jiyah from Mrs Gibbs' house and then took them home.

"The radio said there's a storm coming," Mrs Gibbs warned Elphaba as they took their leave. "Supposedly a big one."

Elphaba frowned up at the sky. There were big grey clouds above, but didn't look too serious.

"Snow, do you think?"

Mrs Gibbs inspected the sky too. "I don't think so, but perhaps."

"Well, thanks for letting me know."

Elphaba couldn't help but keep a wary eye on the sky as the afternoon passed and twilight came. Cale and Jiyah both hated storms with a passion, and Elphaba really didn't need that right now.

Everything Elphaba knew about weather, she'd been taught by Birds she'd met while on the run. She'd appreciated it, because having some forewarning about bad weather was crucial at times for finding shelter, water and food.

The promised storm didn't come that night, nor the day after, but the clouds grew darker and lower all the time. By Wednesday, the sky made even Elphaba nervous. It was only noon, but the sky was already dark as though the sun was setting and Elphaba had lit the lamps in the store for more light.

When Totit arrived to start her shift at two o'clock, Elphaba had made her decision.

"We're closing," she said. "No one's been in since eleven thirty, and I don't think that'll change. It's too dark and I don't know when this storm will hit. I'm going to grab the kids early and head home."

Totit didn't look terribly surprised. "It's going to be a bad one," she said. "I can always tell now."

She unconsciously adjusted the large blue wings that sprouted from her back as she spoke, and even now, Elphaba felt a twinge of guilt as she watched them unfurl slightly.

"Go home," she advised her employee. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Elphaba found she wasn't the only parent collecting their children early when she arrived at the school. The first flash of lightning lit up the sky as picked up Cale from his classroom and he immediately reached for her hand.

Elphaba squeezed it lightly, listening intently, but there was no rumble of thunder. Yet.

Jozua was thrilled to be let out of school early and didn't seem at all worried by the approaching storm. Jiyah hadn't seemed to realise a storm was coming just yet, which made Elphaba hope she could get her settled before it really hit.

As soon as they entered the house, Elphaba did a quick inventory. She'd gone grocery shopping only the other day, and they had plenty of candles and matches in case the power went off, which made her feel calmer.

The first echo of thunder reached their ears before the rain had even started, the low growl almost as a forewarning to the rain, as if the menacing blackness of the clouds wasn't warning enough.

"Momma," Cale said in a small voice as it faded away, appearing in the doorway.

Elphaba smiled brightly. "Hey, kid. What do you think, should we have a snack? Are you hungry?"

Cale wasn't fooled. "Momma."

Elphaba sighed. "Honey, it's just a bit of thunder," she tried to soothe him. "It's not a big deal."

She wished Fiyero was there. He was much better at keeping the kids distracted at these times than she was.

"Why don't we get a snack and then we'll play a board game?" she suggested.

Cale considered that offer. " _Monopoly?"_ he asked finally.

Elphaba hesitated only briefly. _Monopoly_ always took forever, and Jozua and Jiyah would absolutely get bored before they even became close to finishing a game.

"Sure," she agreed. "Go get Joz to help you set up. Jiyah can work with me."

Elphaba assumed the role of banker, and Cale and Jozua set up the board at the kitchen table. Elphaba was just doling out the money when there came another flash of lightning. The crack of thunder came much sooner this time, and was accompanied by a sudden downpour of rain as though someone had stuck a pin in the clouds.

Cale and Jiyah immediately froze and looked up as raindrops bombarded the rooftop, and even Elphaba winced. Only Jozua was unfazed.

"I want to be the cannon!" he exclaimed, reaching over the table and snatching it up. The fact his voice was raised slightly to be heard over the storm was the only sign of acknowledgement he gave the weather.

Elphaba had to take a moment to wonder where her eldest got his fearlessness from. She was inclined to say Fiyero, but she knew he'd say that trait came from her.

"Alright," Elphaba said calmly, trying to keep them calm. "Cale, what piece do you want?"

She got the game underway, all the while the storm outside steadily worsened. Lightening continued to light up the sky, and the accompanying thunder grew closer and longer, until a low growl of thunder rumbled so low over the house that the very walls seemed to tremble.

That brought the game to a standstill, as Jiyah promptly burst into tears, and even Jozua looked up at the ceiling with wide eyes.

Elphaba pulled Jiyah off the seat beside her and into her lap, trying to comfort her. As the echo of thunder at last died away, the hammering of rain once again became the primary sound in the room. All within the house were silent, even Jiyah's sobs were barely audible over the downpour.

"Alright," Elphaba said finally. She kept her voice calm, but gave up forcing herself to sound cheerful. "Should we keep playing?"

"No," Cale refused, shaking his head.

"But I was winning!" Jozua protested, frowning at his brother.

"No, you weren't," Cale immediately refuted.

Elphaba didn't even bother to try and stop the inevitable argument from developing- at least Cale was distracted momentarily from the storm, and she almost wondered if Jozua had picked the argument on purpose.

As the boys argued over who was winning, despite the fact it was too early in the game to determine that, Elphaba rocked Jiyah softly until her tears subsided.

"It's just a storm, sweets," she murmured to her. "It's a lot of noise, I know, but it can't hurt you."

Jiyah just clung to her tightly, sniffling quietly.

The game eventually resumed, but it was sporadic, as the kids were repeatedly distracted by especially fierce lighting, thunder or moments of rain spewed forth by the raging storm outside, which now seemed content to settle right over the house. As the afternoon passed and true darkness began to fall in earnest, beyond the blackness brought by the heavy clouds, Elphaba began to genuinely worry.

They'd never had a storm this bad since they'd been living in Limelle, but the locals still spoke of a storm that had ravished the town and caused much damage and flooding about three years before Elphaba and Fiyero had left Oz. She suspected this might be another storm that would become a part of the local history.

Thankfully, the power lasted at least until Elphaba had cooked dinner for the kids, and they found it quite a treat to have to finish eating their meal by candlelight. Elphaba wasn't quite as delighted as they were, and she was racking her brain for a way to amuse them for the rest of the evening. She'd already figured out the kids- at least Jiyah and Cale, but most likely all three- would end up sleeping in her bed that night, so she doubted bed times and their normal nightly routine would be adhered to tonight.

As the kids were finishing up their dinner, Elphaba suddenly stilled.

"Mom?" Jozua frowned, noticing her face. "What are you doing?"

"Finish your dinner, Joz," she replied. "I just want to check on something."

Elphaba lit another candle, and left the kitchen. As she passed through the living room, she paused again. There had been a definite sound, barely audible over the storm. In the kitchen, she'd wondered if it had just been the bang of something been blown about outside. But now, it definitely sounded like a knock on the front door.

She could make out a shadowed figure standing on the front porch through the small window next to the door. Her heart instinctively stilled for a moment, before she realised there was only one logical explanation as to who would be on her doorstep in the middle of a ferocious thunderstorm.

"Are you _insane?!"_ she demanded as she threw open the door.

Fiyero was soaked to the skin, despite wearing a hooded cloak over his usual clothes. Elphaba suspected there was no use to carrying an umbrella with the wind.

"Are you guys ok?" he asked her, ignoring her greeting.

Elphaba's eyes narrowed. "I don't need you to check up on us, Fiyero."

"I know you don't _need_ it," Fiyero retorted. "I wanted to. Especially now-" he cut himself off. "The kids in earshot?"

Elphaba looked over her shoulder. "They're in the kitchen. Why?" she asked, her heart sinking a little.

Fiyero lowered his voice nonetheless. "There's flash flooding."

"Where?"

"End of the street, for one. And most of the centre of town."

Elphaba's eyes widened slightly. "The store…" she moaned quietly, staring past Fiyero in the direction of town.

"There's nothing you can do about it," Fiyero said sharply, as though reading her mind.

"Maybe if I-"

"What?"

Elphaba faltered. "I don't know," she admitted. She swore under her breath, thinking of all the stock potentially being ruined at this moment.

"I never got the hang of those weather spells," she said ruefully.

Fiyero looked at her pointedly. "Fae, your magic-"

"I know," she snapped, without him having to say anything more. Then she sighed. "I know," she repeated, softer this time.

"How are the kids?" he asked instead.

Elphaba looked over her shoulder again, towards the kitchen. "Jiyah's ok at the moment. She cries at every bit of thunder. Cale's quiet, but Joz is distracting him as much as he can. Even he's a bit more spooked than he's letting on, I think."

Fiyero hesitated. "Do you- I mean, do you need me to stay? For a bit?"

"It's just a storm, Fiyero," Elphaba retorted.

To her own ears, her tone sounded rather condescending and she stilled for a moment, wondering if he'd heard it that way too.

If he had, he chose to ignore it and only smiled a tad sheepishly.

"Yeah, I know," Fiyero conceded, and Elphaba rolled her eyes before taking pity on him.

"You can come in for a bit and dry off."

Fiyero's face lit up. "Thanks, Fae," he said gratefully as he stepped inside.

He shed the cloak and his jacket, and followed her into the kitchen.

"Look who's here," Elphaba announced, drawing the attention of the kids.

"Dad!"

"Hey, guys," Fiyero said brightly. "How's dinner?"

His arrival was a much better distraction from the storm than any board game or activity that Elphaba could think up, and although Jiyah firmly launched herself onto Fiyero's lap and refused to move, she chattered happily to him about everything that had happened since she'd last seen him.

"Alright," Elphaba finally interjected when she felt she was getting a little too used to having Fiyero in the room and like it was old times.

"I think it's bath time, guys."

"But it's raining," Jozua protested immediately.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "Your point?"

Jozua frowned as he tried to think of a counter-argument. "It's cold," he finally whined.

"I'm not making you bathe in rainwater, kid," Elphaba retorted. "The bath will warm you up. Let's go."

As a last resort, Jozua turned to his father. "Dad?"

"Listen to your mother," was Fiyero's only response.

Jozua acquiesced with a grumble, and even the storm didn't stop his muttered complaints from reaching his mother's ears.

"Jozua Ibrahim Tiggular, move your butt before I _do_ make you bathe in rainwater," Elphaba said sharply. "Trust me when I tell you that you won't like that."

She was speaking from experience, after all.

Fiyero briefly met her gaze before she left the room to run the bath.

By the time all three kids had been bathed and put to bed- Cale and Jiyah in Elphaba's bed, as she'd predicted- the storm hadn't subsided any, but Fiyero took his leave anyway.

"Will you let me know if you need anything?" Fiyero asked her, standing at the door.

"Sure," Elphaba agreed, but they both knew that was a lie.

"Try not to worry about the store. You can't do anything about it," were his parting words and she waved him off indulgently.

Once he'd arrived home and dried off, Fiyero lit a candle and collapsed onto his bed, staring forlornly at the ceiling. He'd give anything to be crammed into his bed with Elphaba, the three kids (because he was sure that if Jozua hadn't joined his siblings by now, he would before morning) somehow taking up all the space between them so that he and Elphaba ended up balancing precariously on opposing sides of the mattress, lest they end up on the floor.

He could picture it now so clearly, neither of them getting any sleep out of fear they'd either fall out of bed or roll over one of the kids; sharing grimaces and muffled chuckles over the inevitable kicks and punches they earned as the kids (usually Jiyah) fought for more room. At some stage in the dead of night, Fiyero would inevitably suggest that they go sleep in the kid's empty beds, as it was their only hope of getting any sleep that night, and Elphaba would smile and agree, but neither of them would move.

In the morning, when they were both exhausted after a night of no sleep, Fiyero would declare that he was going to build them a bigger bed, one big enough to fit all five of them. Elphaba would just laugh.

It was a scene that had played out many times over the years, and Fiyero envied Elphaba now as he thought about it.

His mind turned to the letter he'd been working on for days now. Well, it wasn't so much a letter as of yet, as a series of abandoned paragraphs, half-phrased thoughts and a few odd phrases and references that made sense to only him and Elphaba- or maybe only to him.

The question posed by Dr Palloa wasn't as simple to answer as Fiyero had first thought. It was a small consolation that Elphaba appeared to be just as stumped- the fact she hadn't mentioned the subject to him was telling. The pages that compiled his scattered thoughts were crumpled under the book he was currently reading- _Should I Stay or Go?_ It wasn't proving as comforting as Fiyero had expected when he'd picked it up, mostly it just made him even more uncertain.

Limelle was basically brought to a standstill for the next two days. Few people ventured outside, save for those who braved the rain to inspect for damage and check on some of the elderly who lived alone. Fiyero was among those- motivated by both a restless desire to escape his lonely cottage, no matter how miserable the weather; and an equal fervent desire to further procrastinate writing his letter for counselling.

He hadn't even been able to take the kids on Thursday night because of the weather. He and Elphaba had both agreed that they didn't need any of the kids getting wet and sick, and Fiyero didn't exactly have a lot in his cottage in the way of entertainment.

On Saturday morning, the storm finally replaced by a heavy drizzle, Fiyero was walking down Main Street when he saw a familiar figure standing before _Chapter Two._

"What happened?" Elphaba asked when he got within earshot, not even turning her head to acknowledge him. Her gaze was fixated on the wooden board that now covered the window.

Fiyero didn't even bother to ask how she knew he'd put it up.

"Tree branch, I reckon," he answered. "It's not the only store. A few homes too."

Finally, she turned her head. "Have you been inside? Did any water get in?"

"I don't know, I haven't checked. You haven't been inside?"

Elphaba shook her head. "No. Not yet."

Fiyero looked around, hesitated and then asked the obvious question. "Where are the kids?"

"You think I'd bring them here?" Elphaba asked in disbelief.

"I'm just asking where our children are. Don't bite my head off," Fiyero retorted sharply.

"I didn't 'bite your head' off!"

"There was a tone."

"Oh, for the love of-," Elphaba muttered, rolling her eyes. "There was no tone. And speaking to me like my father did, will get you absolutely nowhere, Fiyero."

Fiyero immediately winced and backed down.

Any mention of Frex was a danger sign, and Fiyero was not keen to go there again.

"Sorry," he apologised quietly. "I just wondered-"

"I left them with Della for an hour or so. I told her I wanted to see the damage, but-"

"Kids driving you nuts?" he finished knowingly, trying to steer the conversation back to smoother ground.

"They do not cope well with rain and not being allowed outdoors," Elphaba agreed. "At least we have power again."

She took a breath and let pulled the store key from her cloak pocket. "Ok. Let's see how bad it is."

Fiyero blinked in surprise. "You want me to come with you?"

Elphaba looked surprised herself. "You don't have to," she said. "But, you're here, aren't you? And you're on the deed. Any damage will affect you too."

It was a reasonable point, so Fiyero simply nodded.

Holding her breath, Elphaba unlocked the door and entered the store. She switched on the lights and immediately went to the closest shelves to the door to check for water damage.

"The bottom shelf is a bit waterlogged, but I might be able to save them," she said anxiously. "I mean, I can't sell them but maybe I can donate them or something. This shelf too… I don't think the water got any further."

Fiyero was busy examining the floorboards. "You might need to replace a few of these. It'll be easier than trying to dry them properly. I can do that, it will only take a day, I reckon."

"Is there much damage around town?" Elphaba asked him, trying to hide the rush of relief that washed over her.

She'd been entertaining visions of mass stock loss and repairs needing to be done, preventing the store from opening for who knows how long. A few floorboards and a broken window she could cope with- even if she couldn't save the few rows of books that had sustained water damage.

"Not too much more than here. Broken windows and a bit of water damage seems to be the most of it. A few properties on the outskirts of town have a bit more water damage, but fallen trees and branches seems to be the most common thing I've seen."

Elphaba began pulling water-damaged books from their shelves and stacking them on the counter to see if she could save them.

"How soon can you fix the floorboards?"

Fiyero stalled. "Uh, I don't know. I'll have to check the workshop and the lumber yard to see what we have and if they've been damaged. I'll get to it as soon as I can," he promised.

"Thanks."

"Do you want me to take the kids for a bit?" he asked suddenly. Elphaba looked up from her books, slightly startled.

"I mean… I can. If you want. Can I?" he asked a little lamely.

A strange look crossed Elphaba's face for a moment. Fiyero couldn't read it, but he didn't like it. It made him feel oddly guilty.

"You don't need to ask, Fiyero," she finally replied. "Go, take them. You can even take them home- it might be easier to keep them occupied there."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You lost some time with them this week," she nodded. "I would have asked you, but I know you've been busy helping around town, and I wasn't sure…"

"No, I get it," Fiyero said quickly.

"I want to try and save these if I can," Elphaba gestured to the books on the counter. "But I'll be home before dinner."

Fiyero brightened. "Ok," he agreed. "I'll take them home then- to the house… to yours, I mean."

He bid her farewell and left the store. As he shut the door behind him, Elphaba's heart sank as she watched him disappear from her view.

Even as she documented the damaged books she couldn't focus on her task. Eventually she gave up and put the list aside, turning to a fresh blank page.

 _'Dear Fiyero,_

 _There was a time when I could tell you anything, without fearing it would become an argument. I miss that._

 _I hate that we have fifteen minute conversations on the only two safe subjects- the kids, and the weather. And even that's not always a guarantee._

 _The thing I've been most afraid to tell you for so long has already come out. And I wish I could change that, to take it back. Or at least change the way it happened._

 _I don't think I ever meant to tell you. It was always just a little whisper in the back of my mind in the dead of the night. I'm so sorry that I said it. It changed everything and I can't take it back._

 _What am I afraid of?_

 _I'm afraid that this is my fault._

 _I'm afraid that I've been a horrendible wife to you. I knew I would be._

 _I loved you._

 _I love you. I don't know what tense I'm supposed to speak in anymore._

 _Oz, what is the point of this letter?_

 _"Whatever you're afraid to say" Dr Palloa told us._

 _But then what? That's two sentences._

 _I don't know what to do from here. Writing this down changes nothing. Having you read this letter- as presumably you will at some point- will change nothing._

 _Because all you'd do is reassure me. That this isn't my fault- or at least not mine alone- and that I am a good wife._

 _Which I'm pretty sure the fact we no longer share a home, let alone a conversation, is proof that you are wrong in this argument._

 _I'm afraid that I'm the reason our marriage is in trouble. And I'm afraid that… Oz, I don't even know how to say it._

 _I hope you know that I think you're a good father. A great father. The best._

 _Although, admittedly, I don't have the best experience to compare. But I know for a fact our children couldn't ask for a better father._

 _I wish I could take back every moment I've ever made you doubt that I think otherwise._

 _I don't think I'm doing a very good job with this letter._

 _There was a time I used to be better at writing out my thoughts and feelings than speaking them. I don't know when that changed._

 _I do still love you, Yero._

 _I guess that's another thing I'm afraid to say._

 _Love,_

 _Yours,_

 _-Elphaba'_

Fiyero spent a blissful afternoon with his children, trying not to feel like a stranger in the home he still paid half the mortgage of.

He'd hadn't been in the house this long without Elphaba since he'd moved out.

When it started to get dark, and Elphaba had still not returned, Fiyero wasn't concerned, but he did have an idea.

"What do you say we cook dinner for Momma?" he asked the kids.

Jozua perked up immediately. "We can help cook?"

"Well, no," Fiyero amended. "But you and Cale can set the table."

"What can I do, Daddy?" Jiyah asked him sweetly.

Fiyero thought quickly. " _You,_ princess, can draw Momma a picture for when she gets home, ok? I'm sure she'd like a pretty picture to cheer her up."

"Why does Momma need cheering up?" Cale asked with a frown. "Did something bad happen?"

Fiyero hesitated just for a moment. "Some of the books at the store got a little damaged from all the rain," he said gently. "And we know what Mom always says about books, right?"

Cale nodded. "Books are your friends," he recited.

"Exactly. So, she's a little sad about the books getting hurt."

"Can she fix them?" Cale asked.

"She's trying. And your Mom's awesome, so I'm sure she'll fix them," Fiyero said brightly and then got to his feet. "Let's go see what we're going to make for dinner, huh?"

They decided on spaghetti and meatballs (at Jozua's request), and when Elphaba walked into the house half an hour later, she could only stand in the kitchen doorway and stare at the sight before her.

"Hey, Mom!" Jozua cried enthusiastically. "We're having meatballs for dinner!"

"Momma, come look at my picture!" Jiyah chirped from where she was perched at the end of the table, crayons littering the surface.

"Did you fix the books?" Cale asked.

Elphaba was struck dumb, staring over their heads to where Fiyero stood at the stove.

"You hungry?" he asked her simply.

She gave a small nod.

Fiyero finished cooking dinner and served up while Elphaba attended to the kids, answering their questions and admiring Jiyah's drawing.

"Thanks," she said quietly, when she managed to make her way to Fiyero's side. "You didn't have to cook."

He shrugged. "Just thought it'd make it easier."

Fiyero stayed to eat with them, but then bid the kids and Elphaba goodnight and headed back to his cottage.

The kids were with Elphaba that weekend, but for once, Fiyero didn't mourn the solitude and loneliness it brought.

Instead, he did some practical things- he did more work on Jiyah's birthday present, a little work on the myrtle wood that was Elphaba's anniversary present, and then finally, used the time to work on his letter, until he finally he had a draft that he didn't think he'd dread Elphaba actually reading.

 _'Dear Fae,_

 _I've realised that this is the first letter I've ever written you._

 _At least, the first letter that you'll read._

 _I wrote to you a lot during those two years we were apart, which I then immediately burned. Either because they were terrible, I was afraid they'd be found, or when it hurt too much to think you'd never read them._

 _I'm choosing not to count the letter that ultimately brought us to Limelle. I didn't want to write that letter._

 _Hell, I don't want to write_ this _letter, but it's homework._

 _I always hated homework._

 _So… what am I afraid to tell you? Well, it's a better question than "what I did on my summer vacation"._

 _I'm afraid to tell you that I miss you._

 _And I do, so much._

 _I think you know this. And I'm pretty sure you miss me too._

 _But I'm afraid that you're trying not to. I'm afraid that you're preparing yourself to walk away._

 _At least I know why I haven't told you this. I don't want an argument about whether or not you're trying or want to fix this._

 _I know you're trying and I know at least a part of you does want to fix this. But there is a part of you that is just… getting ready to leave. _

_If I thought it'd do any good, I would get down on my knees and beg you to let me come home. But I know it wouldn't help. You're the most thorough person I know, and you can't be rushed or pushed._

 _I love that about you, Fae._

 _I'm trying to be patient. And to be helpful. And I'm trying to figure out where we went wrong, and how much of things I'm able to fix on my own._

 _I don't have any answers yet._

 _I've said before that there's no such thing as a life without you, no matter what happens in the next few months. And while that's true, it's not the whole truth._

 _Sleeping in a bed without you sucks. Waking up without you next to me sucks. Going home to an empty house really sucks._

 _But if you're alive and safe and happy, I can deal with all of that. As long as you're in my life in some aspect, I can deal with everything that sucks._

 _I can. But I don't want to._

 _So, here it is. What I'm most afraid to say to you:_

 _Please, please, please. Don't give up on us._

 _You're the love of my life, my family, my home, my soul mate. And I don't know how to spend the rest of my life missing you._

 _I will love you forever._

 _Always yours,_

 _Yero.'_

 **Chapter Title Song: "PS. I Love You" by Frank Sinatra**

 **AN. There's a paragraph in this chapter that I absolutely love. Can anyone guess what it is?**

 **Also, someone anonymously gave me the 400th(!) review for _The Right Thing To Do_ the other day, but said they weren't sure if it counted- being anonymous. I don't know if you're reading _this_ fic, but if you are- it absolutely counts and thank you! **


	13. No One is Alone

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Wicked.**

 **AN. Some of you did guess my favourite paragraph! It was the one with Fiyero thinking about being in bed with Elphaba and the kids.**

 **Although the guess about "I always hated homework" made me laugh. It is, indeed, relatable. I make a point never to give my students homework!**

 **Here we go, another flashback chapter...**

 **Chapter 13: No One is Alone**

 **July 1948**

Fiyero clutched the real estate section of the newspaper tightly in his hand as he entered the realtor's office.

Limelle had two realtors who shared an office- Xonce, who had helped Elphaba and Fiyero find both the tiny cottage they had first rented when they'd decided to stay in Limelle, and the house they had bought to raise their family in, and her brother Kyte, who was nice enough but Fiyero didn't know very well.

He'd never thought he'd ever have any more need of a realtor, but here he was. And he was really hoping to work with Kyte, if only to avoid questions and the inevitable pity his answers would bring.

"Good morning. How can I help you today?"

It was thankfully Kyte who was alone in the office when Fiyero entered, although he looked far too cheerful for nine am on a Monday morning. Although Fiyero wasn't really in the mood for cheerfulness today, regardless of the time. It was why he was here now, instead of at work.

Letting the door fall shut behind him, Fiyero cleared his throat and held up the newspaper in his hand.

"I wanted to inquire about leasing a property."

Kyte nodded. "Of course. Well, have a seat and let's talk about your needs, shall we?"

Fiyero took the offered seat, the newspaper held so tightly in his hand it crumpled. He tried to smooth it out on the desk, scowling at the properties that were circled.

"What size property were you looking at?" Kyte asked him, retrieving a thick folder from a filing cabinet next to his desk.

"I need three bedrooms," Fiyero answered. "Preferably as close to Orchid Avenue as possible. And if there was anything furnished available…"

Kyte nodded, opening the folder and flicking through pages. "Ok. And how long a lease? Six months or a year? I should advise, an applicant's chances a better the longer lease you take."

Fiyero couldn't breathe for a moment at the sheer thought of living apart from Elphaba and the kids for six months, let alone a _year._

"Uh," he said hoarsely as Kyte waited patiently for his response. "I- I don't know. I just… my wife and I, we're- we're taking some time apart. I don't know… how long."

There it was. Pity.

"Alright," Kyte finally said after what felt like the longest pause. "Well, that may limit our options somewhat. Not every landlord is going to be amendable to an open-end lease. But we'll see what we can do. Do you have a budget in mind?"

Fiyero named a figure that he'd worked out he could handle for rent, and Kyte noted it down with a nod.

"Why don't you give me a day or so to pull together a list of options, and then we can set up times to check out some places?"

Fiyero agreed, suddenly feeling claustrophobic and desperate to get out of the office. They made an appointment for two days later, and then Fiyero fled the office for the workshop.

"Hey, you're late," Alvar noted as Fiyero silently passed him.

"Yeah, had to run an errand," Fiyero muttered. "Took a bit longer than I thought."

Alvar didn't push for an explanation, which Fiyero was thankful for. He wasn't ready to have to explain the events of his weekend.

The next few hours passed in a blur, until finally the clock hit twelve and Fiyero hurried home so that Elphaba could head to the store and relieve Totit.

It wasn't until she had come home and the kids were in bed that he finally had a chance to talk to her.

"I'm going to ask Della if she could watch the kids on Wednesday afternoon for an hour," he said quietly, standing in their bedroom doorway. "If she's ok with it, could you drop them off on your way to the store and I'll pick them up afterwards?"

Elphaba glanced at him briefly as she sorted dirty laundry to be washed, ready to do a load of laundry tomorrow morning.

"Sure. Why?"

Fiyero cleared his throat. "Uh, I've got an appointment at the realtors. Houses."

Elphaba faltered for a moment, her hands stilling. "Oh, right. Ok."

He watched her carefully. "Fae, are you ok? Because I thought we agreed-"

"No, we did," she cut him off. "It's just… it's hard. This is really happening, you know?"

"I know," Fiyero said softly.

They prepared for bed in silence after that, at last slipping into bed. They lay on opposite sides of the mattress, facing away from one another.

Sharing a bed felt so strange now, there may as well have been a canyon between them. But they'd only briefly entertained the idea of Fiyero sleeping on the sofa until he left, and neither was keen on it. The simple fact was, they both slept better with the other in the bed.

"Goodnight," Fiyero finally spoke into the darkness.

"Goodnight," Elphaba echoed quietly.

When Fiyero left the workshop at noon on Wednesday, he headed directly to the realtors office where Kyte was waiting for him. He wasn't as lucky this time, as Xonce was in the office with her brother. When she saw him, she smiled politely and said nothing, but Fiyero knew her brother had told her something.

There was that look of pity again.

"Shall we?" Kyte greeted him, gesturing towards the door.

Fiyero nodded and followed him back onto the street.

"Now, I found three properties that match your criteria," Kyte informed him. "That is, three bedrooms and with an open lease. I tried to meet your requirement about location and budget, but it's not always possible."

The first house was on the other side of town, and quite suitable- other than the distance. Fiyero calculated it would take him roughly half an hour to walk to Elphaba's, and he didn't fancy being any further away than he absolutely had to.

"I'd rather be closer, if possible," he told Kyte, who nodded in understanding.

The second property was a five minute walk away, but was just far enough out of his budget that he had to refuse.

The third on the list was close by and within budget, but rather run down and unfurnished. Fiyero had neither the money, time or inclination to have to do work on a house before bringing his kids into it. His inability to let go of the hope he'd be home in a few weeks was only a part of the reason why.

"There is a property that is close by to Orchid Avenue, and within your budget, but it's only two bedrooms. Would you like to see it anyway?"

Fiyero hesitated, then agreed. He needed to live somewhere, right?

Kyte led him to Cherry Boulevard, a quiet street Fiyero passed every day on his way to and from work. It would take him ten minutes to walk to Elphaba's from here, and only five minutes into town to get to work.

For a two bedroom house in his budget, Fiyero's hopes weren't high. Especially as they approached the house in question and he saw how small it was. It wasn't so much a house as it was a cottage.

Kyte unlocked the front door and stepped back to allow Fiyero entry first.

Fiyero looked around cautiously. The rooms were a decent size and well kept. The living room, dining room and one of the bedrooms was sparsely furnished, but it appeared to be in good condition. When it came to the two bedrooms, Fiyero studied the spaces with a frown. It would be tight, and wasn't his first choice, but he thought the three kids might just fit in the master bedroom… the boys could have bunk beds… they'd enjoy that, he thought.

With any luck, it _would_ only be short term… a few nights a week. Maybe he could give Jiyah the second bedroom and himself sleep on the sofa…

He turned to Kyte thoughtfully. "What are the chances of a three bedroom property becoming available soon?"

Kyte looked doubtful. "I wouldn't be optimistic, Mr Tiggular. Especially given your need for a flexible lease."

Fiyero nodded. "Yeah," he sighed. "Alright. Can I put in an application for this one?"

Within twenty-four hours, Fiyero had received a message that his application was successful and the cottage was his. The message had come while Fiyero was at work, and Elphaba handed it to him when he walked through the door just after noon with a sombre expression.

"I got a place," he said quietly.

Elphaba only nodded.

"When would you go?" she asked him.

Fiyero winced slightly. "Go? I'm not going to the store, Elphaba," he said, his tone sharper than intended.

She looked at him, taken aback. "I'm aware, Fiyero. What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Elphaba asked in surprise.

"Oh, I'm just glad you can be so nonchalant about this," he snapped at her.

Elphaba's eyes flashed and she opened her mouth to retort. Then she stopped herself, closed her eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths to steady herself.

"I have to go to work," she said quietly. "We'll talk about this tonight."

She strode past him to the door and opened it. Just before she shut it behind her, she turned to face him.

"If you _honestly_ believe I'm being so _nonchalant_ , it just proves exactly why we need to do this," she said icily and then shut the door.

They didn't talk that night. At least, not with the kids around. From the moment Elphaba stepped inside the house, they didn't exchange a single word as the kids ate, bathed and were put to bed.

It was as Fiyero was doing the dishes that Elphaba finally broke the silence.

"Do you really think I don't care? That this doesn't bother me at all?"

Fiyero stilled, sighed and then put the plate he was washing into the dish rack.

"No, I don't," he said.

He turned around and saw her sitting at the kitchen table, although she wasn't looking at him.

"I'm sorry, Fae. I shouldn't have said that."

Elphaba was staring at the table as though it were fascinating.

"Elphaba?"

"This was my idea."

"Yes," Fiyero acknowledged. "But I agreed. Because you were right. You're always right."

She snorted softly. "Sure."

Fiyero abandoned the dishes and walked over to the table, taking the seat opposite her.

"I did some thinking this afternoon. There's a few bits of furniture I'll need to get, but I think I could be ready to move out in about a week."

Her eyes flew up to meet his. "A week? That's- that's… soon."

Fiyero shrugged lightly. "No sense in prolonging it, right? When do you think we should tell the kids?"

Elphaba bit her lip. "I don't know how much Jiyah will understand. But I think the boys will have questions."

"Tomorrow?" Fiyero suggested. "That'll will give them a few days to process it."

Elphaba agreed.

The next morning, while his co-workers were joking with one another and discussing their weekend plans, Fiyero was hard at work.

"What are you working on, Yero?" Alvar asked him.

"New order. Rush job."

Alvar picked up the plans on the work bench with a frown. "Bunk beds. Wait, this is _your_ order?"

"Don't worry, I'm paying for it," Fiyero reassured him.

"Not the issue," Alvar replied. "Why is this a rush job? You've been oddly quiet this week."

Fiyero paused, glanced at his friend and then put down his tools. He gestured for Alvar to follow him and stepped outside the workshop.

"Elphaba and I are separating," he said bluntly once they were outside and relatively out of earshot.

Alvar's eyes widened. "Shit," he muttered. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't realise… I didn't know things were that bad."

"Neither did we," Fiyero tried to muster a smile, then sighed. "It's only a trial… for now. But I'm moving out."

"Do you need somewhere to stay? We've got a spare room-"

Fiyero waved him off. "No, no. I've rented a cottage nearby. Finalised it yesterday. But the kids are going to need somewhere to sleep when they stay with me- hence the beds."

"You've worked it all out already?"

Fiyero shrugged. "For the most part."

"When did this happen?"

"Saturday night. Things just got really bad, and Fae… we just decided we need some breathing space. We're both pretty tired of all the fighting and with the kids…"

Alvar nodded in understanding. "Sure, sure. When's the move?"

Fiyero shrugged again. "I sign the lease and pick up the keys on Monday. Once I've got the beds made, it doesn't matter I guess. We're telling the kids this afternoon."

Alvar nodded silently. "Want some help with the beds?" he asked eventually.

Fiyero finally smiled. It was slight, but it was there.

"Sure, thanks."

Neither Elphaba nor Fiyero had been able to come up with a way to explain the situation to the children. All they'd manage to agree upon the night before was to tell the kids together. Elphaba had asked Totit to work the whole day, citing family business, and the Monkey had agreed with no questions asked. Elphaba had thought this the best way- they didn't want this to be a bombshell they dropped on them right before bed time.

"You ready?" Fiyero asked her quietly when he returned home just after noon.

The kids were just finishing their lunch as Elphaba paced nervously in the living room.

"No," she said hoarsely.

Fiyero hesitantly reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. "Come on."

They entered the kitchen and took a seat with the kids.

"Alright, guys," Fiyero started. "Momma and I need to talk to you about something."

The kids obediently turned their attention to their parents, Jozua still munching on his crusts. Elphaba couldn't help but feel like in a way, she was about to end their childhood. And she hated herself a little bit more for that.

"Daddy and I haven't been getting on too well lately," she forced herself to speak. "We've been fighting a lot…"

Her voice caught as she noted Jozua nodding knowingly.

"So, we talked," Fiyero continued. "And we decided that we should take a break."

"A break?" Cale frowned. "What does that mean?"

Fiyero faltered. "Well, um… what happens when you and Joz fight?"

"We go into time out," Jozua volunteered.

Fiyero nodded, encouraged. "Exactly. Ok. So, it's kind of like that for grownups."

"Grownups can get time outs?" Jozua asked, looking mildly horrified.

"Do you have to sit in your bedroom and think about what you've done?" Cale asked curiously. "Who's in trouble?"

For a moment, Fiyero was tempted to laugh.

"We're both in trouble," he answered Cale. "And it works a little differently than your time outs. I'm going to go live somewhere else for a little while."

"How long is a little while, Daddy?" asked Jiyah innocently. "Ten minutes?"

Fiyero looked to Elphaba helplessly, who jumped back in.

"We don't know how long exactly, sweets. We just need some time to try and make things better. And if they don't get better, we might keep living in different houses."

"Why?"

Elphaba hated the 'why' game. Especially when she didn't have the answers.

"Aren't you guys tired of Momma and I fighting all the time?" Fiyero asked.

None of the kids answered, but Cale's eyes flickered between them anxiously.

"Well, _we're_ tired of fighting. It makes us sad, and we think it makes you sad, which we don't want."

"I'm not sad," Cale said quickly.

Elphaba's heart broke.

"Cale, honey…" a lump appeared in Elphaba's throat and she couldn't say any more than that.

"It's good that you're not sad," Fiyero told him gently. "But, bud, we want to keep it that way. And if we don't do this… we're just trying to do the best thing for you guys, ok? Does that make sense?"

"Where are you going to live?" Jozua interrupted.

"I've found a little house nearby. We can go check it out next week, yeah?"

"Where are we going to live?"

"You guys are going to stay here with Mom," Fiyero answered lightly. "It's a bit nicer here than my new house and all your toys are here."

"Is there anything you want to know?" Elphaba asked them. "Do you have any questions?"

"This girl in my class at school," Jozua said, through a mouthful of bread. "Her mom got a new house last year and moved out. She said that her parents don't love each other anymore. They got a divorce. Is that what you're doing?"

"What's a divorce?" Jiyah asked her brother, stumbling over the unfamiliar word.

Cale's eyes widened at he directed his gaze to his parents. "You don't love each other anymore?"

"Of course we still love each other," Fiyero hastily assured them. "But sometimes, when you're a grownup, it gets complicated. Jiyah, a divorce is when two people decide they don't want to be together anymore. It means they stop being married."

"Can you divorce your kids?" Cale asked fearfully.

"Absolutely not," Elphaba said firmly. "You're stuck with us, kid."

Cale visibly relaxed and Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged another glance.

"Joz, we're not getting a divorce," Elphaba told their eldest softly. "At least not now."

"What we're doing is kind of like a practice," Fiyero added. "But we're hoping that it won't come to that."

Jozua still looked thoughtful. "When will you move out?" he asked Fiyero.

"Next week sometime. You'll know when," Fiyero promised him. "There's a few things Mom and I have to take care of first. Does anyone have any more questions?"

Jozua shook his head, and Cale followed his brother's lead. Jiyah wasn't even paying attention anymore, she was playing with her used napkin from lunch.

Fiyero dismissed them with a reminder that if they had any questions, they could come and ask them. All three kids nodded and then retreated, leaving Elphaba to slump over the table.

"That went great," she said sarcastically.

"It could have been worse?" Fiyero replied, ever the optimist.

Elphaba shot him a sceptical look, and then rose to clean the kitchen. She was pretty sure they'd just screwed it up completely.

"We were never going to handle this perfectly, Fae," Fiyero said quietly. "It's not as if we've done this before."

Elphaba heaved a sigh. "I should have asked Kalhey how her parents told her."

"Oh, right…" Fiyero drew to a stop in the middle of clearing the table. "That reminds me. Er, I told Al this morning."

Elphaba whipped around wide-eyed. "You _told_ him?!"

"I had to!" Fiyero defended himself. "He's my boss, Elphaba. And he's my friend, he's noticed something's up."

"Great. Just _great_ ," Elphaba muttered. "That means he'll tell Kalhey. Who knows if anyone else at your work overheard. It'll be all over town by Monday."

"Do you really think they're going to blab?" Fiyero demanded, either in exasperation or irritation, Elphaba couldn't tell.

"Elphaba, this isn't Munchkinland. And we're not a bunch of gossiping students. We're adults and these are our friends. Did you really think we could get through this without anyone knowing?"

Elphaba sighed and then conceded. "No," she admitted. "But I just… I don't want people talking about this. The kids don't need that."

"I don't think Kalhey knowing is a bad thing. You should at least tell Totit. And we should tell Della."

"That makes sense," Elphaba allowed reluctantly.

"I just think we need a support system."

Elphaba didn't say what they were both thinking. That until now, they'd been each other's support system. And just like so many things, that was gone now too. Or at least changed forever.

 **Chapter Title Song: "No one is alone" from** _ **Into the Woods**_

 **AN. You guys continue to blow me away with your amazing reviews. Thank you. And congrats to Fiction is the Truth, for being #100! Your oneshot is on the way! Well, I started it. There's a paragraph.**


	14. Smile

**DISLCAIMER: Nothing is mine.**

 **AN. Happy Wicked Day 2017, you guys! If I'd thought about it, I would have tried to make sure I was posting a happy chapter today for the occasion. Not that this is an _unhappy_ chapter... for the most part. I don't know. **

**Chapter 14: Smile**

 **November 1948**

Jiyah's fourth birthday was in three days, and she was bouncing off the walls with excitement. This was really the first year she understood what a birthday was and what it meant, but in addition, she had gotten her wish and the first snowfall had come to Limelle for the season.

Elphaba wasn't exactly at Jiyah's level of enthusiasm. The thought of her only daughter, her baby, turning four years old made her feel tremendously old.

Not to mention the thought that Jiyah was now older than Elphaba herself had been when her mother had died. This was a thought that had crossed her mind as each child reached that particular milestone, but it seemed more poignant this time than before.

But she was still throwing all her efforts into ensuring that Jiyah had the best fourth birthday ever.

Conveniently, the day fell on a Sunday. When Elphaba had asked her, back in October, what she wanted to do to festivate, Jiyah had known immediately.

"A tea party!" she exclaimed brightly.

It was one of those moments where Elphaba wondered where exactly her daughter inherited these traits from, because it certainly wasn't from her. Maybe Nessa, which made Elphaba's chest hurt.

"Ok," she agreed. "I'll work it out, sweets."

Namely how to convince the boys- namely Jozua- to participate in a tea party with their sister, even if it _was_ her birthday.

After some brainstorming, Elphaba came up with a solution that she thought- hoped- would please everyone.

"A baking tea party?" Fiyero repeated in bewilderment when she told him.

He'd called by _Chapter Two_ on his lunch break to finish the few repairs needed from the storm damage, and Elphaba had floated the suggestion by him.

Elphaba shrugged. "We'll bake cupcakes- the boys will enjoy that- and decorate them. Hopefully by the time we get around to eating them, they won't notice it's a tea party."

"Unless Jiyah wears her fairy wings," Fiyero chimed in and Elphaba chuckled reluctantly.

"What do you think, though?"

"It sounds great, Fae. I'm up for it."

She narrowed her eyes at him slightly. "Are you really, or are you just agreeing with me to avoid an argument?"

"Both?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes.

It wasn't really a party, Elphaba didn't think. Jiyah, not having started school yet, didn't really have any friends, so it was just a family party- or the closest they had. That meant Mrs Gibbs was invited, as Kalhey, Alvar and the kids, and Totit.

But there'd be cake, decorations and presents. And more importantly, Elphaba and Fiyero would be spending the whole day together- something that hadn't happened since July when he'd moved out. It was safe to say that Elphaba was nervous about that more than anything.

"What if we can't do it?" she asked Totit on the Friday afternoon before Jiyah's birthday. "What if we can't get on and start fighting? I don't want to ruin Jiyah's birthday."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Totit said confidently. "If you're both trying to avoid a fight-"

"Tends to result in us not talking to one another because we're so paranoid it'll turn into a fight. Or Fiyero just agrees with me constantly, so it can't become a fight. And then _that_ annoys me, and-"

"It becomes a fight?" Totit guessed and Elphaba sighed.

"We suck at this," she said glumly.

She didn't sleep well on Saturday night, too consumed with all the possible ways the next day could be ruined. And Fiyero had been no help.

"The first birthday I really remember is my fifth, so if it's a disaster, there's a good chance she won't remember it," he'd reassured Elphaba on Friday morning and then left before she could retort that his efforts at being comforting really weren't helpful.

Per agreement, Fiyero arrived at seven o'clock. It was very early for a Sunday, but both Elphaba and Jiyah were up, although the boys remained sleeping.

"Daddy!"

Elphaba thought there was a good chance Jiyah's squeal woke her brothers as she bounded across the room to Fiyero, who immediately caught her and swung her into his arms.

"Happy birthday, Princess!"

Jiyah beamed at him and then frowned slightly. "Is today a school day?"

Fiyero laughed. "No, silly. It's Sunday. Why?"

"You only come here for breakfast on school days," Jiyah informed him.

"Well, today is a special occasion," Fiyero replied. "Do you know why?"

Jiyah shook her head, blonde curls falling into her eyes.

"Because it's your birthday!" Fiyero exclaimed, tickling her and making her giggle. "How old are you today?"

Jiyah frowned again, this time in concentration, and held up a hand. "Four?"

"Four," Fiyero confirmed, gently folding her thumb into her palm. "Good job."

"Do I look bigger, Daddy?"

It was the same question she'd asked Elphaba already that morning. Fiyero made a big show of studying her carefully.

"You know, I think you do," he confirmed and Jiyah beamed.

He squeezed her lightly and set her down on the ground, turning to Elphaba as he straightened up.

"Morning."

"Morning," Elphaba echoed.

"Do you need help with anything?" he offered.

Elphaba paused only briefly before nodding. "Breakfast, decorating or you can wake the boys."

Fiyero considered his options and grinned a little. "I'll wake the boys and get them to help decorate," he replied.

Knowing the amount of sugar that would be consumed throughout the day, Elphaba made sure that all the kids ate a decent breakfast, whipping up bacon, eggs and toast for them all. Fiyero led Jozua and Cale into the kitchen as she was serving up.

"Happy birthday, Jiyah," Cale greeted his sister.

"Happy birthday," Jozua echoed.

Fiyero sidled over to Elphaba as put toast onto the plates, and stole a piece of bacon from the frying pan.

"You really think Jiyah's going to eat all that?"

Elphaba stilled for a moment before she forced herself to relax and not snap. "It's worth a shot, before she eats nothing but cupcakes and sugar all day. Can you pour drinks while you're standing there? Kids, do you want juice or milk to drink?"

"Milk!"

"Milk, please."

"Juice."

Fiyero nodded in acknowledgement and moved over to the icebox.

"Did you bring the-"

"Yep," Fiyero cut her off. "Present is stashed it in the front closet when I came in. Is that ok?"

Elphaba nodded. "Fine."

"Decorations?"

"Balloons, streamers and a few 'Happy Birthday' banners are in a paper bag in the closet. If you blow up the balloons, I'll cast the levitation charm."

Fiyero paused in concern. "Are you sure?"

"It's a simple charm. I can manage it," Elphaba replied shortly. "I've done it every year for every kid. I can do it."

Fiyero followed her to the table with the drinks as she handed the kids their breakfast, but when he turned from giving Jiyah her milk- in her purple glass- Elphaba had disappeared.

"Eat up, guys," he said and then left the kitchen.

He found her in the hall, pulling the bag of decorations out.

"I'm sorry," she said before he could make a sound. "I'm being a bitch already, aren't I?"

Fiyero shrugged. "It's ok. Your baby's another year older. And I reckon we're both stressed about today. You get a pass."

Elphaba turned to him, her arms full of decorations. "She slept in her own bed last night. All night."

"Really?" Fiyero asked, breaking into a smile.

She nodded, smiling ruefully. "Yeah. I mean, she was up at four thirty this morning-"

"Doing what?!"

"Reading. With a flashlight."

Fiyero laughed slightly. "And you say she's nothing like you."

He hesitated and then took the bag from her. "Come on. You'll need to eat something too."

The guests were due to arrive at eleven o'clock and by the time they arrived, the living and dining rooms were decorated, the kids were dressed and Elphaba had washed the breakfast dishes and was setting up everything to bake cupcakes.

Jiyah, dressed in the party outfit she had picked out herself (a purple dress with a tulle skirt that spun when she twirled, with pink and white polka dot tights underneath and purple gumboots), was in the living room and spinning around. She alternated her spinning with jumping up in an effort to touch the pink and purple balloons that Elphaba had enchanted to float.

"A lot of balloons can make you fly up into the air," she informed Fiyero solemnly, who raised an eyebrow.

"Is that so, Princess? What else can make you fly?"

"Wings, like Totit."

"True. What about… a broom?"

Jiyah giggled. "Daddy, no!"

"Are you sure? Momma might disagree with you there," Fiyero said teasingly.

Jiyah immediately skipped into the kitchen. "Momma, can a broom make you fly? Daddy says it can."

Elphaba froze, wide-eyed.

"Um… I- It could. Maybe. It depends," she said finally.

"Jiyah, why don't you go play with your brothers until people arrive, ok?" Fiyero asked hastily, shooing her away. "Show them your party outfit."

Jiyah skipped away, leaving Fiyero to watch Elphaba carefully.

"It was a joke."

"A _joke?"_ she repeated faintly. "Are you _insane?!_ Like I'm not stressed enough today and you-"

"I know. I'm sorry."

The doorbell rang and Fiyero took the chance to escape. "I'll get it," he said quickly and hastily retreated.

He found Kalhey and Alvar at the door with the kids and ushered them inside. Zakhar hurried off to find Cale and Jozua, while Sabella was quickly commandeered by Jiyah, who'd scurried to see who was at the door.

"Elphaba's in the kitchen," Fiyero said to Kalhey as she handed him a brightly gift-wrapped parcel.

"Thanks," she said, heading directly in that direction, leaving Alvar and Fiyero to deal with the giant bag Alvar was carrying.

"What the hell is _that?"_ was Fiyero's first reaction, which made Kalhey smile.

The smile faded as Kalhey came to a halt in the kitchen doorway as she spotted Elphaba's still-stricken face.

"Should I ask?"

Elphaba jumped, stared blankly at her friend and then shook her head. "Sorry. Just… bad flashback or something, I guess. Hi."

"Hey. Need any help?"

Elphaba surveyed the kitchen and then shook her head again. "I think we're good. Once Totit and Della arrive, we can start baking. I thought while the cupcakes are in the oven and then cooling, we can play some games and do presents, and then decorate."

"And how's it going?" Kalhey looked at her significantly and Elphaba only shook her head again.

"Ask me again when it's over."

When Mrs Gibbs and Totit arrived, they gathered everyone in the kitchen.

"Alright, what kind of cupcakes should we bake?" she asked Jiyah.

"Purple!"

Jozua scoffed. "You can't have _purple_ cupcakes, Jiyah."

"Of course you can," Fiyero spoke up in her defence.

"What about chocolate?" Zakhar chimed in.

"Why don't we do a chocolate batch and a vanilla batch, and Jiyah, you could decorate your cupcakes with purple icing?" Kalhey suggested.

Elphaba nodded in agreement.

"Fae, where's the camera?" Fiyero asked.

"Where it always is," Elphaba retorted.

Fiyero nodded in acknowledgement and went in search of the camera.

The adults hung back as the kids did their baking. Elphaba and Kalhey were in the kitchen, but put Sabella in charge of helping them to follow the recipe and mix the batter. Elphaba only intervened when it came time to pour the batter into the cake tins.

They filled enough cake tins with enough batter to make two dozen cupcakes- a dozen each of vanilla and chocolate. Once they were in the oven, Elphaba looked over the kids' heads to Fiyero.

"They'll take about twenty minutes to cook and a bit longer to cool."

"Living room?" Fiyero suggested, mouthing the word ' _presents'_ above Jiyah's head.

Elphaba nodded.

Jiyah was ecstatic with all her gifts. Totit gave her several books, and Mrs Gibbs gave her a play tea set. Kalhey, Alvar and the kids presented her with a giant plush pony that was bigger than she was, a doll and some new colouring books. Then, as Jiyah was enthralled with her pony, Fiyero handed the camera to Elphaba and disappeared.

" _Whoa_ , thanks!" Jiyah's enthusiastic squeal seemed to carry all throughout the house and Fiyero grinned to himself.

From the closet, he retrieved the large wrapped box he'd stashed there that morning and returned to the living room.

"One more!" he announced.

Jiyah's eyes widened at the size of it. "From who?"

Fiyero laughed. "From me, and Momma, and Jozua and Cale. Come open it, Princess."

Jiyah carefully began to peel away the wrapped paper, as even her brothers watched on curiously- only Elphaba and Fiyero knew what it was. When Jiyah had pulled away the paper and lifted the lid of the box, her eyes widened again.

"What is it?" she asked her parents.

Fiyero grinned from where he stood with the camera. "Fae, the front of the box folds down," he told Elphaba. "You just have to lift the tabs on the side."

Elphaba joined Jiyah on the floor and helped her to open the box and fully see what was within.

Jiyah gasped sharply as she took in the carefully, lovingly made doll house that was revealed. This was the first time even Elphaba had seen it since Fiyero had started doing plans for it back in the summer and even she was speechless.

Even the front of the dollhouse was so detailed and when Elphaba got it out of the box and turned it around for Jiyah to see, they saw each room of the house was decorated with furniture and paint, and there was a family of little wooden dolls inside.

"What do you think, sweets?" Elphaba asked her. "Daddy made it for you."

Jiyah leapt up and dashed over to Fiyero, who only just had time to hand the camera to Alvar before he caught her.

"Thank you, Daddy! It's _perfect!"_ she declared and Fiyero grinned.

"You're very welcome, Princess. Let's check it out, huh?"

Elphaba was still examining each room carefully, and as Fiyero brought Jiyah over and settled her on the floor, she looked at him curiously.

"Is that _actual_ wallpaper in the dining room?"

Fiyero looked faintly sheepish. "Maybe."

"Can I see, Mom?" Cale asked, coming up behind Elphaba.

"Jiyah and I will give you the grand tour," Fiyero grinned at him and Jozua.

Elphaba moved back so the kids could have a closer look, excusing herself to the kitchen to check on the cupcakes.

"Even Bella's jealous of that dollhouse," Kalhey murmured to her as she passed, watching her daughter hover over the dollhouse and Elphaba smiled.

"Yeah, now I'm going to get 'why did you never make me a dollhouse, Dad?' when we get home," Alvar added.

"Then you'd better have a good answer," Elphaba smirked at him.

Elphaba had planned a few games to kill time until the cupcakes were ready to decorate, but soon found the dollhouse was able to keep all five kids- and indeed many of the adults- occupied while the cupcakes finished baking and cooled.

"Alright, let's decorate some cupcakes!" Elphaba announced. "Let's go to the kitchen table."

She'd given each person two cupcakes, one vanilla and one chocolate, on a little board and arranged a variety of different decorating things on the table. There were a few different colour frostings, sprinkles and a few different kinds of lollies, as well as a few spare cupcakes- just in case.

As anticipated, decorating the cupcakes got messy quickly. Elphaba had predicted that from the kids, but she was both exasperated and faintly amused that Fiyero and Alvar seemed to make more mess than Jiyah. But everyone seemed to be having fun, at least.

Jiyah was sitting comfortably between Mrs Gibbs and Sabella and was slathering one cupcake in purple frosting.

As they were decorating, Elphaba stole Kalhey and led her to the admittedly rarely used dining room (Lurlinemas and birthdays only, unless company was here and they needed the extra room), to set the table for the tea party.

"The kids aren't drinking actual tea, are they?" Kalhey asked and Elphaba chuckled.

"No. I'm going to make hot chocolate and put it into a tea pot though. They've got mini marshmallows instead of sugar cubes. There's tea and coffee for the adults though, if you prefer."

This was actually the first time Elphaba had used their tea set- which had been a wedding gift from Mrs Gibbs. Kalhey thought she was rather brave to use it with kids, and said so. Elphaba just smiled.

"It was either this or Jiyah's plastic tea set. I want this day to be perfect."

"I think Jiyah's thrillified," Kalhey reassured her.

"Still," Elphaba said simply.

When the cupcakes were decorated, the dining table was set and the cocoa had been made and in the teapot ready to be poured, Elphaba directed them all to the dining room.

"Ooh. Momma it's so pretty!" Jiyah whispered.

"Thanks, sweets."

It went as well as Elphaba could have hoped- meaning none of the kids spilled anything on her tablecloth and no pieces of the tea set were broken. Elphaba had saved one of the extra cupcakes, decorated it and placed a candle in it. When she brought it in, they all sang 'Happy Birthday' to Jiyah, who blew out the candle happily and promptly begged Elphaba to light it again.

Two hours later found all the guests gone. Fiyero was moving the dollhouse into Jiyah's bedroom as Elphaba tried to convince Jiyah to have a nap, who was quickly coming off her sugar high.

"My tummy hurts," Jiyah whined, as Fiyero left the room.

"Yeah, well, you ate three and a half cupcakes and half a bowl of frosting in the space of about ten minutes, so I'm not surprised," Elphaba answered. "Come on, sweets. You don't have to sleep, but just lie down for a little bit and rest, ok?"

Jiyah reluctantly consented and despite her whining, didn't take long to fall asleep. After checking on the boys, where she found Cale had likewise fallen asleep and Jozua was playing with a deck of cards, Elphaba turned to cleaning up the kitchen and dining room.

Fiyero had already started washing dishes, and Elphaba silently grabbed a dishtowel and started to wipe without even thinking about it. It was a routine they'd done a thousand times before and only when she stood next to him and reached for a soapy tea cup to dry did she catch herself.

She faltered briefly, and then slowly reached for the tea cup again.

"The dollhouse is amazing. You did a great job," she finally said.

Fiyero glanced at her, and the returned his gaze to the dishes. "Thanks. You did well with the tea party."

"I think Jiyah had fun."

"I think even the boys had fun," Fiyero smiled.

They finished cleaning in silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence exactly. _Polite_ was the best way Elphaba could describe it. That was possibly why Fiyero left so soon once the kitchen and party decorations were cleared away.

Kalhey called into the store on Monday morning and asked Elphaba how things were, and Elphaba couldn't answer her even more than on Saturday.

"It seems like the day went well," Kalhey said encouragingly. "You guys seem to be getting along?"

Elphaba sighed. "We are," she agreed reluctantly. "But we haven't solved any of our issues."

"Do you at least know what the issues are?"

"Dr Palloa is pretty vague, but I think they can be summed up as 'me'," Elphaba said glumly. "Don't look at me like that, Kalhey."

"It takes two people to make a relationship work, Elphaba," Kalhey said gently. "We've talked about this before."

"Yeah, I know," Elphaba sighed again and then walked away to help a customer.

The awkward peace between Elphaba and Fiyero lasted into the next week following Jiyah's birthday. They weren't arguing, but their conversations were so stifled with politeness to the point where Elphaba almost wanted to fight just to break the tension.

It was interesting though, to note the effect Jiyah's birthday had had on the kids. Jiyah seemed the most settled she'd been since the summer- she was spending more nights sleeping in her own bed now, regardless of which parent she was with, and having fewer accidents. Cale too, seemed more settled, or at least less anxious. Jozua, as ever, seemed to take everything in his stride.

Elphaba and Fiyero were both waiting for something to happen, for an argument to erupt and shatter the odd stalemate they seemed to be in as they awaited their next counselling session. But when the inevitable eruption came, it was far worse than they had ever imagined.

It was exactly sixteen minutes past two on Thursday afternoon, Elphaba would remember the exact time for months afterwards. _Chapter Two_ was quite busy and Elphaba was trying to help everyone, while wondering where Totit was, who was sixteen minutes late. She was worried but not very concerned just yet- after all, she didn't have to pick up the kids this afternoon, because it was their night with Fiyero, when the door opened accompanied by the ringing of the bell above the door.

Elphaba glanced over and saw Totit had arrived. But what stopped her in the tracks was the look on her face, and the fact she was accompanied by Fiyero who looked rather shell-shocked.

Her heart stopped for a moment and she barely acknowledged Totit coming behind the counter and gently nudging her aside, taking over the purchase she was ringing up.

Fiyero only nodded towards the back of the store and headed in that direction, leaving Elphaba to follow. With a sinking stomach and as her chest constricted, she obeyed.

"Are the kids ok?" she asked quickly, entering her office and shutting the door behind her.

Fiyero was standing restlessly in the centre of the room, his face anxious. At her question, a brief look of alarm crossed his face for just a moment and then he nodded hastily. "Yeah, no. They're fine."

The constricting bands around Elphaba's chest loosened, but only slightly. She didn't dare breathe yet.

"What's happened?"

"Totit came to see me. She- she got some news this morning. From Oz."

Elphaba felt sick. "Someone found us?" she asked hoarsely. "Someone knows?"

Fiyero looked as though that possibility had never crossed his mind. "What? _No!_ No, no," he was quick to reassure her. "No, no one knows. It's not that."

Elphaba sank into a chair weakly, a wave of relief washing over her so strong she felt dizzy.

"Ok," she croaked out. "Ok. So, what happened?"

Fiyero paused so long, Elphaba thought she'd go mad.

"Is it Glinda?" she finally pressed.

Fiyero slowly shook his head. "Not Glinda."

There was only one other choice.

"Your parents?"

He met her eyes, his face pained. "My mom. She… died," he told her, struggling to say it aloud.

Elphaba's eyes closed. "When? How?"

"A few weeks ago, according to Totit. She doesn't know for sure, but she thinks cancer. Apparently, she's been sick for a few years now and they kept it quiet."

"I'm sorry," Elphaba murmured, opening her eyes slowly.

Fiyero ran a hand over his face. "She was 62, Fae. Only 62," he said quietly, his eyes distant as he looked past her to the wall, covered in photos of the children and pictures they had drawn her over the years.

"Did Totit have any news on your father?"

"No. But… I can't imagine he's doing very well right now. They were together for forty two years."

Elphaba didn't know what to say. She didn't remember losing her own mother, and when she heard that Frex had died, she had been shocked, but she couldn't exactly empathise with Fiyero's pain.

Elphaba hesitated. "I'm really sorry," she said again.

Fiyero leaned against her desk and stared at the wall opposite. "I keep thinking… she was probably at peace with it, you know? If she'd been sick for so long, she would have made her peace with it. She would have been thinking that she'd see her parents again, maybe my aunts… I'm not sure if they're still alive or not. And me. Because she thinks I'm dead. She died thinking that… and I'm…"

Now Elphaba was really out her depth. She was an atheist, but could never quite decide how she felt about the idea of an afterlife.

"Maybe," she began hesitantly. "Maybe you should think of it as now she knows the truth."

Fiyero looked at her quizzically.

"Look, if there is some kind of afterlife that allows you to see loved ones that have already… passed on," she explained, wincing slightly as she tried to avoid the word 'died' or 'dead', as it just seemed too blunt in this moment.

"Presumably, that same afterlife allows you to look down on loved ones who are still alive. Maybe your mom knows that you didn't die, but that also means she knows that you're alive. That you're healthy, and you have the kids… and I haven't helped at all, have I?"

Fiyero smiled slightly. "I hadn't thought of that," he admitted.

He eased himself into the other chair and sighed.

"Are you ok? Is that a stupid question?"

Fiyero ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I feel… nothing. It doesn't feel _real."_

"Are you going to be alright to take the kids tonight?" Elphaba asked, at a loss for anything else to say.

Fiyero blinked. "Yeah," he said finally. "Yeah, it'll be fine. Good. A distraction."

"Will you tell them?" Elphaba asked him.

"I don't know," Fiyero said slowly. "Should I? They never met her."

"She was still their grandmother," Elphaba pointed out. "Jiyah's named in part for your mother. Jozua for your father. You can't pretend they didn't exist."

Fiyero closed his eyes.

"I'm glad now. I know I didn't want to at the time, but I'm glad now."

Giving Jozua the middle name of Fiyero's father had been an easy decision, a long standing Tiggular family tradition of naming the first born child in part for his grandfather. When Cale had come along, they'd given his second name in honour of Fiyero, because Elphaba had felt his name should also have some meaning and they were rather short of options.

Jiyah's birth had prompted a dilemma. Fiyero had proposed the names of both their mothers, or Glinda, or Nessarose. Elphaba had chosen Kasmira.

It had the least amount of guilt associated with it to her, and she didn't want to feel guilt when she looked at her daughter. Fiyero had been somewhat hesitant, feeling his family was already so represented among their children, but Elphaba had insisted.

Now, she too was glad she'd made that choice. Even if it was for the wrong reasons.

"One day they might ask who they're named for. Or just why all their friends have grandparents and they don't. What are we going to tell them?"

Fiyero sighed, a note of irritation escaping.

"I don't want to have to explain about why they never met her. Or about my dad. At least _your_ parents are already dead," Fiyero said thoughtlessly.

Elphaba froze, stunned. "Yeah, lucky me," she said flatly.

Fiyero grimaced apologetically. "I just meant-"

"I know what you meant," Elphaba said. "And you're right. My parents are dead. It's one less thing we have to lie to them about."

Fiyero winced.

She rose to her feet. "I'm sorry about your mother, Fiyero. I really am. And it's up to you whether you tell the kids or not, just let me know what you decide. I should get back to work."

Fiyero likewise rose to his feet. "I don't think I'm going to tell them, but I'll let you know if I change my mind."

Elphaba nodded and then left her office.

Fiyero let out a dejected sigh, and raised his eyes to the ceiling. If his mother _was_ watching over him now, he couldn't help but wonder just what she'd think of him.

"Miss you, Mom," he said softly and then left the office to go pick up the kids.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Smile" by Nat King Cole**

 **AN. I could not for the life of me decide if Quox was likely to have helium balloons or not. So, I used magic instead.**


	15. Safe to Believe

**DISCLAIMER: Definitely not my creation.**

 **Chapter 15: Safe to Believe**

 **July 1945**

Elphaba jerked awake, instinctively rising herself up to rest on her elbows before she even comprehended what was happening. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her breath came in ragged, shallow heaves. She was trembling all over and soaked with sweat, and she wasn't sure if it was from the summer heat or the nightmare she'd just pulled herself out of.

Beside her, Fiyero slept peacefully, his soft snores the only sound in the room. Still shaking, she rolled over and sat up slowly, squinting at the alarm clock next to the bed in the darkness. It was just after three am, and she sank against the headboard tiredly, not ready to try and go back to sleep just yet.

Carefully, so as not to wake Fiyero, she eased herself gently out of the bed and left the room. She trod softly down the hall and peered into the bedroom Cale and Jozua shared. They were both sleeping soundly, although she noted Jozua had kicked off all his covers and Cale seemed to be sleeping half off the bed.

Crossing the hall, she entered the third bedroom and approached the lovingly constructed maple crib that had held all three of her babies. Jiyah, seven months old, was sleeping no less peacefully than her father or brothers, but Elphaba still couldn't resist standing over the crib until she'd reassured herself that her little chest was indeed moving slightly with her breaths.

"How bad was it?"

Elphaba, to her credit, only jumped slightly at Fiyero's murmur from behind her. She turned away from Jiyah, but didn't answer until she was out of the nursery.

"Not that bad," she allowed. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Only when you were gone," Fiyero smiled softly.

He wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back. "You haven't had one in a while."

Elphaba sighed. "Four months," she nodded. "It is dumb I kind of thought they were gone?"

"It's not dumb," Fiyero reassured her. "Do you want some tea?"

"It's too hot for tea," Elphaba complained, but followed him to the kitchen anyway.

She turned on the light and sank into a chair at the kitchen table as Fiyero lit the stove and put the kettle on to boil.

"It's been seven years. I just want them to stop."

"Was it the same one?" Fiyero asked her.

She nodded tiredly. "Throne room. With the Monkeys."

Of course, that wasn't the only scene from her time on the run that shadowed her nightmares, but it seemed to be one of the most frequent. The moment that had started it all and changed her life so completely. One of the moments she regretted the most.

Fiyero said nothing as he finished making the tea and brought it over to her. He'd long since giving up asking if anything had brought it on- they knew by now there never seemed to be a reason behind when her nightmares occurred, or the severity to them.

They always seemed to be more frequent and worse when Elphaba had been pregnant, which made sense to them, but Elphaba was still struggling to understand why her past insisted on haunting her in her dreams.

"The Monkeys?"

Elphaba shrugged, knowing what he was asking. If she was moved to check on the kids after a nightmare, it was a safe bet it was a dream of them being discoverated and the kids taken away.

"Nothing to do with the dream, I just wanted to check. I guess I'm not used to Jiyah sleeping through the night yet," she said.

Jiyah had settled into a sleeping routine much sooner than her brothers and had been sleeping through most of the night for a week now. Elphaba was the first to admit she was a little paranoid.

Fiyero nodded, accepting her response.

"You want to try to get some more sleep?" he asked gently when she'd finished her tea.

Elphaba hesitated. "You go ahead. I may stay up a bit longer."

Fiyero looked at her knowingly. "Come on, Fae. You said it wasn't that bad."

"It wasn't," Elphaba agreed. "But I just…"

"Come on," he urged her gently. "We might get another hour in before a child wakes up."

Elphaba reluctantly allowed him to lead her back to their bedroom and climbed into bed.

She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, resolutely keeping her eyes open. Fiyero rolled onto his side and faced her in the darkness.

"Do you remember," he began at length and Elphaba couldn't help but smile.

After every nightmare, when she was too shaken or wary of falling asleep again, lest the nightmare return, Fiyero would tell her a story. It was always a memory, something that was significant to only him, sometimes for reasons even Elphaba didn't know but she loved that Fiyero deemed it important.

"Do you remember the first night we were out of Oz?"

She looked over to him, frowning slightly as she tried to remember the night in question. "You mean over the border?"

Fiyero nodded. "We weren't even near a village, but we knew we were in Quox-"

"Because we heard the Owl," Elphaba finished as it came to her.

"Sitting up in a tree muttering to himself," Fiyero smiled.

Elphaba remembered that night. They'd approached the Owl to confirm they were out of Oz rather hesitantly (Elphaba had been unsure if anyone would recognise her and the reaction that would provoke, and Fiyero couldn't be sure he wouldn't be attacked- being made of straw at the time); and the Owl had directed them to an empty cabin to spend the night, that had housed many Animals fleeing Oz in the previous few years.

"What about it?" Elphaba asked him.

His smile faded. "That was the first night since Kiamo Ko that you actually slept," he murmured.

"It was the first night I wasn't sleeping on the ground," Elphaba retorted. "That may have had something to do with it."

She rolled over to face him and smiled ruefully. "I don't think I could do that now."

"Oh definishly not," Fiyero agreed immediately. "Let's just hope the kids never want to go camping when they get older."

Elphaba smiled.

Fiyero reached over and laced his fingers with hers gently. "My point is, you slept. For about fourteen solid hours, if I recall correctly."

Elphaba recalled that correctly too. Namely because Fiyero, not needing sleep in his Scarecrow form, had promptly regaled her with how bored he'd been when she finally woke up and the exact length of time she'd been sleeping for.

"I was tired."

"You felt safe," Fiyero corrected her.

Elphaba got his point now. "It's not that I don't feel safe now, Yero. That's not causing the nightmares. Otherwise they'd be more frequent, wouldn't they?"

"I think a part of you is always going to wonder if we're truly safe."

She sighed. "I am not having this conversation at three in the morning."

He grinned and shuffled closer to her, wrapping an arm over her hip. "Then let's go to sleep. We'll talk about this later."

Elphaba rolled his eyes. "That doesn't mean you've won."

Fiyero buried his face in the crook of her neck and she could feel him smile against her skin.

"Sure, Fae," he replied.

He began to gently rub his thumb over her hip in small circles to soothe her.

"You know it's _way_ too hot for you to sleep attached to me," Elphaba uttered one last protest even as her eyes closed and she felt herself begin to relax.

Fiyero made a sound in his throat that may have been words, but didn't move.

Regardless, Elphaba was sure he didn't go back to sleep until he knew she was, which didn't take as long as either of them had expected.

Sunday morning dawned, with the promise of being another beautiful summer day. The kids- all three of them- seemed to be up with the sun.

"Do you feel up to doing something today?" Fiyero asked Elphaba as she prepared Jiyah's bottle and he made breakfast for them and the boys.

Elphaba eyed him carefully. "Like what?"

He shrugged. "We could take the kids to the park? Or if you want to just hang here… at least Jiyah and hopefully Cale will nap today. I can amuse Joz if you want to nap too."

She raised an eyebrow knowingly. "Subtle, Yero."

She smiled as she tested the bottle's temperature on her wrist. "I'm fine. I'm not that tired. If you want to go to the park, we could."

So, to the park they went, once they'd all been fed and dressed. Several other families had clearly had the same idea, and Jozua found some children his age to play with on the playground; leaving his parents to amuse Cale as Jiyah lay on a blanket on the grass and gurgled happily.

She couldn't talk yet, but she'd happily babble away, making sounds that Fiyero claimed were words. While Elphaba and Fiyero made all the right responses to Jiyah's baby talk in pretence of holding a conversation with their daughter, but Elphaba was sure that Cale- at two and a half- somehow did know exactly what she was saying and responded in kind.

Jozua had been the same with Cale, and there was a similar age difference between her youngest two as between the boys.

"Well, Joz is having no trouble making friends apparently," Fiyero commented, keeping an eye on their eldest.

He had absolutely no idea what he and three other small children were playing, but they seemed to be getting along and not making trouble.

Elphaba glanced over briefly. "He gets that from you. At least we won't have to worry about him making friends when he starts school next fall."

Her tone was nonchalant, but she winced ever so slightly at the thought of her baby starting school.

Fiyero smiled at her in understanding and then attempted to distract them both from the thought by blowing raspberries onto Jiyah's belly to make her giggle.

"You know, it's not that I don't feel safe here," Elphaba said quietly.

It took Fiyero a moment to place her statement within the context of their three am conversation.

"But?"

" _But,"_ she continued with a smile. "As much as I feel safe here, I'm always going to worry about someone finding us. Totit found us, completely by chance. Who's to say that won't happen again, with someone we're not so happy to see?"

Fiyero could allow she had a point. It was a thought he'd had before, not so much now, but definishly when Totit had first stumbled upon them in Limelle. He could admit now he'd had a blind moment of panic where he'd considered uprooting their family and moving even further away from Oz and their former lives. He wasn't quite at the point yet where he could laugh about it. Or admit that to Elphaba.

"I get that," he agreed. "I just hate that you still have nightmares. Even if it's only once every few months. Because there's absolutely nothing I can do to make them stop."

"No," Elphaba conceded. "But when I wake up, I have you and the kids to remind me that I'm not that girl anymore. That something wonderful and good came from all the mess."

She smiled at him lovingly. "I have you to remind me that I'm safe, and to lull me back to sleep. If I had nightmares while I was… you know… there was none of that."

Fiyero couldn't help but lean over and kiss her. He hated to think of what life had been like for her on the run, which was probably why they spoke of it so little.

"Daddy!" Jozua yelled, running over towards them. "I want to go on the swings. Can you push me?"

"I'll push you, sweets," Elphaba offered.

"No, I want Daddy!" Jozua whined in protest.

Fiyero smirked at Elphaba teasingly, who rolled her eyes. They both knew exactly why Jozua wanted Fiyero- his father was willing to push him much higher than Elphaba was. Fiyero liked to tease her that her caution was rather ironic considering she'd spent the better part of two years flying around on a broom.

"Alright, Joz. Let's go swing," Fiyero said agreeably, getting to his feet. "Cale, you want to come swing?"

Cale looked to his mother, who nodded encouragingly. "Go play with Joz and Daddy," she urged him.

Fiyero looked down at her. "You right with the princess?"

Elphaba looked down at Jiyah, who was lying on her stomach and rocking back on her hands and knees.

"I think we'll manage."

"Don't let her start crawling without me," Fiyero warned as he led the boys away.

Elphaba chuckled and ran a hand gently down Jiyah's back. "You wouldn't do that to Daddy, would you?" she asked her.

Jiyah beamed up at her, reaching out a tiny hand. "Ma!"

Elphaba smiled, letting herself pretend that she was saying "Mama."

As she lay on the blanket with her daughter, alternating her gaze between Jiyah's efforts to crawl and watching Fiyero push the boys on the swings- Jozua soaring much higher than his little brother, Elphaba finally felt as though the remnants of her nightmare the night before were being swept away.

What she'd told Fiyero had been true, she did feel safe here in Limelle, in their life. And while there would always be a lingering fear, because Elphaba didn't think it was possible to outrun their past forever, no matter how careful they were, it was these little moments that made her feel safest.

When Cale and Jiyah both began to display distinctive signs that a nap may be in order, they returned home. The two youngest went down, Cale with some token protest, and Jozua settled himself in the living room with a wooden toy train set that Fiyero had made him for his last birthday.

Elphaba curled herself up in the armchair with a book, although she wasn't terribly focused on it.

"You ok?" Fiyero asked her quietly, handing her a glass of lemonade and sitting on the couch.

Elphaba looked faintly surprised. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem distracted."

She shook her head. "No. I'm just thinking. Nothing serious," she reassured him with a smile.

The rest of the day passed quietly, until at last evening came and all the kids were in bed and sleeping soundly.

Fiyero ensured the house was locked up for the night as Elphaba did a final check on the kids. When he entered their bedroom, she had already changed into her nightgown and was in the bathroom brushing her teeth.

"You know," Fiyero began casually, reaching for his own toothbrush. "Alvar and Kalhey are going away soon for a week or so. To Fallham to visit his parents."

Elphaba looked at him oddly. "Yeah, I know. Kalhey's super excited about it," she said with a wry smile.

Alvar's mother, in Kalhey's own words, "hates me with a fiery passion" and she was not looking forward to spending an extended visit with her in-laws.

Despite Fiyero's insistence that his mother, had she the chance to meet Elphaba, would love her; Elphaba always came away from conversations with Kalhey mildly (and sometimes guiltily) grateful that she didn't have to worry about a mother-in-law.

"We've never been to Fallham."

"No, because it's a hundred and sixty miles north and Limelle is the furthest into Quox we've ever been. Yero, what's your point?"

"Maybe we should think about going away?" Fiyero suggested. "A vacation, you know?"

Elphaba froze. "I have never been on a vacation in my entire life," she said finally. "Unless you count the Emerald City."

Fiyero wasn't completely surprised by this fact, but he still felt terribly sad at that fact.

"That doesn't count," he said firmly. "But what do you think? There's an ocean on the other side of Quox. An _ocean,_ Fae. Can you imagine? Wouldn't the kids love that?"

Elphaba finished brushing her teeth in silence, frowning slightly.

"Joz would," she agreed finally. "But Cale and Jiyah are way too young. And the coast is five hundred miles away. You want to make that trip with three little kids?"

"Ok, so we save the ocean for when they're older," Fiyero agreed. "But we could still go somewhere, couldn't we? Just for a few days?"

Elphaba left the bathroom and headed for the bed, turning back the covers. "You don't suddenly have a burning desire for a vacation because Alvar's going to visit his parents," she said to him. "So, what's going on?"

Fiyero finished brushing his teeth and returned to the room as she climbed into bed. "I was thinking about what you said, how you feel safe here. In Limelle."

"And?"

"And then I started thinking again about our trip here."

Fiyero climbed into bed and sighed at the expression on his wife's face.

"Look, Fae. We stopped in a few villages once we crossed the border, but kept moving. At your insistence. You were fine when we found Dorbush, but again, we kept moving. We found Limelle and stopped."

He shrugged lightly. "I just think, after seven years, you should feel as safe as you do here anywhere in Quox. The only time we ever leave town is to go into Dorbush, and we're never there long," he pointed out.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "If we went on a vacation now, Jozua is the only child who _might_ remember it," she said practically. "I think if we were going to take a proper vacation, we should wait until all the kids can enjoy it. And remember it."

"That makes sense," Fiyero conceded. "Alright, well what about taking them into Dorbush for a day? Can we discuss that idea?"

Elphaba nodded slowly. "I suppose," she agreed.

Fiyero looked rather pleased with himself. "Ok."

He leaned over and kissed her. "I love you, Fae."

She smiled faintly. "I love you."

Fiyero rolled back and turned off the lamp beside his bed. Elphaba however, remained sitting up against her pillows, her lamp still on.

"Do you ever think about the kids wanting to go to Oz?" she asked him.

Fiyero rolled onto his side to face her. "No," he said honestly. "But that may be because the boys can't even cross the road without holding our hands," he grinned.

Elphaba said nothing, just frowned as she stared into the distance. Fiyero reached over and took her hand, squeezing it gently.

"Don't think about that stuff yet, Fae. It may never happen. They're all Quoxian by birth, this is their home. They may never even think about Oz, it'll just be a place on a map to them. I'm sure these thoughts can't help you sleep," he pointed out.

Elphaba met his gaze. "You think I bring the nightmares on myself?" she demanded.

Fiyero sighed. "Fae, I didn't say that. Come on, lie down," he urged her gently.

Reluctantly, Elphaba shuffled down the bed and turned off her light, allowing Fiyero to draw her into his arms and resting her head on his chest.

"I just want them to always feel safe," she whispered into the darkness.

"I know, Fae," Fiyero murmured, trailing his fingers up and down her arm. "That's all I want for you too. You know that, right?"

"I know."

And as she let herself be lulled to sleep in his arms, Elphaba couldn't help but think that as long as she had Fiyero, she always would feel safe.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Safe to Believe" by Delta Goodrem**

 **AN. I had someone ask about the long promised Fiyeraba sequel to _Life's Epochs._ Just want to reassure you all that it _is_ coming- it'll be the next multichap fic I [eventually] post. _After Forever_ just took a lot longer to write than I'd expected. **


	16. The Guardian

**DISCLAIMER: I wish it was mine, but it's not.**

 **Chapter 16: The Guardian**

 **Counselling Session, December 1948**

Dr Palloa smiled warmly as Elphaba and Fiyero stepped into his office one Thursday afternoon in early December.

"Good afternoon. Can I get either of you something to drink?" he offered.

"Tea, please," Elphaba accepted and Fiyero shook his head.

"I'm fine thanks."

They settled themselves onto the sofa, waiting silently for Dr Palloa to return with Elphaba's tea.

"How are you? How are things? The children?"

"The children are fine," Elphaba answered. "Jiyah turned four last week."

"Ah, yes. I remember you mentioning that was coming up last time. How did the party go?"

"They all had fun, I think," she said vaguely.

Dr Palloa nodded, already writing on his notepad. It always made Elphaba's stomach clench whenever he started writing.

"Any arguments?" he asked them.

"Not really. We got along fine."

The Peacock turned his gaze onto Fiyero. "Fiyero?"

"We got along fine," Fiyero repeated, nodding in agreement.

Considering usually Fiyero was the chatty one in their sessions (at least compared to Elphaba, from whom you essentially had to pry any words out of in the first fifteen minutes), Dr Palloa knew something was up.

"And since then? Has something happened?"

"It's not relevant," Fiyero replied tiredly.

Dr Palloa just looked at him expectantly, until Fiyero sighed and relented.

"I found out last week that my mother passed recently."

Dr Palloa put down his pen.

"Ah. I'm very sorry for your loss," he said gently.

Fiyero nodded jerkily.

"How are you feeling?"

Fiyero stared at him oddly. "About my mother dying? Pretty damn terrible."

" _Fiyero,"_ Elphaba sighed. "I'm supposed to be the bitchy one, remember?"

She looked to the Peacock. "He's been snapping at everyone all week. Even the kids."

"My mother _died,_ Elphaba," Fiyero snapped.

"Yeah, I've been there," Elphaba snapped back.

"Yeah, you were all choked up when your father died," Fiyero retorted angrily.

Elphaba flinched and even Dr Palloa was silent and still.

"You have no _idea_ what I felt when my father died," she said quietly. "You weren't there."

"Neither were you."

"Well, then I guess we're even in the missing a parents' death sweepstakes," Elphaba said coldly. "When your father dies and you win, I'll get you a damn cake."

Fiyero gaped at her in stunned silence and Elphaba seemed to fold into herself as her words resounded in the office. It was like she really heard them for the first time as they echoed into the silence and her breath caught in an odd gasp. Her eyes burned with sudden tears, and she felt sick to her stomach.

"I- I can't do this," she said, jumping to her feet and grabbing her bag. "I have to get out of here."

"Elphaba-" Dr Palloa protested hastily.

"No," she cut him off. "I am _sick_ of this. I'm sick of being the bitch all the time. I'm tired of feeling like all our fights and problems are my fault. I'm just so damn tired of all this."

Her voice cracked and Dr Palloa nodded comfortingly.

"I understand," he said sympathetically. "But I don't think you should leave. Elphaba, why don't you go have a seat outside? Have your tea and a break, while I speak to Fiyero for a few moments. I'll come and get you when it's time."

Elphaba hesitated and then acquiesced with a small nod, not even looking in Fiyero's direction.

Dr Palloa saw her out to the empty waiting room, and told her to help herself to more tea or anything while she waited, before he returned to his office.

Fiyero was still sitting on the sofa, staring at the ground. There was silence as Dr Palloa resumed his seat and waited patiently.

"How do you feel about your mother dying?" Dr Palloa finally broke the silence when it became clear Fiyero wasn't going to speak any time soon.

Fiyero's head lifted in surprise at that. He hadn't expected that to be the first question he asked.

"What?"

"How do you feel about your mother dying? Can you be more specific, other than, how did you put it? 'Pretty damn terrible'."

Fiyero wondered if that was a trick question.

"Um, sad?"

"Were you close to your mother?"

Fiyero faltered. "I- I guess so," he replied slowly. "I mean, I guess I was closer to my dad growing up, but she was the best- the best mom."

He swallowed hard before continuing.

"She was so patient when I started acting out. They both were. More patient than most other parents would have been."

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"The last time I _saw_ her… I went home for Lurlinemas that year. So, I guess it was about five months before. But she sent me a letter when Glinda announced the engagement. I think Glinda had written to them to let them know, because it arrived so quickly. Too quickly, even for an express. It came the morning of the engagement ball."

"The morning of the day you left with Elphaba?" Dr Palloa asked in interest.

Fiyero nodded.

"What did it say?"

Fiyero hesitated. "I don't even really remember the exact words anymore. The gist was that she loved me and she wanted me to be happy."

"Does Elphaba know about this letter? Did it influence your decision to leave with her?"

"I- I don't know," Fiyero said, looking startled. "I don't remember thinking of much of anything besides the fact Elphaba was _there_ in front of me. I can't remember if I ever mentioned the letter. I suppose I might have. What would that matter?"

Dr Palloa made a note on his pad, but said nothing.

"Did you and Elphaba ever discuss your parents after you left Oz?"

"Of course!" Fiyero exclaimed.

"In what way?"

Fiyero was beginning to get frustrated. "I don't know. The fact they'd never know they're grandparents, who inherits the throne now that I… can't. Lurlinemas traditions I had as a kid. All kinds of stuff."

Dr Palloa titled his head. "Do you mind if I ask who _will_ inherit the throne?"

Fiyero shrugged. "My great-aunt, if she's still alive. If not, her son. Or grandson. I really don't know who's still around. My Dad always says 'Tiggulars either live for forever or a day'," he grinned slightly, which widened as he saw the look of confusion on the Peacock's face.

"It just means the family either dies quite young or really old," he shrugged again. "Instead of 'forever and a day'… I guess you have to know my Dad to find it amusing," he acknowledged, his grin fading.

"I really don't understand what this has to do with anything."

"Did your parents ever meet Elphaba?" Dr Palloa asked him.

Fiyero shook his head. "No."

"How do you think they would have felt about what happened? What you did?"

Fiyero gave a wry smile, running his hand through his hair. "I've been asking myself this question for a decade. I don't know," he said simply.

"I'd like to think they'd understand. That maybe they knew something wasn't right. That I wasn't happy. Even though they think…"

"That you're dead," Dr Palloa finished and Fiyero nodded solemnly.

"So, Fiyero, I'm going to ask again. How are you feeling?"

Fiyero faltered.

"You've been snapping at your children, at Elphaba. There's more to that than just being sad," Dr Palloa said gently.

Fiyero shifted in his seat. "I hate the thought that she knows that I faked my death. That I'm alive and never tried to let them know the truth."

"You feel guilty."

"Wouldn't you?"

Dr Palloa didn't answer. "I'd like to ask Elphaba to come back now," he said instead.

Fiyero nodded. He wasn't convinced Elphaba would still be there, let alone willing to return. But although it took a few minutes, when Dr Palloa returned to the office, Elphaba was behind him.

Fiyero rose to his feet immediately.

"Fae, I'm sorry," he apologised hastily. "I shouldn't have said that."

Elphaba's eyes were red-rimmed and rather wary as she met Fiyero's gaze. She said nothing.

"Fae," Fiyero repeated, a pleading note in his tone.

Elphaba just shook her head and slowly resumed her seat beside him, although she left quite a space between them.

"Elphaba, would you tell me about your parents?" Dr Palloa asked.

Elphaba held her shoulders stiffly. "Why? There's not much to tell. They're both dead."

"Your parents influence both you as a person and you as a parent," Dr Palloa said gently. "I'd like to get as clear a full picture as possible."

Dr Palloa hadn't thought it was possible for Elphaba to look more reluctant than she had when he'd asked her about Glinda, but he was proven wrong now. But whereas there had been flashes of pain and guilt hidden in her eyes when Glinda came up in conversation; there was only a cool reserve in her gaze now.

"My mother died when I was three and a half. She didn't have a chance to influence much of anything," Elphaba said brusquely.

"Ah. Do you remember her?"

Elphaba hesitated and then shrugged minutely. "Not really."

"What happened?"

"She died in childbirth with my sister. Her heart gave out."

It wasn't a lie, Elphaba reasoned.

She just didn't feel like explaining the milkflowers right now.

Dr Palloa paused thoughtfully. "Did that affect you when you had your children?"

"Yes," Fiyero replied immediately before Elphaba could answer. "What? It did!" he added defensively as Elphaba turned to him sharply.

"Not because I feared dying in childbirth," she said coolly.

"So what _did_ you fear?" the Peacock asked her gently.

Elphaba paused, glanced at Fiyero and then her shoulders sagged ever so slightly.

"I don't know," she murmured. "Everything."

She brought her hands together in her lap and fiddled with her heavy wool skirt, picking off non-existent lint.

"Fae," Fiyero said softly.

He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. Fiyero winced visibly.

He hesitated, and then rested his hand on his knee.

"Elphaba, I'm sorry," he apologised. "I shouldn't have said that about your father."

"You are not the first, nor the only person to lose a parent," Elphaba retorted quietly.

"I know that," Fiyero said. "I've just been… feeling guilty. About Mom dying not knowing the truth. I've been struggling with that."

That made Elphaba meet his gaze. "You are also not the only person to feel _guilty_ about their parents. I know I'd rather bear your guilt than mine," she snapped.

"It's not _your_ guilt!" Fiyero insisted, not for the first time. "You have nothing to feel guilty for!"

As always, it fell upon deaf ears. It was entrenched far too deeply in her by now.

Dr Palloa couldn't help but be curious by now.

"Elphaba?"

Elphaba shook her head, staring at her lap. Fiyero once again reached for her hand.

Again, she made to move it away, but Fiyero persisted and took her hand. She still wouldn't look at him, or at Dr Palloa.

But as the silence in the office mounted, she could feel both their gazes on her. At last, she took a deep breath, and for only the third time in her entire life, began to recount the story of events that led to her mother's death, her sister's life and that was the summation of her relationship with her father.

The last time she'd spoken of Nessa's birth in depth had been the day she told Fiyero. It had been a month after they'd come to Limelle, and Fiyero had finally dared to ask her about Nessa's death and ultimately, the fate she had inadvertently dealt to Boq. It had all come out then, more reluctantly than Elphaba had first confessed to Glinda once upon a time, but more readily than it did now in Dr Palloa's office.

Elphaba somehow felt as though telling their counsellor this story would cement the fact that all their issues stemmed from her. She was neither right nor wrong.

Dr Palloa scribbled frantic notes as she haltingly spoke, not interrupting, but each thoughtful nod gave Elphaba pause.

When she finally fell silent once more, she watched anxiously for Dr Palloa to stop writing, not even noticing her grip tightening on Fiyero's hand.

"I must say," the Peacock said at length, laying down his pen. "This does provide me with some answers."

"Answers?" Elphaba repeated. "What answers?"

Dr Palloa looked at her gently. "You carry a lot of guilt on your shoulders, Elphaba. I've seen that from our first meeting."

Elphaba quirked an eyebrow. "You have? What, like a stain?"

Fiyero snorted, and then coughed to try and cover it.

Dr Palloa chose to ignore them both. Elphaba took the moment to remove her hand from Fiyero's grasp once more.

"We've talked before about your guilt regarding Glinda."

Elphaba set her jaw. "Yes. I don't see what that has to do with my parents."

"You've been raised to believe that you are responsible for your mother's death and your sister's disability."

"Aren't I?"

"No," Dr Palloa and Fiyero replied in unison.

"Elphaba, your parents made a choice. The circumstances may have stemmed from your birth, but that doesn't make you responsible for their decisions or the consequences."

It wasn't anything Glinda or Fiyero hadn't told her before, but Elphaba still seemed doubtful.

"You said you were responsible for your sister's care. Did your father ever insinuate that this was because he thought you were the reason she needed such care?"

"He didn't need to _insinuate_ anything. He was quite comfortable telling me directly," Elphaba said matter-of-factly. "The first time I remember hearing it, I was six. I doubt that was the first time he'd said it."

"And did your father ever tell you that you cared for your sister well?"

"Like a performance review?" Elphaba returned, raising her eyebrow once more.

The Peacock sighed. "Elphaba, I feel this would go faster if you gave direct answers."

Elphaba sighed and leaned back in her seat.

"Not directly. I assume he was pleased on some level, otherwise he would have continued to employ someone to look after Nessa even after I was old enough. My father's preferred method was to give me more responsibility, but only say something if I'd done anything wrong."

"Did he ever tell you that he loved you?"

Elphaba snorted derisively. "No. And I doubt I would have believed him if he did."

"Did he ever tell you that you were a good sister? A good daughter? A good person?"

The look Elphaba gave him could only be described as incredulous.

"The only thing my father ever said to me was either an order, a criticism or a reprimand," she replied. " _Why?_ What does that have to do with anything?"

Dr Palloa made another note and then looked up at her.

"Do you believe you're a good person? A good mother? A good wife? Do you think you were a good sister and daughter?"

Elphaba and Fiyero both tensed. Fiyero looked to his wife, his eyes wide as he waited for her response.

Elphaba considered her words carefully before saying anything.

"I think I'm a better parent than my father was," she said slowly. "I can't comment on my mother, because I don't remember enough of her as a parent. I've never really known any models of good parenting to hold myself to as a standard."

"Are you a good wife?" the counsellor asked again.

Elphaba spread her hands out as she shrugged. "We live in separate houses and we're here. What does that tell you?"

Dr Palloa turned to Fiyero. "Fiyero? What do you think? Is Elphaba a good wife? A good mother?"

"Of _course_ she is!" Fiyero exclaimed, almost sounding insulted that he might dare think otherwise.

"She's the best mom our kids could have," he continued loyally. "She'd do anything for them."

Dr Palloa nodded, flicking back through his notes.

"You said something very interesting in our first session, Fiyero."

"I did?" Fiyero asked in surprise, slightly wary. "What did I say?"

Dr Palloa got up and crossed the room to his filing cabinet, his long tail trailing along the ground. He pulled out a file and returned to his chair.

"You said Elphaba finds it easier to see possible negative outcomes because _'It's easier to expect bad things to happen when bad things keep happening'."_

Fiyero looked at Elphaba almost apprehensively, but she didn't look mad, just resigned.

"I think I remember saying that," Fiyero slowly agreed.

Elphaba's shoulders slumped. "Are you saying that I'm right? It's my fault?"

"You keep using that word. _Fault._ There is no _fault,_ Elphaba," Dr Palloa answered her gently.

"But your father, from a very early age, set you up to fail."

They both met this statement with a bewildered silence.

"Your father set impossible standards for you, Elphaba. He gave you neither praise nor compliments. No matter how much responsibility he gave you, or how well you cared for your sister, nothing you could do was ever going to be good enough for him. Surely you see that?"

It came to her in a flash. Her last meeting with Nessa, her little sister begging her not to leave her, as her insides churned with revulsion at what she had done to Boq. Hadn't she said as much to her in that moment?

' _I've done everything I ever could for you. And it hasn't been enough. And nothing ever will be.'_

Little knowing they were the last words she'd ever say to her sister.

"Fae?"

Fiyero's concerned voice echoed through the fog that clouded her unseeing gaze. A warm hand on her knee made Elphaba jump, bringing her back to reality with a jolt. Her chest hurt as though she'd slammed into something hard, and it took a moment for her to realise that her blurred gaze was slightly due to unshed tears.

"Sorry," she murmured, leaning forward and burying her face in her hands. She was shaking and Fiyero moved his hand from her knee to her back, rubbing gentle circles as he used to when she'd awaken from an awful nightmare, which only made her feel worse.

"Are you alright, Elphaba?" Dr Palloa asked her concernedly.

"Fae, what happened?" Fiyero asked anxiously.

Elphaba shook her head slightly. "Nothing. I just remembered. That was the last thing I ever said to Nessa. Or close enough anyway. That nothing I'd ever done for her was good enough."

They hadn't discussed much of Nessarose so far in their session, so Dr Palloa didn't really have enough information to delve deeper into that discussion right then.

"Elphaba, from what you've told me about your relationship with your father, he was at best emotionally neglectful. At worse, emotionally abusive."

Elphaba raised her head, her eyes wide. Beside her, Fiyero looked as though everything suddenly made sense to him.

"We'd have to discuss that in more depth for me to make an official diagnosis, of course," Dr Palloa allowed. "But that is my professional opinion."

"You take on a lot of guilt and responsibility for things that are not your fault."

"Like Glinda?" Fiyero asked tentatively.

"Precisely. I understand that you feel remorse for causing your friend pain. But it was Fiyero's choice to break that relationship, not yours. You are not at fault for that."

"I'm at least partly to blame. I didn't stop him-"

Elphaba cut herself off, meeting Fiyero's gaze.

They shared a pained glance, before Elphaba finally looked away. They couldn't go down that road again.

"Elphaba, I think you have the problem of trying to live up to what _you_ think others expect of you. Unfortunately, unless someone actually outlines their expectations of you, you're never going to live up to them. Because they quite possibly don't exist."

He smiled gently.

"Anything less than perfection is not failure, Elphaba."

Elphaba was very silent and very still.

"Elphaba?" Fiyero said finally.

"I… I never really put a label on it. My father. It was no secret he hated me," she said quietly. "But…"

"Children who suffer emotional abuse often have difficulties in relationships as adults," Dr Palloa informed them.

"I think I'm right in saying, Elphaba, that you find it easy to put up walls? To protect yourself?"

Elphaba nodded slowly. " _It's easier to expect bad things to happen when bad things keep happening',"_ she repeated the earlier words.

Dr Palloa nodded approvingly. "Yes. Now, I want to stress _very_ carefully, that I do not believe this is the only issue in your marriage. But I do believe that the long term effects of your relationship with your father is a contributing factor."

He turned his gaze to Fiyero.

"I understand your guilt about lying to your parents, Fiyero. I do. But _both_ of you need to learn to release it. Because it's eating your marriage alive, and if you're not careful, it will eat you too."

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance.

"Fiyero, your parents loved each other yes?"

"Yes," Fiyero agreed, frowning slightly.

"Would they have done what you did? Fake their death to help save the other."

Fiyero's face cleared as comprehension dawned. "In a heartbeat," he nodded firmly.

"I'm sure you know that as a parent, all you want is for your children to be happy. I think your mother would understand why you did what you did. Don't you?"

Fiyero made a slight face. "Probably," he conceded.

Dr Palloa smiled faintly.

Fiyero turned to Elphaba. "I am sorry," he apologised again. "About what I said. I'm sorry I've been so horrendible lately."

"It hasn't bothered me that you've been snapping at me. That's nothing new lately," Elphaba replied honestly. "But _you_ decided you didn't want to tell the kids. So they don't understand why you've been snapping at _them."_

Fiyero winced. "Right. I know. I'll apologise. Take them out for ice cream or something."

Elphaba decided not to go into the futility of eating ice cream in December just then.

"They'd like that," she said instead.

"We're almost out of time," Dr Palloa interrupted gently. "But Elphaba, I'd like to ask you something. How would you feel about doing some individual therapy sessions?"

"Individual therapy sessions?" Elphaba repeated uncertainly.

The Peacock nodded. "Yes. I'd like to go into more depth with your relationships with your family. It _has_ affected you, moreso than you've realised," he pointed out. "I'd also like to work with you to perhaps try and knock down the walls you've built around you. Help you let go of some of the guilt you carry around."

Elphaba's initial thought was that she was rather fond of her walls. And were they really such a bad thing? She'd let Fiyero through, hadn't she?

"I don't know if you let him through, so much as he found a way over and you didn't kick him out," Dr Palloa smiled when she said as much.

"Which I think we'd like to try and keep it that way."

"In other words, you think that's what I'm trying to do? Kick him out?" Elphaba replied.

Fiyero looked a little alarmed as he waited for the answer.

"On some level, yes."

Elphaba paused thoughtfully, glancing over to Fiyero.

If he had fought his way in, it came down to did she fight to kick him out or to keep him in?

She couldn't help but feel she was being asked to decide on the fate of her marriage right then and there.

Fight or Flight?

It was a question Fiyero had asked her once before, and she'd chosen to fight. Did she make the same choice now?

Elphaba had been called many things in her lifetime, but coward could never one of them.

"Ok," she agreed. "I'll try."

Fiyero couldn't even hide his grin.

For the first time, Elphaba allowed herself to feel hope. Maybe they had a chance. Maybe they could fight for their marriage.

 **Chapter Title Song: "The Guardian" by Delta Goodrem**

 **AN. Sorry this is a bit late- I was away for the weekend and just got home.**

 **Thanks to those you who have reviewed. I really appreciate hearing your thoughts on the story. Of which, I'm certain you guys will have many on this chapter. And then next. And the... well, we're coming to a lot of big chapters, people! Brace yourselves!**


	17. Need You Now

**DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine.**

 **AN. There's a small _Anne of Green Gables_ reference/quote in this chapter! Can anyone pick it?**

 **Chapter 17: Need You Now**

 **December, 1948**

The house was dark, cold and empty.

Fiyero was gone.

The children were gone.

She was alone.

The covers, extra blankets added to ward off the chill of the night, were suddenly stifling, suffocating her.

Elphaba bolted from the bed and made it to the bathroom just in time, collapsing to her knees on the cold, hard floor and retching into the toilet bowl.

When she'd brought up her dinner and what felt like the last night's dinner too, she sank back onto her heels, trembling all over. She was panting for breath as her lungs strained to take in air and her stomach did somersaults.

She couldn't stop shaking, but nor could she find the strength to get to her feet. Her ragged breaths and chattering teeth were the only sound in the house and Elphaba closed her eyes, trying to force herself to breathe deeply.

As Elphaba focused on her breaths, she focused on what she knew. The facts. The truth.

Her truth.

The children weren't gone. They were at Fiyero's house, no doubt all sleeping peacefully. It wasn't their usual weekend to stay at Fiyero's but they'd swapped so that Fiyero could have the kids with him for his thirty-seventh birthday, which had been the day before.

It seemed to be true, however, that she was indeed alone.

At least for the moment.

Finally, Elphaba was fairly confident she wasn't going to be sick again, but she didn't think her legs could hold her yet. The bathroom floor, shockingly, wasn't that comfortable of a place to sit. At length, she took to crawling out of the bathroom and into her bed.

Elphaba lit the lamp, and as warm light flooded the room and chased the shadows away, her chest loosened somewhat. She wrapped herself in a blanket, and squeezed her eyes shut as she waited for the warmth to soak into her skin.

It was a quarter past one in the morning, the clock on the nightstand informed her and Elphaba let out a small whimper. There was no comfort of knowing dawn was approaching soon, dawn that would mean another night was over and she could pretend she had simply awoken early- that she was wanting to watch a new day arrive, fresh with no mistakes in it.

The hours of darkness stretched out long before her, and she didn't even have the small comfort of watching over her sleeping babies, envying their peaceful dreams and calming herself by the sound of their even breaths.

She couldn't even remember the last time she'd had a nightmare this bad. But she knew without a doubt this was her first nightmare since Fiyero had moved out. And that this was the first time in a decade she'd woken up from a vivid nightmare alone.

And it had been so vivid.

Elphaba shivered again, wrapping the blanket tighter around her. She clenched her mouth shut and breathed through her nose, her face buried in the blanket.

The house was too quiet and she almost wanted to scream, to shatter the silence into a million pieces.

When she'd been on the run, there was always _some_ noise. Whether she was sleeping on the forest floor, or up a tree, a cave… the most meagre shelter. There was noise. The rustling of leaves, a wind, the whispers of the trees or the murmurs of animals- or Animals as the case may be.

Now there was nothing and it was suffocating her.

She wanted to scream or sob.

She wanted Fiyero.

Yes, Elphaba could admit that.

She wanted Fiyero to wrap her in his arms and hold her so tightly it took her breath away. The blanket wrapped around her was not tight enough. To ward off the ice of the winter night, of her nightmare, of the ghosts of her past that refused to stop chasing her, to stop her from shaking.

She wanted Fiyero to be there, holding her securely, and whispering some story to her, a memory that she'd long since forgotten.

Elphaba didn't even realise the urge to sob had triumphed over the urge to scream, until she felt tears dripping down her chin, startling her. And then she gave into it, and let herself sob. But although she intended to sob herself to sleep, sleep never came.

When dawn finally arrived, almost sheepish as though apologising for taking so long in coming, Elphaba was still cocooned in her blanket, sitting up in her far too large and empty bed, although rather she tilted decidedly more sideways now.

The tears were gone, but she was no calmer for it. She lay at her awkward angle, staring vacantly at the window, not really seeing it. She still shivered, although she was no longer sure if it was due to the cold or the nightmare.

It had been a small consolation, at around four-thirty that morning, to connect the dots and realise the catalyst for the nightmare that ravaged her.

She'd had her first individual therapy session with Dr Palloa the previous day, a special Saturday morning appointment, because Dr Palloa thought it best they start quickly and he was booked solid for the next two weeks. Given that Fiyero had the children for that weekend, Elphaba had agreed and asked Totit to look after the store.

Dr Palloa, despite the depth to which they had discussed her father with Fiyero, and the apparent damage he had done to her, had been rather more interested in Elphaba's relationship with Nessarose.

Elphaba tried to think of Nessa even less than she tried to think of Glinda. At least with Glinda, they'd parted on some semblance of good terms. She'd had a chance to apologise at least. With Nessa, there'd only been anger and hurt and heartbreak.

Talking about Nessa was painful, but Elphaba thought she'd come through it ok. Clearly she had been wrong.

Although what wasn't painful lately?

The sunlight had barely crept onto the bed before Elphaba got up and got herself ready for the day. It was Sunday, and Fiyero wouldn't be bringing the kids back until probably two or three o'clock that afternoon.

Elphaba was slowly getting well practised at filling her time alone, but today, the hours ahead stretched out long and painfully. The thought made her start to tremble again, and she sank against the wall in the middle of the hallway.

Practically, Elphaba could think of a hundred things she could do to pass the time- housework, work for the store, finish reading the next book for book club.

But she couldn't make herself move.

She still felt slightly nauseous, and it was only when she began to feel dizzy from a lack of food that she forced herself to get up and make herself some toast.

The day passed torturously slow.

Finally, at two o'clock, Elphaba heard approaching voices and headed to the front door, her heart pounding.

"Hey, Mom!" Jozua greeted her happily, walking straight past her into the house, Cale at his heels.

"Momma! Daddy got me a new colouring book!" Jiyah beamed at her.

"Really? That was nice of him," Elphaba replied, trying to keep her voice light. "I hope you thanked him."

Jiyah nodded. "I did. I'm going to go colour you a picture."

"Ok, sweets."

Jiyah hurried into the house, and Elphaba turned to Fiyero.

He was watching her with a frown and when she met his gaze, she could have burst into tears again.

"Did you have a nice birthday?" she asked him, quickly avoiding his gaze.

He smiled. "I've had better, but yeah, I did. Thanks. The present was great, I love it."

Elphaba managed a faint smile. She'd organised a new camera for the kids to give Fiyero for his birthday.

"Your name wasn't on the card," Fiyero noted, his smile fading.

Elphaba lowered her gaze and shifted her weight. "I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to…"

Fiyero nodded in understanding. "Right."

He hesitated and then asked her directly. "Are you ok?"

There it was again. The urge to crumple, but Elphaba resisted.

"I'm fine," she answered brusquely.

Fiyero's frown deepened. "You don't look ok."

"Gee, thanks."

"Elphaba."

Before she could stop herself, she met his gaze for a brief moment and that was all it took.

"What happened?" he asked her.

Elphaba crossed her arms over her stomach. "Nightmare," she conceded reluctantly. "Bad one."

"The Monkeys?"

Elphaba shook her head.

"Scarecrow?"

Elphaba shook her head again and sighed. "Nessa. And Boq."

Fiyero couldn't hide his surprise at her response. Over the years, he'd come to know Elphaba's nightmares almost as well as she did. His capture and transformation into his Scarecrow form was her most frequent, followed by the Monkeys in the Wizard's throne room. The visions of them being discoverated and the children being taken had only first appeared during pregnancy, and was most common then.

Fiyero knew she'd dreamed of Nessa's death before, but he'd never heard Boq's name come up before in relation to her nightmares.

"How bad was it?" he asked her softly.

Tears stung Elphaba's eyes and she blinked them away.

"Bad," she managed.

"How bad?" Fiyero pressed.

Elphaba couldn't speak and simply shook her head again.

"That bad, huh?" Fiyero said softly.

Elphaba looked away as tears filled her eyes again. She heard Fiyero's footsteps climb the porch stairs, but didn't move.

"I'm sorry," Fiyero apologised. "You should have-"

"I should have what?" Elphaba interrupted. "It was one in the morning. You weren't there."

She didn't mean it to sound accusatory, but they both heard it in her tone. Fiyero winced slightly and Elphaba heaved a shuddering breath, starting to tremble again.

Fiyero faltered, and then made to wrap his arm around her shoulders. When his hand first touched her back, Elphaba made to shrug him off. But Fiyero persisted and as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, he could feel her shaking with silent sobs. It was the most physical contact they'd had since the day he'd moved out.

"How bad was it?" he asked again. "Vomiting?"

She nodded, her face buried in his coat.

"Did you get any sleep afterwards?"

She shook her head.

Fiyero let out a breath. "Do you want me to take the kids for a bit longer? Let you get some rest?"

Elphaba shook her head, pulling away. "No," she said hastily. "I just- I don't think I could sleep. And I don't… I don't want to be alone right now," she admitted.

She took a step back, out of his arms. "I should go in. We'll have to talk soon about Lurlinemas. What we're going to do."

"Fae-"

"I'm ok," she reassured him. "I will be. And I'm sorry. This was just the first one in a while, and by myself."

"Fae, you don't have to deal with them by yourself!" Fiyero exclaimed. He stepped forward and put his hands on her shoulders. "It doesn't matter what's going on between us. You can always come to me, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, with the kids' stuff-"

"No, with _anything,"_ he stressed.

"It was one in the morning," Elphaba brushed him off.

"So?"

" _So?!"_ Elphaba repeated.

"I mean it, Fae," he said earnestly. "We'll come up with a system. If you need me, for anything. It doesn't matter what time it is."

Elphaba chuckled tearfully, choking on a sob. "You say that now."

Fiyero opened his mouth, closed it again and then spoke carefully.

"I'm not going to argue, because it's too easy. I know you're exhausted and _not_ fine right now. But I really mean it, Fae. You have to trust that I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what."

"It's not a matter of trust," Elphaba returned, a silent apology in her voice. "It's just a fact that you can't always be there."

It was a thought that had occurred to her during the endless hours she'd spent listening to the silence of the house.

Somehow in the past ten years, she'd come to rely upon Fiyero for everything. That had to stop. Because once upon a time, she'd been able to take care of herself. And she couldn't endure another day like today, feeling suffocated by her own empty house.

She couldn't bear it.

She had to stop needing Fiyero. As much as that hurt.

"I should go," she said again. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Fiyero didn't push, but Elphaba knew he was watching her carefully over the next few days. She also knew he'd said something to Alvar, because Kalhey came by the store two days later and took her for lunch and a chat.

Elphaba relented and told Kalhey about the effects of her nightmare- although not much about the nightmare itself- and the thoughts she'd had the following day while left to her own devices.

"I know you're going to remind me what good friends your parents are still," she added tiredly before Kalhey could say anything else.

"But I think they're the exception to the rule."

"I think they are," Kalhey agreed. "But that doesn't mean that you and Fiyero can't… be your own exception. I don't know if that makes sense. Have you spoken to Dr Palloa about your nightmares?"

Elphaba shrugged, toying with her meal. "I think I've mentioned it. Not in any real depth. I haven't had one in months," she said. "I think my last one was… April?"

Kalhey was thoughtful. "I understand where you're coming from, El. But do you think you can really do it? Just stop relying on Fiyero?"

Elphaba put down her fork. "Not totally," she allowed. "I mean, as the father of my children, it's just not realistic. But, on some levels, I do need to."

"But it's not over, is it?" Kalhey asked anxiously. "There's still every chance you can work it out, right?"

Elphaba hesitated. "Dr Palloa keeps saying that it's not all my fault. But so far, all the issues that are coming up _do_ seem to be my fault. I knew I was screwed up, but I didn't realise it was this bad," she tried to joke.

Kalhey was solemn.

"I don't know," Elphaba finally said honestly. "I'm not saying there's no chance, but I don't feel very optimistic sometimes."

"You can't rush these things," Kalhey reminded her gently. "There's still plenty of time for all Fiyero's issues to come out. I think yours are just bigger."

Elphaba looked sceptical and Kalhey grinned.

"When we first met you guys, he was made of straw. I'm _sure_ he has issues," she reassured her.

Elphaba couldn't help but smile at that, probably one of the few times a reference to Fiyero's scarecrow form could elicit that reaction from her.

Before they parted, Kalhey reminded her that she could always count on her if need be.

"Even without Fiyero, you're not alone," she said and hugged her tightly.

"Thanks," Elphaba replied with a grateful smile and returned to the store.

She left just before three to go pick up Cale and Jozua from school. Only another week and they'd be done for the semester, which at least gave her a two week reprise from standing outside their classrooms in the cold waiting for them. Cale was usually quite prompt, but Jozua liked to linger over conversations with his friends.

This Wednesday afternoon however, Cale evidently was in no hurry to go home. Jozua wandered down and met her after a few minutes, which was definitely unusual.

"What's keeping your brother?" Elphaba asked him and Jozua only shrugged.

"I dunno. Can we have cocoa when we get home, Mom? Before homework?"

"We'll see," Elphaba replied.

The last few kids exited the classroom, followed by the teacher. She saw Elphaba waiting, and stepped out.

"Hi, Mrs Tiggular. I'm sorry to keep you, but could I speak to you for a moment before you go?"

Elphaba blinked in bewilderment. "Um, of course. Joz, come in for a sec."

"Do I have to?" Jozua whined.

"Yes, it's freezing in here. Let's go," she urged him, leading him towards the classroom.

When she entered, Elphaba's gaze found Cale and she immediately drew to a stop sharply. Cale was sitting on a chair, one eye visibly bruised and swollen.

"Cale!" she gasped.

Picking up on her tone, Jozua peered around her and spotted his brother, and his eyes lit up.

"Cool!" he exclaimed, hurrying over. "What did you do?"

That was also Elphaba's question, but she wasn't quite as delighted as Jozua. "What happened?" she asked the teacher.

"I found Cale at the end of lunch fighting with another student," the teacher replied. "We separated them immediately, but well…"

"Where's the other student?" Elphaba said, looking around the classroom.

The teacher grimaced. "We had to send for his father to come and pick him up early. It appears that Cale… Cale may have broken Shug's wrist."

Elphaba's jaw dropped. Cale, her sweet, quiet son had _broken_ another boy's bone in a _fight?_

"I- I'm sorry. He _what?"_

"Well, we couldn't be certain, but it definitely _looked_ broken."

"And you didn't send for me or my husband when this happened, why exactly?" Elphaba demanded.

"Cale asked us not to," the teacher replied apologetically. "He got quite upset, and as this isn't a common occurrence and he wasn't seriously injured, I didn't see the harm."

"He's not seriously injured?" Elphaba repeated, her eyes flying over to examine Cale from head to toes.

"The eye seems to be the worst of it," the teacher nodded.

"What happened?" Elphaba asked again. "Who started it? What was the fight over?"

"Cale wouldn't say."

Elphaba sighed, her head hurting. "Is he being punished?"

"He'll be suspended for two days and we've asked him to write a letter of apology to the other boy."

It could have been much worse, Elphaba knew.

She thanked the teacher, collected the boys and then marched them to Mrs Gibbs' house. There, after a quick explanation to Mrs Gibbs, she left the boys there and continued on alone to Fiyero's workshop.

When he saw her, he looked startled, but didn't hesitate to follow her outside when she gestured.

"You look mad," he said warily.

Elphaba's lips were thin as she turned to face him. "I just picked up the boys. Cale has been suspended for two days for fighting."

Fiyero's eyebrow rose. " _Cale?!"_ he cried incredulously.

"He may have broken another boy's wrist."

"Is _he_ hurt?" Fiyero demanded.

"A black eye. Some bruises. He wouldn't tell the teacher who started it or what it was about. I thought this was something we should handle together."

Fiyero nodded immediately. "Sure. Where is he?"

"I left them with Della to come get you," Elphaba replied. "I'll go take them home now. Can you come by when you finish work?"

"Yeah, of course," Fiyero agreed.

Then he whistled. "Damn, _Cale._ Fighting."

"You say that as if it would be fine if we were talking about Jozua," Elphaba pointed out.

"No, it wouldn't be," Fiyero denied. "But we both know Joz fighting at school would be much less of a surprise."

Elphaba sighed. "I don't know what to say to him," she admitted. "He hasn't said a _word_ since I picked him up from school."

"I'll be over as quick as I can," Fiyero promised. "We'll deal with this, Fae."

Elphaba bit her lip. "Is this our fault?" she asked hesitantly. "Did we do this? All the books say separation-"

"Elphaba, he's a five year old boy. Sometimes, boys get into fights," Fiyero said gently.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow.

"That doesn't make it right," Fiyero hastily added. "But I'm just saying, it may not be related."

"Did you ever get into a fight at school?"

"Sure," Fiyero nodded. "Not at five," he admitted. "I think I was nine or something. But yeah. Did you?"

Elphaba faltered. "Not exactly. Not on purpose," she finally replied slowly.

Fiyero got what she meant.

"You got mad?"

"Once or twice," she sighed. "No one was ever hurt, though."

Her teachers had been too alarmed by her magic to even punish her more than send a note home to her father. Frex, of course, had seen to it that she was sufficiently punished.

Elphaba left Fiyero to finish his work, after agreeing to not say anything to Cale until he arrived. She collected the kids from Mrs Gibbs', and took them home. Cale still said nothing, and upon returning home, went straight to his bedroom without Elphaba saying anything.

When she took a cold compress into him to put on his eye, he was sitting at his little desk, already working on his apology note to the other student.

"Cale," Elphaba began, feeling that she should at least say something to him.

Cale's little shoulders stiffened and Elphaba inwardly flinched.

"Cale, look at me, please," she said quietly, crouching down beside the desk.

He slowly obeyed.

Elphaba faltered, feeling the main question on her lips- why?- should wait until Fiyero was here.

"Are you hurt anywhere besides your eye?" she asked finally.

Cale shook his head.

"Are you sure?"

He shook his head again.

Elphaba gently squeezed his arm. "Put the compress on your eye. I'm going to sort out your brother and sister, and we'll have a talk a bit later, ok?"

Cale nodded, avoiding her gaze.

By the time Fiyero arrived at the house, Elphaba was more than slightly anxious.

"He still hasn't said anything," was how she greeted him.

"Where are Joz and Jiyah?"

"I asked Joz to play with her in her room. I think she roped him into a tea party," Elphaba replied.

Jozua, although he found his brother's injury much cooler than his parents did, knew enough that this was a big deal and had agreed to keep his sister amused without argument.

His face, however, when Jiyah had taken his hand with a cheerful "Let's have a tea party!" had made Elphaba smile for the first time that afternoon. His pained grimace had been so much like Fiyero it was uncanny, but Elphaba knew he'd give in. Just like his father.

Fiyero almost smiled at the thought too. Or at least wished he had his camera with him.

"Is Cale in his room?"

Elphaba nodded. She made to lead the way, but he stopped her.

"Should we punish him for this?" he asked her uncertainly.

Elphaba had been asking herself the same question.

"Why don't we find out what happened before we decide that?" she suggested and he nodded in agreement.

They headed down the hall to the bedroom Cale and Jozua shared, and Elphaba tapped lightly on the door before entering.

Cale was still sitting at his desk, holding the compress to his eye. Fiyero's breath caught as his gaze landed on his son.

"Oh, buddy," he murmured under his breath.

He wasn't sure if Cale heard it or not.

Elphaba perched herself on Cale's bed and Fiyero sat opposite her on Jozua's bed.

"Cale, can you come talk to us please?" Elphaba asked.

Her tone was gentle, purposely so, but Cale still flinched as though she had yelled. Elphaba flinched too.

All afternoon, her only thought on how to deal with this had been to not be like her father. Getting in trouble at school had been worse, but knowing she had to face her father had always been far worse. Elphaba never wanted her children to be afraid of her.

Hadn't she proven that by now?

"Cale, honey, we just want to talk to you," she promised, her voice wavering ever so slightly.

"Come on, buddy," Fiyero urged.

Reluctantly, Cale got up from the desk chair and perched gingerly on the end of his bed.

"Cale, what happened at school today?" Fiyero asked him, leaning forward and resting on his knees.

"I pushed Shug," Cale whispered.

"Before or after he punched you?" Elphaba just had to ask.

"After," Cale said slowly.

"And why did he punch you?" Fiyero asked knowingly, before Elphaba could let herself believe that Cale hadn't started this.

Cale stared at the ground intently. "Because I punched him," he admitted.

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance. Elphaba couldn't bring herself to ask the next logical question. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"Why, buddy? Why would you punch him?" Fiyero asked. "You know that's not how we do things."

"But he said-" Cale burst out indignantly and then cut himself off.

But it was too late.

"He said _what?"_ Elphaba asked sharply.

Fiyero shot her a warning glance at her, which Elphaba ignored.

"Cale?" she asked.

Cale shook his head. "Nothing."

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged another glance, both feeling rather helpless. Neither really knew what to do or say. So, they just waited in silence for Cale to speak.

"Dad, are you ever going to come home again?" he asked at length.

Fiyero couldn't hide his surprise at the question. He paused before answering- he didn't want to lie, or make promises he wouldn't be able to keep.

 _I hope so,_ was what he didn't say.

 _I want to,_ wasn't a fair answer.

"We don't know, bud," he finally replied.

Cale stared up at him, his eyes solemn in a way that was so vividly Elphaba.

"If you and Mom get divorced, where will you live?"

Fiyero frowned in confusion. "I-I don't know," he said.

He didn't want to admit that he was purposely avoiding thinking of that possibility until he had absolutely no other option.

"Will you still live in Limelle?" Cale asked urgently.

That Fiyero didn't have to think about.

"Of course," he reassured him. "Where else would I go?"

Cale visibly relaxed.

Elphaba wasn't nearly as comforted though. "Cale, what did Shug say to you?" she asked again.

Cale returned his gaze to the floor.

"His mum moved out last year. Now she lives in Oxwell."

It all fell into place then. Oxwell was the capital city of Quox, some 2 day's drive away by carriage from Limelle. Neither Elphaba or Fiyero had ever been there.

"I bet Shug doesn't get to see his mom very much, does he?" Fiyero asked softly.

Cale shrugged and then shook his head.

"Shug said you'd probably move away too, and then we wouldn't see you anymore," Cale said, his voice trembling. "He's getting a new mom now."

Elphaba was afraid to speak, lest she start crying.

"So, you punched him," Fiyero said, almost to himself. "Cale, that's not going to happen here. Mom and I would never leave you. You know that, right?"

Cale's eyes filled with tears. "But what if-?"

Elphaba shook her head. "No," she cut him off firmly. "Kid, your dad is right."

Cale only sniffled.

"Cale, we understand why you got upset," Elphaba said. "But you know that hurting Shug was wrong, don't you?"

He nodded.

"Am I in trouble?" he asked quietly.

Elphaba faltered and looked to Fiyero. He shook his head marginally and looked at her pleadingly. Elphaba looked between him and then to Cale, and caved.

"You're not in trouble," she said. "But you're going to finish the letter apologising to Shug. Dad or I will check it when you finish, and take you over to give it to him. And because you've been suspended from school, you're going to spend the next few days helping me at the store. Got it?"

Cale nodded immediately.

When they left the room a few minutes later, Elphaba sagged against the wall and buried her face in her hands.

"Fae," Fiyero said softly, moving towards her.

Elphaba stiffened before he could touch her and held up a hand. "Don't."

Fiyero halted, frowning. "Elph-"

"No," she said, her voice stronger as she lifted her head. "Don't," she repeated tiredly and then walked down the hall towards the kitchen, leaving Fiyero standing there.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum**


	18. Have Yourself a Merry Little Lurlinemas

**DISCLAIMER: I still don't own anything, but wow, this chapter is long.**

 **AN. Spence96: Yes? Lol.**

 **Merry Christmas, everyone! What? Too early? (Although I do have my work Christmas party tomorrow night...)**

 **How about Happy Taylor Swift _Reputation_ Eve?**

 **Chapter 18: Have Yourself a Merry Little Lurlinemas**

 **December, 1948**

Elphaba had never been one for holidays. It was only when the kids were born and old enough to really understand and enjoy what the day meant that she began to look forward to it.

She wasn't looking forward to this year.

Even Fiyero, who could count on one hand the number of years he had not looked forward to Lurlinemas was rather dreading this.

For those keeping count, his least favourite Lurlinemases were as follows: the first Lurlinemas after Elphaba had been on the run; his first Lurlinemas as a Scarecrow (although that had also been his first Lurlinemas with Elphaba, so it was a mixed bag); and the Lurlinemas he was eleven and his great-aunt Eshe had come to visit were pretty much it. _That_ was a whole saga by itself.

This year, with his marriage in limbo and being very conscious that over in Oz, his father would be festivating the season alone for the first time, Fiyero found it hard to muster enthusiasm for the occasion.

The kids had many questions. Whose house would they be at? Would Lurline's fairies know where to find them if they were at Dad's house? Did two houses mean they get two Lurlinemas trees? (That was mostly Jozua's concern, but neither Cale nor Jiyah seemed opposed to the prospect of two trees).

Thankfully, these questions were easy to answer. They'd be at mom's house, so being found by Lurline's fairies wasn't an issue. Fiyero did give in to the pleas for a second tree- citing that his little cottage needed some holiday cheer- although the tree at his house was much smaller than the one at Elphaba's house.

Elphaba was still staunchly atheist, something that hadn't changed since she was six years old. Fiyero had been raised Lurlinist and drifted more towards agnostic in his teens. When it came to their children and the holidays however, Fiyero had wanted to keep the traditions of his childhood.

Elphaba had no traditions of her childhood, and it seemed a small thing to agree to, so she didn't fight him on it.

When it came to the issue of custody for the holidays, it had gone a lot smoother than Elphaba had anticipated.

Elphaba had been prepared to give Fiyero Lurlinemas- the day had no religious significance for her, and her favourite part of the holiday was always tucking the kids in the night before when they were too excited to go to sleep.

But Fiyero had insisted they spend the day together.

"If we need to, we can work out a more permanent arrangement for next year," he'd told her.

Elphaba was clearly sceptical at their ability to get through it without ruining the holiday.

"We can do it, Fae," Fiyero had argued.

Elphaba had eventually agreed, but still wasn't convinced.

The last week had been… interesting. They hadn't fought, and there wasn't the tension there had been following Jiyah's birthday. There was just a heavy uncertainty between them.

Everything that had happened with Cale and Shug at school had shifted something between them.

It turned out that Shug's wrist had not been broken, but was fractured, and both boys had been made to apologise to the other. Shug's father, when Fiyero had explained some of the situation, had been rather understanding on the whole, although clearly still not pleased. But he had said that Shug was still struggling with his mother's absence and his new future stepmother.

While this was the last subject Fiyero wanted to bond with anyone over, he was rather relieved that Shug's father wasn't going to hold a grudge against Cale.

Fiyero and Elphaba were also both rather pleased the way they'd managed the situation together. But they were both struggling with the fact that their separation was having this effect on the kids.

"This was the whole damn _point,"_ Elphaba had stressed afterwards. "To stop us from ruining their lives."

"We're their parents. We're going to ruin their lives in one way or another," Fiyero had replied practically.

That did little to console Elphaba.

In their final counselling session with Dr Palloa for the year, a few days before Lurlinemas, they had filled him in on what had happened.

"While I wouldn't word it quite as… elegantly as Fiyero," the Peacock had told them. "I do agree with his sentiment. The separation is affecting the children, Cale in particular. That's normal. If you were still living together and fighting constantly, _that_ would affect them. Every action is going to have a reaction."

"So, what do we do?" Elphaba asked him.

Dr Palloa shrugged. "Keep working together. Communicate with the children. If the situation becomes more permanent and they continue to struggle, it may be wise that I have a session or two with the children. We'll cross that bridge when it comes to it."

He'd looked to them both and then smiled.

"Tell me your plans for Lurlinemas."

Their plans were simple. The kids would stay with Elphaba, and Fiyero would come over Lurlinemas morning for breakfast and presents. Then he'd head home and take the kids with him, where they'd spend the night.

Kalhey was worried about Elphaba being alone on Lurlinemas evening, but Elphaba refused her invitation to come over.

"Aren't you having a houseful of guests?"

"Parents, in-laws and my stepbrother's family," Kalhey confirmed.

"I'll pass, thanks," Elphaba said dryly.

"I can't blame you," Kalhey admitted with a smile. "Did you and Fiyero decide if you're exchanging gifts?"

Elphaba nodded. "Yeah. We're just going to put our names on gifts from the kids."

"How's Cale?"

"Still pretty quiet, but I think he's getting more like himself."

"Is he still worried about what that kid at school said?"

Elphaba frowned. "Not that he's said. I think he's upset with himself for hurting Shug, for getting upset."

 _Like mother, like son_ Fiyero had said.

Jozua and Cale had finished school for the semester, the presents were all bought and wrapped and the tree- or rather, both trees- had been decorated.

By Lurlinemas Eve, Elphaba was quite ready for the holidays to be over and the boys to be back at school.

She hated to leave the kids with Mrs Gibbs when school wasn't in session, particularly right before Lurlinemas, but Elphaba and Fiyero were both flat out with work- Fiyero trying to finish orders that were Lurlinemas gifts, and it seemed everyone in Limelle was buying books for loved ones.

Childcare situation aside, Elphaba didn't mind being so busy. It kept her distracted. And it was certainly positive from a financial perspective.

She was exhausted though, and it was another reason she didn't mind the prospect of spending Lurlinemas night alone.

 _Chapter Two_ closed early on Lurlinemas Eve, and Elphaba collected the kids from Mrs Gibbs with a grateful thank you and a box of chocolates. It was too small a gesture to thank her for the free child care she provided, but Mrs Gibbs wouldn't accept anything more than that.

"Are we going to make Lurlinemas cookies, Mom?" Jozua asked eagerly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

It was a Lurlinemas Eve tradition. Mostly stemming from an attempt to stem the kids' frantic excitement into something productive and Fiyero's nonchalant query of "do we have cookies in the house?" the year Jozua was three, but it was a tradition nonetheless.

"Of course," Elphaba agreed.

"Are we having cookies for dinner?" Jiyah demanded excitedly.

Elphaba chuckled. "Not for dinner, sweets. Maybe for dessert, if they're cool enough."

"We'll save some for Dad, right?" Cale asked earnestly.

"There'll be plenty left for Dad," Elphaba reassured him. "There is no way you three are going to eat a whole batch of cookies before tomorrow, is there?"

"Yes!" Jozua grinned.

Jiyah giggled and even Cale laughed as Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"Alright," Elphaba announced as they reached the house and she unlocked the door. "Go and dump your stuff, wash your hands and report to the kitchen."

Jozua immediately dumped his backpack in the doorway and hurried towards the bathroom.

"Jozua, dump your stuff _in your room,"_ Elphaba called after him.

She waited until he'd reluctantly turned back for the bag before she headed to the kitchen to preheat the oven and get the ingredients from the pantry.

The baking happened without any majorly traumatic incidents- Jiyah spilled a cup of flour all over the floor, and Jozua and Cale fought over who would stir in the caster sugar. While the dough rested, Elphaba cleaned the kitchen as the kids drew pictures.

It was a routine well organised for one that only occurred once a year. The kids used cookie cutters to make cookies shaped like pine trees, candles and fairies, as Elphaba prepared dinner and ate as the cookies baked and cooled.

Then it was baths and pyjamas, before they all squished onto the couch to read a story. This was the one part of the night that wasn't quite the same. Usually, Fiyero would read the story, a children's book about how Lurline created Oz and its neighbouring lands and how her band of fairies visited all the children of the land to bless them for the forthcoming year.

It was an old book that Fiyero's mother used to read to him as a child, and Fiyero had spent much of Elphaba's pregnancy with Jozua trying to find a copy. He had finally found one after tagging along with her to an estate sale in Dorbush, and presented it to Elphaba that Lurlinemas Eve, reading it aloud to her six month pregnant stomach. It was the first good Lurlinemas memory Elphaba had.

This would be the first time Elphaba had read the story. It felt completely wrong- and not just because she was an atheist.

After the story, Elphaba let them have one of the cookies each, and then they each lit one of the green candles that sat in the windowsill of the living room.

Elphaba's favourite part of Lurlinemas Eve was simply tucking the kids in. She had to sit with Jiyah and Cale until they fell asleep, both far too excited about the prospect of presents the next day. For the first time, Jozua claimed he was too big for Elphaba to sit with him (which hurt a little), but he did allow her to tuck him in and hug him tightly.

"Go _straight_ to sleep," she warned him. "Got it?"

Jozua immediately shut his eyes and mocked snoring. Elphaba rolled her eyes, and when Jozua opened one eye to peek at her, she matched his gaze steadily, one eyebrow raised.

"Dad would laugh at that," Jozua pointed out.

Elphaba rolled her eyes again. "Great. Show him tomorrow night. Now, go to sleep."

Jozua merely grinned and snuggled down in his blankets. "Night, Mom."

"Night, kid."

Elphaba returned to the living room and settled on the couch with a book. She couldn't put out the gifts under the tree under she was sure all three kids were asleep- Cale and Jozua especially were likely to get up with an excuse in an effort to spot the presents.

Other than the mere fact Fiyero wasn't there, it could have been any other year, any other time. She was grateful for the sense of normalcy, but she couldn't stop herself from wondering how he was spending his night.

Quietly, was the answer. A simple dinner, and adding the final touches to a woodworking project, while he fought to stop himself from looking at the clock and mentally guessing what the kids were doing at that moment.

His little tree, which had brought some semblance of holiday cheer to the cottage as the kids helped decorate it, now seemed sad. It almost mocked him, decreeing that to have Lurlinemas decorations in a house for one person was just pathetic. Fiyero found it hard to argue with a tree.

He showed up at the house at about half past seven on Lurlinemas morning. He let himself in, and quickly stashed the box he'd brought with him in the hall closet before calling out.

"Is anyone awake?"

It was a dumb question, he knew. Elphaba appeared in the hall, a teary Jiyah on her hip and already looking frazzled.

"They were all up at five, Jozua's so excited about presents he punched Cale in the arm, and Jiyah's had about three hours of sleep and started crying because I asked them what they wanted for breakfast," she said before Fiyero could asked what was wrong.

"So, a usual Lurlinemas morning then?" Fiyero replied.

Elphaba managed a tired smile and handed their daughter over to him.

"Hey, Princess!" Fiyero greeted her. "Should we have some breakfast and then open some presents?"

Jiyah's lower lip wobbled. "Presents first!" she said tearfully.

Fiyero shook his head. "Nope. You know that's not how it works. What are you going to have for breakfast? Toast?"

Jiyah pouted and shook her head.

Elphaba sighed and led them into the living room.

"Hey, Dad!" Jozua greeted him.

"Hey. What happened to the rule of not waking Momma up before seven o'clock on Lurlinemas morning?" Fiyero replied.

Jozua and Cale lowered their eyes sheepishly.

"We didn't _wake_ her," Jozua insisted. "She just woke up!"

Fiyero highly doubted that, and Elphaba just rolled her eyes.

"Who's having what for breakfast?" she asked them.

Together, they managed to coax each child into eating at least one slice of toast, before they'd let them move to the living room for presents.

Elphaba had always been firm on not spoiling their children when it came to gifts.

"It's about quality, not quantity," she insisted.

It was a simple fact that Fiyero had grown up with much more gifts than Elphaba had, but he agreed. And it was also a fact that this year, with the mortgage payment and the rent for Fiyero's cottage, finances were stretched even further this year.

They weren't poor, by any means, but the budget for Lurlinemas gifts was still smaller than previous years.

Thankfully, the kids didn't seem to notice. At their age, presents were presents, Elphaba supposed.

Elphaba disappeared to clean the kitchen as the kids were amusing themselves with examining their gifts, and Fiyero followed her a few minutes later.

"So, I know we said we weren't going to do gifts…"

Elphaba turned from the sink, her gaze narrowing as her eyes found the box in his hand.

"Fiyero, you didn't."

"I didn't," he assured her quickly. "Well, not technically."

Elphaba raised her eyebrow pointedly.

"It's not a Lurlinemas gift. It's- it's your anniversary gift," Fiyero explained. "I finished it."

Elphaba stared at the box. "Oh."

Fiyero placed the box on the counter and nudged it towards her.

"You don't have to open it now, but… there you go."

He returned to the living room before Elphaba could say anything.

Elphaba resolutely ignored the box as she cleaned up the breakfast things and then got the kids ready for the day.

By noon, the kids and Fiyero were gone. Elphaba had cleared away the wrapping paper and she couldn't ignore the box any longer.

It was still on the kitchen counter where Fiyero had placed it.

Elphaba stood before it, bracing her hands against the counter as she stared at it, chewing the inside of her cheek. With a sigh, she seized it and pulled it towards her, untying the bow that kept the lid on top.

Then she took a deep breath, and slowly removed the lid.

It looked like a wooden book. That was the first thing she noted. The front cover was decorated with some kind of engravings, flowers, but it wasn't until Elphaba lifted it from the box she realised exactly what flowers they were.

Poppies.

Her chest constricting, Elphaba opened the book and tears sprung to her eyes. It wasn't a book, it was a photo album. Inside were some pictures of the children, of their family, dating back from when Jozua was first born. Photos that Elphaba knew for a fact had been stored in a small chest in her closet, waiting to be sorted into albums. It was a project she never quite got around to.

Fiyero hadn't filled the album, just put a few select ones inside. Tucked in amongst the photos, was a small note.

' _Happy Anniversary, Fae._

 _No matter what happens, I want to remember the good times. And nothing better has come from us than our kids._

 _Plus, I figured this gives you a project to work on when the kids aren't home._

 _Love,_

 _Fiyero.'_

Elphaba hadn't expected such a simple yet meaningful gift, and one so appropriate for their complicated circumstances right now, to come from the log of wood Fiyero had first presented her with back in October.

If this was the final anniversary gift Fiyero would ever give her, she couldn't have asked for a better gift. It wasn't something that she wouldn't be unable to bring herself to look at in years to come.

That was how Elphaba spent her Lurlinemas afternoon and evening, sitting before the fire in the living room and sorting through seven years of photographs. Of course, the album wasn't nearly big enough to fit all of them, but it was a start.

Elphaba thought it was rather a testament to them that they _did_ have so many photographs, given that they hadn't even owned a camera until right before Jozua had been born. Fiyero had woken her up in the middle of the night about two weeks before he was born, in a complete panic over his sudden realisation that they didn't own one. Elphaba, who found sleeping difficult and was not happy about being woken, had been rather unsympathetic to his plight. But she hadn't protested too much when Fiyero insisted on buying one.

Elphaba had no photos of herself until Jozua was born. There'd been few photos in her childhood (most of them taken prior to Nessa's birth), and there'd been none at Shiz. There'd been a few grainy photographs in the paper while she was on the run, most of which were a dark figure that may or may not have actually been Elphaba. She hadn't exactly wanted to scrapbook those as cherished memories.

The day after Lurlinemas, before Fiyero brought the kids back home, Elphaba popped over to Kalhey's house to drop off a gift for her and Alvar. Her friend greeted her with far more enthusiasm or energy Elphaba was sure she'd ever felt after a Lurlinemas with children.

"What are you doing New Year's Eve?" she demanded.

Elphaba blinked in surprise. "Um, nothing?"

"Do you have the kids?"

She shook her head. "No, Fiyero's taking them for the night. He's taking them for New Year's Day too, just because I know he'll let them just stay up until they drop and I'm not going to deal with cranky and exhausted kids," she grinned.

Kalhey laughed. "My mom and stepdad are taking ours for a few days for that exact reason," she agreed. "So, do you want to come over New Year's Eve? Girls' Night?"

Elphaba hesitated. "Oh, I don't think I could stay awake until midnight anymore," she confessed.

"Neither can I," Kalhey reassured her. "We can aim for ten o'clock though, right?"

"What about Alvar?"

"He's going out with his brothers. I was invited, but I hate spending New Year's Eve in a crowd of people. It was the best thing about having kids that I had an excuse to not go out. Does this mean you're in?"

Elphaba only had to consider the offer for a second. "I'm in," she agreed.

She and Kalhey had lunch once every few weeks and the occasional coffee date, maybe getting the kids together for play dates on weekends; but the closest Elphaba had to a 'Girl's Night' was probably the monthly book club meeting.

And she was pretty sure the last time she'd done anything for New Year's Eve had been their first year in Limelle, when they were trying to be sociable. That hadn't lasted long.

In the years since, she and Fiyero had been content to remain at home. They'd talk about the past year and what had happened, and everything that was coming up in the year ahead. And then Fiyero would solemnly tell Elphaba his New Year's resolution and she'd roll her eyes and pretend to take it as seriously as he did.

She showed up on New Year's Eve just as Alvar was leaving. He waved to her as he leapt into the buggy alongside a man she assumed was one of his brothers, and she waved back as she turned into the front gate, her boots crunching amongst the snow.

"Hey, I brought wine," she greeted Kalhey when her friend opened the door.

"Great! I made dinner," Kalhey replied, ushering her inside.

"Is anyone else coming?"

"Nope. Most of my other friends are either away for the holidays or had plans already."

Elphaba was a little relieved. She'd met some of Kalhey's friends before, and they were very nice, but she wasn't up to having to make conversation all night with women she didn't know very well.

"It did seem like a lot of people were going away for the holidays," Elphaba said as they headed into the kitchen, where it was warmer. "I've only opened the store for two days sine Lurlinemas and it's been pretty empty."

"You worked?"

"Yeah. The kids were with Fiyero, and Totit's taken leave."

"Totit's gone away?"

"For a week. To Oz… to visit family," Elphaba replied shortly.

She knew Totit would never betray them, but she always got nervous when Totit returned to visit members of her troop that remained in Oz. There weren't many of them, once Elphaba had "died", most had fled Oz. But some, such as Chistery, had stayed behind and made Oz their home.

Kalhey paused briefly, but didn't comment on the odd note in her tone.

"Wine?" she asked instead.

"Please."

Chat over dinner was mostly about their respective kids and a more detailed rundown of Lurlinemas. Elphaba sympathised with Kalhey for a while, who was bemoaning that her in-laws were threatening to come visit again over Hanisretan at the end of March.

"I'm Lurlinist!" Kalhey exclaimed in frustration. "The _kids_ are Lurlinist. Al doesn't _care,_ but his parents are insisting on celebrating Hanisretan with us."

Hanisretan was a strictly Unionist holiday, coming the first Saturday after the full moon in March; while Ekunagle was the Lurlinist equivalent that fell on the second last weekend of March.

"Why exactly does your mother-in-law hate you so much?" Elphaba asked. They'd finished dinner by then, but continued to sit around the table chatting.

Kalhey gave a miserable shrug. "I've given up asking that question. Although the fact that his first serious girlfriend was her best friend's daughter may having something to do with that."

"Right. And how old were they?"

"Seventeen. Dated for three years, and had been split up for two years- after _she_ broke up with him- before we met. But apparently _I_ ruined the plan… or something. I don't know. This is just the theory Al and I have come up with over the years."

"But your parents treat Alvar fine, don't they? And you get along with his dad? It's just his mom."

"His dad is wonderful," Kalhey reassured her. "As are his brothers and their families. She's the only issue, and she's perfectly pleasant to my face… most of the time. I just know she doesn't like me, and she knows I know it. And my parents _love_ Al. I think they prefer him to me," she laughed.

"But you and Fiyero are so lucky you don't need to deal with in-laws. It can cause a _lot_ of stress on a relationship."

"Yeah, we don't need that," Elphaba said dryly.

Kalhey smiled gently. "Sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

Elphaba shook her head. "I really don't. I feel that's all we ever talk about. Tell me something happy instead. Surely you have some good news?"

"I delivered twins last night?" Kalhey volunteered.

Elphaba smiled slightly. "I guess I'll take that for starters. That's nice. Healthy?"

"Four weeks preemie, but yeah. A boy and a girl. The dad was kinda bummed, because he wanted them to be either the last babies of the year, or the first babies of next year. But the mom said there was not a snowball's chance in hell of _that_ happening. She wanted those kids out of her ASAP."

Elphaba laughed. "I remember that feeling."

Kalhey nodded in agreement. "I mean, this doesn't top the story of the guy who asked his wife to stop crowning for a bit while he listened to a football game on the radio, but it's still a good note to end the year on, I think."

Elphaba grinned. "No, my favourite work story of yours is the father who told you they'd 'underestimated the importance of birth control'," she giggled.

Kalhey broke into giggles. "Ah, yes. You know they're having their _fifth_ kid next year? They came to me right before Lurlinemas for their first appointment."

"Because they want five kids? Or the lesson about contraception hasn't sunk in yet?"

"I didn't ask. And then at Lurlinemas, my step-brother and his partner brought their new baby they've just adopted; and Al turned to me afterwards and said 'do you miss having a baby in the house?'"

Elphaba saw where this was going. "Oh, no."

Kalhey nodded. "Yep. I shut that down pretty fast. I mean, I _could_ have another baby, I guess. Thirty-four isn't _that_ old."

"But do you _want_ another baby?"

"Hell, no. I'm too tired for that. Would _you_ want another baby now?"

"No, I'm good on that front," Elphaba replied.

"Niobe wants another one," Kalhey continued, referring to her best friend. Elphaba probably knew her the best of all Kalhey's friends. She and Kalhey had been friends since school, but Niobe and her husband lived in Dorbush. "They're going away for a second honeymoon in February. I think she's hoping they'll get lucky then."

"Where are they going?"

"Oz, actually," Kalhey replied nonchalantly. "Somewhere in the west… Aschem, or something? Does that sound right?"

Elphaba froze, her throat suddenly seizing up. "Yeah, I know it. Of it," she said hoarsely, reaching for her glass of wine.

Aschem was a town in the Vinkus, south of the Lower Kells. There'd been an Animal camp there once that Elphaba had… liberated, was her preferred term.

Kalhey's brow furrowed in concern. "Elphaba?"

"I'm fine," Elphaba replied automatically.

"No, you're not," Kalhey retorted. "El… no one in Limelle, in _Quox_ for that matter, is going to say anything. You know that, right?"

Elphaba slowly turned her wine glass on the table top, staring into its depths. She'd never spoken of Oz to Kalhey.

"How much do you know?" she asked quietly.

"Not a lot," Kalhey admitted. "Just that Animals weren't welcome in Oz anymore. And that a lot of them escaped, thanks to you."

She shrugged slightly. "Everywhere in Quox had Animal refugees arriving for months. Years, really. After a certain point, stories started going around that there was a green-skinned woman helping them. At risk to her own life."

Elphaba nodded slowly. "It's a polite way to tell the story," she said.

Kalhey hesitated uncertainly. "If you want to talk about it-"

"I don't. I really don't," Elphaba interrupted. Then she sighed. "Maybe one day I'll tell you everything. But… it was another lifetime ago. And it's hard to talk about, and I've tried so hard to put it behind me and forget about it."

"That doesn't sound healthy."

"Dr Palloa agrees with you," Elphaba managed a small smile. "He keeps pushing me to talk about it more."

Kalhey smiled in return. "I just mean, whatever you went through, it's a part of you. A part of your life. Isn't it? I don't know how you can just pretend it didn't happen."

It was nothing Fiyero hadn't said to Elphaba before. Or Dr Palloa, for that matter, although he had phrased it rather differently.

Elphaba lowered her gaze once again and took another sip of wine.

"Maybe one day I'll tell you," she repeated.

Kalhey changed the subject, and was careful not to let the topic lead back towards Oz for the rest of the night. Elphaba left at ten o'clock, was in bed by ten-thirty, and was sound asleep by midnight.

When she woke the next morning, she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and found herself thinking about something Kalhey had said the night before.

New Year's Resolutions.

As a rule, Elphaba thought they were kind of stupid. She didn't know anyone who'd ever kept to one (except Fiyero but he often seemed to be the exception to the rule); and she'd never been able to find the optimism and hope in the promise of a new year stretching before them like other people did.

But Kalhey had solemnly insisted that this year was different.

"I'm going to learn to knit! I've been meaning to ever since I was pregnant with Sabella, and I've never managed it. This is the year!"

"What are you going to knit?" Elphaba had asked her in amusement.

"Baby blankets for my grandchildren?" Kalhey had replied. Granted, she was a few glasses of wine in at this point.

"I think you have a few years before you need to worry about _grandchildren_ ," Elphaba laughed.

"Well, I suck at knitting," Kalhey said. "It's why I never learned before Bella was born. By the time she or Zak gets around to having kids, I may have mastered it."

That had pretty much been the point Elphaba decided it was time to go home. She'd evaded Kalhey's question of "what's your resolution?", made her excuses and left.

But the question, combined with the memory of their conversation the night before, had left Elphaba feeling oddly thoughtful. She dismissed it on New Year's Day, but in the subsequent days, it wasn't so easy to dismiss.

Totit returned from Oz, and as per their custom, said nothing to Elphaba about her time away. It had always been unspoken, but very clearly understood, that Elphaba didn't want to speak or know anything about her former homeland unless Totit heard something that might put them in danger.

"Totit?"

The store was closed, the kids were at Fiyero's and Elphaba and Totit were unpacking a new shipment of stock.

"Hmm?"

"Have you heard anything about Glinda?"

Totit looked up in surprise. "G-Glinda?" she repeated. "As in, _Oz_ Glinda? Um…"

"I know Fiyero asked you when you first came here," Elphaba said. "You told him she was engaged."

"I did," Totit confirmed, putting down the book she was holding.

"That was four years ago."

Totit readjusted herself on the stool she was sitting on, and curled her tail underneath her.

"Do you really want to know?"

Elphaba sighed, pulling another few books from the crate to examine. "I don't know," she admitted. "But I've been told that pretending everything we left behind doesn't exist probably isn't the best way of doing things. Ignoring Oz isn't what has kept us safe for all these years."

Totit smiled. "I think that's a good point."

"So? What do you know?"

Totit paused, nodded and then sighed. "Glinda's married. I think about three years now. She and her husband have a daughter, who's two and a half. When I was back, Kapi mentioned she's expecting her second child this year. It was announced just before Lurlinemas."

Elphaba didn't even have to imagine how thrillified Glinda would be to have a daughter. Or how completely drenched in pink everything she owned would be.

"What's her name?"

"Wynni. Well, Wynnifred but she goes by Wynni."

Elphaba wasn't surprised in the least.

"Have you seen her?"

Totit shook her head. "No. Not since… that night at Kiamo Ko."

The night she and Fiyero had left Oz. Well, at least left Kiamo Ko.

"Chistery and a few others are still in the Emerald City, working at the palace. But I don't even see them anymore. Not since I left Oz."

Totit reached for another book. "Anything else you want to know?"

Elphaba paused, and then shook her head. "I think I'm good."

She was pretty sure Glinda was happy, and it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders to know that.

"But if you ever hear anything, I wouldn't mind knowing."

Totit agreed and they got back to work.

When Elphaba next saw Fiyero, in between him dropping off the kids and confirming the time for their next counselling session, Elphaba brought it up.

"I spoke to Totit the other day. About Glinda," she said, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

Fiyero looked at her cautiously. "Yeah? Is she… ok?"

"She's married. They have a daughter younger than Jiyah and another one on the way," Elphaba blurted. "It sounds like she's happy."

Fiyero's eyes examined her face carefully. "Well, that's good. Right?"

Elphaba nodded. "Yeah. It's good," she said quietly, her throat tightening slightly. "I'm glad she's happy."

"Me too," Fiyero agreed. "I just…"

"What?"

"Never mind," Fiyero said with a forced smile.

"Fiyero, _what_?" she asked, a note of irritation creeping into her voice.

He sighed. "I just wish you were happy, Fae," he said softly.

Elphaba's face softened, her shoulders sagging. "Fiyero."

"Are you happy, Fae?" he asked her solemnly.

Elphaba forced a smile, even as she felt the sudden urge to cry wash over her. "I'm not unhappy," she said hoarsely.

Fiyero forced a smile in return. "Well, it's a step up from the last time."

He sighed, shrugged and then turned. "Alright. I'll see you later."

He'd almost reached the front gate when Elphaba called out to him.

"Fiyero?"

He turned back to her with a light smile. "Yeah, Fae?"

Elphaba's arms were crossed over her stomach.

"Did you make a New Year's Resolution?" she asked him.

Fiyero's smile turned more genuine as he nodded. "Yeah. Of course."

Elphaba had expected nothing less.

"What is it?"

She didn't know why she needed to know. Perhaps it was just because she'd known every resolution he'd made for the past decade. It felt odd not to know, even if she wasn't sure she had the right to know anymore.

The smile lingered on Fiyero's face, but he met her gaze as solemnly as always. His voice was quiet, but it still carried perfectly clear to where she stood on the front porch.

"To make you happy," he replied simply.

And then he left.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Judy Garland from _Meet Me in St Louis._**

 **AN. The work story of Kalhey's that Elphaba mentions? Actual quote from an actual father-to-be. I saw it on _One Born Every Minute_ and it still makes me laugh 4 years later.**

 **Hanisretan and Ekunagle... I made up. It's my Easter type equivalent. You get a little more info on them later in the story. Thanks to Moreanswers24 for helping me create them. (making up religion based holidays is harder than you think!)**


	19. Small Bump

**DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately not mine.**

 **Chapter 19: Small Bump**

 **January 1941**

March had seemed so far away before Lurlinemas. But from this side of the new year, Elphaba's due date of March fourth suddenly seemed very close.

Which meant, beyond the steadily building panic which Fiyero was reassured came with impending parenthood, Fiyero found himself staying at the workshop after he'd finished work to continue building the furniture for the nursery.

He was determined to build it himself, and so far he'd completed the crib, change table and chest of drawers. He was now working on a rocking chair, and he wasn't as far along as he'd hoped to be. Granted, the process of moving had slowed him down a bit. Elphaba couldn't help that much, and they were both surprised with the amount of things they'd collected over the years since they'd arrived in Limelle.

"We came here with literally _nothing,"_ Elphaba had said in amazement, looking around their small house piled with boxes. "How do we have so much crap?"

"Well, I think about half of these are your books, so I'm gonna blame you," Fiyero had replied, only half joking.

They'd procrastinated the search for a new place to live at first, still rather in denial about how much their lives were about to change.

But once Elphaba had begun to show, Fiyero got motivated and proceeded to drag Elphaba around town, looking for their new home. They had still been having the debate about renting versus purchasing, and if they were to buy, what exactly they needed. Fiyero had proposed they buy a small farm, similar to Kalhey and Alvar's, but Elphaba had shut that down fast.

In the end, Fiyero had won the debate when they'd found a beautiful three bedroom home that even Elphaba immediately felt drawn to.

It had been rather nice, to be able to consider where they wanted to make their home and raise their family. When they'd first come to Limelle, they'd pretty much just taken the first place they could find in order to ensure they had a roof over their heads (or rather, Elphaba's head).

They'd only moved in to the new house a week and a half ago, and were still in the process of unpacking and setting everything up. But now that they _were_ in the new house, Fiyero was getting anxious to have the nursery set up, hence the late nights.

It was almost nine o'clock when he finally shut up for the night and headed home. It was Friday afternoon, and his colleagues had long since headed home for the weekend. If not for the nursery furniture, Fiyero would have been right behind them. But he was determined to start off fatherhood right- which meant making the nursery furniture.

It was a cold night, and he hurried through the streets, looking forward to getting home to a warm house. He wasn't expecting dinner, he was sure Elphaba had already eaten and it would quite frankly be a surprise if she was still awake.

Elphaba was at thirty-two weeks, about halfway through her seventh month and seemed to be exhausted all the time. Fiyero was reassured by everyone that this was normal, but he did miss coming home at night and sharing dinner with her.

The house was dark as he approached, which he took as a sign that Elphaba was indeed asleep. He entered the house quietly, not wanting to wake her, and hung up his coat in the front closet. The house was not only dark, but cold and Fiyero rubbed his hands together as he headed for the kitchen in search of food.

But as he turned on the kitchen light, it revealed Elphaba sitting at the kitchen table.

"Geez!" Fiyero exclaimed, jumping slightly. "What are you doing sitting here in the dark? Trying to give me a heart attack?"

Heart pounding in his chest, Fiyero shook his head and stepped into the room.

"Have you eaten?" he asked her and then stopped as he really looked at her.

Elphaba was sitting at the table silently, her hands wrapped around her belly. Her face was pale and drawn as her eyes seemed to be staring vacantly into the distance.

"Fae?" Fiyero said, a concerned frown crossing his face. "Are you ok?"

His heart began to race again, a completely different kind of fright.

"You're not having contractions, are you?" he asked nervously, moving towards her.

It was too early for the baby to arrive, he knew that much.

"Elphaba?"

Elphaba finally turned her head to look at him and Fiyero couldn't begin to describe the look he saw in her eyes.

"I- I can't feel the baby," she said quietly.

Her tone was strange, almost disembodied and Fiyero's heart, which had been racing furiously, suddenly seemed to come to a crashing halt.

He just blinked at her. "W-What?" he asked.

He must have misunderstood her.

He must have heard her wrong.

"It's not moving," Elphaba said. "I just- I haven't felt anything since last night."

Fiyero still seemed to have trouble processing her words. His voice, when he spoke again, sounded to his own ears as detached as Elphaba's did.

"Ok."

The voice, which couldn't be his own, sounded too calm.

"Ok," he said again, forcing himself to think. "Have you sent for Kalhey? A doctor? Dammit, Fae, why didn't you send for me?"

Anger bled through the fear in his voice, but Elphaba didn't seem to notice.

She just shook her head. "I only noticed it when I got home. Sometimes, when I'm on my feet all day, I don't notice it. And the store was so busy today. So busy. I didn't get a chance to sit down. The books, they said you should sit down for an hour. Because if you stop, and sit, you can feel the baby moving. So I sat. And I'm just sitting. And waiting."

Her voice broke slightly and Fiyero almost crumpled at the sound.

"Ok," he said for a third time. It was all he could think of to say. "I'm going to run and get Kalhey. I'll just be a minute, alright?"

Elphaba didn't acknowledge his words. She didn't move or speak.

Only then did Fiyero really notice how hard her hands were pressing into her stomach, waiting for the slightest movement from their child.

Only then did it really register with him that she'd been sitting here for hours.

Feeling sick, Fiyero pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'll be back," he told her and then headed for the door, barely remembering to stop and grab his coat.

He ran, all the way to Kalhey and Alvar's house, barely able to hear the sound of his feet pounding on the road over the blood rushing through his ears. When he reached the house, he knocked heavily on the door, not stopping until it swung open.

"Fiyero!" Alvar greeted him, surprise and concern etched clearly across his face. "What-"

"Where's Kalhey?" Fiyero demanded, cutting him off.

"She's putting Bella to bed, mate-"

"She needs to come," Fiyero interrupted, his chest heaving. "Now. She- Elphaba. The baby."

The worry on Alvar's face deepened.

"Kal!" he called out over his shoulder.

There was a pause, that felt like a million years to Fiyero, and then Kalhey appeared in the entryway, Sabella in her arms.

"What's going on?"

"Elphaba can't feel the baby," Fiyero blurted.

Kalhey didn't even hesitate, simply walked up and handed her daughter to Alvar.

"I'll just get my bag," she said and Fiyero nodded thickly.

It would have taken too long for Kalhey to get the buggy ready, so they walked. They were precious minutes Fiyero couldn't wait for. He couldn't run back, as he wanted to, not with Kalhey with him. But he walked as briskly as he could without breaking into a run, and Kalhey kept an even pace beside him.

"When did she last feel the baby move?" she asked him.

"Last night, she said," Fiyero swallowed, a chill running through him that had nothing to do with the winter evening.

This time, as he re-entered the house, he went straight to the kitchen. He didn't even take his coat off, and only paused to turn on the lights as he passed through the living room.

Elphaba was in the same position he'd left her in, and she didn't even register Kalhey's arrival.

"Hey, lovely," Kalhey greeted her calmly, her voice soft and soothing. "Why don't we get you into the bedroom, huh? Get you warm in bed and I'll check you out? Fiyero, can you give me a hand?"

Fiyero nodded numbly and hurried to help Elphaba to her feet. As he took her arm, he wasn't sure which one of them was trembling.

They got her into bed, and Kalhey opened her bag.

"Yero, can you get me a glass of cold water, and a glass of orange juice and some chocolate or something sugary if you have it?"

Fiyero stared at her blankly, and she pushed him gently towards the door.

"Go. Quickly."

Not really comprehending, Fiyero hurried to obey. Asking if there was chocolate in a house with a pregnant woman seemed dumb to him, in the part of his brain that was dimly registering what was happening; but he nonetheless grabbed a bar of chocolate from the pantry, and brought everything she had asked for back to the bedroom.

Elphaba was sitting up in bed as Kalhey prodded at her stomach, running her stethoscope over the surface. Elphaba had her head back, staring at the ceiling.

Fiyero stood in the doorway as though frozen. He knew what Kalhey was doing. So did Elphaba. Looking for their child's heartbeat. And every second that Kalhey frowned over Elphaba's stomach in silence was another second Fiyero couldn't breathe.

Finally, Kalhey straightened up.

"El, I'm going to get you to lie down on your left side," she said gently. "Fiyero, can you put the water down on the nightstand and give Elphaba the juice to drink before she rolls over?"

Fiyero obeyed. Some of the juice sloshed over the rim of the glass, and again Fiyero wasn't sure whether it was him or Elphaba trembling. Elphaba met his gaze for a moment, and Fiyero tried to give her a reassuring smile, but couldn't.

Elphaba wasn't thirsty in the least, but Kalhey pushed her to drink the whole glass before she and Fiyero helped her lie down on her left hand side. Then Kalhey was once again pressing her stethoscope over her stomach, as Fiyero laid his hand on her leg.

Laying on her side, Elphaba couldn't see him, but she could feel his gaze on her. She could see Kalhey, but couldn't bear to watch her face as the stethoscope moved to different spots on her belly. Instead, she closed her eyes, trying to block it all out. She didn't want to see the news she was dreading appear in Kalhey's eyes before the words fell from her lips.

The silence grew heavier, and thicker, until Elphaba could barely breathe.

And then-

"There we are," Kalhey said softly, her smile evident even in simply the tone of her voice.

Elphaba's eyes flew open as Fiyero breathed the biggest sigh of relief Elphaba had ever heard.

"There's a heartbeat?" Elphaba asked hoarsely.

"A very good heartbeat," Kalhey reassured her. "And I think I'm picking up some movement with the stethoscope."

She took the stethoscope from her ears and handed it to Elphaba. "Here. Take a listen."

It took Elphaba a moment to hear anything beyond her own furiously pounding heart, but then there it was. Her eyes fell shut again, this time with relief. Kalhey had let her and Fiyero hear the heartbeat before, as soon as it was possible really, and they'd always marvelled at it. But in this moment, it was the most beautiful sound Elphaba had ever heard.

Elphaba handed the stethoscope to Fiyero wordlessly, not even looking at him. After he'd heard for himself, Kalhey eased herself onto the bed gently.

"The baby appears to be just fine," she told them. "What I think has happened is the baby has shifted more towards the back of your uterus. So you can't feel the movements as much."

"What does that mean?" Fiyero asked. "Is that bad?"

"Not at all. The baby's just making itself comfortable, as best it can," Kalhey reassured them. "It'll continue to move until you deliver."

"What was with the juice and stuff?" Fiyero questioned.

He wasn't completely sure it hadn't been a task designed to simply get him out of the room, but Kalhey smiled at him as though she knew what he was thinking.

"If the baby's heart rate had dropped, or it was sleeping, the sugar in the juice and chocolate can make the baby move," she explained. "Same with the water. The cold makes the baby squirm."

Kalhey squeezed Elphaba's hand lightly and got to her feet. "Everything's fine, but we'll do weekly check-ups from now until delivery, I think."

"Thanks, Kalhey," Elphaba said quietly.

"Not at all. Don't ever hesitate to send for me or a doctor if you're worried," Kalhey admonished gently. "Try and get some rest. And eat that chocolate."

"I thought you said the baby was fine?" Fiyero jumped in.

"It is," Kalhey agreed with a grin. "But I think some chocolate can't hurt Baby or Momma after tonight, right?"

Fiyero saw her out, and thanked her for coming again. He offered to see her home, but Kalhey waved him off.

"It's a short walk, I'm fine," she assured him. "Go be with Elphaba."

He didn't hesitate to take her up on that. When he returned to the bedroom, Elphaba was still laying on her side, her hands on her stomach.

Fiyero walked over to the other side of the bed and grabbed the chocolate bar from the nightstand, then situated himself on the bed so that she could see him.

"Here, Fae. Eat this," he urged her, handing her the chocolate.

Elphaba took it half-heartedly, unwrapping it and taking a small bite.

"Are you ok?" he asked her softly.

She said nothing.

"Fae?"

Elphaba raised her eyes to his. "When I realised," she said, swallowing hard. "It was such a casual thought, you know? I got home and was wondering how late you'd be, and what I should do for dinner and if I had the energy to unpack a few more boxes… and then it just occurred to me. That the baby was so quiet."

She blinked and her eyes swam with unshed tears.

"I thought- I thought the baby was…"

"I know, hon," Fiyero murmured.

"I thought the baby was dead. I was _sure_ it was dead. And the longer I sat there, the more certain I got."

"I know," Fiyero repeated.

"I've never been more terrified in my entire life," Elphaba said.

Fiyero thought that was more than understandable, but considering everything that she had been and lived through, he wasn't really sure how to comfort her.

"But, Fae, everything's ok now. You heard Kalhey."

Elphaba shook her head. "No!" she insisted, struggling to sit up in bed. Fiyero helped her, although he didn't understand.

"No, you don't- you don't understand."

She looked at him intently. "I thought the baby was dead. And I thought- I thought it was my fault."

Her voice shook, and Fiyero frowned.

"Elphaba, even if something _had_ happened, how could it be your fault? You've done everything right, everything Kalhey and the books said to."

The first tear spilled down Elphaba's cheek. "Because… because I'm not- I don't know if I'm ready for this. If I can do this," she managed to choke out.

Fiyero couldn't hide his surprise at her admission, and the look on his face was enough to make Elphaba start crying in earnest.

"I don't understand," Fiyero finally said dumbly. "You're… you don't know if you want the baby? Because, you know, I think it's a little late for that."

Elphaba faltered. She hadn't dared voice these thoughts aloud to anyone, instead she'd been supressing them since July. And now she was struggling to find the words.

"In the beginning, I wasn't sure if I did," she whispered. "All I could think of was that… I don't think I'm going to be a very good mother. I wasn't excited. All I felt was complete panic," she sobbed weakly.

"Fae, why didn't you say something?" Fiyero asked her.

"Because _you_ were so excited," she wept. "And you kept talking about how you weren't sure it was going to happen, that it was possible, and making plans for the house… I couldn't tell you."

Fiyero didn't know what to say to her. He'd never even imagined what had been going through her head all this time.

"And then," Elphaba continued. "When I first felt the baby move, it was… like nothing I imagined."

"I remember," Fiyero said softly.

He did, as though it was yesterday. He'd gone to the store to meet Elphaba for lunch one day, and found her sobbing brokenly in her office. Fiyero had run through a whirlwind of emotions in the space of thirty seconds, from panic to euphoria, when Elphaba had finally managed to tell him that she'd felt the baby move for the first time.

It had been too early for Fiyero to feel for himself yet, but the thrill had carried him through the rest of the day.

"It was like magic," Elphaba whispered, wiping her eyes with a shaking hand. "That was the first time I really felt happy about it," she confessed. "And then I got scared."

"Scared about what?"

"About- about being happy. About loving the baby," she murmured faintly. "Yero, I've lost everyone I've ever loved," she looking at him pleadingly, begging him to understand.

"I lost my mother, and Nessa, and Glinda… you," she choked out, a fresh sob bursting from her. "Every time I'm happy, something goes wrong. I lose something. And I got so scared that if I let myself be happy about the baby, and _love_ the baby…"

Fiyero drew her into his arms as she broke down, letting her sob into his neck as he gently rocked her back and forth. He'd thought they'd dealt with that worry of hers at the beginning of the pregnancy, when she'd been worried about them being caught with a baby.

And now he felt like an idiot to realise, of course it wasn't going to be that simple.

"Fae… hon, nothing is going to happen," he promised her.

It fully hit him in that moment, just exactly what she must have thought and felt when she realised she hadn't felt the baby move. And his heart broke all over again.

"What if it had?" she wept.

"You can't _will_ bad things to happen," Fiyero replied. "You're not _that_ powerful."

Elphaba made an odd sound against his shoulder, and Fiyero wasn't sure if she _did_ think she was that powerful, or if she was just generally sceptical.

"Listen to me," he said gently, pulling back. "Fae, it's ok to let yourself be happy about this baby. And I know you. Despite what you say, I know you already love this baby. And that's _okay."_

Elphaba sniffled.

"I'm a horrible person," she whispered.

"Of course you're not," Fiyero refuted immediately. "Elphaba, it's ok to be scared. Yeah, I'm thrilled about the baby, but that doesn't mean that I'm not also terrified."

"You are?"

"Of course! We're going to be responsible for another life. That's _huge._ But, Fae, I've never had any doubts that you are going to be an amazing mother."

Elphaba scoffed. "Fiyero, I don't know how to be a mother, and- no, _don't_ -" she stopped herself, even as Fiyero opened his mouth to protest.

" _Don't_ say that no one knows how to be a parent, or that I helped raise Nessa. Because look at what happened to her, Fiyero. She was so unhappy, so miserable she took it out on the Munchkins. On Boq."

Fiyero had to interject here. "Nessa flipping her lid and turning batshit insane was _not_ your fault, Elphaba," he argued. "She made her own choices."

"And if this baby grows up and becomes a murderer or a psychopath, are you going to say the same thing? That it's not my fault? That the baby made his or her own choices?"

"We're not going to raise a psychopath!" Fiyero exclaimed.

" _Someone_ has to! They don't come from nowhere. And I bet _their_ parents never thought they'd raise a psychopath either," Elphaba argued.

Fiyero sighed. "Fae, it's been a really stressful night. And you've had a long day. We're not going to have this discussion tonight. I'm going to make you something to eat and then we're going to have an early night and worry about all this in the morning. Got it?"

Elphaba slumped back against her pillow wearily. "I'm not really hungry," she said tiredly.

"But I'm sure the baby is," Fiyero said gently.

He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head softly. "Finish the chocolate bar while I make you some toast."

He pressed her into eating a few slices of toast and ate some himself before he locked up the house and prepared for bed.

By the time he slid into bed beside Elphaba, she was practically asleep. She was still on her left, facing away from him, but Fiyero was sure that her hands were still firmly on her stomach, waiting for the faintest movement.

"Fae, you heard what Kalhey said," he whispered. "You may not feel anything until the baby shifts position. You'll drive yourself crazy waiting to feel a kick."

"I'm already going crazy," she murmured back.

Fiyero understood that. "Yeah."

He curled up behind her and slid a hand around the curve of her belly. He was used to being greeted by the odd swift kick from within, but tonight there was nothing.

"Goodnight," he said.

"I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight," she sighed.

She was asleep within fifteen minutes. Fiyero took a bit longer.

The next morning, Elphaba was already awake when Fiyero opened his eyes, thanks to her bladder. She'd been to the bathroom and returned to bed, picking up her waiting from the night before.

When Fiyero rolled over and blinked sleepily, she was sitting up and staring at her stomach, idly tracing patterns.

"Nothing yet," she said quietly, before he could ask. She didn't even look at him.

"How long have you been awake?" he mumbled, stifling a yawn.

She glanced briefly at the clock. "About forty five minutes or so."

Fiyero lifted his head to peer at the clock. It was a quarter past seven and he dropped his head back to the pillow with a groan.

He sighed and then shuffled closer to her, placing his hand on her stomach and resting his head alongside.

"Kid, I know you're in there… somewhere. Apparently you're as good as hiding as your Momma, which is impressive- you've only got limited space."

He didn't look up at Elphaba, but he felt her sigh before he heard it. He couldn't tell if it was out of exasperation, irritation or reluctant amusement, but he continued nonetheless.

"I haven't really pulled out the big guns, yet. Any of that 'I'm your father, do as I say' kinda thing. I mean, I get the gist of it because of your Grandpa… I didn't think I'd need to do anything before you're out of the womb, you know?"

He rested his cheek against her stomach and sighed.

"You're stressing us out a bit, baby. And Momma doesn't need that right now. So, if you could just shuffle down a bit, let us know you're really ok, we'd appreciate it. Ok?"

He paused expectantly, and they both stilled, waiting.

Finally Fiyero sighed again and rolled onto his back. "Eh, I guess it was kind of a long shot, right?"

He looked up at Elphaba, who was smiling faintly. "Worth a shot," she agreed quietly.

"I bet it's a girl," Fiyero declared.

Elphaba was a little surprised. They'd hadn't really made any predictions about the gender, and Elphaba had said a few times that she didn't really have a 'sense' as some mothers claimed to have about what they were carrying.

"Why a girl?" she asked him.

"Because she's apparently going to do everything on her own time," Fiyero responded with a grin.

Elphaba's eyes narrowed. "Why is that a girl thing? Or are you just hoping to annoy me enough that I'm distracted?"

Fiyero just smiled and nudged her stomach again, hoping to provoke a movement.

"Fae… about what you said last night…"

Elphaba tensed slightly. Fiyero ignored that and met her eyes solemnly.

"Is that why you haven't wanted to discuss names?"

She looked away, which gave Fiyero the confirmation he'd been expecting.

"I still don't want to talk about it," she said, flinging back the covers and getting out of bed with difficulty.

Fiyero sat up too. "Where are you going?"

"I'm hungry."

He quickly leapt up and followed her out of the bedroom, grabbing his robe on the way.

"Elphaba."

She turned to him reluctantly.

"I heard you last night," she said softly. "I did, really. But this morning, I still can't think about naming this baby. I just can't. Is that ok?"

Fiyero let out a breath and stepped forward to kiss her gently.

"It's ok," he agreed. "But once the baby moves position, we start talking about it. Deal?"

"Deal," Elphaba nodded slowly.

She supposed that was an acceptable compromise.

Then she sighed. "I don't know if I can cope with opening the store this morning."

"Then don't," Fiyero said immediately.

"I have to. I have regulars who come in on Saturday mornings!" Elphaba protested. "Yero, I can't sit around all day waiting for the baby to move. I'll go mad. Isn't that what you said last night?"

Fiyero couldn't argue with that point. "Alright," he conceded. "But I'm coming in with you."

Elphaba almost protested. She certainly didn't need Fiyero hovering over her. But she knew despite his reassurances, he wouldn't rest easy until they felt the baby move.

"Alright," she agreed.

They ate breakfast, dressed and then headed into _Chapter Two._ Fiyero helped her open and then settled into one of the armchairs scattered around the store, one near the front of the store.

"Maybe it's time to start thinking about hiring someone to help you in here," he suggested, flipping through a book he'd pulled from the shelves. "The store's doing well, you can afford it."

Elphaba had started to think about getting someone in to help during the first few months after the baby came, but she kept procrastinating the task. She was wary about the idea of really welcoming someone else into the store. In a way, the store was her first child and she felt very protective about it.

But she supposed it wasn't really practical to not hire some help if they could afford it. If it was a choice between hiring someone for the store or someone to take care of her child, there was no contest.

"I guess I should write an ad to put in the paper," she sighed slightly.

Saturday mornings were always pretty busy. The store was only open for three hours, but they had- as Elphaba had said- built up a small group of regulars.

This particularly Saturday, Elphaba found it hard to act as though everything was normal. She had to smile and make small chat with the elderly woman who brought her granddaughter in for a new book and who asked how much longer until the baby was born. She listened patiently to the advice from a customer regarding the best way to prevent stretch marks; and answered every question from two middle-aged women, who were debating the sex of the baby based on the way Elphaba was carrying and what she had been craving throughout the pregnancy.

The hardest moment, however, was when a heavily pregnant woman came in with her husband, who happily informed Elphaba that she was due two weeks after her and wasn't the baby just kicking up a storm?

Elphaba helped them as quickly as she could without being rude, and then locked the door, although it was only twenty to twelve.

"Fae?"

"I'm tired," was all she said.

Fiyero simply got to his feet. "Alright, then. Let's go home, huh?"

He helped her close up, and Elphaba was just locking the door behind them when they met Kalhey, with Alvar and Sabella in tow.

"Nothing yet," Elphaba said, before Kalhey had uttered more than a hello.

"Give it time," Kalhey replied gently, giving her arm a squeeze. "You'll soon learn, babies do everything on their own time. I'm going to be reminding you of this fact constantly the moment you go past your due date."

"She may not go past her due date," Fiyero pointed out.

Kalhey and Alvar exchanged a grin.

"I will bet you anything she does," Alvar told his friend.

Fiyero was willing to take that bet, but one glance at Elphaba told him that now wasn't the best moment to ask about the stakes.

"We were just about to head home," he said instead. "Kalhey, is there anything we can do to get the baby to move down? Tricks or something?"

Kalhey smiled sympathetically. "Exercise might help," she answered. "Or you can keep trying the sugar trick. A warm bath can't hurt either, a lot of babies do like the water."

Fiyero looked to Elphaba encouragingly, who smiled faintly.

"Thanks, Kal."

"Send for me if you need me," Kalhey reminded them, and then bid them farewell.

Elphaba decided to try the bath idea when they got home, figuring it was worth a try. She lay in the water for forty minutes, murmuring to the baby. Nothing in particular, she just kept talking. She figured nervous rambling was better than paying heed to the whirlwind of thoughts and worries that kept circling around her brain.

When she got out of the bath and went out into the living room, Fiyero handed her a glass of juice and a chocolate bar, which she ate without complaint.

"Do you want to unpack a few more boxes?" she asked him.

Fiyero didn't feel terribly enthusiastic about that suggestion, and evidently it showed on his face.

"I need to do something productive," she beseeched him. "And Kalhey said exercise may help."

Fiyero couldn't argue with that.

They set about unpacking the books in the living room, mostly because Fiyero said once they got rid of all those boxes, they'd have a lot more room; and also because Elphaba was so particular about how her books were arranged, she was completely distracted from worrying about the baby.

"Why do you have three copies of _First Impressions?"_ Fiyero asked, pulling them out of the box and studying them with a frown.

Elphaba glanced over at him from where she was sorting books into some system Fiyero could never determine.

"One is a first edition I found at an estate sale in Dorbush; one is a paperback; and one is annotated," she said nonchalantly.

That didn't really answer Fiyero's question.

"Let me rephrase. Why do you _need_ three copies of _First Impressions?"_

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Because. The paperback I can read in the bath, the first edition is valuable, and the annotated edition is- ow."

Fiyero turned his head so fast that he cricked his neck. "Fae?"

Elphaba said nothing, one hand pressed against her side.

"Elphaba?" Fiyero pressed, hurrying to her side. "What? What is it?"

Elphaba merely shook her head, which did nothing to reassure Fiyero

"Elphaba!" he repeated, more urgently. "What happened?"

Elphaba looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears. "I felt a kick."

Fiyero's hand flew to the spot where her hand rested. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Well, maybe not a kick… it could have been a kick. But it was definitely movement," she said, sounding breathless.

Fiyero felt rather breathless himself as he kissed her deeply, feeling like a large weight had been lifted from him.

"Thank Oz," he murmured, when he pulled away.

Elphaba was laughing slightly, too happy to even correct him. A tear ran down her cheek, and she brushed it away lightly. "I never thought I'd be so happy to be kicked in the kidney," she said happily, and Fiyero grinned broadly.

"Should I remind you of this during labour then?"

Elphaba only laughed at him, practically giddy in her relief and Fiyero kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you," she beamed at him.

Fiyero crouched down to address her stomach. "And we love you too, Baby Sauda."

The smile left Elphaba's face as she looked at him in surprise. "Baby _what_ now?"

Fiyero looked at her innocently. "No? You're not feeling Sauda? For a girl?"

Elphaba still looked flummoxed.

"You said once everything was ok, we could talk about baby names," Fiyero reminded her.

"Yeah… but I didn't realise you'd already thought about it," Elphaba replied.

Fiyero looked faintly sheepish. He crossed the room to the bag he'd brought with him to the store that morning, and pulled out a book.

"I guess you didn't really notice what I was reading this morning," he shrugged as he returned to her side.

It was a book of baby names.

Elphaba took it from him silently, flipping through the pages. She only had one question.

"Did you pay for this?"

"My name's on the lease as co-owner!" Fiyero exclaimed. "I don't have to pay."

Elphaba just looked at him.

"I have to _pay?!"_ he demanded incredulously.

"It's fifteen ninety nine. But I'll give you the family and friends discount," Elphaba informed him. "Let's call it twelve dollars and eighty cents."

Fiyero grumbled, even as he went to find his wallet.

 **Chapter Title Song:** _ **Small Bump**_ **by Ed Sheeran**


	20. The Day I Was Chosen By You

**DISCLAIMER: Yet again, I own nothing.**

 **AN. A few of you remembered the reference Fiyero made back in Ch 8- yep, they were talking about the last chapter then. So, well done.**

 **Also, because I forgot last chapter- congrats to Maddy for being the 150th reviewer (if you count the fact that she spammed me with reviews to _ensure_ she was the 150th), or to Nia (if you don't count Maddy's spam lol)**

 **Chapter 20: The Day I was Chosen by You**

 **March, 1941**

Elphaba was as about ready as she'd ever be.

The nursery was painted, furnished and fully stocked with everything the books, Kalhey, and random people around town had told them a newborn would need.

She'd read pretty much every book on pregnancy _Chapter Two_ stocked, and the chapters on childbirth and labour twice. Even Fiyero had read a few books, and had taken to bombarding Kalhey with questions whenever he saw her, even sending lists of questions home with Alvar from work.

They had established a birth plan, had a list of potential names, and the icebox was stocked with meals for at least the first week with baby to save them from having to cook as much.

Most importantly, Elphaba felt a great deal less anxious on the day of her due date than she had the first eight months of her pregnancy. All they were waiting for was the baby to arrive.

"It's not uncommon for first babies to be late," Kalhey warned her during a check-up.

Elphaba, at thirty-eight weeks, simply nodded. "I know. I've read the books. And you've told me every time I've seen you for the past month."

"Just reminding you. But the baby looks like it's in a good position for delivery. Are you doing kick counts?"

Elphaba nodded again. "Yeah, every night."

Her tone conveyed what those three words didn't- her immense relief at her ability to feel every little movement, even when she couldn't sleep for the baby bouncing on her bladder or internal organs.

One green hand cradled her stomach protectively, and Kalhey smiled. "That's good. Just don't panic if it slows- kid is definitely running out of room by now. It's normal. If you don't feel anything at all for twelve hours-"

"Send for you," Elphaba interrupted. "I know. I will."

"Good," Kalhey repeated in satisfaction. "Any Braxton Hicks contractions?"

"Yeah. Pretty much all the time. They're annoying, but not really painful."

Kalhey looked at her solemnly, taking a seat opposite her. "How are you feeling?"

Elphaba shrugged. "Exhausted, fat, hormonal… the usual."

"Sure, but I meant emotionally. Mentally."

Elphaba sighed. "Has Fiyero been talking to you?"

"Fiyero _always_ talks to me. I saw him in the market yesterday morning and he asked me to quiz him on the early signs of labour."

Elphaba couldn't help but smile. Fiyero was preparing for parenthood as though it was the biggest exam he'd ever take, and Elphaba was actually very proud of him.

"But he did happen to mention that you've been a bit anxious," Kalhey admitted.

Elphaba wasn't surprised. "I'm doing ok," she reassured Kalhey. "Talking about it with Yero has been helpful."

"That's good," Kalhey encouraged. "However, I want to give you this, just in case."

She pulled out some brochures from a folder and handed them to Elphaba.

"Postpartum depression," Elphaba read.

The words hit her like a brick, and she wasn't sure exactly how to respond.

"You- you think I'm at risk?"

"Any woman is at risk," Kalhey responded promptly. "But, yes. I am worried."

Elphaba stared at the brochures in her hands, a lump in her throat.

"It's perfectly normal to experience an element of baby blues in the first week or two. Crying, mood swings, feeling anxious or overwhelmed. But if it doesn't pass, or becomes more serious than that, I want you to let me know."

Elphaba nodded, but couldn't speak.

Kalhey's brow furrowed. "El?"

"Did you ever wonder if you were going to be a good mother?" Elphaba asked her.

"Only a thousand times," Kalhey answered immediately. "I've told you that before. But I also know that it's different for you. I had my mother to help me when Bella was born. I had Alvar's mother to help."

Elphaba couldn't help but smile. "I'm sure you loved that."

"I could have done with less of _her_ help," Kalhey admitted. "But my point is that I had a support network. Family. And you and Yero don't, I know that. But Alvar and I are absolutely here to help you however we can," she vowed.

Elphaba forced a smile. "Thanks," she said.

When she left Kalhey's clinic, she could have gone home. Or she could have gone and checked in at the store. She'd finally caved and hired someone to work in the store for the next few months, and was "officially" on "maternity leave". Which, for Elphaba, meant only going into the store for an hour each day, instead of spending all day on her feet.

Instead of home or the store however, Elphaba headed in the direction of Fiyero's workshop. The walk took a bit longer these days, but it was still mostly enjoyable now that it wasn't quite as freezing. Plus, now that Kalhey assured her it was fine if the baby came at any time, she wasn't totally against the idea that the walk might bring on labour.

"Hi, Elphaba," one of Fiyero's co-workers greeted her as she entered.

"Hi, Thoko," Elphaba replied.

"Wow, look at you! How much longer to go now?" he asked her, placing a hand on her stomach.

Elphaba supressed a grimace and smiled tightly, taking a small step back as Thoko lifted his hand.

"About two weeks. Is Fiyero around?"

He nodded his head towards the door. "He's just grabbing some lumber from out the back. He'll just be a sec. I can get him if you need me to?"

She shook her head, smiling more genuinely this time. "It's fine. I'll just wait, thanks."

When Fiyero returned, he immediately came to meet her, handing the wood in his arms to Alvar.

"Hey," he greeted her. "How'd it go with Kalhey?"

"Baby seems to be head down."

Fiyero raised an eyebrow. "Ok… that's good. What's with that face? Is something wrong?"

"Not with the baby," Elphaba countered, handing him the brochures from Kalhey.

Fiyero read the title and winced. "Ah."

"What exactly did you say to her?" Elphaba demanded.

"I just said that I was worried about you!" Fiyero defended himself. "I know you're still worried about the whole motherhood thing. I read in the books about the postpartum… you know. I asked Kalhey about it when I ran into her at the market, and she said she'd talk to you. That's _all_."

"And you didn't think you should maybe mention this concern to me? Maybe instead of Kalhey, or at least before?" Elphaba asked, arching an eyebrow.

Fiyero glanced around quickly. "Can we just admit that I was wrong and talk about this when I get home tonight?"

Elphaba sighed. "Fine," she agreed. "I'll see you at home."

"Ok," Fiyero said. He leaned in for a kiss, but Elphaba walked away instead, leaving him with the brochures.

"Well, I should have seen that coming," he muttered and then got back to work.

When he got home that night, Elphaba was in the kitchen preparing dinner.

"Hey," he greeted her cautiously, trying to gauge her mood from her facial expression.

"Hi," she replied.

That told him nothing.

"Ok," he said, coming forward and leaning against the kitchen counter. "I get why you're mad. I should have talked to you instead of Kalhey, I get that. But I wasn't sure if you'd thought about it, and if you hadn't, I really didn't want to be the one to bring it up. I figured Kalhey knew more about the topic than I do."

"I'm not mad," she said simply.

Fiyero frowned. "You're not?"

"No," she said calmly.

She stopped her preparations for dinner and turned to face him. "I'm annoyed. Because when Kalhey said that you were worried about me and talking to her… I was completely blindsided, Fiyero. You _knew_ I was seeing Kalhey today, the _least_ you could have done was mentioned something."

"I know, I'm sorry," Fiyero apologised.

"It's not like I haven't thought about it," Elphaba admitted. "I've read about it in the books, just like you. And it's… I'm worried enough about being a mother, _without_ worrying on top of that about whether or not I'm going to be able to connect with the baby. Because what if I can't? I spent seven months preparing for the absolute worst. What if that stops me bonding with the baby once it's born?"

"Fae, I never meant that I'm worried you won't connect with the baby!" Fiyero cried, taken aback. "I just… I worry that you're going to put so much pressure on yourself about being a mother. I don't want you to be upset that you haven't met these impossible standards that you've dreamed up for yourself."

Elphaba shook her head, and picked up the kitchen knife lying on the counter.

"We still refer to the baby as 'it'," she muttered, chopping carrots into pieces. "And it doesn't bother me. But it bothers me that it doesn't bother me. Every other pregnant woman I've spoken to, has this… _speech_ rehearsed about how they can't _bear_ to refer to the baby as 'it', so they've picked a gender to call it, or some ridiculously cutesy nickname."

Despite the drama amid Elphaba's revelation a month ago, Fiyero hadn't realised that he and Elphaba seemed to be experiencing completely different pregnancies until this moment.

"Nickname?" he asked tentatively, unsure whether he should interrupt her.

Sometimes it was better just to let her rant and then talk calmly.

"Bug, Bunny, Beanie, Tadpole… some variation of a woodland creature," Elphaba rattled off, still chopping carrots furiously.

Fiyero thought was that it sounded like something Glinda would do. He knew it wouldn't be helpful to mention that just now.

"And here I am, _more_ than happy to refer to my unborn child as an 'it'."

"We tried 'they' for a bit," Fiyero reminded her.

It hadn't last long. Elphaba quickly got tired of people assuming she was having twins.

She shot him an exasperated glance, suggesting that maybe that wasn't her point.

"What if I already can't connect to this baby?" she asked him.

"Fae, you've never really been a nickname person," Fiyero reminded her gently. "I wouldn't take it to mean anything. Once the baby is here, I'm sure a nickname will come naturally. I don't think you can force these things."

That much was true, Elphaba had to admit.

"It's a little late to start referring to the baby as anything besides 'it' or 'the baby', I think," Fiyero continued. "But we can always remember this for the next one."

Elphaba snorted. " _The next one,"_ she muttered and turned her attention back to dinner.

Fiyero apologised again, and promised solemnly to come to her with any concerns he had before going to medical professionals.

Elphaba's fears weren't completely allayed, but the closer she came to her due date, the more apprehensive she became about the birthing process above anything else. But her due date came and went.

Once again, Kalhey reassured her that it was not uncommon for first babies to be late. Elphaba, once again, nodded knowingly and settled in to wait patiently.

But once she had been waiting for ten days, Elphaba's patience was rather limited.

"There has to be _something_ you can do, to get this kid out of me," she practically begged Kalhey, when her friend came by on a Thursday afternoon with Alvar and Sabella.

Technically, she'd come by to drop off Elphaba's delivery kit, but they'd ended up staying for afternoon tea.

Kalhey laughed knowingly. "I've told you all my tricks. None of them are working?"

"Obviously not," Elphaba said miserably, gesturing to her stomach.

"The baby's obviously inherited it's mother's stubbornness," Fiyero grinned at Alvar, from where he was playing peek a boo with Sabella.

Elphaba glared at him. "Pot, kettle, Tiggular," she warned him.

Kalhey smoothly intervened. "If the baby hasn't come by Monday morning, I can give you an injection to start labour," she reassured Elphaba. "But sometimes babies just take their time, and I prefer to let them unless your health or the baby's health is in trouble, which it's not."

Monday was still four days away, which felt like an eternity to Elphaba.

"Fae, worrying about when the baby will come isn't going to make it come any faster. Just try to relax. Enjoy the last few days before the baby arrives," Fiyero tried to console her the next night as they prepared for bed.

"Enjoy it?" Elphaba repeated incredulously. "Enjoy _what_ exactly? My feet, my back, my hips have been killing me constantly for weeks _,_ hell, _months._ I can't see my feet, I can't sleep, how is any of this enjoyable?!"

Fiyero simply drew her into his arms as close as he could, and gently kissed the top of her head.

She rested her head on his shoulder with a weary sigh.

"I'm tired," she murmured. "I'm so tired."

"I know, hon."

Elphaba pulled away and lowered herself onto the bed with difficulty.

"And I can't even say it'll get better once the baby's here, because then we'll have a screaming baby keeping us up all night."

Fiyero sat beside her with a sigh. "Parenthood sounds fun, doesn't it? I can't believe people do this by choice."

Elphaba smiled despite herself. "You mean instead of just falling into the category of people whose contraceptive fails?"

"Or in some cases, not understand how contraception works," Fiyero laughed.

Kalhey's work stories were popular dinner party topics. Well, except for the graphic parts, which were better left for after dinner.

"Do you want me to run you a bath?" Fiyero offered, rubbing her back gently. "Or give you a massage? It might help you sleep."

"Or bring on labour," Elphaba sighed, debating whether or not she wanted to risk stimulating labour now or perhaps in the morning after she'd (with any luck) had a few hours of sleep.

Fiyero grinned at her, slyly. "If you want to try and bring on labour tonight, I know which method I vote for."

"Mediation?" Elphaba replied innocently.

It was the one method suggested in the books she hadn't tried, telling Fiyero that if she could get this kid out of her by sheer force of will, she would have given birth a month ago.

Fiyero leaned over and kissed her in reply.

Elphaba's lips curved. "I really don't know if I should be worried about how eager you are to have sex with a woman who's over nine months pregnant," she said teasingly, pulling away. "Or, you know, what passes for sex when you're the size of a Quoxwood tree."

"What can I say, the pregnancy glow is very sexy," Fiyero grinned, kissing her again.

Elphaba doubted how much 'glowing' was happening, but she found it very hard to argue at this moment.

"Yeah, I feel _real_ sexy," she said sarcastically, even as she deepened the kiss.

Fiyero's counter-argument required no words.

Elphaba slept more soundly that night than she felt she had in weeks. The next thing she knew, she was jolting awake.

Trying to cross that line between dreamland and consciousness, it took her a few moments to piece everything together. The room was still dark, Fiyero was deeply asleep beside her, and there was a strange sensation beneath her.

For one mortifying moment, Elphaba thought she'd wet the bed. And then she realised the truth. Sitting up as fast as she could, Elphaba reached over and shook Fiyero's shoulder.

"Yero, wake up."

He grunted, but didn't move.

" _Fiyero,"_ Elphaba said more urgently, shaking him again.

Fiyero grunted again, and rolled over onto his side to face her, still without opening his eyes.

"Whaimest?"

Fortunately, Elphaba was well-versed in Fiyero-speak and was able to interpret, and she glanced over at the clock.

"It's five am."

He groaned and buried his face under his pillow, mumbling something that even Elphaba couldn't make out.

"I think my water broke," she said calmly, and then waited.

Sure enough, a few moments later, Fiyero bolted upright, his pillow falling off the bed as he turned to Elphaba.

"What? Are you sure?" he demanded, his voice still thick from sleep.

"Pretty sure," Elphaba said dryly.

Fiyero bounded from the bed, still naked, hair mussed from sleep, and looked around the room in a panic.

"Shit. Ok. I'll go get Kalhey. Should I go get Kalhey? Is it too early? Are you having contractions?"

Elphaba looked amused. "I think we can probably wait a few hours until we send for Kalhey, although I'd recommend putting some clothes on first. Actually, I wouldn't mind that bath you offered last night, if you don't mind."

Fiyero just stared at her in surprise. "You're calm. You choose _now_ to be calm about all this?!" he demanded.

Elphaba shrugged lightly. "It's odd, isn't it?" she said thoughtfully.

He was still rooted to the spot, transfixed.

"Yero," Elphaba pressed, drawing back the covers. "Bath?"

Fiyero blinked, and then nodded dazedly. "Bath," he repeated and headed for the bathroom.

While Fiyero ran the bath, Elphaba stripped the bed and fetched the old sheets she'd prepared for this purpose from the linen closet.

He returned to the room, just as she was remaking the bed.

"Hey," he said, crossing the room hastily. "Should you be doing that?"

"I'm not having any contractions yet," she reassured him gently. "And the bed has to be made."

"I'll do that," Fiyero said, taking the sheets from her. "You go soak in the bath."

"Ok. But again, at some point, you may want to put some clothes on."

Fiyero glanced down at himself as though he'd just noticed and headed towards the closet.

Elphaba spent almost two hours lying in the bath, and it was only after she had put on a clean nightgown and was braiding her hair that she felt her first contraction.

"Whoa."

Fiyero's head whipped up. "Does it hurt?"

"Not really," Elphaba said slowly. "Not yet. Only a bit more than the Braxton-Hicks, really."

"Should I go get Kalhey?" Fiyero asked anxiously, eyeing her stomach nervously.

Elphaba hesitated, and then shook her head. "No, not yet."

She settled herself in the rocking chair Fiyero had built for the nursery, and spent the morning rocking quietly, timing her contractions and neatly noting them as Fiyero paced up and down the hall.

He popped his head into the room every few minutes, asking if he should fetch Kalhey yet. And with each question, a little more of Elphaba's calm eroded.

"Not yet," she said shortly, at around quarter past eleven.

Her contractions were only just becoming regular, and were still ten minutes apart.

"Do you need anything?"

"Yes. I need you to stop pacing up and down the hall, you're driving me crazy," she snapped.

Fiyero wavered in the doorway. "I meant tea or something," he said quietly, sliding down to sit on the floor against the wall.

Elphaba softened slightly. "I'm fine, Yero."

Fiyero ran a hand over his face. "I feel so damn useless," he admitted.

She smiled faintly. "You are useless," she told him gently.

Fiyero blinked at her. "Thanks, Fae."

Elphaba laughed slightly and started to say something, but cut herself off as another contraction took over her.

Fiyero sat up straighter as she grimaced.

"Elphaba?"

She merely shook her head, letting out a slow breath as the pain eased. That one had been sharper than before.

"Can- can you go get Kalhey, now, please?" she asked him.

Fiyero immediately jumped to his feet. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he promised and hurried out of the room.

Elphaba heard the front door slam shut, and leaned her head back tiredly.

"Ok, kid," she said quietly. "It's you and me now. Let's do this, huh?"

She wondered if her mother had been this calm when in labour with her.

Elphaba knew little about her own birth, beyond the fact that her verdigris had been a shock to all involved. Frex had never spoken of it, and she recollected nothing of Nessa's birth. Just that suddenly, a small baby had been there, and her mother had been gone.

She eased herself out of the rocking chair and walked over to the window. It was a cloudy day, but it didn't look like rain. The trees rustled faintly with the breeze, and the sun tried to peer through the clouds in vain.

"March fifteenth. Good day for a birthday, huh?" she said quietly, rubbing her stomach. "You're not going to keep us waiting until the sixteenth, right?"

Naturally, there was no response.

The sound of the front door opening was coordinated with the peak of another contraction. Elphaba braced herself against the wall, trying to breathe evenly. She didn't hear the approaching footsteps, but was so caught up she didn't even flinch when a hand touched her back.

"How you doing, darling?" Kalhey asked cheerfully.

"It's starting to hurt," Elphaba replied through gritted teeth.

"It's going to hurt a lot more before it's over," Kalhey said sympathetically. "Come on, I want to check you over."

Fiyero resumed his pacing as Kalhey examined Elphaba. They could hear the floorboards creak from the other side of the door as he walked up and down the hall.

"He's going to implode," Elphaba said, her eyes flickering towards the door.

"Don't worry about Yero," Kalhey replied. "He's not the one pushing out a baby today."

Elphaba's heart leapt. "You think it'll definitely be today?" she asked hopefully.

Kalhey straightened up. "With any luck. You're about five centimetres dilated. When did your contractions start?"

"Around seven, I think. I had a bath when I got up and they started once I got out."

Kalhey nodded approvingly. "Good. Everything looks good. If you want to try and move things along a bit, you can try walking. Go pace with Fiyero for a bit."

Elphaba smiled faintly and nodded.

When the door opened, Fiyero looked to them worriedly.

"Is everything ok?"

"Everything's good," Kalhey reassured him. "It's still going to be awhile, Yero. Calm down before you have a heart attack, ok?"

"Can I do anything?" he asked, almost desperately.

"Not at the moment," Kalhey replied patiently. "But when Elphaba needs a hand to squeeze, that's your moment to shine."

Fiyero looked like he was unsure whether or not she was joking. Apparently deciding she was serious, he looked down at his hands thoughtfully.

Elphaba, shifting her weight between the balls of her feet, stilled. "What? What's with that face?"

"Wondering which hand I can stand to have broken," Fiyero told her with a faint grin.

Elphaba rolled her eyes.

Her labour continued to progress smoothly over the next few hours. Elphaba did steady laps around the house for as long as she could stand, but around five o'clock that evening, she admitted defeat and returned to bed.

"Kal," she said hoarsely, her mouth dry as another contraction faded. "What's the longest labour you've seen?"

"Forty-six hours," Kalhey replied promptly. "You're not even in the running yet, lovely."

Elphaba groaned, either from fatigue or the thought of doing this for another thirty four hours, Fiyero wasn't sure.

He'd been relegated to sitting next to the bed and helping her drink water in between contractions. He handed her the glass now, and watched as she took a sip, her hands shaking slightly.

"I don't feel good," Elphaba said weakly, covering her eyes with her hand.

"How?" Kalhey asked swiftly.

Elphaba grimaced. "Dizzy," she replied.

Fiyero turned to Kalhey. "Is that normal?"

"Her blood pressure may have dropped. El, you ok?"

Elphaba shook her head, trying to sit up. "I'm going to throw up," she choked out, clutching at Fiyero's arm.

Kalhey grabbed a plastic bag from her supplies and thrust it at Elphaba just in time. Fiyero grimaced, rubbing her back gently as she retched into the bag.

She hadn't eaten in over twelve hours, so there wasn't much in her stomach to throw up, and as she sagged into the mattress, she let out a sound Fiyero couldn't put a name to, motioning to her water.

"How you doing, Fae?" he murmured to her, smoothing back her damp hair as she sipped at the water.

Elphaba's head dropped back tiredly against her pillows as she regarded him solemnly.

"Don't take this the wrong way," she told him. "But I hate you."

Fiyero laughed slightly, tears springing to his eyes. "I kinda hate me too," he reassured her.

Elphaba nodded and closed her eyes. "Good. As long as we're agreed."

Just after seven o'clock, Kalhey declared that Elphaba was ready to push. And if Fiyero had felt useless before, it was nothing compared to how he felt now.

Over the past few months, when he thought about this moment, he'd pictured himself by Elphaba's side, holding her hand and gently encouraging her to push as their child entered the world. Instead, Elphaba's hands were hooked around her own knees as she drew her legs towards her chest, pushing with all her remaining strength. Fiyero _was_ by her side, but had his hands on her leg, letting her brace one foot against his palm and the other hand rested on her knee.

And it wasn't happening nearly as quickly as he'd imagined. He couldn't even speak, let alone find the words to encourage Elphaba.

"You're doing great, El," Kalhey told her. "Next push, as hard as you can, ok? Go, go, go!"

Elphaba obeyed, taking a deep breath and holding it as she pushed until her chest burned and she had to collapse back against the pillows.

"Good girl," Kalhey smiled. "Take a breath. Next contraction, we're going to go again, alright?"

Elphaba moaned in response, closing her eyes.

"You can do it."

"Oh, _sh-ck_ , it's coming," Elphaba gasped, lifting her head as the next contraction seized her.

Fiyero had no idea what curse word that was supposed to be, but he was fairly certain that it _was_ indeed a curse word.

Kalhey nodded. "Yep. Here we go. Deep breath, and push."

Elphaba pushed, her eyes shut tightly as though that would make any difference. Fiyero's hand tightened around her knee, and she couldn't tell if her leg was sweaty or whether it was Fiyero's hand.

"Keep going," Kalhey called out over her pained groans. "Keep going, keep going… alright, Elphaba. I can see the head!"

Her exclamation startled Fiyero out of his stunned stupor. "Really?" he demanded, peeking around Elphaba's legs to see.

" _Wow_."

Elphaba's eyes flew open. "Wow? Wow what?" she gasped, staring at him and Kalhey in alarm.

Kalhey barely spared Fiyero a glance.

"You're not going to pass out on us, are you Tiggular?"

Fiyero shook his head faintly. "No. No, I'm good."

He looked to Elphaba in awe. "Fae…"

She cut him off with another moan as she resumed pushing.

Fiyero watched with his heart in his throat as a tiny body began to emerge, and he wondered if maybe he _was_ in danger of passing out.

"It's a boy!" Kalhey sang out, a few moments later.

Her announcement was echoed by the whimpering, thin cry of a baby, which then quickly developed into a full bawling and suddenly Fiyero couldn't see anything for his own tears.

"Fiyero, do you want to cut the cord?" Kalhey asked gently.

Fiyero nodded and wiped his eyes, taking the offered scissors from her and cutting the cord with shaking hands.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from the baby- his _son-_ watching every little movement he made as Kalhey gently cleaned the tiny body.

Elphaba couldn't see the baby yet, and she felt more exhausted than she'd ever been in her entire life. She closed her eyes and let her head sink into the pillow and let out a slow breath, letting the sound of her son's cries fill her ears. It was the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard.

She opened her eyes and looked to Fiyero. He wasn't so much as glancing in her direction, and she wondered if he remembered that she existed right now. His gaze was firmly situated on the mattress between her legs, and the look on his face… Elphaba couldn't describe it.

Then Kalhey looked up with a smile, lifting a blanket wrapped bundle into her arms. Elphaba's head rose with strength Elphaba didn't realise she still had, as she strained to lay eyes on her child.

"Here you go, Momma. Allow me to introduce you to your son," she said, and placed the baby in Elphaba's arms.

As soon as she laid eyes on her son, Elphaba burst into tears.

A rush of love swept over her so intensely, more immense than she had ever dreamt was possible, it took her breath away. The baby continued to cry, as Elphaba ran a trembling finger down his tiny cheek.

His skin was a flushed, rosy pink and his tiny hands beat against Elphaba's chest as he wailed.

Elphaba began to rock him without ever being conscious of it, murmuring to him tearfully.

"Shhh," she whispered. "Shhh, Baby."

A weight sank down onto the mattress, and Elphaba tore her eyes away from the baby to meet Fiyero's equally tear-filled gaze.

"Fae…" he choked out.

"He's perfect," Elphaba said hoarsely.

Fiyero leaned down and kissed her deeply. "You're perfect," he whispered. "Oz, I love you, Fae."

Elphaba smiled brilliantly, too overcome to say anything.

Kalhey whisked the baby away after a few moments, to clean him up and give him a quick once over.

"He's in excellent health," she informed them, when she returned him to his mother's arms. "Twenty inches long. Eight pounds, one ounce. And there's clearly nothing wrong with his lungs," she laughed.

In the years to come, the next few hours would always remain somewhat of a blur for Elphaba. The only thing that remained in clear focus was her son.

It wasn't until the next morning that Elphaba's brain finally seemed to catch up with her. She sat up in bed, the baby in her arms as Fiyero lay next to her.

"How do you feel?" he asked her softly.

Elphaba smiled faintly. "Tired. Happy. I just keep thinking…"

Fiyero frowned slightly at she hesitated.

"Thinking what, Fae?"

"Do you remember when we named the store?" she asked suddenly.

Fiyero nodded slowly. "Sure. New chapter of our lives."

"It didn't really hit me until he was here," Elphaba said. "But this is a whole new chapter. Him."

Fiyero grinned slightly. "Yeah, but we can't name him ' _Chapter Three'._ Might raise some eyebrows."

Elphaba chuckled. "Not where I was going with this. I just… I didn't know it was possible to be this happy. And when I remember how scared I was…"

"So, you're not scared anymore?"

"Oh no, I'm still terrified," Elphaba replied flatly.

"Oh good," Fiyero grinned. "Me too."

He sat up and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, kissing her temple softly.

"We'll be ok," he said confidently.

Elphaba hummed in agreement.

And Jozua Ibrahim Tiggular slept soundly in his mother's arms.

 **Chapter Title Song: "The Day I was Chosen by You" by Amity Dry from the musical** _ **Mother, Wife and the Complicated Life [**_ **AKA** _ **The (M)other Life]**_

 **AN. Also, how good is Taylor Swift's _reptuation?_ Anyone? I'm obsessed. **


	21. Something in the Water

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine.**

 **AN.** **Queen Faeley-** **There's 31 chapters in this fic. So we're definitely in the tail end now, guys!**

 **Chapter 21: Something in the Water**

 **January, 1949**

One Friday morning in mid-January, Fiyero ducked out of the workshop on his lunch break, heading towards _Chapter Two._ There was something he wanted to discuss with Elphaba, and as the kids had been with him the night before and were with Elphaba this weekend, he wouldn't see her until Monday morning.

When he entered the store, there were a few customers browsing, as Totit stood at the counter atop a stool.

"Hello, Fiyero," she greeted him.

"Hey," he smiled, glancing around. "Where's Elphaba?"

"She's at home."

Fiyero's smile faded in surprise. "Home? Is she sick? Or the kids?"

"No, nothing like that," Totit reassured him. "She just had to take care of something. We're not too busy, and she thought it would be easier to deal with while the kids weren't home."

Fiyero wondered what she could possibly need to deal with that she couldn't do yesterday when the kids were with him.

"Right," he said. "Ok, I'll try and catch her there. Thanks, Totit."

Totit waved and turned to help an approaching customer as Fiyero turned back to the door.

Fiyero debated for a moment whether or not he had time to make it to the house and back before his lunch hour was up, and then headed in that direction.

He didn't knock when he arrived, simply letting himself in.

"Elphaba?" he called out.

He shut the door behind him and moved through the entryway into the living room. Elphaba appeared after a moment, looking rather bewildered.

"What are you doing here?" she greeted him.

"I called by the store," Fiyero explained, taking off his coat. "Totit said you were here. I need to run something by you."

Elphaba's bewilderment changed to a wary expression she couldn't quite hide.

"Alright," she said slowly. "Come on through. I can't offer tea or coffee at the moment," she added, leading him towards the kitchen.

"Why?"

As Fiyero entered the kitchen, he saw a book lying open on the counter top, a few tools, supplies and cloths beside it.

"What are you doing?"

"The tap keeps dripping and it's driving me crazy, so I'm going to fix it," Elphaba replied. "I think a washer needs to be replaced."

Fiyero picked up the book to examine it. It was a how-to guide for basic plumbing repairs, clearly from the store.

"You're going to fix it yourself? From a _book?"_

He spoke before he thought about it, and immediately stiffened in anticipation of a fight.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "What, you don't think I can do it?"

She didn't sound mad, he thought.

"Not from a book," Fiyero scoffed. "Why didn't you just send for a plumber? Or tell me?"

"I'm not going to pay for a plumber if I can fix it myself," Elphaba retorted. "The book says it's pretty simple."

She crossed her arms at the scepticism on his face. "What? I am perfectly capable-"

"I'm not doubting your capabilities-"

"Just the method through which I'm learning," Elphaba interrupted. "How did _you_ learn this stuff? It's not like you were playing handyman around the castle."

The lack of bite in her tone made Fiyero allow himself a grin.

"Fair point," he allowed. "I learned by doing. Hands on experience."

Elphaba nodded. "Right. You think you can teach me better than this book?"

Fiyero heard the challenge in her tone, but still rose to the bait. "Sure. Let's go."

"How much time do you have before you have to get back to work?"

He waved a dismissive hand. "It'll take like ten minutes," he reassured her.

He laid his coat on the kitchen table and came around the counter. "I'm surprised you don't already know how to do this."

"You've always handled any repairs," Elphaba pointed out.

"Yeah, I meant like… before that."

"Not a lot of plumbing issues when you're living on the run," Elphaba said dryly.

She'd been rather lucky if she had an actual roof over her head. Indoor plumbing was more than a luxury.

Fiyero nodded in acknowledgment and got to work.

"What exactly did you want to run by me?" Elphaba asked him, watching closely as he went about dismantling the tap.

Fiyero glanced at her distractedly. He'd almost forgotten his whole purpose for calling by in the first place.

"Oh, right. Alvar and the kids came by last night for dinner- Kal was out delivering a baby."

"Ok… and?"

"And, he said his brother has a bunch of seats for the basketball game in Dorbush this weekend. He's taking Bella and Zak, and asked if I or the kids wanted to go."

Elphaba looked up at him. "This weekend?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Sunday. But it's your weekend…"

Elphaba hesitated.

"It's ok," Fiyero assured her hastily. "I haven't said anything about it to the kids. I mean, I'm going to go anyway. I just thought the kids might enjoy it."

Elphaba knew Jozua would. Cale wasn't as athletically inclined as his brother, but if Zakhar was going, she was sure he'd enjoy it.

"You're not going to want to take Jiyah to a basketball game," she pointed out. "She'll never pay attention that long."

"Maybe not," Fiyero admitted. "But she loves Sabella. She'll be happy to hang out with her."

Elphaba nodded thoughtfully.

"If they want to go, you can take them," she said quietly.

Fiyero looked up from the sink carefully. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You're right, they'd have fun. And… there was something I wanted to talk to you about too."

Fiyero gestured for her to hand him the spanner on the counter. "Oh yeah?"

Elphaba handed him the spanner, and took a deep breath.

"I think that I'm going to tell Kalhey. About… everything."

The spanner fell from Fiyero's hands into the sink with a clatter as he turned to Elphaba in shock.

"Wait. Everything?"

She nodded apprehensively.

"It's just… it came up a bit at New Year's, and I _stupidly_ mentioned it to Dr Palloa when I had my session with him last week. He thought it was a good idea to tell someone. Part of the whole 'letting go of guilt' thing."

She couldn't read his face.

"I don't have to if you think it's a bad idea," she said, nervous by his silence. "It was just a suggestion, it wasn't… mandatory or anything."

"No," Fiyero said quickly, recovering himself. "No, it's not that. I was just surprised. I don't think it's a bad idea. You do?" he asked, as she grimaced slightly.

Elphaba faltered, and then shrugged. "I don't know. It's not that I don't trust Kalhey, but… we've never told anyone. For good reasons."

Because at first, they _hadn't_ trusted anyone. And they'd started their family, and protecting their children took priority over everything else.

"Well, maybe it's time we did," Fiyero said quietly. "And if we start with our friends, we'll have a better idea about what to tell the kids if the time ever comes."

Elphaba hated that thought.

"Well, if you and Alvar take all the kids on Sunday, I might ask Kal over for lunch. Tell her then," she said.

"But this affects you too," she warned him. "I can ask Kalhey not to tell Alvar, but-"

"No, it's fine," Fiyero cut her off, picking up the spanner again and resuming his work. "She can tell Al, I don't mind."

"Because it saves _you_ from telling him?" Elphaba asked knowingly and he grinned.

"Exactly."

Then he sobered. "But honestly Fae, I'm really proud of you. It's a big deal, and I know it won't be easy for you."

She smiled faintly. "Thanks."

Fiyero finished fixing the tap, walking her through each step.

"Alright, that should do it," he said in satisfaction. "Should we test it?"

"Shouldn't you-"

"I've got it, Fae. I know what I'm doing," he told her.

Elphaba rolled her eyes and said nothing.

He turned the tap on, but no water came out. With a frown, he turned it further.

"Um…"

"Yeah, it might help to turn the water back on," Elphaba interjected helpfully.

"What? You said you knew what you were doing," she smirked as Fiyero glared at her lightly. "Page one of the book- turn the water off."

"Thanks, Fae," Fiyero said sarcastically.

"You're welcome," she grinned.

Fiyero bent under the sink to turn the water back on, and was immediately met with a face full of water as he straightened up, as the force of the water suddenly pouring from the tap splashed all over the place.

Fiyero lunged for the tap as Elphaba jumped back with a cry.

As the tap shut off, the force of water was replaced by a deafening silence.

"Well-"

"Don't say it," he warned her.

"You don't know what I was going to say!" she protested, grabbing one of the cloths and wiping at the water droplets on her skirt and top.

"Alright then, what were you going to say?"

She handed him another cloth from the counter.

"That you can clean this up," she said gesturing to the water splattered all across the sink, counter and even the floor.

Fiyero checked his watch. "Actually, I should probably get back to work…"

Elphaba raised an eyebrow.

"Kidding!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes and set about filling the kettle to make tea as he wiped up the water.

Fiyero couldn't remember the last time he and Elphaba had been this relaxed with one another. It felt almost normal.

He hesitated, but decided to risk a more personal question.

"So, can I ask how it's going with Dr Palloa? Your sessions, I mean."

Elphaba stilled in the act of fetching a mug from the cupboard.

"Sorry," Fiyero apologised immediately. "Was that a dumb question?"

"No," she answered slowly, turning to face him. "I just… don't know that I have an answer."

They looked at one another in silence, until the whistling of the boiling kettle broke the spell.

Fiyero awkwardly handed her the now damp cloth, moving around to the other side of the counter, picking up his coat from the table.

"For what it's worth, I think it's helping you. If you're willing to tell Kalhey about Oz."

Elphaba nodded slowly. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I need to get back to work," he explained. "But I'm glad I could help with the…"

Elphaba's lips twitched slightly. "Sure. Thanks."

"So, about Sunday," he prodded lightly.

"If you want to come by after work and tell the kids yourself you can," she offered. "And just let me know what time you'll pick them up on Sunday and drop them off."

Fiyero wasn't one to turn down any extra moments with the kids, even if he'd only seen them that morning.

"Sure," he agreed. "I'll see you tonight then."

Elphaba nodded.

It all seemed to be falling into place. All three kids were interested in going to the basketball game, although Jiyah was mostly interested once she'd confirmed Sabella was also attending and Elphaba was reasonably sure Jozua was the only one going out of interest in the game itself. Fiyero had confirmed the details with Alvar upon his return to work, and agreed with Elphaba he'd pick the kids up at eight o'clock on Sunday morning.

Kalhey, thrilled at the prospect of a child-free day, happily accepted Elphaba's invitation to lunch, although Elphaba didn't mention the conversation topic she had in mind for the meal.

"Mom!" Jozua called out on Sunday morning as Elphaba was helping Jiyah choose her outfit for the day.

"Where's my blue t-shirt?"

"In your dresser," Elphaba called back.

"I can't find it!"

"Did you actually look?"

There was a pause and then his voice rang out again. "I got it!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"Alright, sweets," she said to Jiyah. "Are you happy with this?"

Jiyah pursed her lips thoughtfully and cocked her head, a hand on her hip as she critically surveyed the outfit laid on the bed. Elphaba waited patiently, supressing a smile as she returned the lilac sequinned party dress that had been Jiyah's first pick back to the closet.

"I think it's good, Momma," Jiyah finally said in satisfied tones and Elphaba couldn't hide her smile anymore.

"Alright. You get dressed while I go check on your brothers, ok?"

Jiyah nodded happily as Elphaba left the room.

She headed down the hall and popped her head through the open doorway.

"How are we going, guys?"

"Ready!" Jozua declared.

Elphaba surveyed the shorts and t-shirt he was wearing.

"Uh, yeah. Joz, can we try long pants and a jacket over that t-shirt, please?"

" _Mom,"_ he whined.

"Jozua," Elphaba replied warningly. "It's freezing outside. Long pants and longer sleeves, please."

She turned to Cale, who was appropriately dressed and sitting on his bed.

"You ready, kid? Your dad will be here soon."

Cale nodded and slid off the bed to his feet. "I'm ready. Can I take a book with me?"

Elphaba chuckled. "Well, at least I know _you're_ definitely my child," she said.

Cale looked at her in confusion and she shook her head. "Never mind. Yes, you can take a book," she told him, planting a kiss on the top of his head.

At last, all children were dressed appropriately (although Elphaba and Fiyero did have to force Jozua to wear a coat) and out the door, leaving Elphaba to put her nervous energy towards tidying the house and preparing for lunch.

Kalhey's arrival was timed perfectly, the doorbell ringing a few minutes after Elphaba had taken the casserole out of the oven.

"That smells great," she said as she entered the house.

"Thanks. It's nothing fancy," Elphaba apologised.

"No, don't be silly. It's only lunch," Kalhey replied. "Can I do anything to help?"

"No, I think we're just about good."

She served up and the two women sat down to eat. At first the conversation was mostly about the kids, until Elphaba ran out of reasons to stall.

"So, do you remember over New Year's? We were talking about Oz?"

Kalhey nodded. "Sure. I remember."

Elphaba sighed and toyed with the food remaining on her plate. "Dr Palloa thinks it would be helpful to talk about it."

"You mentioned that on New Year's, I think."

"Yes. Well, it came up again in my last individual session, and… he thinks I should tell someone. Someone I trust."

Understanding flickered across Kalhey's face and she simply nodded. "Ok."

The room fell silent.

"I- I don't really know where to start," Elphaba admitted. "It's just… the only person who I've ever really talked about this with is Fiyero. He is the only person who knows everything."

"Dr Palloa?"

Elphaba shook her head. "He knows some, but… I don't think I could ever tell him everything."

Kalhey leaned back in her chair and pushed her plate away from her. "I'll listen to however much you're able to tell me, El," she said gently.

They moved to the living room, armed with a pot of tea and a bottle of wine- "just in case" Elphaba had said.

"I still don't know where to start," she said quietly.

"Well, where's the beginning?" Kalhey asked logically.

Elphaba thought about it, let out a breath and grimaced. "My birth?"

Kalhey looked surprised for just a moment.

"Ok," she said finally. "Let's start there."

So Elphaba, for the first time since several nights long ago in the Gilikin forest, when she and Fiyero had marked their steady escape from Oz by stories of their time apart, began to tell her life's story.

From her childhood and her relationships within her family, to her days at Shiz and the events that had led up to the day in the Emerald City that had changed her life forever. She told Kalhey of Glinda, formerly Galinda, and how their unlikely friendship had been born; of Nessarose, the little sister she had done everything for and how she had failed her; of Boq and a Lion.

She spoke of Fiyero, and everything that had happened from the day he'd almost knocked her over with his carriage, to when they'd left Kiamo Ko, with Elphaba having little to no hope of ever making Fiyero human again.

Kalhey was mostly silent. Her most visible reaction had come when Elphaba had revealed that Fiyero was in fact, a prince by birth. Afterwards, Elphaba would find this amusing.

She asked few questions and was still in the moments when it became too hard for Elphaba to continue speaking and she would lapse into silence until she could summon her voice once more. But even at the hardest points, Elphaba made it through the story without crying, which she thought was a remarkable achievement.

Elphaba ended the story when she and Fiyero had come to Limelle, and decided they felt safe enough to stay.

"You pretty much know everything that's happened from that point onwards," she said quietly.

It wasn't much of an ending, but it was all she could say at this point.

Kalhey nodded slowly, but still said nothing.

"I don't know what to say," she finally said. "In some ways, a lot of things make more sense now. And… I just- I have so many questions."

Elphaba had expected the questions, but not the former statement.

"What makes sense?" she asked.

"Well… Totit for one."

Even now, Elphaba winced. "Oh. Right."

Kalhey's face was full of sympathy, but not pity. It was a small consolation.

"El, you were tricked. You _just_ told me the whole story."

"I know, but-"

"But what?"

"I can't _fix_ it," Elphaba burst out. "I was able to turn Fiyero back, but it took almost two years. I can't fix what I did to Totit and the other Monkeys, I can't fix what I did to Boq. I'm _never_ going to be able to fix what I did to hurt Glinda or Nessa."

Kalhey paused. "Does Totit want you to fix it?"

Elphaba stared at her blankly. "Why wouldn't she?"

"It's been a long time, Elphaba. And you said that Totit was pretty young when it happened. She's had wings for more of her life than she has without. She's probably used to it."

Elphaba had never asked Totit about it. She'd apologised profusely for the part she'd played, and Totit had reassured her that none of the troop blamed her, but Elphaba had never asked if she was happy with the way her life had resolved itself.

"I'm so sorry that this happened to you," Kalhey said genuinely. "I mean… you were _how_ old? When you went to the Emerald City?"

Elphaba shrugged one shoulder. "Twenty-two."

Kalhey exhaled slowly. At twenty-two, she had been meeting Alvar. She couldn't imagine going through any of what Elphaba had told her about when she was that age.

"I knew you were tough, but you're a lot stronger than I knew. I can't imagine…"

Elphaba scoffed. "Yeah, I'm so tough, I screwed up my marriage," she said bitterly.

"I don't think that's true, Elphaba," Kalhey said softly.

Elphaba looked highly sceptical.

"El, do you know why my parents split up?"

Elphaba was surprised by the odd question. "No. But… you said they're still friends, right? It can't have been that bad."

"It wasn't," Kalhey admitted. "They had me when they were very young, and got married because that was what you did when you got pregnant. They weren't ready to be married, they weren't even really ready to be parents. And although they loved each other, they weren't meant to be together forever. Their relationship was built on sand and eventually, the foundation washed away and it broke apart."

She shrugged. "They built a really solid friendship out of their marriage, and they're better for it. But you and Fiyero? I know that your relationship was built on rock. The foundation is still there."

Elphaba was glad for Kalhey's confidence.

She answered Kalhey's questions as best she could, which mostly revolved around Elphaba's relationships with her family and Glinda. They only really finished up when they knew Fiyero and Alvar would be returning from Dorbush soon with the children.

"Has it helped? Talking about it?" Kalhey asked, collecting her coat and things.

"I don't know," Elphaba admitted. "I feel tired more than anything else. But I'm glad that you know now," she said honestly.

Kalhey smiled and hugged her.

"Thank you for trusting me," she said.

Elphaba returned the smile. "You can tell Alvar," she offered.

She and Fiyero had discussed that on Friday evening.

"We don't want everyone knowing, but you can tell Alvar."

"I think I'll give him the highlights and let him get the rest from Fiyero," Kalhey agreed. "I'm sure it could help Yero to talk about it all too."

She shook her head slightly. "I can't believe he's a _prince._ I feel like an idiot for not knowing this."

"Well, Quox doesn't exactly teach a lot about Oz," Elphaba excused this. "And he doesn't exactly _act_ like royalty."

"And there's the whole fact that he was a Scarecrow when we met him," Kalhey added thoughtfully.

Elphaba actually laughed. "That too," she agreed.

Kalhey left for home and it was perhaps half an hour later that Fiyero and the kids walked up in the front gate.

Fiyero was carrying Jiyah, who was asleep on his shoulder and both boys were chattering excitedly.

"How was the game?" Elphaba greeted them.

"Mom, we won!" Jozua cried excitedly.

" _Shhh,_ don't wake your sister," Fiyero said warningly.

Elphaba looked at them blankly. "Who's 'we'?" she asked her son.

Jozua rolled his eyes. "Mom. The Dorbush Knights?"

"Alright, alright," Elphaba returned, rolling her own eyes. " _Sorry._ Forgive me for not following Quox's basketball league."

"You need to read the sports pages, Mom," Jozua informed her. "Cale and I are going to go play in our room."

Elphaba stared at Fiyero incredulously as her sons headed towards their bedroom.

"Did I miss something? When did he become obsessed with basketball?"

"Since about three minutes into the game," Fiyero said dryly. He nodded his head towards Jiyah. "She was fine during the game, but conked out in the carriage ride home. Do you want me to wake her?"

Elphaba shook her head. "It's fine, she can nap a few more minutes. Do you want to put her down?"

Fiyero agreed and placed Jiyah on her bed before finding Elphaba in the kitchen, making more tea.

"How did it go?" he asked her.

Elphaba paused thoughtfully. "She had a lot of questions," she said finally.

"Understandable."

"It feels ok that she knows everything."

Fiyero smiled slightly. "Good. I'm glad."

"She said she'll probably give Alvar a brief rundown and let him get more information from you if he wants it."

He nodded. "Ok, that's fine."

Fiyero was sure his friend would have a lot of questions. Or at least comments.

Elphaba handed him a mug of tea, and noticed the look he was giving her.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I'm just… I'm proud of you, Fae."

"You said that on Friday," Elphaba pointed out.

"It's still true," he insisted.

Elphaba lowered her gaze. She didn't feel like this warranted his praise or his pride in her.

He reached over the counter and squeezed her hand.

"I mean it, Fae."

"Thanks," Elphaba mumbled.

They drank their tea mostly in silence, and then Fiyero took his leave.

"Oh, by the way," he said. "Joz has already told me he wants a basketball hoop in the back yard for his birthday."

Elphaba blinked. "That's two months away," she pointed out.

"Yeah, we both know I'll forget by then," Fiyero grinned. "See you tomorrow."

He said a quick goodbye to the boys and headed back to his cottage. He'd intended to have a quiet night in, but at nine o'clock there came a knock on the door. The only person he really considered it could was maybe Elphaba, if something had happened to the kids, so he hurried to open the door.

Instead, there was Alvar, with a few bottles of beer and a rather astounded expression on his face.

"You're a _prince?!"_ his friend greeted him.

Fiyero sighed and wordlessly invited his friend inside. Clearly, it was going to be a long night.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Something in the Water" by Carrie Underwood**


	22. Still Hurting

**DISCLAIMER: Zip. Nada. Zilch.**

 **Chapter 22: Still Hurting**

 **July 1948**

The suitcases of his belongings sat in the living room, the meagre possessions he'd taken from the house over the past few days scattered around the place.

Fiyero had only been living in the cottage for approximately six hours, and he already hated it.

After leaving the house, leaving Elphaba and his children behind with his heart in his throat and Jiyah's sobs ringing in his ears, he'd gone to the cottage and dropped off his suitcases, before going to the grocer's and picking up a few basic staples that would tide him over for the next few days.

And then once he returned to the place he now refused to call home, and put the food away, he'd sunk onto the weary sofa to catch his breath. Which is where he still sat.

Fiyero could easily think of several things he could do right now. He should really eat something at some point. He could put away his belongings. Make up the kid's beds for the following night. Make up _his_ bed, so he wouldn't end up sleeping either on a bare mattress or this couch- which he was sure wouldn't be good for his back.

But putting his things away would really make it official. If they stayed in their boxes and suitcases, he could keep pretending this was a horrendible nightmare.

The cottage was too quiet. There was no sound. And it smelled slightly musty. The couch he was currently sitting on was clean, but Fiyero didn't want to think too hard about how old it was.

At eight o'clock, it wasn't yet completely dark, and Fiyero's vacant gaze stared out the window at the darkling sky. Ordinarily, at this time on a Wednesday evening, Fiyero would be at poker night with the guys from work. In eight years, Fiyero hadn't missed many games. Once when Cale had been born, once when all three kids had come down with the flu, and once because Elphaba had broken her ankle and wouldn't be able to manage the kids on her own.

Alvar had encouraged him to come tonight, but Fiyero had begged off.

"What do you want me to tell the guys?" Alvar asked him.

Fiyero paused and then sighed. "The truth, I guess. People are going to find out eventually."

So here he was, alone. Sitting on a worn, somewhat sagging sofa in the increasingly dark room, feeling sorry for himself.

It was almost nine o'clock when Fiyero dragged himself to his feet and turned on some lights. He made himself a sandwich and ate it in the kitchen, leaning back against the sink.

"Look at the bright side," Alvar had said to Fiyero the day before, as he helped him bring in the beds they'd made for the kids.

"There's a bright side to my marriage possibly being over?" Fiyero had returned in confusion.

"Well, not really to _that,"_ Alvar amended. "I meant like… living alone for a bit."

Fiyero looked at him as though he was crazy.

"You know, there's no one to complain about any mess you make; and you can do whatever you want… there's always hot water?"

"Al, mate. I know you're trying to help. But you suck at it," Fiyero told him.

Alvar smiled faintly. "Sorry."

Fiyero thought about pointing out that although Elphaba was naturally more organised and neat than he was, she'd long since given up complaining about a little mess- with three kids under eight, there was no point. The hot water was a good point though.

Alvar gestured to the bed that would be Jiyah's. "Where's this going?"

Fiyero had decided to put Jiyah in with the boys, thinking that it might comfort her to have them close by in an unfamiliar house.

He'd bought new bedding for all the beds, but hadn't been bothered to make the beds up.

Now, he half-heartedly pulled some sheets out and threw them on the double bed in the second room. He locked up the house, turned off all the lights and climbed onto the bed still fully dressed and stared at the ceiling.

He hadn't lived alone in years. He'd had his own suite at Shiz, and again in the palace once he'd made Captain of the Guards, although he'd spent a lot of nights in Glinda's room. And then he'd been with Elphaba, and he hadn't wanted to be apart from her for a moment. They'd been in Limelle for a week before he'd even let her out of his sight for longer than fifteen minutes- and that was really only because she eventually refused to let him be in the bathroom when she bathed (which was probably just as well. Wet straw was a pain in the ass to deal with).

He'd never been good at being alone. At Shiz, or former schools, there was always somewhere more exciting to be than alone in his room. In the Wizard's palace, time spent alone meant time to dwell on where Elphaba was- what she was doing, whether or not she had food or a roof over her head. In the Wizard's palace, time alone was dangerous.

Fiyero wondered now if he'd be spending every moment alone with his thoughts over in the house with Elphaba and the children. So far, this first night was leaning towards yes.

He finally fell asleep sometime around midnight, and found himself abruptly awakened at five am. He used the time to make up the kids' beds and then headed off to the workshop, counting down the minutes until noon, when he'd be able to leave.

Alvar arrived at eight o'clock, seemingly not surprised to see Fiyero already working.

"Hey," he greeted him.

Fiyero barely looked up. "Hey."

Alvar paused. "How are you?"

Fiyero smiled grimly. "Looking forward to getting out of here."

Alvar nodded in understanding and got to work himself.

As their co-workers arrived, they greeted Fiyero slightly more hesitantly than usual. Only one stopped to chat.

"If you need anything, or want to grab a beer one night, let me know," he said solemnly.

He'd been divorced for two years, Fiyero recalled. His ex-wife had primary custody of their four children.

"Thanks," he said briefly.

The moment the clock hit twelve, Fiyero was out the door. It was going to be a scorcher of a day, and it was uncomfortably warm, but he still walked briskly through the streets, eager to get to the house.

As he turned in the front gate, the thought suddenly occurred to him that he wasn't sure what the protocol was here. Did he knock, or just let himself in?

Before he could decide, he was met with a large exclamation of " _Daddy!"_ before Jiyah came barrelling out the door and down the path towards him.

"Hey!" Fiyero greeted her brightly, swinging her up into his arms. "Hi, Princess," he said, hugging her tightly.

"What are you up to?"

She was still clutching his neck tightly and mumbled something he didn't catch. He carried her towards the front door, where Cale was hovering in the doorway.

"Hey, buddy," Fiyero smiled.

Cale stepped forward and hugged Fiyero tightly. "Hi, Dad," he said quietly.

Fiyero tightened his hand on Jiyah with one hand, and placed his other hand on Cale's head.

"Where's Joz and your Mom?"

Cale pointed towards the inside of the house.

"Alright," Fiyero said gently. "Let's get inside, huh?"

Once they were in the door, he put Jiyah down and led the youngest two into the house in search of Jozua and Elphaba.

Jozua was in the kitchen, bent over a piece of paper. Fiyero supposed the kids had been colouring that morning, judging by the paper and crayons scattered across the table. Jozua looked up as they entered the room and leapt to his feet.

"Hi, Dad!"

"Hi, Joz," Fiyero replied, accepting the hug from his eldest son with a little surprise, given Jozua's nonchalance when he'd left the day before.

"What are you working on?"

"Just something," he said vaguely. "Can we bring all this stuff to your house, Dad?"

"Sure," Fiyero agreed. "Just let me chat to Momma for a sec and we'll head off. Where is she?"

"Jiyah's room."

Fiyero squeezed his shoulder gently and headed down the hall. Sure enough, Elphaba was in Jiyah's room, packing things into a small suitcase.

"Hi."

Her head whipped up in surprise. "You're here."

"Yeah… sorry, Jiyah and Cale let me in. Is that ok?" he asked uncertainly. He was surprised that she hadn't heard him.

Elphaba nodded, rising to her feet. "Sure. I'm just making sure the kids have everything. For tonight."

"Joz asked if they could bring their crayons. I said yes…"

She nodded again, tucking a lock of loose hair behind her ears. "Ok."

Elphaba's hands shook as she closed up the suitcase. "I think that's everything. The boys are packed," she told him, her voice cracking slightly.

Fiyero's heart ached. "Fae, it's going to be ok. They'll be fine."

"I know," she said hoarsely. "But it's just… I've never been apart from them," she continued, her eyes huge. "Not for a whole night."

Fiyero almost moved forward, as though to draw her into his arms, but then he stopped himself.

"It'll be ok," he said gently.

She merely nodded, unable to speak.

Fiyero hesitantly stepped into the room and picked up Jiyah's suitcase. "I'll get the boys' case and round them up," he told her. "Let's you get to the store."

Elphaba trailed behind him as Fiyero returned to the kitchen with the suitcases.

"Let's get a move on, guys. Say goodbye to Momma. Where's Jozua? Joz, we're leaving!"

Cale immediately flew into Elphaba's arms. Elphaba knelt down, forcing a smile onto her face.

"Have fun at Dad's house today, ok, hon?" she told him brightly. "Be good."

Cale nodded and hugged her tightly.

"Bye Mom," Jozua seemed to appear from nowhere after Cale stepped aside.

"See you tomorrow, kid. Be good," she repeated, giving him a hug.

"I will," Jozua replied, a hint of exasperation in his tone that might have made Elphaba smile ordinarily.

Elphaba got to her feet and perched Jiyah on her hip, hugging her tightly.

"You're going to have so much fun at Dad's new house," she told her, that false brightness back in her voice that made her inwardly cringe.

It rang false in her own ears, but Jiyah simply smiled and seemed to believe it.

"See you tonight, Momma?"

Elphaba shook her head. "No, sweets. I'll see you tomorrow," she promised.

At the front door, Elphaba kissed Jiyah's cheek and set her down on her feet.

"You're going to have to hold Joz's hand as you walk," she told her. "Daddy can't carry you."

"Fae, I've _got_ this," Fiyero told her.

His voice was calm, but his gaze was slightly impatient.

"Come on, kids. Let's go," he said, herding Jiyah and Cale out the door.

"Bye, Mom," Cale said quietly.

Jiyah came to a standstill, a frown crossing her face as she realised Elphaba wasn't coming with them.

"Momma?"

"You'll see Momma tomorrow," Fiyero reassured her.

Jiyah looked back at Elphaba anxiously.

Elphaba smiled encouragingly, but Jiyah wasn't fooled. Elphaba's heart clenched as Jiyah's face fell and tears filled her eyes. Fiyero looked on and grimaced, he didn't have a free hand to grab her.

Jozua hung back briefly, giving Elphaba another hug. "See you tomorrow, Mom," he told her and then hurried after his siblings, reaching for Jiyah's hand before Elphaba or Fiyero had to remind him.

"Come on, Jiyah," he told his sister. "Do you want to go see Dad's new house?"

Jiyah shook her head, beginning to sniffle.

"It's going to be really cool," Jozua persuaded her. "We'll race Cale and Dad to the end of the street, ok?"

Elphaba and Fiyero watched as Jiyah reluctantly agreed and allowed Jozua to lead her away.

"Bye," Elphaba called after them croakily.

She stood on the front porch and watched until they disappeared from view.

Elphaba felt she easily could have burst into tears right then and there, but she steeled herself, and forced herself to collect her bag and keys and head to _Chapter Two._

She was thankful to see that they were busy when she arrived, both for the distraction and so that it meant Totit didn't have the opportunity to ask how she was feeling.

Although Elphaba knew logically that the kids would be fine, and Fiyero could manage anything that might happen, she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this anxious. Her stomach was in a knot all afternoon, and she couldn't bring herself to eat anything.

She had on a brave face, but Totit knew otherwise, to the point that when Elphaba told her she could go home, she refused.

"I'll stay," she said simply.

Eventually, slowly, five-thirty came around and Elphaba flipped the sign on the door to read 'Closed'.

"We were busy today," Totit commented.

Elphaba made a murmur of agreement.

"You should head home," she said. "I'll finish closing up."

Totit flashed her a concerned look. "Are you sure? I can-"

"No," Elphaba cut her off. "No, it's fine."

Totit hesitated, but agreed. "Alright," she said slowly. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

Elphaba nodded and grabbed a pile of books from the counter that were to be put away.

"See you then."

Elphaba lingered at the store as long as she possibly could, but she eventually had to acknowledge that she had nothing else to do. She locked up behind her and slowly headed home.

The silence that greeted her as she stepped into the house was unnerving. She dropped her keys on the table just inside the door, and hung her bag on the coat rack, and then hesitated in the foyer, unsure what to do with herself.

The urge to shatter the silence pulsed within her, making her restless. Elphaba could almost feel her skin crawling, and she shuddered uncomfortably, and headed determinedly for the kitchen.

She busied herself with the task of making dinner, letting the clatter of pans and dishes drown out the silence of the house. Elphaba had already started cooking before she realised she was preparing far too much food for one person. She stilled, and stood there staring at the chicken sizzling on the frying pan dazedly.

"Dammit," she muttered.

There was nothing she could do about it now. She continued preparing dinner, putting aside the rest of the chicken as it cooked to be wrapped up afterwards. At least the kids could have cold chicken sandwiches for lunch tomorrow, she supposed, so it wouldn't go to waste.

Elphaba made herself a salad and mixed the chicken in, but when she sat down alone at the table to eat, found that she wasn't very hungry.

She stared at the salad, knowing exactly what her children would say if she had served them this. Jozua would complain that it was salad, drown it in dressing and bolt it down as fast as possible, while Elphaba expected him to choke on every mouthful. Cale would eat half of his serving, eating all the chicken and lettuce and leaving his tomato behind before claiming to be full; then he'd come to them half an hour later and say he was hungry. Whereas Jiyah would only eat her lettuce and have to be coaxed (at best) or bribed into eating more.

Elphaba wondered what Fiyero was giving them for dinner.

She forced herself to eat most of the salad, if only for something to keep her busy and then cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes.

 _How the hell had she coped on the run?_ Elphaba had to wonder as she faced the prospect of a night alone.

She'd barely slept those first few nights after fleeing the Emerald City, terrified of being found and only falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion. She'd panicked over every sound and the silence had made her crazy. But after that, she'd adapted quite well to the silence and to being alone.

To the point where once she and Fiyero had gotten together, when he was made of straw and had no need or ability to sleep, he'd driven her crazy.

And she'd never really been alone since. At times, Elphaba would give anything for five minutes of peace- when the kids were fighting, when she wasn't feeling well, or when she just wasn't in the mood to try and explain to a five year old why they had eyebrows. Elphaba felt now she would happily explain the purpose of every part of the human body right now to have another person in the house.

She sank slowly onto the couch, bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin onto top of them. Her eyes flickered around the room restlessly, and despite the fact it was still above twenty degrees, she shivered.

The house felt different now. Fiyero had only been gone for a day, and she was still noticing the difference. It wasn't just the fact that he was gone. It was the half empty closet, the little odds and ends missing from around the house.

Elphaba's gaze fell on a vacant spot on the mantelpiece, where only a few days ago, a photo of the kids taken last Ekunagle had sat, all three faces smeared with the remnants of chocolate geese eggs while they grinned madly. It was Fiyero's favourite photo.

It hurt, Elphaba reflected. It hurt, and it wasn't supposed to hurt. Fiyero moving out was supposed to help, supposed to fix things. After the months of fighting, arguments that left her emotionally bruised and battered and hiding her tears in the bathroom from the children, and feeling their marriage and herself spin wildly beyond her control; having him move out wasn't supposed to leave her feeling like she couldn't breathe. Like her heart and stomach and lungs had been packed in Fiyero's suitcases with his things.

It wasn't supposed to hurt more to have him gone than it did to have him here and trapped in an endless cycle of fighting they couldn't break.

Elphaba let out a shuddering breath, blinking rapidly to stop tears from welling up in her eyes. If she let herself cry, she'd be crying all night.

She forced herself up from the couch, and headed to the bedroom to change. Maybe she'd put on something old and scrub the bathroom.

It was as good a way to spend the night as any. She was sure she wouldn't be sleeping tonight. How could she sleep when she could barely breathe?

She headed directly to her the closet, purposefully avoiding the side where Fiyero's clothes usually hung. It was only when she turned around after pulling out her oldest dress, that she spotted the paper that lay on her pillowcase. One that certainly hadn't been there before they'd all left the house.

Puzzled, Elphaba dropped the dress onto the bed and reached for the paper, recognising Jozua's handwriting. It was folded like a card, with a shaky bright yellow flower drawn on the front below the words " _For Mom."_

' _To Mom,"_ the inside read. " _We love you. You are the best mom ever. I know you like daisies_ (misspelt as "dazys") _so I drawed one for you. Love from, Jozua, Cale and Jiyah (but mostly from Jozua. I made it.)"_

Elphaba sank on the bed, smiling softly even as her eyes welled up once more, and she couldn't stop the tears from spilling over this time.

Jozua, much like his father before him, never failed to surprise her. And it made her miss Fiyero that much more.

Wiping her eyes resolutely, she placed the card on her nightstand and grabbed the old dress to change into. She was going to scrub the bathroom clean until she knew she'd fall asleep within minutes.

Being alone again would take some getting used to. Elphaba feared there'd be little sleep until she did.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Still Hurting" from the musical** _ **The Last Five Years**_

 **AN. Next chapter will be up on either Sunday night/Monday morning. I'm away this weekend- going to Wagga Wagga (legit town) to see their community theatre production of _Wicked_. This is going to be the 3rd community theatre production of the show I've seen! I'll be taking notes, don't worry! (Notes on the first 2 productions I saw can be found on my blog. One from August 2017, one from October 2016)**

 **You guys are really going to like Ch 23, I think!**


	23. I Will Always Love You

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

 **Chapter 23: I Will Always Love You**

 **Counselling Session, January 1949**

Their deadline for re-evaluating their separation was set for March. Once they were in what was decidedly late January, both Elphaba and Fiyero started getting nervous. Neither felt like they had an answer, and March seemed very close.

"It's the same feeling I used to get around exam time," Fiyero said to Alvar, after one poker night. "Like I know nothing and I'm going to sit down and not be able to answer any of the questions."

"Well, yeah," Alvar replied. "But did that feeling coincide with not studying?"

"At first, yeah," Fiyero admitted. "But even when I _did_ study, I felt that way. And I can't study for this."

Dr Palloa knew this, he'd seen this many times before. And though he wasn't sure how his colleagues would address it, he had a strategy.

"I'd like to know how you fell in love," he asked them one Monday morning when he met with them.

They stared at him, looking almost amusingly bewildered at the question.

"How we fell in love?" Elphaba repeated.

The Peacock smiled. "It's not a complicated question, Elphaba."

"Well, actually-"

"I realise with what you've told me about Glinda-"

"It's not that," Elphaba interrupted.

"Well, it's not _just_ that," Fiyero corrected her.

Dr Palloa waited patiently.

"I don't know," she finally admitted. "I can't tell you how, or even when. I just know there was a moment and things happened, and then one day I just _knew_. But I don't know when it happened."

"I know," Fiyero said quietly.

Both Elphaba and Dr Palloa looked to him, but he only looked to Elphaba.

"I know the exact moment that I fell in love with you. I know how."

"The _exact_ moment?" she asked doubtfully.

Fiyero didn't waver for a second. "It was the moment you touched my face in the clearing," he told her.

"How can you not know that?" he asked her, his voice softening. "I'm sure I've told you this."

Elphaba shook her head faintly. "No," she said. "I know- I knew there were _feelings,_ but I didn't know- you can't _know."_

"Well, I know. I knew," Fiyero said stubbornly. "Why else did you think I ran?"

Elphaba didn't have an answer for that.

"What happened?" Dr Palloa asked quietly.

Elphaba tore her gaze away from Fiyero, and looked to the Peacock. She was silent for a long moment, and Fiyero watched her carefully.

"We were in History class," she began slowly. "And there was a Lion Cub…"

She quietly, calmly recounted the events of that infamous History class that had occurred almost thirteen years previously. She took them up to moment she and Fiyero entered the clearing, and there her voice faltered.

"Always causing commotions," Fiyero said softly.

She threw him a quick glance before staring at her lap. "Not so much these days," she murmured. "For the most part."

She fell silent again, and Fiyero watched her profile sadly. He'd learned fairly early in their relationship that a quiet Elphaba was almost always a bad sign, and she'd been quiet for so long now.

A long ago uttered phrase drifted in to his mind, one he wished he had cause to repeat. On impulse, he reached over and nudged her thigh with his hand.

"Do you ever let anyone else talk?" he asked gently.

She jumped slightly, and a ghost of a smile flickered over her face for a moment as she met his gaze once more, but she still said nothing.

Fiyero turned to Dr Palloa, picking up the story.

"We were arguing-"

"About what?"

He shrugged. "I don't really remember that part, to be honest. I think Fae called me an idiot."

"I did not!" Elphaba protested immediately, incensed.

Fiyero waved her off dismissively. "And then, out of nowhere, Elphaba called me out."

"On what?"

He glanced at Elphaba. This part, he remembered perfectly, and they both knew it. He'd dwelled on every word and inflection for months afterwards. They _had_ discussed this before.

" _No matter how shallow and self-absorbed you pretend to be,"_ he quoted.

He shrugged again. "Which I denied. The pretence, not the other stuff. And she said _'No. You're not. Or you wouldn't be so unhappy'_."

Dr Palloa made a note on his pad. "This happened during your, er… 'Dancing Through Life' period, yes? While you were dating Glinda?"

Fiyero nodded, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

"Yeah. I'd been at Shiz for about a month or so, I think."

"So, we've discussed that you _were_ unhappy then?"

"Sure. But no one else had ever seen that. But Fae knew."

Fiyero looked to Elphaba.

"And how that make you feel?" Dr Palloa asked him.

Fiyero hesitated, trying to think of the right word.

"It was… weird," he said eventually.

 _That_ made Elphaba turn to him. " _Weird?"_

"Not in a bad way," he hastily reassured her, which was actually no comfort at all, judging by her reaction.

"I'd only known her for a month," he explained to Dr Palloa. "And we weren't exactly friends. Or even friendly, really. She wasn't much more than my girlfriend's roommate. But there was something about her that I found interesting, and I couldn't explain why."

"The green skin have anything to do with that?" Elphaba asked sarcastically.

Fiyero couldn't help but grin at her. If a quiet Elphaba was a bad sign, a sarcastic Elphaba was a good sign.

"It didn't hurt," he replied lightly and she actually laughed.

Briefly, but it was unmistakeably there.

"I just couldn't fathom how this girl I barely knew had seen what my own parents hadn't seen," Fiyero continued. "It was really unnerving, and I felt… almost naked. Like she saw right through me. Because she did, of course. Not literally."

"And how did you react?" Dr Palloa asked him.

"I tried to brush her off and leave," Fiyero admitted. "But then she came after me, and grabbed my hand."

"And that was when you fell in love with her?"

"No. But I felt _something._ It was like the whole world stopped for a moment," Fiyero said softly.

Dr Palloa looked to Elphaba.

"Elphaba, do you agree with that statement?"

"There was something," she confirmed. "I don't know if I'd word it that way exactly…"

Fiyero pushed on with the story. "So, I stayed. And then she touched my face."

"You were bleeding," Elphaba murmured distantly.

"And I just… that was it. I fell in love with her."

"And then you ran," Elphaba pointed out.

Fiyero winced slightly, but nodded slowly. "I ran," he agreed.

They stared at each other silently.

"Why?" Dr Palloa finally broke in.

"I was scared. Not my proudest moment admittedly, but-"

"No," he interrupted. "Not why did you run. Why, in that moment, did you fall in love with Elphaba?"

Fiyero startled slightly and even Elphaba looked puzzled by the question. She had doubted and questioned many times why Fiyero loved her at all, but had never thought to ask why he fell in love with her in the first place.

Fiyero's brow furrowed as he pondered the question.

"My mom once told me something," he said finally, gaining Elphaba's undivided attention. "When I started acting up, when the press started to make stories about the girls I was dating. She told me that one day, I'd regret it. That one day, I'd meet a girl that was special, that was unlike any other girl, who I could see the rest of my life with. A "forever girl", she said."

Fiyero shrugged and sat back in his seat. "I brushed her off," he said regretfully. "I was sixteen and thought I knew better. I guess I ignored all the advice my parents tried to give me."

He turned to Elphaba. "But when you touched my face, and we were _so_ close. And it happened. I could _see_ it all then, just for a moment. A life with you. Our life. And it terrified me, because I wasn't ready for forever. I ran, and I'm so sorry for that, Fae."

His voice cracked slightly, and Elphaba could only sit there, trying to find her voice. It seemed to have been swallowed up by the large rock that had appeared in her throat.

"The life you pictured was a little different than this," she finally said hoarsely.

Fiyero winced faintly as he reached over to take her hand in his. "A little," he agreed. "But not necessarily better."

Elphaba's eyes welled with tears, but she blinked furiously, determined not to let them fall.

"Elphaba," Dr Palloa said gently, drawing her attention away from Fiyero. "Can you walk me through your thoughts in that moment? In the clearing?"

Elphaba hesitated, and made to draw her hand back out of Fiyero's grasp, but he tightened his grip and after a moment, she relented.

"I didn't fall in love with him that day," she confirmed, looking almost guilty about that in light of Fiyero's story.

"I just… how could I? I had no experiences of love. Of any kind. I wasn't even sure I was _capable_ of love."

She glanced at Fiyero, who nodded encouragingly, and took a deep breath. This wasn't news to him.

"But I felt something too. Nothing that defining, but it was the first time I knew that I was capable of love. I knew I could love him. Easily. But he was dating Glinda, and I thought he loved her. And I was… me."

"When did you realise that you were in love with him?"

Elphaba bit her lip. "There was a night when I was on the run, a few months in. It was still summer, and I was in the Vinkus. I was hiding in a cave in the mountains with a family of Ibex. I was helping them cross the border into Ev. The cave was near the Pass, and we were paranoid that a patrol would come through looking for rebel Animals. Or me. Probably me," she amended.

"It was late, and we heard horses approaching. One of the Ibex went to check, and it was a royal carriage."

She shrugged. "I have no idea if you were even inside," she told Fiyero. "It might have only been your parents. But my heart stopped for a moment, and I couldn't breathe, because it _might_ be _you._ And I knew. I can't tell you how, or when it happened. But I knew for sure then."

Fiyero's chest ached peculiarly for a moment, and a wave of déjà vu washed over him. It took him a moment to place it. It was the same ache he'd felt as part of the Gale Force, searching for Elphaba, in those moments when he felt he was _so_ close to her. The very thought that he might have ridden past her without knowing it… it hurt, despite the fact she sat right beside him now.

"Why do you think now that you fell in love with Fiyero?"

Elphaba hesitated. "Maybe because he was the first person who took me completely as I am," she replied.

"He never tried to change me, he never backed away. When Glinda made me her new project, when I lost control of my magic. He could have run then. Or he could have left me to free the Lion Cub alone. He had no reason to trust me, or think that I was doing the right thing. He just did it. No one had ever done that before."

She met Fiyero's gaze, their hands still entwined.

"And you didn't hesitate to come with me that night in the Palace. You left _everything_ behind. For me. I've never known how I can make that up to you."

Fiyero's face softened and his free hand reached for hers.

"Fae, you don't need to _make it up to me,"_ he said incredulously. "You never did."

He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand. "You know, after spring vacation, when you didn't come back. I used to torment myself. Wondering what would have been different if I'd stayed. And it's what made me go with you. I'd already lost one chance at forever with you; I wasn't going to run from it this time. I wasn't going to pass my second chance up. And then I screwed it up again," he said dejectedly.

Elphaba's eyes filled with tears. "Yero…"

That made Fiyero's eyes well up too. He couldn't remember the last time she'd called him "Yero".

Somewhere along the way, before they'd even made the decision to separate, she'd stopped. But he'd been unable to let go of calling her "Fae", and she hadn't protested.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I shouldn't have let it get this far. I should have done something months ago, to fix it."

"It wasn't you," Elphaba argued.

"Well, it wasn't just you," he retorted. "It doesn't work that way, Fae."

Elphaba paused for a moment, thinking. Then she leaned tiredly against the back of her seat, and turned to Dr Palloa.

"I don't know what to do," she admitted.

Dr Palloa set aside his notepad and readjusted his wings.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I made this the focus for today's session," he said. "It was partly because it's a foundation piece of your relationship that we hadn't covered yet. You've both stated to me that whatever issues have come up in your relationship, it's never been a matter of not loving one another. I was curious as to how that started for you both."

"And the other part?"

"I have a theory," Dr Palloa acknowledged. "Because Fiyero is right, it's not only one of you that has led to this breakdown of your relationship."

He inclined his head towards Elphaba slightly, clicking his beak softly. "Your childhood and your experiences in Oz have done a lot of damage, which we've discussed, and we're working through that."

Elphaba winced slightly and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Fiyero squeezed her hands lightly and faced the Peacock squarely.

"What about me? What did I do?"

Dr Palloa smiled. "You stopped fighting for her."

Fiyero gaped at him. "I… I _what_? _!"_

"I think you stopped fighting for Elphaba," Dr Palloa repeated calmly.

Fiyero's expression could only be interpreted as one of horror and confusion, while Elphaba appeared warily puzzled.

"Fighting for me how exactly?" she frowned.

Dr Palloa directed his response to Fiyero, his tone perfectly even and calm. "You and Elphaba have both told me a lot about your relationship throughout these sessions. You've been together for a long time, and you've been through quite a bit together. The defining moments of your early romantic relationship have been the Lion Cub and making the decision- however impromptu- to relinquish your freedom to be with Elphaba. _'Your second chance at forever',_ you just described it as, I believe."

"Yes," Fiyero agreed uncertainly.

"You were prepared to give up your life to save her, and allowed your family and friends to believe you are dead in order to keep her safe."

None of this was new to Fiyero.

"Yeah, I did. How does this mean I didn't fight for her?" he demanded impatiently.

Dr Palloa held up a single primary feather, as one would a finger. "I never said you didn't fight for her," he corrected him. "I said, you _stopped_ fighting for her _."_

Fiyero frowned unhappily, and Elphaba was very still.

"I don't understand," he said.

He looked to Elphaba helplessly, who merely shrugged.

"I don't know either," she said honestly.

"Let me explain," Dr Palloa said patiently. "Once you and Elphaba began your journey out of Oz, to your mind, you had started your forever. This was it. You had won the girl."

Fiyero cringed. "I wouldn't say ' _won',"_ he said.

He didn't even have to look at Elphaba to know she would be less than impressed with that phrase.

"But there ever a question of the two of you not being together?"

Elphaba shook her head before Fiyero could respond.

"No."

"I understand the circumstances surrounding the beginning of your relationship," Dr Palloa told them. "You were starting a new life in a new country, fugitives, no money."

"But?" Elphaba prodded.

"But," Dr Palloa nodded. "You went straight to living together. Am I right in assuming that by the time you were financially stable, you started your family?"

"Pretty much," Fiyero agreed reluctantly.

"So, my question is this, how often have the two of you taken time for yourselves? As a couple?"

Elphaba and Fiyero stared at him blankly.

"You never dated," the Peacock clarified.

Elphaba's eyebrows rose sceptically. "Dated?" she repeated. "We were lucky to have food, let alone _dates."_

"Plus, I was made of straw for about two years. That's not really conducive to romance," Fiyero pointed out.

" _Trust_ me on that," he added in a mutter, and Elphaba shot him a look.

"Why does it matter?" she asked Dr Palloa. "I'm sure we're not the only couple who skipped a few steps in the tradition relationship pattern. You're saying all _their_ relationships are doomed?"

"I'm saying none of their relationships are yours," Dr Palloa replied. 'And I have never said your relationship is doomed, Elphaba. I'm merely pointing out an issue that I believe has contributed to your problems."

"I don't understand," Fiyero interrupted. "How does us not dating mean that I stopped fighting for Elphaba? Because let me tell you, I had to fight like hell to get her to agree to marry me."

Elphaba stiffened, and glared at him.

"I was joking," he said hastily.

"Ha. Ha,"she retorted coolly.

"That is related to my point," Dr Palloa said calmly. "I'm aware that the two of you had reasons for not marrying for so long."

"It wasn't something we thought was important," Elphaba interjected.

"Yes, of course. However, I believe, either subconsciously or consciously, it was linked to your fear of commitment."

He was met with blank stares.

"Er, which one of us?" Fiyero finally asked.

"Both."

Fiyero scoffed lightly. "Doc, I don't have a fear of commitment. I was _engaged,"_ he reminded him.

Elphaba pierced him with a stare. "Oh, so, _now_ your engagement counts?!" she demanded.

Fiyero looked appropriately abashed. "I just mean that, ok maybe you could argue I _did_ have commitment issues at one stage, like before Shiz. But I had a long term relationship with Glinda, whether you count the engagement or not. Like, I'm over it."

Dr Palloa smiled. "I'm afraid it's not as simple as being 'over it', Fiyero. I'm just going to tell you what I think, and you can feel free to disagree and tell me I'm wrong, alright?"

Fiyero nodded slowly in trepidation. "Alright," he said wearily.

"You've said that you stayed with Glinda, at least in the beginning, first because you were afraid of your deeper feelings for Elphaba and then out of pity. Because you felt bad for her. Although you stayed with her, and eventually grew to love her in whatever fashion, the first commitment you truly made to Glinda was when you agreed to marry her. And even then, you said you were _'waiting for a sign you were doing the right thing'."_

Fiyero couldn't argue with any of this so far. But it didn't make him feel great to hear it this way.

"I don't think you ever hesitated about _wanting_ to commit to Elphaba," Dr Palloa allowed. "But I think it still scared you, on some level. And once you became human again, your way of dealing with that fear was to dive in headfirst, especially once you had Jozua. And _that's_ why marriage suddenly became very important to you. But once you were married, there was nothing left to fight for. You already had children, what more could you do?"

Fiyero wasn't sure how to feel, let alone whether or not he was supposed to agree with what the Peacock was saying.

Dr Palloa, meanwhile, turned to Elphaba. "Your commitment issues are different," he told her. "It's not that you _fear_ commitment itself, it's that you believe nothing lasts. That you will lose everything and everyone. And while I'm not arguing that you don't see marriage as a necessary component for a successful relationship, it's a reason why you fought against it. You _need_ Fiyero to fight for you, to use as proof that he loves you."

That jolted Fiyero from his thoughts and he turned to Elphaba in alarm.

"Wait. You don't trust that I love you?" he demanded.

Elphaba cringed inwardly at the hurt visible all over his face.

"I didn't say that!" she exclaimed. " _He_ did."

That technicality didn't matter much to Fiyero.

"How can you not trust that I love you after all this time?" he asked her. "It's been ten years, Elphaba!"

"It's not that simple!" she replied. "It's not that I don't trust you-"

"Then what? What is it?"

Elphaba wasn't sure how to explain something that she hadn't identified herself in so many words.

Dr Palloa stepped in to help her.

"Elphaba, you were aware of Fiyero's reputation when you met, yes?" Dr Palloa asked her. "In terms of his dating life?"

She scoffed. " _Everyone_ was aware of Fiyero's reputation."

Fiyero felt that was a fair call.

"And how did that impact you when you started your relationship?"

Elphaba hesitated.

"It didn't," Fiyero replied instead.

Elphaba said nothing.

Fiyero turned to her bewilderedly. "Elphaba?"

"A lot of things impacted the start of our relationship," Elphaba said quietly.

"Like?"

Elphaba paused, weighing her words thoughtfully. "That I couldn't screw this up," she said finally. "How much pressure there was on us. On me."

"What pressure?" Fiyero asked quickly.

She gave him a familiar look, the look that suggested he was an idiot for not knowing the answer already.

"Fiyero, you left Glinda for me. Your family, your home… your _life._ What if… what if it wasn't worth it?"

Her words hung in the air as Fiyero stared at her, stunned.

"You mean, what if _you_ weren't worth it," he accused her.

Elphaba said nothing, but averted her gaze.

Fiyero exhaled slowly, leaning forward and running a hand through his hair and over his face, muttering a curse under his breath that Elphaba didn't think she was supposed to hear. He even slipped back into Ozian, which after speaking fluent Quoxian for most of a decade, sounded foreign to Elphaba's ear.

She wasn't sure if Dr Palloa spoke Ozian- most Quoxians knew at least a little and the languages were fairly similar- and she wondered if Fiyero had actually forgotten that she did.

"Fiyero?" Dr Palloa asked eventually.

"I don't know what to say," Fiyero admitted, lifting his head. " _That's_ why you were scared? You've just been waiting all these years for me to leave you?" he said to Elphaba.

Elphaba's face softened. "Fiyero, that's not true," she said quietly.

"Yeah, but subconsciously, you're not surprised that we've screwed this up," he replied, in the most bitter tone Dr Palloa had heard him utter.

"Fiyero, Elphaba, I'm going to tell you something which you may find a little… cheesy. Marriage is like a garden," Dr Palloa told them.

Fiyero frowned quizzically, while Elphaba raised an eyebrow.

"How exactly?" she asked.

"A garden can look beautiful, but it involves a lot of work. You have to weed it, and tend to it to keep it healthy and looking beautiful."

Elphaba's face clearly questioned what the point of this was.

"The two of you grew apart. It happens," he told them. "You've told me that since day one. The garden that is your marriage has a few too many weeds. And yes, I think Fiyero stopped fighting, and I don't think Elphaba has fought enough. But what you're doing here, these sessions? You're fighting."

Dr Palloa looked down, made a note and then raised his head.

"I think you should date."

Silence met his pronouncement.

"Each other?" Fiyero asked tentatively.

Dr Palloa chuckled. "Yes."

"Why?" Elphaba questioned.

He met Elphaba's gaze squarely.

"You said you want to make a fully informed decision about your relationship, yes?"

"Yes…"

"To make a fully informed decision, I think you need to spend time together. To be in a room together without hurting one another. To get to know one another again."

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance.

"It's just a suggestion," he added.

The session ended not long after that, with no real resolution on that front.

Outside the office, Elphaba and Fiyero paused awkwardly.

"So, er… Cale's birthday dinner," Fiyero said. "Still on for Friday night?"

"Yes," Elphaba nodded.

"Kalhey, Al and the kids are coming, right?"

"And Shug."

Fiyero did a double take. " _Shug?_ Shug, who had his wrist fractured?!"

Elphaba just shrugged. "Cale asked to invite him. So, he's coming."

Fiyero could only shake his head. He wished that his and Elphaba's problems could be solved as easy as Cale and Shug's apparently were. He supposed that was joy of being five. Soon to be six, he reflected with a slight wince.

"So… they're friends now?"

"I think so."

"Well, alright," Fiyero said.

Elphaba smiled slightly, and shifted her bag on her shoulder.

"I should get back to the store," she said quietly.

"Yeah, me too. Er, I should get to work," Fiyero corrected himself awkwardly. "I'll, um, see you tomorrow morning."

Elphaba nodded and hurried away before he could say anything else.

Fiyero watched her head down the street, and heaved a weary sigh. He was thirty- seven years old, and facing the problem of whether or not to ask his wife out on a date.

Suddenly, Fiyero felt very old.

 **Chapter Title Song: "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston**

 **AN. Thoughts on the production of Wicked I saw on the weekend are now on my blog _The Flowers Wild_ (link on my profile). That's why this is a little late- wanted to wait until I'd had a chance to write them up before I posted. **

**Next chapter is a big one- literally. Over 7000 words.**


	24. Remind Me

**DISCLAIMER:** _ **Wicked**_ **is still not mine.**

 **AN. I was so sure you guys were going to love the last chapter. So, here's attempt 2. If _this_ doesn't get you to review, I don't know what will! (Well, the ending might. But that's still a bit away)**

 **I forgot to mention something important about the last chapter! It was while writing it that I decided how it was going to end. Because until that point, I was very much leaving it in the hands of Elphaba and Fiyero to tell me what was going to happen. And they finally did. And I was like "well, ok then."**

 **Chapter 24: Remind Me**

 **January, 1949**

"I feel like I'm fifteen again," Fiyero grumbled. "Wondering whether or not I should ask out the girl I like, and questioning whether or not she'd say yes."

It was the evening of their latest counselling session, and Fiyero had asked Alvar to go for a beer with him after work. He'd given his friend a brief rundown as to what Dr Palloa had said, and was now slumped dejectedly over the bar, staring at his third beer bottle of the evening.

Alvar laughed slightly. "Why not just ask her to dinner? Do you really think she'd say no?"

"I don't know," Fiyero sighed. "She might. And I feel like being rejected for a date by your estranged wife might be just too pathetic."

Alvar quirked an eyebrow. "This stunning display of self-assurance have anything to do with the doc's claims that Elphaba doesn't trust you?"

Fiyero grimaced. "She doesn't trust that I love her unless I fight for her, which _apparently_ I stopped doing some time after we were married. It's been ten years and we've got three kids. How can she not _trust_ me?"

Alvar took a sip of his drink and shrugged. "I don't know, man. From what Kalhey told me, and then what you told me… I'm surprised she trusted you enough to sleep with you in the first place."

Off Fiyero's bewildered glance, he shrugged again. "She's had a rough go of it, mate."

"I'm aware," Fiyero said dryly. "I just thought… after ten years together, she wouldn't doubt that I love her."

"You are _separated_ right now," Alvar reminded him.

Fiyero glared. "Not helpful, Al."

Alvar smiled sympathetically, and clasped him on the shoulder. "Sorry, mate. I've got to get home. Kal's got a patient due any minute now, and just my luck, she'll go into labour while I'm here with you."

Fiyero nodded miserably. "Sure. Tell her 'hey' from me."

"Sure. Hey, think of it this way Yero- it's got to be easier to ask out your wife than a stranger, yeah?"

Alvar bid him farewell and left the bar, leaving Fiyero sitting at the bar. He debated going home, but then gestured to the bartender and ordered another beer instead.

As he neared the bottom, movement from the corner of his eye made him turn his head, and he made eye contact with the red-headed woman seating herself two seats down from him.

She smiled at him, a smile Fiyero recognised immediately, despite not being on the receiving end of such a smile in almost a decade- at least not that he'd noticed. Fiyero immediately averted his gaze, pushed the not quite empty bottle away from him and got to his feet.

As he walked towards the cottage, he was mulling over his conversation with Alvar. And by the time he walked in the door, Fiyero had come to realise a truth.

The thought of dating again was exhausting and unappealing. The idea of dating again how he had the last time he actually dated- which he supposed was the early days of his relationship with Glinda- made him feel ill.

He was thirty-seven years old. He was a father of three, and if he was faced with the prospect of having to date again… he had no clue how to go about it. More importantly, he didn't want to.

The prospect of dating Elphaba, however, was alien and mildly terrifying ( _what if she said no?!,_ his brain kept demanding), but there was something comforting about that idea too. In a way, Dr Palloa had been right.

For him, he'd known since that moment in the forest that he and Elphaba were going to be together forever. And when they'd left Oz, really starting their life together, he'd thought that this was it. And he'd almost felt what he and Elphaba had was _beyond_ dating. Because wasn't dating what you did to find out if that person was whom you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

He'd never really stopped the consider the idea that maybe Elphaba _wasn't_ beyond it.

"Do you want me to get Kalhey to ask Elphaba about the whole dating thing?" Alvar asked him the next day at work.

Fiyero scoffed. "Seriously? What is this, eighth grade? _'Hey, my friend wants to know if your friend will go out with him',"_ he said mockingly.

Alvar grinned. "I was more a fan of ' _hey, my friend thinks your friend is hot',"_ he replied.

Fiyero chuckled and then sighed. "It's weird to think I've never asked her out before," he said, frowning.

"The dinner after you became human again doesn't count?"

"Well, no. You and Kalhey were there. It wasn't a particularly romantic occasion," Fiyero reminded him.

Alvar nodded slowly. "I guess that's true. Plus, I saw you eat. Not a charming sight."

Fiyero glared at him. "You go two years without eating and see how 'charming' you look," he grumbled.

"Two years made of straw. You'd think that would warrant a little romance."

"There was romance... of a fashion. But we weren't inviting anyone over for that," Fiyero grinned and then sighed wistfully. "Man, I miss sex."

"Yeah, I can't help you there," Alvar replied with a straight face.

Fiyero laughed.

Fiyero wasn't totally convinced that Elphaba wouldn't refuse the idea of a date, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to suggest it. It was just a matter of when and how.

He didn't bring it up to Elphaba all week, admittedly using Cale's birthday on Friday as an excuse to procrastinate.

Friday night brought the Wood family over to the house for dinner, and Cale's apparent new friend Shug.

"This is weird. Is this weird?" he asked Elphaba, as the kids played in the boys' room.

Elphaba shrugged. "Not to me. You never really saw Glinda and I together before we became friends," she pointed out. "We actually loathed each other."

Fiyero tried to act as though he wasn't thrown by her casual mention of Glinda's name.

"Yeah, but you never broke Glinda's wrist."

"I might have, given the chance," Elphaba muttered under her breath, thinking back on some of Glinda's horrendible treatment of her that first semester.

Fiyero heard that, but ignored it.

Cale's birthday was much quieter than Jiyah's had been, but Cale seemed to prefer it that way. In truth, so did Elphaba. All Cale had requested was that Fiyero stayed until he went to sleep, which Elphaba would never have refused and Fiyero was happy to comply with.

"Did you have a good birthday, buddy?" Fiyero asked him, sitting on the edge of the bed after tucking the covers tightly around him.

Cale nodded sleepily. "Yeah, it was good. I like the book Shug got me. Can I bring it to your house on Tuesday night?"

Fiyero grinned slightly, thinking of the book of science experiments that Cale had been given. There was a lot of stuff in there that seemed like fun.

"I think Momma would prefer that," he agreed, thinking of several experiments he was sure would end in a mess. "But why don't we wait for the weekend? We'll have more time then."

Cale nodded. "Ok."

Fiyero leaned down and kissed Cale's forehead.

"Night, bud. Happy birthday."

"Night, Dad."

Fiyero got to his feet and was almost at the door when Cale called out softly.

"Dad?"

Fiyero turned, "Yeah, mate?"

Cale sat up in bed, his face solemn. "Love you."

Fiyero smiled, the little words warming his heart. "Love you too, kiddo. Goodnight."

Jozua was in the bathroom brushing his teeth before heading to bed himself, and he stopped Fiyero on his way down the hall to inform him a tooth was loose. Fiyero showed the appropriate enthusiasm, and checked on a sleeping Jiyah before going to find Elphaba.

She was in the living room, curled up tiredly in a corner of the sofa.

"Do you need any help with cleaning up?" Fiyero offered.

She shook her head. "No, thanks. Most of it is done, the rest I'll worry about tomorrow."

Fiyero nodded. "Ok. Well… I'll see you on Monday morning, then?"

Elphaba nodded. "Sure."

She got to her feet to walk Fiyero out.

Fiyero turned at the door. "Hey, Fae?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go out next week? Friday? Or Saturday, even? Whatever night works for you."

Fiyero swore his heart was hammering faster than it ever had before as he waited for her answer. The wary expression that flickered across her eyes didn't exactly fill him with hope.

"Is this just because Dr Pal-"

"No," Fiyero interrupted firmly. "I mean, yes it was his suggestion, but it's not the reason I'm asking."

"Then why?" she asked flatly.

"Because this is me fighting for you. For us. Because we agreed to try everything possible before making a decision, and we haven't tried this. Because all week, I've been kicking myself and wondering how you can be the only woman I've ever loved, my wife and the mother of my children, and somehow I've never asked you on a date. I figure I should at least do it once, right?"

Elphaba laughed before she could stop herself.

"Right. And how's that going for you?"

Fiyero grinned slightly. "Quite horribly, I think. I feel like I'm fifteen again. And I think fifteen year old me would think I was an idiot."

Elphaba paused. "What about the kids?"

"Dump them on Alvar to baby-sit," Fiyero replied immediately. "He owes me. Don't ask."

Elphaba bit her lip. "Saturday," she said.

Fiyero tried and failed to stop his grin from spreading. "Yeah?"

"If Kalhey and Alvar don't mind watching the kids," Elphaba nodded.

Naturally, Kalhey and Alvar didn't hesitate before agreeing, nor did Kalhey hesitate to appear on Elphaba's doorstop at eight am on Sunday morning, driving their buggy.

"Hey!" she greeted Elphaba, when she opened the door.

"Do you have plans today?"

Elphaba frowned. "Um, not really. Why?"

Kalhey gestured towards the buggy. "We're going to drop the kids off with Alvar, and then go into Dorbush to find you something to wear to dinner."

"Wait- how do you know about that?" Elphaba demanded.

"Fiyero stopped by yesterday to ask us to watch the kids," Kalhey admitted readily, and Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"Of course he did."

Elphaba sighed. "Well, why do we have to go to Dorbush?"

Or shopping at all, really, although Elphaba knew she'd lost that argument if she brought it up. Her wardrobe was rather lacking in terms of more dressy clothing. She didn't exactly have a huge need for it.

"Dorbush has a better selection of stores," Kalhey pointed out practically. "Plus, I could use a day out," she admitted.

Elphaba frowned in concern. "Why? Is everything ok?"

"I'll explain on the way," Kalhey promised with a faint smile that came off as more of a grimace.

Elphaba offered no further protests at that, and ushered her friend inside while she rounded the kids up and got them and herself ready to leave.

They were nonplussed about their impromptu playdate with Sabella and Zakhar, not even questioning why their mother wouldn't be coming with them. Not even Cale gave Elphaba a second glance once they'd gotten out of the buggy and hurried towards where Alvar and Zakhar stood waiting for them at the door.

"Well, I guess Jiyah's over her clingy phase," Elphaba muttered, watching her children disappear inside.

Kalhey chuckled and merely waved to Alvar before picking up the reins and prodding the horse to move on.

"So, what's going on?" Elphaba asked immediately before they were even at the corner.

Kalhey sighed. "A patient went into labour yesterday afternoon. She was thirty seven weeks. By the time I got there, she was already eight centimetres dilated and fully effaced. Really quick delivery."

"But?" Elphaba pressed tentatively. She knew this story wasn't going to have a happy ending.

"Beautiful baby girl. Stillborn," Kalhey confirmed heavily.

Elphaba winced. "I'm sorry. Who was it? Do I know them?" she asked, trying to think of anyone she knew in town who was pregnant at the moment.

"They've probably been in the store, but I don't think you really know them. You know Anthe, who comes to book club sometimes? It's her ex-husband and his new wife."

Elphaba nodded soberly. "Oh. Right."

"It's not the first stillbirth I've delivered," Kalhey said. "But it never gets easier, you know? And I know there was nothing I could have done, it was just one of those things. That baby was absolutely fine at her last check-up. But I feel like I should have done more. She wanted that baby so much. Her step kids hate her, the divorce was _awful,_ and she was hoping the new baby would… help _."_

Elphaba nodded. She remembered his first wife ranting bitterly about the divorce during book club meetings. It had only been two years ago.

They made it safely into Dorbush, and Kalhey tied to buggy to a post.

"Alright, where should we start looking?" Kalhey asked her, looking around.

"I could just wear something I already own you know," Elphaba said as they headed down the street.

"Yes," Kalhey acknowledged. "But, two points. First of all, when was the last time you bought something for yourself?"

Elphaba made a face. "A while," she admitted.

"And secondly, this is your first date with Fiyero! And despite… everything, I think you should make it special."

Elphaba bit the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. "Not just with Fiyero," she said, so quietly Kalhey almost didn't hear.

Almost.

"Wait. You mean, this is your first date _ever?"_

Elphaba laughed slightly. "Kal, does that surprise you?"

Kalhey hesitated, thinking back on everything Elphaba had told her about her life in Oz.

"Well…"

"It's ok," Elphaba reassured her.

"Then we _definishly_ have to find you something great to wear," Kalhey said firmly.

They went into a few dress salons and started browsing. It was while they were in adjoining dressing room stalls and trying things on, that Kalhey's voice floated over the separating wall.

"I think it's a good thing you're doing this date."

Elphaba was adjusting the dress she was trying on, trying to make it fit more comfortably.

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Well, if this is the first, regardless of the outcome, wouldn't you rather it be with Fiyero than someone else?"

Elphaba snorted. "Someone else? Do I have other options?"

"Well, ok, maybe not _now,_ but… maybe… one day…"

Elphaba stilled as her meaning sunk in, and she pulled back the curtain enough to stick her head through.

"Wait. Dating other people?"

There came a pause and then Kalhey's head popped out into the corridor. "Yeah… you never thought about that?"

Elphaba slowly shook her head. "No," she said honestly. "I- I can't imagine it," she said blankly.

The curtain dropped and she stepped a little out of the change room.

"I don't think that's going to happen."

Kalhey's eyes lit up. "Because you think you'll work things out?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Kal."

"What? It seemed on Friday night like you two were getting along well."

Elphaba ignored that. She spent most of her time trying not to overthink her interactions with Fiyero these days and where they might weigh on the future of her marriage.

"I just don't think I could ever see myself with anyone else."

Kalhey looked at her sympathetically. "Oh, El. Come on, lovely."

"No, I'm not being self-deprecating," Elphaba shook her head. "Well, not much. But Kal, it took me twenty-two years to meet a person, not even a guy, but a _person,_ to see beyond my skin and that I could actually develop romantic feelings for. Yes, my skin is less of an issue here, but I can't imagine there's going to be a sudden abundance of men interested in me. Green skin aside, I'd still be a divorced mother of three kids," she pointed out.

"Who, with any luck, will be on very good terms with her ex-husband," she added, although she winced slightly.

"You don't need an _abundance,_ you just need one," Kalhey returned and then smiled at the look Elphaba threw her.

"I just can't imagine being with anyone but Fiyero," Elphaba said softly.

Kalhey nodded. "Ok."

She stepped out into the corridor and into Elphaba's changing room, grabbing a black dress from the selection of dresses hanging on a hook.

"Try this one."

Elphaba frowned. "It seems very formal."

"You need formal."

Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

"Because I know where he's taking you," Kalhey admitted.

Her eyebrow rose even higher. "And it's _formal?"_

"Just try the dress on," Kalhey ordered her and gently pushed her beyond the curtain and pulled it shut.

The dress was a black sheath that fell to her knees and was fitted, with a deep V-neck.

"I don't know," Elphaba said sceptically when it was on.

She came out of the change room at Kalhey's insistence to show her and was examining her reflection critically.

"I think it looks great."

"I'm too old to wear stuff like this," Elphaba complained, pulling at her neckline.

Kalhey rolled her eyes. "You're thirty-four and we're the same damn age. And I am _not_ too old to wear 'stuff like this', meaning neither are you."

"I'm a _mother,"_ Elphaba muttered.

"Me too."

"Yeah, but you're a… cool mom. Trendy."

Kalhey perked up. "I am? Did my kids say that? Because that doesn't sound like them."

Elphaba shook her head with a faint smile. "The other mothers at the school gate. They gossip about all the parents, it's ridiculous."

"If I'm a cool mom, what are you?"

Elphaba shrugged. "The green mom? I don't know. I don't really listen. I only heard the thing about you by accident one afternoon."

Kalhey grinned smugly. "I'm a cool mom," she said happily. "I'm going to tell Bella this when she hits puberty and hates me."

"They also rank the fathers by attractiveness," Elphaba informed her, fiddling with the dress and trying to pull the hem down.

"Oh, yeah, I knew that," Kalhey nodded, slapping her hand away. "Al's the second highest, apparently. He's far too smug about it. You look great, El. Really."

Elphaba shook her head. "It's too short. I don't like it."

"The hem or the neckline?"

"Both."

Kalhey nodded. "Alright, we'll keep looking."

Two stores later found Kalhey vehemently pulling a grey ankle length dress with long sleeves out of Elphaba's grasp and returning it to the rack.

"No way," she said flatly. "Sleeves, fine. I get it, it's still winter. But come on, El. You've got nice legs, you can at least get something that comes to the knee."

"I'm just being practical. It's still cold."

"Isn't it more practical to get something you can wear even when it's _not_ winter?" Kalhey countered, and Elphaba had to concede her point.

"Fine," she sighed and headed towards the dressing room with a few she'd already selected to try on.

"I still liked that dress from the last store," Kalhey said as she followed, grabbing another dress from a rack.

The dress in question had been midnight blue, knee length, with thin straps on the shoulders and a low neckline.

Elphaba scoffed. "I'd freeze. And the neckline-"

"I know. Too low. You know, El, you've given birth and breastfed three kids and your figure is still great. I'd show it off," Kalhey argued as they reached the change rooms.

"I only breastfed two," Elphaba corrected her.

Jozua had struggled to latch for the first week, and then thereafter flatly refused to even try, which hadn't helped Elphaba worry less about her skills of being a mother.

"Whatever. My point is, you look good. Here, try this on," Kalhey said, passing her the dress she'd grabbed on their way over.

Elphaba held it up and looked it over. It was a deep, dark purple, with a high neck and looked as though it would fall just above the knee.

" _Trust_ me," Kalhey said, seeing her sceptical expression.

Elphaba obediently tried the dress on, and glanced at her reflection. The dress had a triangle cut out above the chest, and although was fitted nicely at the bodice, flared out slightly from the hips down.

"What do you think?" she asked, stepping outside the room.

"I like it!" Kalhey said approvingly. "Do you like it?"

"I do," Elphaba admitted. "It's very comfortable."

"And you can wear it either with heels or boots," Kalhey suggested.

"Boots, I have. Although I don't know if any of them are nice enough to wear with this dress," Elphaba mused.

"So, we do shoes next?"

"Sure," Elphaba agreed. She'd rather spend another half an hour shopping for boots than wear heels.

Finding boots was a much easier process than finding the dress had been, and they grabbed a quick lunch before heading back to Limelle.

"Do you feel better now?" Elphaba asked Kalhey.

She smiled. "I helped you get a dress and shoes, and I got two pairs of shoes for me. I feel a lot better," she reassured her.

"Good," Elphaba smiled. "And I know that your patient… I can't imagine what she's going through right now. But I know that _she_ knows you did everything you could. Because I remember when I had that scare with Joz, and you were a huge comfort."

Kalhey returned the smile warmly. "Thanks, lovely."

The next week passed rather quickly, which surprised Elphaba, who had honestly expected every moment until Saturday night to drag on endlessly. She wasn't sure if she preferred the speed or not.

On Thursday morning, Fiyero had told Elphaba that he'd pick her up at seven o'clock Saturday night. He still wouldn't tell her where they were going, however, and Kalhey wouldn't say either. However the 'formal' note Kalhey had let slip made Elphaba wonder if they were even staying in Limelle- it wasn't exactly known for its fine dining.

Elphaba was ready and waiting to go at exactly seven o'clock, sitting tensely on the couch, with her small bag held tightly on her lap. By seven-oh-one she was sure that this was a terrible idea. At seven-oh-two, she wondered if it was too late to cancel. At seven-oh-three, Fiyero arrived.

"Hi," she greeted him upon opening the door, suddenly terribly self-conscious- moreso than usual.

"Hi," Fiyero replied, drawing his eyes over her slowly.

Suddenly aware that he was in danger of awkwardly staring at her, he forced himself to speak.

"You look nice," he blurted out and immediately regretted it.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow slightly. "Nice?" she repeated.

Fiyero grimaced slightly. "I'm not sure what the protocol is for dating your estranged wife," he admitted. "In terms of compliments, I mean."

Elphaba smiled faintly. "I think we can allow them," she replied, a smile toying at her lips. "You look _nice_ yourself."

Fiyero grinned for a moment, then shifted awkwardly. The suit he was wearing was the only one he owned- his wedding suit. He was sure Elphaba knew that. He wondered what her compliment meant. If anything.

There was a real chance he was reading too much into this.

"Uh, here. This is for you," he said, handing her the small box he was carrying.

Elphaba accepted it warily, but her guarded frown melted away as she lifted the lid to reveal a beautiful wrist corsage, made up of a white carnation.

"I wanted to do this right," Fiyero told her, trying to gauge her reaction. "For our first date."

"Thank you," Elphaba replied quietly.

She lifted it out of the box and Fiyero reached out.

"Here," he said quickly, helping her put it on. He was rather pleased with the effect.

"You know," he said conversationally, "I really thought it would be easier to buy a corsage now, compared to when I was seventeen. It was not."

Elphaba chuckled, grabbing her coat and stepping out onto the porch to lock up the house behind her.

"You bought a lot of corsages at seventeen?" she asked him.

"Well, one. For Shanna Starvale," Fiyero informed her, falling into step beside her as she headed down the front steps towards the gate.

There was a buggy waiting out front that Elphaba recognised to be Kalhey and Alvar's, which Elphaba took to be confirmation of her theory they would be heading out of Limelle tonight.

"Haven't I told you this story?"

Elphaba shook her head. Fiyero never mentioned any girl he'd dated before they'd met.

"I was her escort to her debutante ball," Fiyero continued his tale, assisting her into the buggy.

"And I was very sternly informed that she wanted a red corsage, because _all_ the other girls would have white, and she wanted to stand out."

Elphaba wrinkled her nose. "Sounds like something Glinda would have said," she said and then paused.

She was sure mentioning your husband's ex- fiancée was against protocol too. Wow, they sucked at this.

Elphaba was beginning to think maybe _this_ was why they had skipped the dating part, some sort of subconscious knowledge that they would be bad at this.

"She was less Glinda, more Pfannee," Fiyero replied nonchalantly, and Elphaba reactively made a face.

"Wow, I'd almost forgotten about Pfannee," she sighed.

Fiyero grinned as he climbed into the buggy beside her and set them in motion.

"Lucky you. Trust me, she didn't improve with age. Anyway, I thought red corsage. Easy. Except, it turns out that the red hibiscus flower I bought her actually symbolises love, passion and often means a perfect woman. Which she knew."

Elphaba started laughing before he'd even finished his sentence.

"Oh no," she managed to say.

Fiyero nodded grimly. "Yep. I was worried she'd end up stalking me or something, but _thankfully,_ the flower ended up bleeding pollen all over her dress and staining it. She blamed me, and I happily took the fall. And that was it. Never bought another girl a corsage. Hell, never bought any flowers at all, until…"

"Poppies," Elphaba murmured.

Fiyero nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Elphaba was silent for a moment. "Well, I guess I should feel special then," she finally said.

"I almost got you some," Fiyero confessed. "But I wasn't sure what colour you'd be wearing, or-"

"It's fine," Elphaba cut in. "I like carnations," she reassured him, gently touching the soft petals.

"Do you know what they mean?"

Fiyero glanced at her. "Carnations?"

"Yeah."

Fiyero returned his eyes to the road, paused for a moment and then cleared his throat.

"Pure love and good luck."

Elphaba nodded slowly. "Oh."

They drove in silence for a few minutes until Fiyero spoke again.

"Should we set up ground rules?" he suggested tentatively.

Elphaba looked to him blankly. "Like what?"

"Like… no talking about the kids? I just think we should focus on being a couple, rather than parents, you know?"

She considered that, and then nodded. "Or counselling."

"Or the deadline," Fiyero added. "I just don't think we need any more pressure on tonight."

That seemed fair to Elphaba.

"Where are we going?" she questioned.

"Dinner."

"Dinner where?"

"A restaurant."

Elphaba's eyes narrowed. " _Fiyero._ This isn't the time to be cute."

Fiyero grinned apologetically. "You're not going to know it," he retorted.

"I'll settle for a geographic location," she replied irritably.

Fiyero relented there. "Dorbush."

Elphaba nodded in acknowledgement.

The remainder of the drive was spent mostly in silence, until Fiyero had stopped and tied the buggy, and helped Elphaba alight.

"We're just going down the road," he promised her.

When he drew to a stop and Elphaba laid eyes on the restaurant, she immediately balked. Her first thought was that maybe she hadn't dressed formal _enough._

"Um, Fiyero?"

Fiyero either didn't hear her or chose to ignore her, merely steering her through the door.

While he spoke to the maitre'd, Elphaba gazed around tensely. The restaurant was beautiful, certainly, but clearly expensive. Several chandeliers hung from the ceiling, beautiful artworks decorated the walls, and the tables were lit with candlesticks that, from where Elphaba was standing, appeared to be crystal.

A lot of tables were full, mainly by couples who were engaged in quiet conversation.

Elphaba was silent as they had their coats taken and were led to their table and seated. As Elphaba examined her menu, she barely managed to stop herself from visibly cringing.

"Fiyero."

He glanced up from his own menu. "Yeah?"

"What are we doing here?"

Fiyero frowned slightly. "Dinner?"

Elphaba looked at him pointedly. "Fiyero."

"What?"

"We can't afford this," she said quietly, leaning across the table towards him.

Fiyero returned his gaze to his menu. "It's fine, Fae."

"It costs as much for a salad as it does to buy a week's worth of groceries."

"It's fine," Fiyero replied firmly, not looking up.

"Fiyero, you _can't_ afford this. It's ridiculous."

"Ridiculous that I'm trying to do something nice?" Fiyero snapped, looking up at her.

Elphaba opened her mouth to reply, but stopped as a waiter approached them.

"Can I get you some water and bread for the table?" he asked them.

"Thanks," Fiyero said shortly, nodding briefly.

"Would you like to order drinks or appetisers now, or would you like a moment?" the waiter asked. Elphaba wasn't sure if he was ignoring the tension brewing at the table, or just completely oblivious to it.

"Not just yet, thank you," Fiyero replied.

The waiter bowed slightly and left them, as Elphaba leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms, waiting expectantly.

Fiyero's gaze was firmly fixed on his menu, as he tried to ignore Elphaba's eyes boring into him.

Finally, he sighed, closed his menu and met his wife's gaze.

"What?"

"Why?" she asked simply.

"I told you. I want to do this right."

"And why does doing this right entail spending money you can't afford to spend?" Elphaba asked him. "What does that _mean?"_

Fiyero stalled. He wasn't sure how to answer that.

"It means doing this right," he finally said. "How it should have been."

Elphaba frowned, until it clicked and her face cleared.

"Fiyero, I don't need… _this,"_ she said, gesturing around the room. "I never have."

"But you should have had it," Fiyero argued.

"And this is going to fix things? Wasn't the point of this to get to know one another again?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So… this isn't me. I don't need it and I don't _want_ it. I thought you knew that. And if this is your idea of doing things _right,_ meaning how you would have done things in Oz, then you clearly don't know me at all."

A lump appeared in Elphaba's throat and her vision blurred. "And maybe just proves that you were wrong. We wouldn't have worked at all if things had been different."

With that, Elphaba pushed back her chair and headed for the door, only pausing to collect her coat.

She left the restaurant and strode down the street, having no real destination in mind. She just wanted to walk, and not cry in the middle of the street.

"Fae, wait," Fiyero's voice called out to her only a few moments later.

Elphaba kept walking.

" _Elphaba!"_

Reluctantly, Elphaba stopped and turned to face Fiyero.

"Look. Can I explain?" he asked pleadingly. "Please?"

Elphaba nodded curtly, but said nothing.

Fiyero exhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair. "You're right," he admitted. "I was thinking about… Oz," he said, lowering his voice and eyeing the elderly Zebra couple who were walking past them.

"And I know that you don't like a fuss, and you don't need it. But I meant what I said. You should have had it. You should have all the fuss."

Elphaba made no reply, and Fiyero sighed.

"Come on," he said gently, putting a hand on her arm and steering her down the street.

"Where are we going?" Elphaba asked.

The restaurant and the buggy were both the other direction.

"To find somewhere to eat," Fiyero replied.

That was easier said than done. It was a busy Saturday night, and most restaurants were either full or had a long wait for a table. Neither Elphaba nor Fiyero had realised Dorbush had such a bustling nightlife.

"I'm starving," Fiyero proclaimed, after they'd walked through what felt like half of the city.

"Me too," Elphaba admitted, her eyes scanning the streets for any possible place to eat.

Another block later, and she came to a sudden halt.

"There's a grocery store," she pointed. "It looks open."

Fiyero gave her a bizarre look. "You want to get groceries? Because I'm pretty sure they recommend not shopping while you're hungry."

Elphaba was already crossing the road. "They have food, don't they?"

Fiyero considered that, shrugged and followed her.

The grocery store in Dorbush was much bigger than their one in Limelle, which made sense, Elphaba supposed. It had a much bigger population, and was more modern. Elphaba grabbed a basket, and immediately grabbed a loaf of bread.

"What do you want to eat?" she asked Fiyero.

Fiyero caught on to the idea quickly. "Fruit?" he suggested.

They grabbed some cheese, ham, and a few things that could easily be eaten without needing to be cooked.

Fiyero insisted on paying, "It's still a date, isn't it?", and then led her to a little garden down the street, where they sat on a bench to eat.

"Ok, this is way better than that restaurant," Fiyero admitted after a few moments, swallowing a mouthful of bread.

Elphaba laughed slightly, breaking off a bit of cheese.

"You know," he said conversationally. "That place was like every meal of my life growing up. I mean, if it was just my parents and me, they _tried_ to make it as informal and casual as possible. But you're still eating in a freaking castle, aren't you? And every royal ball or banquet or function, it was always the same. A bunch of people dressed uncomfortably, in a room decorated with museum pieces designed to show just how much money you have, with tiny portions of food across seven courses that you were lucky if you recognised any of it."

"And you hated it?"

"Well, the food was pretty much always good. I just like to know what I'm eating," Fiyero allowed. "But no, they weren't my idea of fun occasions."

Elphaba picked up an apple from the bag of food that sat on the bench between them, but didn't eat it, instead turning it slowly in her hands.

"I would have been a terrible princess," she said softly.

Fiyero glanced to her in surprise. "No, you wouldn't have," he replied immediately.

Elphaba scoffed lightly. "Fiyero, come on. I'm not cut out for that lifestyle. The titles and the grandeur. It's not me. All that fuss and attention…"

Fiyero nodded in acknowledgement. "A lot of it sucks," he allowed. "But you're brilliant, Fae. And you'd have the power to do so much good."

"Hm, I wonder what that's like," Elphaba muttered.

"Fae," Fiyero said softly, moving the bag of food to his other side so that he could move closer to her.

Elphaba sighed and shook her head slightly. "Sorry."

Fiyero took the apple out of her hand and took a bite.

"It's funny," he said.

"Funny 'haha' or funny 'peculiar'?" Elphaba asked, ignoring the theft of her apple.

Fiyero had to think about that for a moment.

"Funny ironic," he finally answered, taking another bit of the apple. "I think."

"In what way?"

"Even though I hated parts of that lifestyle, I knew how it worked. It was my world. But that restaurant? It's the closest I've been to that world in a decade. And I realised I don't miss it. It's not my world anymore."

Elphaba tilted her head. "That's a big realisation to have in the five minutes we were in there."

"Hey, I am full of deep thoughts!" Fiyero returned, his tone light.

Elphaba smiled, a little wistfully. "I know."

Fiyero fell silent.

He finished eating his apple, while Elphaba picked at a bit of bread. The garden was deserted save for the two of them.

"The thing about the restaurant," he said finally. "Is that if things had been different, and I'd gotten to date you in Oz, I would have still taken you there. Or, you know, the equivalent."

"But why?" Elphaba asked.

"Because you should have had it," Fiyero repeated his earlier words. "Because I _could._ Because all I've ever wanted to do was to give you the world, Fae. And I'm realising now that… maybe I haven't done a very good job of that."

Elphaba stared at him, stunned.

"Yero… you gave me our _kids_ ," she said. "You've given me a home. You've loved me like no one else has ever loved me. What more could I ever want?"

"Then what happened?" Fiyero asked, his brow furrowed in anguish. "What did I do, or didn't do? Dr Palloa-"

"Dr Palloa doesn't know everything," Elphaba interrupted.

"He said I stopped fighting for you," he said, his voice full of pain.

"That's his _theory."_

"It holds up. Do you have any other ideas?"

Elphaba laughed bitterly. "Because I've had a lifetime of issues and screw ups that finally caught up with me?"

"Besides that. Real reasons. What happened, Fae?"

Elphaba sighed, staring out across the darkened park.

"Life happened," she said softly. "I think. I don't know. Maybe with work, and the kids… we grew apart. We stopped 'weeding the garden' if you follow the garden analogy."

Fiyero nodded slowly.

"How do we fix that?"

Elphaba's silence felt like an eternity to Fiyero.

"We try to be in the same room without hurting one another," she repeated Dr Palloa's words.

It wasn't a terribly hopeful answer, but it wasn't a "we can't". So Fiyero would take that.

They finished eating and headed back to the buggy.

"Your hair's long," he said to her abruptly, as though observing it for the first time.

Which, granted, Elphaba usually wore her hair either tied back or up, but she'd left it down tonight. One hand automatically went to a lock of hair, and pushed it back a little self-consciously.

"Yeah. I haven't been bothered to get it cut lately. I should," she replied.

"I miss it long," Fiyero told her.

Elphaba hadn't had her hair this long since Cale had been born. It was just easier with the kids to keep it shorter.

She smiled slightly, but said nothing.

Fiyero drove them back to Limelle and to Elphaba's house. As he helped Elphaba down from the buggy, he kept a hold of her hand.

"I'm sorry about the restaurant," he apologised again.

"It's ok. I think it worked out perfectly," Elphaba replied sincerely.

Fiyero smiled and Elphaba couldn't help but return it.

"Will you pick up the kids now or in the morning?" she asked him.

"In the morning. They'll all be asleep by now. I hope."

Elphaba chuckled.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon sometime, I guess."

Fiyero nodded. "Yep."

He released her hand and Elphaba passed through the front gate.

"Hey, Fae?" Fiyero called out quietly, and she turned.

"Yeah?"

Fiyero hesitated and then stepped closer to her. "You know that I love you, don't you?"

Elphaba's face softened. "I've never doubted that," she reassured him.

"Never?"

She shook her head. "No," she said and then shrugged one shoulder lightly. "You still call me 'Fae'," she said simply.

In Elphaba's mind, as long as he was calling her "Fae", she knew he loved her still.

Fiyero smiled in a way that Elphaba didn't think she'd seen on him in a long time. Before she knew what was happening, Fiyero had closed the gap between them and kissed her. For the first time in months.

Elphaba's mind went blissfully blank, and she melted under his touch. When Fiyero broke the kiss and her brain resumed functioning, her eyes actually filled with tears at the rush of emotion that swept over her like a tidal wave.

"I'm always going to love you," he murmured. "For as long as you're mine, remember?"

Elphaba couldn't speak. Her chest was being squeezed like a vice, robbing her of speech.

Fiyero stepped back, and she fought the urge to shudder.

"Goodnight, Fae."

Elphaba stood rooted to the spot long after he'd climbed back in the buggy and disappeared from view.

 **Chapter Title Song: "Remind Me" by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood**

 **AN. Next update will be Sunday, as I'm leaving today for a teaching conference for a few days (including on a Saturday. I know). (This is also why I've updated today instead of yesterday)**

 **Another note- the playlist to go with this story has reached 62 songs! Which means you guys (and me) have contributed 31 songs! Thank You!**


	25. The Next Ten Minutes

**DISCLAIMER: Once again, I own nothing.**

 **AN. Congrats to Moreanswers24 for being reviewer 200!**

 **Chapter 25: The Next Ten Minutes**

 **October, 1942**

The wedding was set for October eighteenth.

The reason for October had been fairly simple. Fiyero was keen to get married before the baby arrived in February, and Elphaba didn't want to deal with the hassle of planning a wedding and everything that entailed while in her third trimester.

In October, she'd be six months gone, and figured even _that_ was pushing it a little. But Fiyero was insistent, so Elphaba hadn't argued. Once they'd settled on October, Fiyero had tentatively suggested a date.

"The seventeenth is Nessa's birthday, and the eighteenth is my parents' wedding anniversary. It could be nice to have it that weekend."

Elphaba had been trying to get Jozua settled, cuddling with him on the sofa in hopes he'd agree to go down for a nap. He'd been running around all morning, and she was exhausted. If he slept, so might she.

"The eighteenth," she replied.

"You sure? It's a Sunday," he warned her.

"So? It's going to be a morning ceremony with a small lunch afterwards. What difference will it make?"

In truth, Elphaba didn't want to have to think of her sister every time their wedding anniversary came around. She could handle sharing an anniversary with Fiyero's parents.

So the eighteenth it was.

It was going to be a small wedding. They didn't have that many people to invite. Kalhey and Alvar and their kids, Fiyero's other co-workers and their families. The ceremony was going to be held at the Limelle Courthouse at eleven o'clock, followed by a lunch hosted at Kalhey and Alvar's property.

The original plan had been for Elphaba and Fiyero to host the lunch themselves, but once Kalhey heard about it, she'd put her foot down.

"You cannot host your own wedding reception, especially at six months pregnant," she'd declared firmly.

"It's not really a _reception,"_ Elphaba had argued. "It's just lunch."

"Well, Al and I will take care of it," Kalhey reassured her. "Now, do you have a dress?"

"I have a dress," Elphaba nodded.

She'd bought it on sale at the only of Limelle's dress salons that sold formal wear. It didn't seem to make much sense to spend a lot of money on a dress that she'd only wear one day, that wouldn't even fit her in probably less than a week.

It wasn't white, however, it was long. It was a sleeveless silver sheath dress, with a lace overlay over the top. It was currently hanging in her closet, and it was amusing to see Fiyero trying to avoid seeing it whenever he had to go into the closet.

"It's bad luck for me to see the dress before the wedding!" he insisted as Elphaba laughed at him one morning.

"Yero, what more bad luck could we possibly have?" Elphaba pointed out practically, leaning back against her pillows.

Fiyero considered that for a moment and then shook his head. "Yeah, I'm not risking it."

"We already agreed we're not spending the night before apart," she reminded him. "We'll be seeing each other all morning before the ceremony, which again, supposedly bad luck. How are you going to avoid that one?"

She had a point there.

"Ok," he agreed. "But I still don't want to see the dress for the first time until you're wearing it."

"I hope it still fits by then," Elphaba muttered, rubbing her stomach gently.

Fiyero smiled gently, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You look beautiful," he told her.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Don't look at me like that," she scolded him.

"Like what?" Fiyero asked innocently.

" _Fiyero."_

" _Elphaba,"_ he mimicked teasingly, grinning as he leaned over and kissed her.

She shook her head. "Nope. You're on Jozua duty while I shower. Kalhey and Alvar are coming for brunch to discuss the lunch plans," she reminded him.

"Fine," Fiyero grumbled. "But when Joz goes down for his nap this afternoon, you're all mine, Mrs Tiggular," he informed her.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Still a week to go, Yero."

"I'm practising it now," Fiyero grinned and kissed her again. "I love you."

She smiled. "I know."

When Elphaba had showered and dressed, she found Fiyero sitting on the floor of the living room playing with Jozua, who was giggling madly.

"Has he had breakfast?"

Fiyero grinned and held Jozua up for her to see. "Scrambled eggs and toast, right Joz?"

"Gggs!" Jozua exclaimed excitedly.

"I see that," Elphaba laughed slightly, taking in the egg stains on his shirt.

"Are you hungry or are you going to wait until brunch?" Fiyero asked her.

Elphaba shook her head. "I'm ok for now. I might have some tea, though."

Fiyero got to his feet and handed Jozua to her. "Here. I'll get your tea."

"Thanks, hon," Elphaba said gratefully.

Kalhey and Alvar arrived with the kids at about half-past ten, and they were sitting down to brunch by eleven.

"Have you had any thoughts about lunch?" Kalhey asked them as they ate.

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a brief glance.

"Not really," Fiyero replied. "Just that there should be food."

Kalhey blinked. "A good decision," she deadpanned.

"If you're open to suggestions," Alvar chimed in. "Kal makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich."

Kalhey glared at her husband. "I can cook more than that!"

"I know you can. I just really love your grilled cheeses," Alvar reassured her.

Kalhey laughed, and turned back to Elphaba.

"Are you craving anything in particular lately?"

Elphaba paused thoughtfully. "I've been eating a lot of fruit and vegetables lately," she said.

"That means it's a girl, right?" Alvar cut in.

"Old wives tale," Kalhey dismissed him.

"Nah, I reckon it's a girl," Fiyero said confidently.

"Based on what?" Kalhey asked.

"Wishful thinking," Elphaba replied dryly.

Fiyero didn't deny that.

"You know, you're practically eloping. Smart move," Alvar told them, raising his glass and toasting them, when they'd finished making the menu.

"Yeah, I wish _we'd_ eloped," Kalhey muttered and Alvar nodded in agreement.

Elphaba laughed slightly. "Why? What happened?"

Kalhey checked to make sure the kids were happily distracted before answering.

"Our parents," Alvar said.

"His mother," Kalhey corrected him. "Who a month out, decided there were sixty of her dearest family and friends that needed to be invited, which took our guest list to over two hundred people."

Elphaba winced. "Ouch."

Fiyero winced too, but in sympathy, rather than horror. He'd never forget having a hundred people attend a dinner for his tenth birthday party, of whom he'd only known perhaps twenty.

"And then my brother, who was the best man, came down with the flu and projectile vomited all over the maid of honour on their way back up the aisle," Alvar recalled.

"And his mother showed up dressed in full mourning," Kalhey added.

Alvar rolled his eyes. "It wasn't full mourning."

"She was wearing head to toe black-"

"Well, that's just ninety per cent of Elphaba's wardrobe," Fiyero quipped and Elphaba rolled her eyes at him.

"- And a _veil,"_ Kalhey continued.

"Why?!" Fiyero demanded, sounding way too delighted about this story.

"Unofficially, I'm not good enough for her baby boy. _Officially,_ I had the audacity to ask for a Lurlinist wedding instead of agreeing to convert to Unionism," Kalhey said.

"My mom thinks I care about religion more than I do," Alvar rolled his eyes.

"And _my_ mother kicked up a stink because we decided to have a chocolate cake, when it's apparently a family tradition to have fruit cake. Basically, it was one giant headache."

"You're having a cake, right?" Alvar asked Fiyero.

"Vanilla," he nodded, then gestured towards Elphaba. "Her choice."

"Anything heavier makes me nauseous," Elphaba explained.

Although she wasn't entirely sure it was cake related. Elphaba hadn't had any morning sickness during this pregnancy, but ever since she'd told Fiyero she would marry him, she definitely had her queasy moments.

She was desperately trying not to take that as a sign.

After brunch, Elphaba sent Fiyero to amuse the kids while she cleaned the kitchen.

"I can do it later, Fae," he offered, but Elphaba shook her head.

"It's fine. I want to stand up for a bit," she said tiredly, rubbing her lower back lightly.

"I'll help," Kalhey volunteered. "Braxton Hicks?" she asked as the men and kids disappeared into the living room.

Elphaba shook her head, frowning slightly. "No. The kid's just leaning against my spine or something."

Kalhey moved to her side and started prodding at Elphaba's stomach and back, switching into her midwife mode. Elphaba rolled her eyes, but endured it patiently.

It wasn't until the baby shifted in response, Elphaba swearing she felt the baby's legs curl away from her spine, that Elphaba moved.

"Thanks. I need to remember that trick."

Kalhey smiled. "It's kind of my job," she laughed. "Come on. Let's do the dishes."

Elphaba washed as Kalhey dried, a task which left it far too easy for Elphaba to get lost in her thoughts.

"El?"

Elphaba jumped slightly, flushing slightly. "Sorry," she said apologetically to Kalhey. "Did you say something?"

"I asked if there was anything else you needed to organise," Kalhey repeated.

Elphaba shook her head. "No, I don't think so. I've got my dress, Fiyero has a suit. We've got the marriage licence… Jozua has a new outfit, which I'm sure he'll make a mess of in about twenty minutes, if that."

"Rings?"

Elphaba nodded. "Got them, although I'm sure mine will have to be resized once I have the baby. I wanted to wait, but Yero insisted."

They had compromised, however, with Fiyero reluctantly agreeing not to get Elphaba an engagement ring.

"I don't need one or particularly want one," Elphaba had said firmly.

Kalhey frowned critically at Elphaba's hands. "You're not retaining much water. I think you'll be alright," she said. "And if you need help with all the paperwork of changing your name after, I can help. Because it can be a headache, trust me. Are you changing your name?"

Elphaba faltered. "I don't know," she admitted. "I mean, Jozua has 'Thropp-Tiggular' listed on his birth certificate."

"Well, you can change that too," Kalhey said practically.

Elphaba nodded. "I know. And it's not like I have any strong ties to 'Thropp' or that I have anything against being a 'Tiggular'. I just… I don't know. Maybe I'll hyphenate," she said thoughtfully.

"My stepdad's mother tried to tell me if I took Al's name, I was rejecting my family's name, and I wasn't a feminist," Kalhey told her, rolling her eyes as she dried a plate.

"First of all, I had my father's name and not my stepfather's name, so I don't know what it mattered to her anyway. And secondly, my maiden name was _Higglebottom._ I love my dad and his family, but as if I wasn't going to ditch that for _Wood?"_

Elphaba chuckled.

"What's the baby going to be? 'Tiggular' or 'Thropp-Tiggular' like Joz?"

Elphaba shrugged. "The plan when we found out was 'Thropp-Tiggular'. But since we decided to get married, we haven't really had a conversation about it. Organising the wedding has kind of taken priority."

"I wouldn't worry about it. It's not a decision you have to make right away."

Elphaba agreed, but that night, when Fiyero returned to the living room after putting Jozua to sleep, she looked up from the book she was reading.

"What surname are we giving the baby?"

Fiyero was taken aback by the sudden question. "What do you mean?"

"When you talked about getting married, you suggested 'Tiggular' for the baby. Do you want to give the baby your surname? Do you want me to take your surname after we get married?"

Fiyero collapsed onto the sofa wearily. "I think it's your decision, Fae," he told her.

"My name or the baby's name?"

"Yours. Both. Are you going to keep 'Thropp'?"

Elphaba shrugged. "I haven't decided. Probably not. But I might hyphenate, like Joz has."

"Elphaba Thropp-Tiggular," Fiyero mused aloud. "So, we'd name the baby 'Thropp- Tiggular' too?"

"But then you'd have a different name from me and the kids," Elphaba pointed out.

Fiyero almost got distracted by the thought of how nice the phrase " _me and the kids"_ (plural)sounded.

"Why don't we wait until the baby's born and see how we feel?" he suggested, unable to think of an answer.

Elphaba wasn't totally content with that, but agreed nonetheless. She felt oddly restless not having made a decision.

"Like a nesting thing?" Fiyero asked tentatively when Elphaba mentioned it.

"Maybe," Elphaba agreed vaguely.

Time has a funny habit of either dragging on slowly or speeding up drastically, and it's usually the opposite one that you'd prefer. The time before a vacation drags, which then goes in the blink of an eye.

For Elphaba, the days until the wedding sped by, and she wasn't sure if she was grateful for that or not.

Another benefit of having the wedding on a Sunday was that she didn't have to worry about losing a day's business at the store. She worked until noon on Saturday morning, as per usual, and the store was oddly busy.

Saturday mornings usually were her steadiest day, but she had a constant stream of customers from open to close. Most seemed to know she was getting married the next day, and Elphaba found herself constantly smiling while thanking them for their best wishes.

"Did we become popular in town and I missed the memo?" Elphaba greeted Fiyero when she returned home in time for lunch.

Fiyero laughed. "I think people just like weddings."

"It's a ceremony at a courthouse. It's hardly the social event of the season," Elphaba scoffed.

"Ah, well, maybe we'll score a few more gifts out of it," Fiyero grinned.

The night before the wedding, Fiyero found himself suddenly awake. The clock on the bedside table read three am, and he gradually became aware that the bed was empty. He wasn't totally surprised, figuring Elphaba was either in the bathroom or Jozua had woken and he hadn't heard him.

So, he settled deeper underneath the covers and closed his eyes, waiting for the familiar dip of the mattress before he'd truly let himself fall back to sleep.

But it didn't come.

Opening his eyes and stifling a yawn, Fiyero dragged himself out of bed. He checked in on Jozua, and found him sleeping soundly and the room otherwise empty.

In the living room, however, there was a dark shadow sitting in the armchair beside the window.

"Fae?" he whispered.

Through the darkness, he saw Elphaba jump slightly and turn towards him.

"You ok?" he asked her, moving closer. "Nightmare? Braxton Hicks?"

Elphaba shook her head. "Pregnancy insomnia."

"Ah."

"I think," she continued.

Fiyero fumbled for a light in the dark so he could see her face better. "You think?" he repeated.

They both flinched against the light as it filled the room.

"What else could it be?" Fiyero asked her.

Elphaba let out a breath slowly, meeting his gaze apprehensively. "Wedding nerves."

Fiyero frowned, sinking onto his knees before her.

"What are you nervous about?"

Elphaba paused. "I don't know," she admitted. "I can't put it into words. I just feel… shaky. There's a feeling in my gut I can't shake."

Fiyero said nothing as he dwelled on her words.

"We can call it off," he said finally. "It's not too late."

Elphaba blinked, surprised. "What?"

"It's not a big deal," he reassured her. "We don't even really have to cancel the whole thing. We could still have the lunch. Probably shouldn't have the cake though. Might be awkward. Although seems like a waste of a good cake, doesn't it?"

"Wait," Elphaba interrupted. "Yero, what are you _talking_ about?"

"We can call off the wedding," Fiyero told her. "It's not a big deal. Honestly."

Elphaba stared at him.

"But… the plan is to get married," she said stupidly.

Fiyero reached for her hands. "The _plan_ is to spend the rest of my life with you," he said softly. "Marriage isn't a requirement for that. I told you that."

"But you _want_ to get married."

He shrugged. "Yeah," he admitted readily. "But do you?"

"I said yes, didn't I?"

"Yes. But if you only said yes to make me happy… you never really said what changed your mind."

Elphaba hesitated. "Because I can't tell you what changed my mind," she said. "It just happened."

"I wondered if I'd pressured you into it," Fiyero said, averting his gaze.

Elphaba paused, a little too long for Fiyero's comfort.

"I can't say that I didn't think about the fact it would make you happy," she said slowly. "Because I did. I knew it was important to you, even though I don't think I'll ever really understand why. But you didn't pressure me, Yero."

"Then why are you nervous? Why are we sitting here in the middle of the night?"

Elphaba had been trying to figure that out herself.

"I can't stop thinking about the vows," she murmured, her gaze drifting out the darkened window.

"They just go around my head on a loop, every moment of the day. ' _Til death do us part.'_ That phrase keeps grating on me. Every time I try and say it, I feel like throwing up. I just keep thinking… forever is a long time."

"Forever was always the plan," Fiyero replied quietly.

"But it wasn't legally binding," Elphaba said. "By declaring it… it's one more thing I have to lose."

She met his gaze earnestly. "I love you. Sharing a life with you, a home, kids. It's everything. But marriage feels like- like I'm giving you the last little bit of myself. And it's not that I don't _want_ to… but every instinct is screaming at me to run."

Fiyero's grip on her hands tightened as Elphaba watched him apprehensively, trying to gauge his reaction.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered miserably.

Fiyero let out a slow breath and then released her hands, which made Elphaba's chest clench. Then he climbed to his feet and gently tugged Elphaba out of the armchair.

"Come with me."

Puzzled, Elphaba allowed him to lead her out of the living room. He took her to the kitchen and then released her hands to light the room, before heading over to a drawer and rummaging through it.

"Fiyero, what are you looking for?"

Fiyero hushed her, and kept rummaging.

"If you tell me what you're looking for, I can probably tell you where it is," Elphaba said patiently.

He closed the drawer, rummaged through another and then left the room, all while Elphaba stood there in bemusement.

Fiyero returned a moment later, holding something in his hand triumphantly.

"Found it!"

"A stopwatch?" Elphaba frowned.

"Sit down," he said, pulling out a chair and helping her ease into it.

He sat on the chair beside her, sideways so that he was facing her. The stopwatch was placed on the table in front of them.

"Fiyero…"

"Just sit," he told her, clicking the stopwatch to start the time counting.

He took her hand again and fell into silence.

Elphaba was silent too, only because she had no idea what he was doing.

The only sound in the room was the ticking of the stopwatch.

"There," Fiyero spoke finally.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "There what?"

"That's a minute."

"Ok?"

Fiyero shrugged lightly. "Nothing happened, did it?"

"My patience took a hit," Elphaba snarked and Fiyero chuckled.

"It's a matter of fight or flight," he told her simply. "If the idea of 'forever' overwhelms you. Let's start with a minute. Or ten."

A lump appeared in Elphaba's throat. "And after ten minutes are up?" she asked.

"We deal with another ten," Fiyero said.

Elphaba's vision blurred as tears filled her eyes.

"It's that simple?" she asked hoarsely.

"It's that simple, Fae," he smiled gently, giving her hands another squeeze. "Can you give me ten minutes? Or do you still want to run?"

A tear slipped down Elphaba's cheek. "I can handle ten minutes," she whispered.

Fiyero wiped the tear away gently. "And if you don't like 'til death do us part', we can change it."

"To what?"

Fiyero paused for a moment, thinking.

"For all of my days? From this day forward? For all our tomorrows? If you give me a sec, I can come up with something super cheesy," he offered.

Elphaba smiled slightly, as she wiped away more tears.

"For as long as you're mine," she whispered.

A broad grin spread across Fiyero's face. "For as long as you're mine," he agreed and leaned over to kiss her.

"Do you _really_ want to do this?" he asked her, studying her eyes intently.

Elphaba laughed slightly and kissed him again. "I do," she said.

Fiyero beamed. "Ok. Well, in that case, should we try and get some sleep?"

Elphaba nodded.

"I'll just check on Joz-"

"He's fine," Fiyero interrupted firmly. "Let's go."

He shepherded her back to bed and waited as she got herself comfortable before slipping a hand around her thickening waist.

"Did I help?" he asked with a yawn.

Elphaba turned her head to him and smiled softly. "You helped," she replied, reaching for his hand.

"Good," he said, softly caressing her hand.

And he had, in a way. Even if she didn't necessarily feel reassured, she felt settled. Somehow, Fiyero made it seem so simple. He always had.

 _I'm going with her._

 _We're going to be together always._

 _It's not lying. It's looking at things another way._

One day she'd have to learn how he did that.

The next thing Elphaba knew, the room was filled with sunlight, and Fiyero was entering the room with a tray in his hands.

"Morning," he greeted her.

Elphaba frowned sleepily, trying to sit up. "What's this?" she mumbled.

"Tea and toast," Fiyero said, placing the tray on the bed. "I wasn't sure if you'd be up for something heavier, but you have to eat something. Hang on a sec."

He disappeared as Elphaba slowly sat up and blinked sleep from her eyes, and returned with Jozua, who beamed and squirmed for Elphaba.

"Momma!"

"Hey, sweets," Elphaba smiled, cuddling him and planting a kiss on his cheek.

Fiyero sat on the bed next to her.

"So, here's the plan. I'm going to grab a shower while you eat breakfast, and take Joz with me. Once we're out, I'm going to run you a bath and get us men ready. You get dressed, and we head over to the courthouse. Sound good?"

"Have you eaten?" Elphaba asked.

Fiyero nodded. "I've eaten. Joz has eaten… apparently not enough," he said, watching as Jozua leaned over and grabbed a piece of his mother's toast.

Elphaba laughed. "He's fine. I can share. You thought of everything, I see. Is this something I can expect every morning once we're married?"

Fiyero grinned. "I'll see what I can do."

An hour later found Elphaba taking her dress from the closet. She hoped it would still fit. She felt like she was gaining weight by the minute.

She'd been relatively calm since she woke up, at least compared to how she'd been when Fiyero had found her in the living room that morning.

But as she slipped into her wedding dress, Elphaba's stomach swirled for a moment. The baby nudged her, as though in protest, and Elphaba rubbed the spot gently.

"Sorry, kid. I'm working on it," she murmured.

The dress, thankfully, slipped neatly over her bump and Elphaba exhaled sharply. That was one less thing to worry about.

She brushed her hair out and pulled it back into a half updo. She didn't own any makeup or jewellery, except for a simple silver necklace with an aquamarine pendant that Fiyero had surprised her with after Jozua had been born- the birthstone for March.

Elphaba placed it around her neck and slipped on her shoes. Studying her reflection carefully, Elphaba took a deep breath.

She didn't feel how she thought a bride should feel on her wedding day. Not, of course, that she had any idea what that was supposed to be like.

"Are you ready?" she asked Fiyero, stepping into the living room.

Fiyero turned and a smile Elphaba had never seen before spread over his face as his eyes fell on her.

"Wow," he breathed.

Elphaba blushed.

"You look beautiful," he said softly.

"Well, it fits," she said, gesturing to the dress.

Fiyero moved closer and kissed her gently. "You're beautiful," he repeated.

Elphaba smiled and adjusted his tie slightly. "You're not so bad yourself," she smiled.

The three of them headed to the courthouse, arriving at a quarter to eleven. They were shown to a small room where the ceremony would be held. They'd seen it before, when they'd made the appointment.

It wasn't a very cheerful room, plain walls and bare except for a few chairs. But it was well lit, and they had reasoned that it didn't really matter _where_ they got married, just as long as they did.

As they entered the room, Elphaba came to a sudden halt in the doorway, drawing a sharp breath. The room had been transformed.

There was a flower-covered arch at the front of the room, while cheerful yellow paper lanterns were strung across the room. A length of white material ran down the middle of the room, to create an aisle, Elphaba realised. The chairs had been moved to sit either side of the makeshift aisle.

"Did you do this?" she asked Fiyero, turning to him.

He shook his head dumbly, looking as stunned as she felt. "No."

"That would be us," a voice said.

Elphaba and Fiyero turned to see Kalhey standing there with the wife of one of Fiyero's co-workers.

Kalhey was dressed in a simple purple shift dress, and beaming at them.

"I've been in this room waiting for jury duty," the other woman explained. "I know how depressing it is. Kalhey and I decided you couldn't get married in such a depressing room."

Elphaba was almost speechless.

"You didn't have to do this," she protested weakly. "But thank you. It's- it's beautiful," she said honestly.

Kalhey waved away her thanks.

"It was our pleasure."

The other guests arrived shortly after, and Elphaba and Fiyero were swept up into small talk and accepting everyone's best wishes. Elphaba knew right then and there they'd made the right choice for a small wedding.

Kalhey had taken Jozua away and he was happily running around with Sabella under Alvar's watchful eye.

Fiyero was happily making conversation with the guests, but it didn't escape his notice that Elphaba was saying less the closer it got to eleven. The judge arrived only a minute or two before eleven o'clock. He greeted Elphaba and Fiyero warmly and congratulated them, before confirming they had everything necessary for the ceremony.

Fiyero quickly checked with him about a minor change to the vows, and the judge assured them it was easily done.

"Are we ready to begin?" he asked them.

Elphaba nodded silently, but Fiyero held up a finger.

"Can you just give us a moment, please?" he asked.

The judge nodded and Fiyero led Elphaba out of the room and around the corner.

"Yero?" Elphaba asked hesitantly.

Fiyero turned and took her hands. "How are you doing?"

Elphaba blinked. "I'm ok," she replied automatically.

Fiyero merely raised an eyebrow and Elphaba smiled weakly.

"A little nauseous, but that might be pregnancy related," she reminded him, although neither were convinced of that.

Fiyero drew her gently into his arms and leaned his head down so that his forehead touched hers.

"It's not too late," he murmured.

"I think it's a little late, actually," Elphaba countered. "But I'm ok, Yero."

Fiyero planted a tender kiss on her forehead and Elphaba closed her eyes, concentrating on taking slow, even breaths.

"Fight or flight?" he asked her.

Elphaba opened her eyes and met his gaze.

"Fight," she said firmly.

Then she smiled shakily. "Ten minutes, right?"

Fiyero nodded. "Ten minutes," he agreed.

He pulled away reluctantly and offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

Elphaba slipped her arm into his and nodded determinedly. "Let's go."

As she recited her vows after the judge, Elphaba had a sudden wave of familiarity wash over her, a warmth as though she'd sunk into a deep, warm bath.

In the blink of an eye, she was back in a clearing in the Great Gilikin Forest, thinking no one had ever looked at her the way that Fiyero was looking at her, and being sure this was a dream she would wake up from at any moment.

The emotion was so strong that it took Elphaba's breath away, and she faltered in the middle of her vows. Fiyero frowned slightly in concern, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Elphaba blushed and glanced at the judge, her mind blank.

"In sickness and in health," the judge prodded her.

"In sickness and in health," Elphaba repeated. "To love and to cherish… for as long as you're mine."

Fiyero's gaze didn't leave hers as he echoed the vows.

"I, Fiyero, take you, Elphaba, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; for as long as you're mine."

They exchanged rings, matching simple bands of silver, although Elphaba's was much thinner than Fiyero's. He'd wanted to put in a chip of diamond or other gemstone, to make up for having no engagement ring, but Elphaba had refused.

Even with Elphaba's slightly swollen fingers, the ring fit perfectly.

"With the power vested in me," the judge announced. "I now proclaim you to be husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

It was Elphaba who moved first, closing the distance between them and reaching for him with tears in her eyes. Fiyero didn't even attempt to keep the smile from his face as he kissed her deeply as their few guests applauded.

Once they had signed the marriage certificate, and taken a few photos at Kalhey's insistence, it was off to Kalhey and Alvar's farm for lunch. They quickly found that the house and property was as decorated as the room at the courthouse had been- thanks to the women's decorating efforts.

"It looks amazing," Elphaba said honestly, bouncing Jozua on her hip as he fussed slightly. "Really, Kal. I can't thank you enough for all this."

Kalhey smiled. "It's my pleasure, lovely."

It was a lovely lunch, and Elphaba found she enjoyed the company more than expected. But by the time they got home that afternoon and put Jozua down for a nap, Elphaba found she was more than ready for the day to be over.

"I could do with a nap myself," she said wearily, once she'd changed out of her dress and hung it carefully back in the closet.

Fiyero hadn't been nearly so careful with his suit, merely strewn it on the end of the bed to deal with later.

"Me too," he agreed with a yawn.

He stretched out on the bed and beckoned to her, his eyes already closing.

Elphaba rolled her eyes and hung his suit up herself, and then climbed onto the bed.

"I was thinking," she said.

"Hm?"

She took a breath. "I want to be a Tiggular."

Fiyero opened one eye, squinting at her. "Wasn't that what we did this morning?"

She chuckled. "I mean, I want to change my name."

Fiyero's other eye opened and he lifted his head. "Wait, Tiggular or Thropp-Tiggular?"

"Tiggular," Elphaba replied. "We should change Jozua's, too."

Fiyero sat up slowly. "Are you sure?" he asked gently.

She nodded. "I'm sure. Thropp… I was never good enough to be a Thropp, according to my father. I debated keeping it, because it's _my name,_ but it doesn't mean anything to me in terms of family. Tiggular does," she said simply.

Fiyero could have kissed her. So he did.

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you, too."

Fiyero lay back down and drew her closer to him.

"You good? No nausea?" he asked her.

Elphaba shook her head, and settled herself against his chest. "No," she said, as though realising it for the first time. "I feel good. Tired, but good."

Fiyero smiled and kissed her temple. "Good," he said, closing his eyes once more.

And the clock on the bedside table clocked over another ten minutes as Elphaba and Fiyero both fell asleep, for the first time as man and wife.

 **Chapter Title Song: "The Next Ten Minutes" from** _ **The Last Five Years**_ **the musical**


	26. Little Moments

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**

 **Chapter 26: Little Moments**

 **Counselling Session, February, 1949**

When Elphaba walked into Dr Palloa's office one Wednesday afternoon in February, Fiyero right behind her, the first thing that caught her attention was the papers lying on the coffee table. Usually it was bare, save for a box of tissues.

"Good afternoon," Dr Palloa greeted them.

"Good afternoon," Elphaba said, slowly stepping into the room and over to the couch.

"Would you like something to drink? Tea, coffee, water?"

"Coffee," Elphaba said immediately.

The papers on the table could only mean something that was going to make her head hurt. Coffee could only help.

"Coffee would be great, thanks," Fiyero agreed.

Dr Palloa got them their coffee and then settled in his chair opposite them.

"It's Valentine's Day next week," he began.

Elphaba's eyes narrowed slightly. "It is," she said warily. "Also known as a Monday."

"We don't really do Valentine's Day," Fiyero explained.

Dr Palloa smiled. "I guessed that much," he said, chuckling over Elphaba's answer. "Nevertheless, I thought in light of the occasion, we'd play some games this session."

Elphaba's eyebrow rose. "Games?" she said in distaste.

Fiyero didn't look remarkably impressed either.

"What kind of games?" he asked, placing his coffee cup on the table.

He had horrible visions of having to play at role reversal.

"Nothing too horrendible," Dr Palloa reassured them, chuckling. "Perhaps 'exercises' is a better word. But I'd like to expand on the idea of helping the two of you get to know one another again."

He expected further protest from them. But Fiyero only looked to Elphaba, who sighed and shrugged.

"Alright. Fine. What do we do?"

Dr Palloa smiled. "Very good. The first thing I'd like you both to do, is think of a fun fact. Something that the other doesn't know about you."

Elphaba frowned deeply, while Fiyero looked thoughtful. Dr Palloa just sat back and waited.

"I've got something," Fiyero broke the silence first.

Elphaba turned to him, and was surprised to find him looking oddly sheepish. She wondered if this was going to be something she _wanted_ to know.

"When I was a kid," he began. "Like, about Cale's age, I thought it would be super cool… to be a mail man when I grew up."

There was a moment of awkward silence following his announcement… and then Elphaba snorted. She couldn't help herself.

She descended into a fit of laughter, which Fiyero bore stoically, waiting patiently for her to calm herself. It took longer than he thought was really necessary.

"Are you telling me," Elphaba gasped between giggles. "That when we came here, and you started looking for work, you gave up your lifelong dream of being a _mail man_ to be a carpenter?!"

Fiyero rolled his eyes. "Yes, alright," he said. "Someone has to work at the post office, you know. Deliver the mail. It's a respectable job…"

"Sure," Elphaba agreed, trying to catch her breath. "I'm not saying it isn't. But… _'super cool'?_ Why?"

Fiyero shrugged. "I don't know. I think I thought I'd get to read everyone's letters and stuff."

Elphaba just laughed again.

"Do you have something, Elphaba?" Dr Palloa asked eventually, once she'd calmed down, trying to get them back on track.

Elphaba had been contemplating a few half-thoughts before Fiyero's revelation, but she was unsure what Dr Palloa was asking for and how to respond.

"Well… I can play piano?" she said tentatively.

Fiyero turned so fast he cricked his neck. "You _what?"_ he demanded, rubbing his neck.

"I can play piano. Well, I _could_. I used to. I don't know if I still would be able to," she said practically.

"Your father let you have piano lessons?" Dr Palloa asked, a little surprised, given everything he'd learned about Elphaba's childhood and her father.

"No…" Elphaba answered. "But we had a piano. I just… learned."

Fiyero was staring at her dumbfounded. "You're self-taught," he said in awe.

"Just a few songs," Elphaba waved him off.

"How old were you when you learned?" Dr Palloa asked.

Elphaba bit her lip. "Like… eight? Nine, maybe? It was something my father could tote out at dinner parties, you know? Get me to play something after dinner. Show I wasn't a complete waste of space. ' _She may be green, but look, she can play piano.'_ I hated it."

"Why hadn't you said anything about this before?" Dr Palloa asked her.

"Well, because there wasn't any point. We didn't have a piano, and I knew that if I mentioned I could play, Fiyero would-"

" _We should get a piano!"_ Fiyero interjected vehemently.

"-Say something like that," Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Fiyero, there's no space or money for a piano. And I don't have the time or the inclination to play anymore… and you're not even listening to me, are you? You're trying to think where you can buy a piano," she accused him.

She wasn't entirely wrong.

"Maybe I could _build_ a piano…?" Fiyero mused distantly. "Is it hard?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. " _Yes,"_ she snapped.

She turned to Dr Palloa. "He refuses to be practical," she said flatly.

"Fiyero, I think Elphaba may have a point here," Dr Palloa told him.

Fiyero reluctantly conceded defeat. "I just- I'd like to hear you play," he said to Elphaba apologetically.

"It's been ten years. I doubt I could manage more than a few scales," Elphaba reasoned. "And… I learned, well, because I could. I think I was bored. But then it was something that my father used to his advantage because it was useful to him and his image. Same as everything else in my life. It stopped being anything I really enjoyed."

Fiyero hadn't thought about that perspective.

"I'm sorry, Fae," he said quietly.

She shrugged. "It's fine. And you know now."

It hadn't gone quite the way Dr Palloa had expected, but it hadn't gone terribly either.

"Alright. Well, thank you both for contributing. Next, I'd like you to each take one of these worksheets and a pen."

"Man, I feel like I'm back in school," Fiyero complained as he reached forward.

Elphaba smiled slightly, but said nothing.

"Now," Dr Palloa cleared his throat. "When relationships become difficult, we tend to overlook our partner's best qualities. We forget why we loved them in the first place. This worksheet will help you put focus on the things that initially drew you to one another."

Elphaba bit her lip as she stared at the worksheet. It was divided into four sections, each with a different heading.

 _The qualities that initially attracted me to my partner were:_

 _My favourite memories with my partner have been:_

 _My partner shows me appreciation by:_

 _I value my partner because:_

Each section had three blank lines underneath it.

"I'd like you both to take a few minutes and fill out the sheets. Then, I'd like you to share your answers with one another," the Peacock told them. "If you're feeling a little stuck, there's a list of examples on the back. I'll give you some time."

He watched them furtively as they filled in their sheets. Elphaba's eyes never left her paper, frowning deeply and alternatively chewing on her bottom lip and the end of her pen, as though she were in the middle of an exam. Which, Dr Palloa realised, she quite possibly saw this as.

"Elphaba," he said gently.

Her head rose quickly, her eyes widening.

"This isn't an exam. There's no right or wrong answer," he reminded her.

Elphaba smiled weakly and she nodded, lowering her eyes back to her paper.

Meanwhile, Fiyero was staring distantly at the wall, tapping his pencil against the arm of the couch when he wasn't writing.

It was these moments Dr Palloa was always glad he'd never become a teacher. It would drive him crazy to watch students complete their exams.

"Alright," he said finally, drawing their attention back to him. "Who'd like to go first? Any volunteers?"

Now Fiyero really _did_ feel like he was back in school. He never would have been the first to volunteer in a classroom, but here… well, Elphaba was positively radiating tension.

"I'll go," he offered.

"Excellent. Let's start with the first question. Three qualities that attracted you to Elphaba?"

Fiyero frowned slightly. "It was hard to know where to count from. There was about a month between when we met and when… everything changed."

"That's fine."

"Ok, well. I had boldness, determination and compassion."

Dr Palloa nodded and made a note. "Would you like to expand on any of those? Elphaba, do you have any questions?"

"Bold," Elphaba said, staring at the paper in Fiyero's hand.

"I debated with the wording of that one," Fiyero admitted. "Boldness, fierceness, bravery. Any of them would have worked. And there were a few moments that I could use as an example. But nothing fits better than that day with the Lion Cub."

Fiyero flipped over his sheet to the list of examples on the back.

"' _Boldness- Confidence that what you have to say or do is true, right, and just'._ You never do anything without believing it's for the right reasons," Fiyero told her. "You always have. And you're always right."

Elphaba gave a small smile in return.

"Elphaba? What did you write?"

"Joyfulness, charismatic-"

"Wait," Fiyero interrupted. "You found that attractive?!"

"Well, actually I found that really irritating," Elphaba admitted and Fiyero grinned.

That was more likely.

"But," she added slowly. "The joyful thing… it was more happiness than I'd ever been around. And for a moment, it was _nice_ to have someone be that positive all the time. Until the moment I realised a lot of it was fake. But even then, you were still… annoyingly optimistic."

Fiyero wondered whether she still saw that as an attractive quality.

"And the third quality?" Dr Palloa asked her.

Elphaba paused. "I don't know how to word it," she confessed. "I'm not sure if it can be summed up in a single quality."

"Try and explain it."

Elphaba bit her lip. "That moment when I realised there was more to him that what he showed to the world. I don't think it was a quality, it was just… something in him that I recognised."

She and Fiyero exchanged a glance.

Dr Palloa made another note.

"What about the next section? Fiyero, could you share a favourite moment of your relationship with Elphaba?"

Fiyero cleared his throat, feeling a little awkward. "The first one I thought of… well, it was right after Elphaba turned me human again. It was the first morning we got to wake up in the same bed."

Elphaba's cheeks were flushed slightly as Fiyero turned to her.

"I woke up before you," he recalled. "And I just… lay there for a bit. Watching you sleep. And then you stirred a bit, and moved closer. And I remember thinking ' _This._ This is a perfect moment'."

Elphaba's sheet of paper was resting on her knees, but she didn't so much as glance at it. She'd turned herself to almost sit sideways on the couch, facing Fiyero.

"Do you remember the night," she said. "We'd only just moved into the cottage- we didn't even have any furniture yet. There was just that old mattress on the floor. And that first night, I couldn't sleep."

"I remember," Fiyero said softly.

"You sat with me, and talked to me in Quoxian until I fell asleep."

Fiyero tried to shrug it off. "I was made of straw. I didn't need to sleep. You did."

It had also been the best way to learn the language. Fiyero had learned some as a child (his parents arguing it was a good skill to learn another language) but hadn't really used it in years; while Elphaba had picked up a bit while on the run, but neither had been fluent.

He slowly reached for her hand. "Do you know what I miss the most?"

Elphaba's eyebrow lifted ever so slightly. "If you say what I think you're going to say…" she said warningly.

They'd spoken of many things in this room, and although she knew it was a safe space, she drew the line at discussing their sex life.

Fiyero grinned. "I wasn't going to say that, but you're not wrong."

She chuckled. "Then what?"

"I miss… just being able to look at you and know exactly what you were thinking. There's times now when I get it, but a lot of the time, you're just so far away. And I miss it. I miss you."

Elphaba didn't know what to say to that.

"What makes you work as a couple?" Dr Palloa asked them. "A lot of couples in your circumstances would not have made it ten years. I'm curious as to why you think you have."

"Well, we love each other," Fiyero said immediately.

"And look where that's led us," Elphaba muttered under her breath.

Both Fiyero and Dr Palloa ignored her.

"A person can't survive on bread and butter alone, Fiyero," the Peacock said gently. "No couple gets very far without love in the mix. What else?"

Fiyero frowned thoughtfully. "I think we both know each other better than we do ourselves," he said slowly. "I know for a fact, no one understands me better than Elphaba does."

"Is that true for you too, Elphaba? Does Fiyero know you best?"

"Yes," she said slowly. "He does."

Fiyero's frown deepened. "What's with that face?"

"What face?"

"You look sad," Fiyero noted.

Elphaba shook her head. "I was just thinking."

"About?"

Elphaba faltered. "I always thought," she finally replied. "I've always thought that we worked because- because we complemented one another. That we were different enough to balance out."

"Like a scale?" Fiyero said tentatively, and Elphaba nodded with a faint smile.

"Kind of, yeah."

"OK. And this makes you sad because…?" Fiyero prodded.

The faint smile faded away quickly.

"Because what if that's why we're not working anymore?" she asked fearfully. "What if we're too different? And that's stopped being a good thing?"

"Then the scale is out of balance, and we readjust," Fiyero shrugged.

Exasperation flickered across Elphaba's face, and Fiyero squeezed her hand.

"Listen, I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that I'm not being realistic and it can't be that simple. But I'm telling you that it _is,_ Fae."

"How?"

"Because I _love_ you, Elphaba. There was a time, not that long ago, when I'd see you only braiding your hair or watching the kids sleep, and I'd fall in love with you all over again. And I don't know when or why I stopped. Whether I stopped looking, or I just took you for granted, I don't know. Either way, I'm sorry. But I can _fix_ that."

He looked at her earnestly. "Haven't we been doing better since the New Year?" he asked her.

Elphaba nodded, unable to argue with that.

"This might be a good time to complete the next worksheet," Dr Palloa interrupted quietly.

"But we didn't finish going through the first one," Fiyero reminded him.

Dr Palloa held up a wing. "It's fine, Fiyero. We can come back to it later if there's time."

He reached forward and handed them the next worksheet, one between them.

" _Relationship Building_ ," Fiyero read aloud.

"Couples often fixate on the heavy topics that pull them apart," Dr Palloa explained. "Which means, you forget about the strengths that brought you together in the first place."

Like the first worksheet, it was divided into several sections, each with three blank lines beneath the subheadings.

"I'd like you to work together to complete this worksheet. So, if you look at the first section: ' _As a couple, we're good at.'_ What would you say are the strengths in your relationship?"

Elphaba spoke hesitantly. "I think… we're good at teamwork," she replied, glancing to Fiyero. "Even at our worst, I think we've always worked well together in terms of parenting."

Fiyero nodded in agreement. "I think we've also been good at encouraging one another. Supporting each other with our decisions."

Elphaba thought about everything he'd done to help her open _Chapter Two,_ and agreed.

"And a third?"

"I'm going to say the fact that we love one another is a strength," Fiyero said stubbornly. "Don't look at me like that, Fae. Maybe things aren't perfect right now, but we're here, aren't we? My love for you got me through those two years we were apart. You're not going to convince me that isn't a strength. Not today, not ever."

He stared Elphaba down, daring her to argue with him on that point. Elphaba, however, merely smiled softly.

"OK," she said and reached for her coffee cup.

Fiyero looked surprised, and then smug, pleased with his victory.

"What about weaknesses?" Dr Palloa asked them, gesturing to the next subheading.

"Stubbornness," Elphaba responded without hesitation. There was a dry note to her tone, but her face was solemn. "We both like to be right."

"But we're good at compromising," Fiyero pointed out to her. "Or, we used to be," he amended.

"Nevertheless, let's put it down," Dr Palloa said. "Fiyero, what do you think? A weakness?"

Fiyero grimaced slightly. "I guess, if I've learned anything in these sessions, it's that we're not as good as communicating as I thought," he said, sitting forward and frowning at the ground.

The idea that Elphaba didn't trust him and hadn't confided in him about things, still didn't sit well with him. He hated it.

Elphaba winced slightly.

"I've learned that we stopped prioritising each other," she said quietly. "I don't know how you'd want to word that exactly, but I think that should be the third weakness."

Fiyero nodded in silent agreement, still gazing at the floor.

Dr Palloa simply made a note.

"The third section is about shared values," he said. "Some things that you both value strongly."

Neither Elphaba or Fiyero had to think very hard about their most important value. What mattered most to them.

"Family," they said in unison.

Fiyero lifted his head and looked to his wife, his shoulders easing and a smile flickering across his face.

"Family," he repeated.

He addressed Dr Palloa. "I'm not sure how to word this exactly, but… choice? The way we both grew up… we didn't have a lot of that. We both thought we knew exactly how our lives would turn out. It's important to both of us that our kids have that."

"Do you agree with that, Elphaba?"

Elphaba nodded. "I do. And safety."

Both Peacock and Fiyero looked to her.

"Safety," she repeated. "For the third."

Fiyero thought she was referring to keeping their children safe, and agreed.

"Excellent," Dr Palloa nodded, scribbling away on his pad. "And for the last section, I'd like you to think of a single sentence to explain why you love one another. Take your time. Think carefully."

Fiyero answered first. For him, it was a question he'd asked himself many times during the time Elphaba had been on the run, trying to make sense of his feelings. The answer hadn't changed in a decade.

"I love her-"

"Not to me," Dr Palloa interrupted gently. "Tell Elphaba."

Fiyero turned to Elphaba, reaching for her hands.

"This is going to be longer than a single sentence," he admitted readily and Elphaba chuckled softly.

"Elphaba, I love you because you were the first person to really see me, to see through all my bullshit. Because since that day in the clearing, you made me want to do better. To _be_ better."

"You were the first person to see me too," Elphaba murmured. "To see beyond my skin. You were the first person to put me first. No one had ever done that before. But I don't think the reasons I love you now, are the same as the reasons I fell in love with you ten years ago. And all you've done for the past ten years was try to give me everything I never thought I'd have. Or deserved. That's why I love you."

 **Chapter Title Song: "Little Moments" by Brad Paisley.**

 **AN. Next chapter is our last flashback chapter. And it's a biggie.**

 **I've sometimes comment about how I'll be writing something in a fic, and then something similar happens in real life. And it's happened again- I was literally writing about a royal wedding (you'll see why soon) last night when Prince Harry's engagement was announced. Magic powers? Lol**


	27. As Tears Go By

**DISCLAIMER:** _ **Wicked**_ **isn't my creation or property.**

 **Chapter 27: As Tears Go By**

 **February, 1949**

It was true that Elphaba and Fiyero didn't celebrate Valentine's Day. But what they did celebrate instead, was a date only three days later, that was much more significant to them.

It was a tradition born from their first February together, nine months after they'd left Oz.

Elphaba had been buried in research, already deeply immersed in her search for a way to turn Fiyero back into his human form, and had been less than impressed when Fiyero had dragged her away from the books and scrolls she had been poring over.

"Don't you realise what today is?" he'd asked her.

She'd wrinkled her nose in reply. "Friday?"

"A little more than that, Fae."

"February seventeenth?" she'd guessed. "Yero, I _hate_ guessing games."

In response, Fiyero had reached into the bundle of straw that was now his chest, and pulled out a small cloth toy he'd found at the market a few days before, amidst a bunch of children's toys. A cloth lion.

As Elphaba's eyes fell on it, he watched comprehension dawn on her face, followed quickly by nostalgia and tenderness.

In the years since, the little cloth lion had been a beloved toy to each of their children, one of the first placed alongside them in the cradle. Only when Jiyah had turned three, and focused more of her attention on dolls, did Elphaba quietly reclaim the toy and put it safely away.

"Why do you want to celebrate it?" Elphaba had asked that first year, handling the cloth lion gently with a pained frown. "It didn't exactly end well for the Cub, apparently."

Fiyero had gently wiped his gloved hand over her furrowed brow.

"It's not about the Cub, it's about _us._ It was the day my life changed forever. It was the day _I_ changed forever. I like to remember that moment. Even if I regret not handling it better."

Elphaba couldn't deny that.

It was never a huge occasion, this date. There were no cards or presents exchanged. But it was a day they always took a moment together to reflect on the day that had been a founding moment of their relationship.

This year, the seventeenth fell on a Thursday, meaning the children would spend that night with Fiyero. Or, at least, that had been the plan.

Until Tuesday morning, when Elphaba had been woken at four am to Cale standing by her bed and tearfully informing her that he didn't feel so good, and Elphaba made the discovery that the chicken pox epidemic that had hit town over the weekend had made it to their house.

By seven o'clock that morning, Jiyah was also whining miserably and clinging to Elphaba like a barnacle.

When Fiyero let himself into the house that morning, Elphaba met him before he'd taken more than two steps into the hall.

"You've had the chicken pox, haven't you?"

Fiyero frowned. "Yeah, when I was nine. Why do- oh, no," he groaned, as Jiyah appeared from behind Elphaba's legs, covered in spots.

"Cale too," Elphaba confirmed.

Fiyero grimaced, and squatted down to Jiyah's level. "Hey, Princess," he said gently. "You're not feeling too good, huh?"

"It itches," she whimpered.

"I know," Fiyero said sympathetically. "Can I have a cuddle?" he asked, opening his arms.

Jiyah shook her head and clutched tighter to her mother.

Fiyero sighed and stood up. "Joz?" he asked Elphaba.

"Says he feels fine so far. He may get lucky. Can you take him for a few days? Quarantine him?"

Fiyero nodded. "Sure. You've had chicken pox?" he checked.

"Twice," Elphaba made a face. "I'm fine."

She lifted Jiyah into her arms and beckoned him into the kitchen. Jozua was the only one in the room, inhaling a bowl of cereal.

"Joz, you're going to go stay with Dad for a few days, so you don't get sick," Elphaba informed him.

Jozua merely shrugged. "Ok. Do I still have to go to school?"

"Yes," Fiyero replied before Elphaba could. "Go grab some clothes. I'll be in a sec to help you pack."

"And don't wake your brother," Elphaba called after him as he scampered down from his chair.

"How bad is it?" Fiyero asked her.

Elphaba sighed. "Jiyah doesn't have many spots- at least yet- and she doesn't seem that sick, but she's pretty miserable," she said, which was fairly obvious, as Jiyah had her face buried in Elphaba's neck.

Jiyah had always been a terrible patient, even as a baby. Nessa had been the same way.

"Cale's covered in spots and is pretty sick. He woke me up at four. I finally got him to go back to sleep around dawn. Don't scratch, sweets," she added gently, drawing Jiyah's hand away from her spots.

Managing two sick kids at once was exhausting, but doable. Elphaba was foolish enough to think that Jozua would escape it, and it was a small comfort to think she didn't have to worry about Jozua while dealing with the other two. That comfort only lasted until noon, when Fiyero turned up on the doorstep, with Jozua in tow.

"Quarantine is no longer an option. The school sent for me when they noticed the spots," he greeted Elphaba grimly.

Elphaba closed her eyes for a moment. "Great. Just great," she muttered.

"I feel _fine,"_ Jozua complained.

"Yeah, well, we'll see," Elphaba said, ushering him inside. "Go get into bed."

"I saw Kalhey," Fiyero informed her. "Alvar, Bella and Zakhar all have it too."

"Alvar's never had chicken pox?" Elphaba asked in surprise.

"Nope," Fiyero shook his head with a faint grin. "Kal says he's a worse patient than the kids."

Elphaba chuckled.

"So, I guess I won't be taking the kids this week," he said with a sad smile and Elphaba looked at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry-"

"It's fine, Fae," he waved her off. "It's better not to move them while they're sick. And I learned my lesson with Jiyah last time, she's going to want her Momma."

"You're welcome to stay and help," Elphaba offered.

Fiyero had never been so happy with an invitation to deal with three miserable, itchy, feverish kids.

By Thursday night, Elphaba was too exhausted to really have more than a faint acknowledgment as to the significance of the day.

Jiyah had fared fairly well. She didn't have that many spots, and although unwell, wasn't nearly as sick as she would have you believe. Elphaba's main battle had been trying to stop her from scratching, and prying her away from herself long enough when she was awake to let Elphaba use the bathroom or do anything.

Cale, on the other hand, was too sick to even scratch. He'd managed to get spots on spots in some cases, and was just miserable. The doctor had done a house call, and confirmed that Cale was one of his worse cases he'd seen around town this week, but wasn't particularly alarmed. That was something at least, Elphaba had reflected.

And then there was Jozua. He had plenty of spots- moreso than Jiyah at any rate- but they didn't seem to faze him much, and he didn't feel sick in the least. He was torn between delight at having time off from school, and dismay at not being allowed out of the house. Keeping him amused was Elphaba's biggest issue where her eldest son was concerned.

Fiyero had stopped each morning and to see the kids and offer help, but Elphaba hadn't taken him up on it, beyond asking him to check in on Totit at the store and getting a few groceries for her, trying to contain the virus to the house as much as possible.

"You don't need to spread the virus around at work," she'd said practically.

Fiyero figured his co-workers had been exposed already at this point, but agreed, knowing she had a point. Other than entertaining Jozua some, there wasn't much he could do anyway. Cale and Jiyah were loath to have anyone but their mother with them at the moment.

On Thursday night, Fiyero worked late. They were short staffed with Alvar out sick, and he was trying to catch up. When he finally left the workshop at around eight o'clock, instead of heading to the cottage, he found himself walking in the direction of Elphaba's house.

As he turned down the street, he noticed immediately that the porch light was on, and frowned. He hadn't mentioned to Elphaba that morning that he'd stop by that night, although he figured it wouldn't have surprised him if she'd guessed otherwise.

When he drew close enough, however, he found Elphaba herself sitting on the porch steps, a glass in her hands.

"Hey," he called out, coming to a halt at the gate.

She looked up in surprise. "Hey."

She turned and picked up a bottle sitting beside her. "Wine?"

Fiyero shrugged and opened the gate. "Sure. Where's your coat?" he demanded, coming to sit beside her.

"I'm fine. Just needed some air."

"The kids asleep?"

"I hope so," Elphaba muttered, handing him the wine bottle and her empty glass.

Fiyero chuckled. "How are they?"

"The same since this morning. But I'm so over running oatmeal baths. I've had to tape oven mitts to Jiyah's hands to get her to stop scratching."

Fiyero grimaced and took a sip of wine.

"I forgot how much chicken pox sucks. Can't believe you had it twice."

Elphaba shrugged. "The first time I was Jiyah's age. I don't really remember it."

"The second time?"

"I was fourteen. Nessa got it, and I picked it up while caring for her," she recalled. "She was like Jiyah. Not a lot of spots, not very sick, just whiny. I was sicker than Cale. Almost ended up in hospital because my father didn't notice in time."

She didn't have to connect the dots for Fiyero to piece the picture together. No doubt Frex had been too caught up in Nessa's complaints to realise how ill his eldest daughter was. He really hated that man.

"How?"

"Dehydration," Elphaba answered nonchalantly.

She rolled her eyes at Fiyero's expression, a mixture of concern and anger.

"Fiyero, it was twenty years ago," she reminded him.

"Yeah, well, your father's still an ass," Fiyero muttered.

Elphaba snorted in agreement. "I'll drink to that," she said, and Fiyero handed her back the glass of wine.

They fell silent.

"I had an idea today," Fiyero said.

Elphaba looked to him, quirking an eyebrow slightly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Once the kids are better, we dump them on a sitter, and I'll take you out again."

Elphaba hesitated, and Fiyero grinned, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Nothing fancy, I promise. But something a little better than whatever food we can grab from a grocery store."

Elphaba chuckled and stared out over the darkened garden. "Well… ok," she finally agreed.

Fiyero tried to stifle a grin from spreading over his face, handing her back the wine glass.

"Ok," he said.

Elphaba was silent for a long moment.

"What are you thinking, Fae?"

She let out a long, graceful sigh. "Thirteen years."

Fiyero stilled and she glanced at him. "You didn't think I'd remember?"

He shrugged. "You've been a bit busy the past few days. It would be understandable."

She smiled wryly. "Well, I remembered."

Elphaba took another drink of wine.

"It's always felt like another lifetime ago," she mused. "But this is the first year I feel _old_ when I think back on it."

"We _are_ old," Fiyero said, stifling a yawn. "Why else am I yawning at eight o'clock at night?"

Elphaba snorted.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked her abruptly, his tone sobering.

"Sure."

"You put safety down as a value. In the session last week."

Elphaba nodded.

"At the time, I thought you were talking about keeping us safe. Keeping the kids safe," Fiyero said. "But I've been thinking about it all week. It's been nagging at me, like I've been missing something. Am I?"

Elphaba's pause was heavy.

"Keeping the kids safe… there's nothing more important than that," she said quietly.

"But?"

"But I was thinking about how I always feel safe with you. _Felt_ safe," she corrected herself, and Fiyero winced.

"And when I stopped feeling safe, I-I got scared," she said, her voice thickening.

Fiyero didn't have to ask the moment that she had stopped feeling safe. He knew the moment.

"How do you feel now?" he asked lowly.

Elphaba looked to him. "I feel… tired," she replied. "I have three sick kids inside, two of whom will barely let me out of their sight to use the bathroom."

Her face softened. "I can't handle anything else right now. Not this week," she apologised.

"I know. It's ok," Fiyero comforted her. "I just… I had to ask, didn't I?"

Elphaba smiled, and then tucked her arm through his, and leaned her head against his shoulder.

" _Moooomm!"_

Elphaba groaned quietly, as Jozua's call echoed from within the house.

"Coming, Joz!" she called back softly.

Fiyero always marvelled at a child's ability to take a one syllable word and stretch it into three.

"Want me to go see what he wants?" Fiyero offered.

She shook her head with a smile. "It's fine. But thanks."

When all three kids had finally recovered, Fiyero fully intended to deliver on his promise to take Elphaba out for dinner again. But before that, he surprised her by taking all three kids off her hands for a few days.

"You haven't had any time to yourself for like a week," he shrugged nonchalantly. "And I haven't had much time with them. Thought it was the least I can do."

It was the first time in seven months that Elphaba had happily shipped the children over to Fiyero's care, and relished in the opportunity to have some time for herself.

Kalhey was likewise celebrating her husband and children returning to full health, but she had an additional reason to be happy, at least in her books.

"If they'd been sick any longer, I wouldn't have been able to stop my mother-in-law from coming down to ' _help'_ ," she'd told Elphaba when they'd met for coffee one afternoon.

"And her telling me that I'm doing everything wrong, is very little help. She came to help out when Bella was born, and tried to tell me I was breastfeeding wrong. Me. _A midwife."_

Elphaba laughed. "Then why did you let her come?"

"For the same reason I let her come stay when Zak was born. Because she's their grandmother, and despite everything, she is a fantastic grandmother. She would just prefer I wasn't their mother," Kalhey rolled her eyes.

"She sent three letters in the past week, asking if I needed any help. I finally persuaded her not to come, only by pointing out they were coming for Hanisretan next month and I couldn't _possibly_ ask her to make such a long trip twice in so short a time."

Kalhey took a sip of her coffee and sighed. "Anyway. I've spent the past two weeks stuck in a house with whining children- and my husband, and I'm sick of it. I'm sure you are too. Let's talk about something happier. What's new with you? How's the counselling going?"

Elphaba laughed at the idea of this being a happier subject, but responded nonetheless. "Marriage or individual?"

"Either. Both."

"The marriage side… is fine, I think. Our next appointment is next week. Dr Palloa seems to be focusing on helping us reconnect emotionally."

"Is it working?"

"We're definitely getting along better," Elphaba said readily. "We haven't fought in ages, and if a conversation _does_ start to lead to an argument, I think we're getting better at deescalating it."

"And the individual sessions?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Well, after two months, we're _finally_ finished discussing my childhood, I think. I've got my next appointment on Friday afternoon."

For some reason, she found her individual sessions always left her much more drained than the couple sessions. Perhaps because Fiyero wasn't there to take some of the attention off of her.

It had been arranged that Fiyero would bring the kids home on Saturday night when he picked Elphaba up for dinner. However, Elphaba picked up the kids from Fiyero's on Friday afternoon after her therapy session. Fiyero was surprised, but didn't argue with her about it, figuring she had just missed having them home. Fiyero had asked Mrs Gibbs if she wouldn't mind coming to the house and watching the children while they were gone, and she had readily agreed.

Keeping Fiyero's promise in mind to make this a much more casual affair, Elphaba dressed simply for the evening. Mrs Gibbs arrived at the house at half past six, and Fiyero arrived not long after.

"Why can't we come?" Cale demanded of Fiyero, studying his parents suspiciously.

"It's boring grown up stuff, bud," Fiyero consoled him.

Over the children's heads, Elphaba raised an eyebrow at him. Fiyero shrugged minutely.

"You _always_ say that," Jozua pointed out.

"Well, one day you'll learn I'm telling you the truth," Fiyero replied, nudging him into the living room. "Go. Be good for Mrs Gibbs."

"I'll be home at nine, at the latest," Elphaba told the elder woman, putting on her coat.

"Not to worry, Elphaba. We'll be fine," Mrs Gibbs ushered them out the door with a warm smile.

Elphaba stopped on the porch to adjust her coat and saw Fiyero watching her.

"What?"

"I'm waiting for a comment," he admitted.

"On the 'boring grown up stuff'?" she retorted, a smile tugging at her lips.

Fiyero nodded, bracing himself.

Elphaba only laughed slightly. "I'm sure if we told them the truth, they _would_ find it boring. I'm starving, where do you want to eat?"

Not that Limelle had a lot of dining options, but there were three decent restaurants to choose from, plus the local pub.

" _The Juniper Courtyard?"_ Fiyero suggested.

It would be quieter than the pub, but didn't have an overtly intimate atmosphere.

"Sure," Elphaba agreed.

Once they'd ordered and were waiting for their food to arrive, Elphaba spoke up.

"So, in my session yesterday, I realised something."

Fiyero was more than a little surprised. Elphaba rarely spoke to him about her individual therapy sessions with Dr Palloa, and he hadn't wanted to push her.

"Oh?" he finally replied, at a loss for how to respond.

He'd thought Elphaba had seemed a little quiet yesterday when she'd picked the kids up, but he'd attributed that to her being tired or just the fact she still rarely came to the cottage.

"How's that going?"

Elphaba smiled slightly as she gave the same answer she'd given Kalhey a few days prior. "We're finally done talking about my childhood."

"Well… good. What did you talk about then?"

"Regret."

Fiyero tensed, not sure where this was going.

"Shockingly, I have a long list," Elphaba said dryly, reaching for her glass.

"Sure," Fiyero agreed slowly. "So, what was this realisation you had? Something you regret?"

"I'm not sure if 'regret' is the right word, actually," Elphaba said. "It's more… something I wish I could change, that I'd never really thought of before."

Fiyero frowned. "Ok."

They were interrupted by the arrival of their dinner, but once their water had left them, Elphaba met Fiyero's gaze, her eyes oddly… _sheepish?_

Fiyero's frown deepened. He couldn't be reading her expression right.

"What do you wish you could change?" he asked her.

"I wish I'd finished school," Elphaba confessed somewhat tentatively.

It was safe to say that response had _not_ been what Fiyero had expected to hear.

"You- what?"

"I don't regret what I did," Elphaba said hastily. "I can't. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I'd done nothing. But, I wish that I'd been able to finish my degree."

She picked up her fork and toyed with a carrot on her plate, seemingly oblivious to Fiyero gaping at her.

"Wait," Fiyero said, trying to understand. "How exactly did this come up?"

Elphaba shrugged. "We were talking about school, and then Shiz. It just happened. And, I hadn't really thought about it. Maybe for a moment, when I first left the City, but I got so focused on trying to stay alive and help, there wasn't time to dwell on it. And then we came here, and I had the store and then the kids…"

She finally looked up at him. "You know, for a moment there, at the end… my dorm room felt more like home than I ever had with my father. It was supposed to be my chance to finally have some freedom, to be _more_."

"And then you became more, but in the wrong way," Fiyero realised.

"It wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind," Elphaba agreed ruefully.

She didn't say anymore on the subject as they ate, and although Fiyero had many more questions, he didn't push- at least not while they were in the restaurant.

"I'm assuming the Doc has some kind of theory about this realisation?" he asked her once they'd left.

"Yes," Elphaba replied shortly.

Fiyero looked at her carefully. "And? Do you think he's right?"

Elphaba visibly winced. "I hope not."

"But you're afraid he is?"

Elphaba said nothing.

"Fae, come on. Tell me," he beseeched her.

"It's just another tally for why this is my fault. What's the score now? Five- One or something?" she asked him bitterly.

Fiyero stopped, gently grabbing her arm just above the elbow. "We're not keeping score, Elphaba," he said firmly. "Tell me."

Elphaba looked around the street that they were standing on. "Not here. I should have waited. Brought it up in our next session."

Fiyero shook his head. "No. Look, we agreed communication is a weakness, right? Well, I want to fix that. And if we're going to have any hope, I want to be able to do it without a counsellor or third party around."

He took her hand. "Come with me."

He led her to his cottage, offered her a cup of coffee- which she refused- and seated her firmly on the couch.

"Alright, tell me. Please?"

Elphaba self-consciously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat, averting her gaze.

"His theory," she began quietly. "Is that I'm not being… 'intellectually challenged' I think was the term he used. And as a result, it makes me restless. Unsettled. Or something like that."

Fiyero nodded slowly. "Well… it only took me two days at Shiz to realise you were brilliant," he said lightly.

It didn't seem like a big shock to him.

Frustration crossed Elphaba's face like a shadow. "I love the store," she burst out. "I do. I love running it."

"I know you do," Fiyero said confusedly.

"And I _love_ the kids."

He frowned. "I know. What does that have to do anything? Who's ever doubted that?" he demanded.

She looked up at him with fearful eyes. "Does it make me a bad mother if that's not enough?" she asked him.

Fiyero's eyes widened and he gaped at her.

" _What?!"_ he exclaimed, stunned. "Elphaba, no."

She blinked and her eyes watered, although she desperately tried to blink them away.

"But why? Why is it not enough?" she demanded.

"Because you're brilliant," Fiyero retorted immediately. "Because you're smart and driven, and you can do anything you set your mind to."

Elphaba stifled a sob and Fiyero drew her against his chest without thinking, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"When Glinda first told me about your family," he said quietly. "Told me what kind of life you were supposed to have after Shiz- caring for Nessarose, running your father's household. I remember thinking… what a _waste."_

Elphaba sniffled, her head resting on his shoulder as she tried to stop herself from giving into the desperate sobs building in her chest.

"I remember almost being _glad_ that you were on the run for a moment, because it meant that you weren't going to be stuck in that life."

He gently pulled her back so he could see her face.

"You're a great mom, Fae. The _best._ But being a mother isn't everything that you are, _and that's ok._ It's ok to want more."

"What _more_?" she asked wearily.

Fiyero shrugged. "Whatever you want. You wish you'd finished your degree? Go finish it!" he urged her.

"Quox has universities, you know."

Elphaba chuckled, wiping her eyes. "I'm too old to go back to school. I don't have the time. We don't have the _money_."

"You're not too old. You'd _make_ the time. And we'd find the money. I'm sure you could get scholarships, or take out a loan. There'll be a way, Elphaba. If it's what you want."

"I don't _know_ what I want!" Elphaba exclaimed tiredly. "I hadn't even _thought_ about this until yesterday, and _all_ my energy right now is going into working out what's going to happen with _us_."

She got to her feet and began pacing the room, her limbs trembling slightly.

"It's all I'm thinking about, and I'm going crazy- feeling _horrible_ , because I can't come to a decision."

"Last week, when we were talking about feeling safe," she said. "Do you remember?"

"I remember," Fiyero said quietly.

"I said that I stopped feeling safe, and I got scared," she recited.

Fiyero still winced at the words. "Yeah?"

"I'm still scared," she said hoarsely, facing him.

"Of what?"

"Of letting myself be in love with you again."

Fiyero's chest ached painfully as Elphaba resumed her pacing.

"When I first realised I loved you, I didn't bother being scared. I didn't think I'd ever see you again, so what was the point? And when you found me, it all happened so quickly. Finding you, losing you… fleeing Oz. I didn't have the time to be scared about it, what it all meant. We were just _in_ it."

She wiped away a stray tear and sank back on the couch, on weakened legs that would no longer hold her as it sunk in.

"But now it's a choice," she whispered.

"It's like before the wedding," Fiyero recalled. "You made a choice then. You chose us."

"And I got hurt. And I'm trying to figure out if the little voice in my head that says I chose wrong, is actually right."

Fiyero looked at her gravely. "Do you regret marrying me?"

Elphaba's face softened. "No. Of course not."

"Are you saying… you're done?"

Fiyero's heart was pounding in his chest, the painful ache worsening until he barely dared to breathe.

"No," she said.

Fiyero's hands shook slightly as furious relief coursed through him.

"But I'm saying… I don't know if I'm going to have an answer when the deadline comes up next month. My head is _such_ a mess. It feels like my entire world is teetering on the edge of a cliff right now. Every time I take a step back from the edge, something pushes me forward again."

She moved closer to him and took his hand tentatively.

"I don't _want_ to be done. I _want_ to make a decision, and I want to choose you. But I'm-"

"Scared."

"Terrified."

Silence fell.

"I'm so sorry, Yero," she whispered.

Fiyero shook his head and tightened his grip on her hands, making sure he was looking at her directly.

"I waited two years to find you and to be with you," he reminded her quietly. "I waited five years to marry you. If I have to wait again, until you're sure. Until you're happy, I will. However long it takes, Fae."

Elphaba's eyes burned with tears. She couldn't speak, but she nodded.

Fiyero leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Come on," he said quietly. "I'll walk you home."

He helped her to her feet and on with her coat, and they left the cottage in silence.

 **Chapter Title Song: "As Tears Go By" by The Rolling Stones**

 **AN. Next chapter is probably the biggest of the story, and our final flashback chapter. I'm sure you can guess what that may reveal. Prepare yourselves! (Also, it'll be up on Sunday Australia time)**

 **BTW- there's a glitch with right now and I can't reply to reviews. But I appreciate them all and shall reply when it's fixed.**


	28. Battlefield

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

 **Chapter 28: Battlefield**

 **July, 1948**

According to the radio, it had been the hottest temperature of July in sixteen years. All Elphaba knew, it was hot.

Heat she could cope with. She'd grown up in Munchkinland, after all. But Quox's summers were more humid than Oz, and today had been almost unbearable. Thankfully, the radio had forecast a storm blowing in with the evening to break the heat wave, and from the clouds Elphaba could eye from the living room window, they were right.

Jozua and Cale were currently enjoying a cool bath- and enjoying it was the right word, if the sounds of splashing coming from the bathroom were any indication. She hoped Fiyero was going to be the one cleaning up all the water that she was sure had spilled all over the bathroom floor. The bath had been his suggestion, after even his patience had reached its limit with Jozua's none too subtle hints for a pool.

A cool bath had been a poor consolation in Jozua's eyes, but he seemed ok with the idea now.

Elphaba was sitting on the floor in Jiyah's darkened room beside the bed, trying to coax her daughter to sleep. There was a cold washcloth around Jiyah's neck, and a small motorised fan on the floor with a bowl of ice before it, hoping to coax some cooler air into the room.

Jiyah had been whiny all day with the heat, but was reluctant to go to sleep. She'd been content to let Fiyero read her a story, as usual, but then refused to lie down unless Elphaba sat with her. So here Elphaba sat, watching Jiyah's eyelids slowly grow heavier.

She almost didn't _want_ her to fall asleep, because she knew what would follow. The boys would be asleep perhaps in only another hour, and then it would be her and Fiyero. Left to kill time until they could go to bed themselves. If something- a word, a tone, an action, didn't spark another argument in the meantime. The odds for that had not been in their favour lately.

At length, however, Jiyah's eyes fell shut and her breathing evened out, and a few moments later Elphaba tore herself away and crept from the room.

She could hear Fiyero in the boys' room, talking to them quietly. A quick peek throughout the house revealed dishes from dinner awaiting her in the kitchen, and as predicted, a thoroughly sodden bathroom floor.

Elphaba suppressed a sigh and headed to the kitchen. Perhaps by the time she did the dishes and then said goodnight to the boys, Fiyero might have cleaned the bathroom.

The kitchen window was open, and as Elphaba drained the water from the sink, leaving the dishes to drain, there was a definite cooler breeze gently wafting into the room.

"Are you guys alright?" Elphaba asked, sticking her head into the boys' room.

Cale was reading, while Jozua was playing with a deck of cards.

"Teeth brushed? You've got water?"

"Yes, Mom," Jozua replied hastily.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "Yes? Do I need to check?"

Jozua shook his head and bared his teeth at her in a broad grin. "Nope. See? Minty fresh."

Elphaba chuckled and rolled her eyes, as she moved over to the window to open it slightly.

"There's a bit of a breeze coming through now."

"Is it gonna rain tomorrow?" Cale asked.

"Maybe. I guess we'll see. Come on, guys. Sleep time."

"We should still get a pool," Jozua informed her as he permitted her to kiss him goodnight.

Elphaba sighed. "The suggestion is noted, Jozua."

"That means 'no'," Cale informed his brother.

"Yep," Elphaba confirmed. "Goodnight, guys. Love you."

"You too, Momma," Cale answered as she switched off the light.

Elphaba left the door ajar, and on her way down the hall, paused outside the darkened bathroom. Slowly, she pushed open the door and turned on the light. The floor was dry, the room was clean, and Elphaba felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

It was one less thing that might spark another fight tonight. They'd already argued that morning- somehow a remark about needing to add shampoo to the grocery list, had transformed into a blazing row over whether or not Fiyero pulled his weight with household chores.

"It's not supposed to feel like I have four kids to take care of instead of three," Elphaba had snapped amidst the insults and arguments they'd hurled at one another in whispers as the kids ate breakfast.

That had ended with Fiyero leaving the house to get the needed groceries, with Elphaba fuming for the next hour about whether he'd only gone to get the groceries to prove a point. They'd barely spoken for the rest of the day.

Fiyero was in the living room now, flicking through a magazine on the couch. Elphaba hesitated in the doorway briefly, before settling herself onto the other end of the couch.

"Thank you for cleaning the bathroom," she said finally.

Fiyero didn't even look up from the magazine. "Just _pulling my weight_ ," he replied tightly.

Elphaba sighed, her eyes closing.

"Fiyero… what's happened to us?"

Fiyero was silent for a long time.

"I don't know," he replied finally, lowering the magazine. "But I'm really tired of it."

"Me too," Elphaba agreed quietly.

He tossed the magazine aside and turned to her. "So, maybe we should get away for a bit?" he suggested.

"Get away?" Elphaba repeated uncertainly.

"Yeah. We've been talking about taking a vacation for since Jiyah was born. It hasn't happened. Why not now?" he asked eagerly.

"We've still got plenty of time before the boys start school again, I'm sure Al would give me some time off work. Totit could manage the store, _why not?"_

"I don't know…"

"Even just for a few days. We don't have to go far, just out of Limelle. Preferably beyond Dorbush."

"I don't know," Elphaba said again.

"Why not?" Fiyero demanded impatiently. "That's not an answer, Fae."

"Because I don't think it's really going to matter if we argue here or somewhere else," Elphaba cried. "And we will. We'll end up arguing in some cheap hotel room, with the kids sleeping crammed into another room. You really think _location_ is our problem? We go to Dorbush or Oxwell, and everything is suddenly going to be ok?"

"You just don't want to leave town," Fiyero accused her. "Every time I bring it up, you have some excuse why we can't do it. The kids aren't old enough, or we don't have the money, or the time."

"Those are all valid reasons," Elphaba snapped.

"Maybe at one stage, yeah. But not now. What's the plan, Elphaba? To never leave Limelle for the rest of your life? Eventually the kids are going to notice that, you know. How long until this… paranoia of yours affects them?"

" _Paranoia?!"_ Elphaba repeated incredulously. "Are you _kidding_ me?"

"It's been ten years, Elphaba. No one is looking for us. We are _safe._ I thought we were done hiding."

"Oh my Oz," Elphaba exclaimed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes. "Do you not get it? We will _never_ be done hiding. Never. That's kind of what happens _when you fake your death!_ And the only thing that we know for sure, is that we are safe _here."_

"You always talk about how you hated growing up in Munchkinland. It was too small, too quiet, too simple. It was suffocating," Fiyero reminded her.

"What if the kids end up feeling that way about Limelle? What if they never go further than Dorbush, because that's all they know? I thought the last person you wanted to be like was your father."

Elphaba inhaled sharply, gaping at him in shock. Her vision blurred, Fiyero's words ringing in her ears painfully. She stumbled to her feet and out of the living room, blindly making her way to the kitchen.

The definite cooler breeze flowing through the open window hit her in the face sharply, forcing her to blink and inhale a shuddering breath.

Her chest and throat burned and her breaths came out in wheezes. She sensed more than heard Fiyero enter the room a few moments later, she couldn't hear anything over the sound of blood rushing through her ears and she trembled.

"Don't you dare," she choked out, slowly turning around to face him. "Don't you _dare_ compare me to- to _him._ How _could_ you? How can you even _compare-"_

"I didn't mean it like that," Fiyero said quietly.

"You didn't mean to accuse me of being like my father? Then what exactly _did_ you mean?"

"I only meant that you don't want to pass your fears onto the kids. I know that you don't want screw them up-"

"The way my father screwed me up?" Elphaba cut him off.

"I didn't say that," Fiyero protested.

"But you were thinking it," she accused him. "Like _you're_ so perfect," she spat.

Fiyero's eyes narrowed. "I'm not going to let you twist this against me."

" _Twist_ this? I don't need to twist anything. You compared me to the bastard I have to call a father who _hated_ me from the moment I was born. Name _one_ thing I've done as a parent that comes _close_ to anything he did to me?"

Fiyero said nothing. Because there was nothing to say. Except _"I'm sorry"_ and somewhere along the line in the past few months, they'd stopped saying those words. Because they'd stopped meaning it, or they'd said it so often it no longer held any meaning, Fiyero wasn't sure.

Elphaba brushed past him, going into the laundry and grabbing a basket of clean laundry to fold. She set it down in the dining room and started folding briskly.

Her skin positively twitched when Fiyero appeared in the room behind her.

" _Why_ do you keep following me?" she demanded.

"I thought you might want some help," Fiyero said quietly.

He sat down on the closest chair, watching her.

"I don't need _help,_ Fiyero. I need space!" Elphaba burst out. "Because honestly, right now, I can't even look at you."

Fiyero winced. "I just want to talk to you. Civilly."

Elphaba snorted. "That'd make a nice change, wouldn't it?"

" _Elphaba."_

Her eyes flashed. "Well, what do you want me to say, Fiyero?" she demanded.

"I don't know," he admitted, absentmindedly pulling a leaf from the plant that sat on the centre of the table and shredding it with his fingers. "But honestly, I'd rather you yell at me than give me the silent treatment. Half the time lately, it's like you're not even here when the kids aren't around."

Elphaba grabbed a pair of socks from the basket to fold, shaking her head.

"That's ridiculous."

"It's not," Fiyero argued, sweeping the remnants of the leaf aside. "I don't know what I did, or what you think I've done-"

"You don't know what you did. Meaning that you've done nothing? You're saying this is _my_ fault?" Elphaba still her hands, staring at him.

"No!"

Elphaba threw down the shirt she was holding, running a hand through her sweaty hair.

"It's hot. I'm tired. I'm going to bed," she said flatly.

Fiyero rose to his feet grabbed her arm before she'd gone more than a few steps.

"No. Dammit, Elphaba, stop walking away!" he said angrily. "Can't we just work this out?"

"How can we work it out? I don't even know what the problem is anymore, do you?" she demanded. "How does _every_ conversation become a fight?"

"Every conversation? I don't know. _This_ conversation? I suggested we take a vacation, and you balked," Fiyero retorted.

"Oh, for the love of-"

"I just want _one_ example of something that's happened since we've been in Quox that's suggested we're in danger," Fiyero said.

"Totit found us," Elphaba pointed out, her voice tight.

"Totit would never- you know that."

"But next time it may not be Totit," she said. "We've _discussed_ this, Fiyero. Why can't you take this seriously?"

"I take our safety seriously," Fiyero replied in injured tones. "I take our children's safety seriously. But I think there's a point where you're taking it too far."

Elphaba glared at him. "You know, the brainless act doesn't work anymore, Fiyero."

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?" Fiyero demanded.

"It means that not everything is as simple as you make it out to be. And it's not cute anymore. Would it kill you, just _once,_ to think realistically about something? Stop being so damned optimistic!"

"A little optimism on your part wouldn't kill you," Fiyero snapped back. "Or maybe it would. I swear, sometimes I think you actually _want_ something to go wrong."

Elphaba's eyes widened. "You think I _want_ to be found out?"

"I think you use it as an excuse," Fiyero accused her. "You keep waiting for something to go wrong, because it's _you,_ so of course something _should_ go wrong. And when nothing does, instead of letting it go and letting yourself relax, you just think up more scenarios that could go wrong. It's a never ending fucking cycle."

Elphaba scoffed incredulously, staring at him in disbelief.

"You're saying it's all in my _head_?"

"I'm saying the constant negativity is exhausting, Elphaba," Fiyero shot back. "And I don't need it."

"You don't need it?" Elphaba asked hoarsely.

"No, I don't. You think I don't realise our life isn't perfect? Or that it isn't exactly the life I imagined I'd have at my age? But dammit, I try to make the best of things. I always have. And I feel like you're taking that for granted and pulling all my efforts apart."

Elphaba's vision blurred again, as anger robbed her of breath.

"This isn't the life you imagined?" she said faintly. " _Bullshit._ I'm always expecting the worst? I lived for _two years_ on the run, not knowing every day if I was going to be caught or killed. If I was going to have shelter or food. Expecting the worst kept me _alive._ Kept me free. It was all very well for you, living in the Emerald City with Glinda," she said icily.

"It must have been _really_ hard to ' _make the best of things'_ when you're dining at the Wizard's palace and attending black tie functions," she snarled.

"I was out there looking for you!" Fiyero returned, his voice rising.

"Yeah, in _daylight._ And then the minute it got dark, or cold, or started to rain, you all retreated. I _watched._ I watched a hundred Gale Force patrols do the same thing. They look around and eventually go back to their families and home cooked meals and their warm beds."

"So then I don't know why you don't feel safe in Quox, clearly any Gale Force soldiers couldn't make it this far," Fiyero shot back nastily.

Elphaba regarded him coldly. "If you're so damn unhappy here, you can leave," she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"I'm sure your parents, and Glinda, and all of Oz would welcome you back without hesitation. Just tell them the Wicked Witch of the West put a spell on you, and you can go have the better life you've apparently spent the last ten years _imagining_ instead of this one."

Fiyero flinched as though she'd struck him.

"You know I'd _never_ leave you and the kids," he said firmly. "Never. That's not fair, Elphaba. I didn't mean that, I just meant that I didn't expect this-"

"Well, you know what, Fiyero? I didn't _ask_ you to come with me in the Emerald City that night."

Fiyero scoffed. "You could have stopped me from coming if you'd wanted to."

"You never gave me a chance!" Elphaba cried. "I didn't have a choice. And then it was too late."

"You would have stopped me?" Fiyero asked, almost sarcastically.

"Yes!"

The single word hung in the air like smoke, lingering in the sudden silence as they stared at one another.

Elphaba looked as shocked by her response as Fiyero felt, as his world spun on its axis. Thunder rumbled overheard. The forecast storm had arrived.

"You- you would have stopped me from coming with you?" Fiyero asked croakily.

Elphaba suddenly felt cold. "Do you really think I wanted this life? For you?" she asked in a trembling voice, as rain began to fall heavily.

Fiyero's head ached and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "What life? Our marriage? The _kids?"_

"Looking over your shoulder all the time!"

"No," Fiyero said stubbornly, shaking his head. "Nope. I don't buy it."

"Buy what?" Elphaba replied wearily.

" _This._ This is just you getting scared again. Things get serious, and you get scared. Like before the wedding."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is," he insisted. "Because why else, after _ten years,_ would you bring this up?"

" _You_ were the one who said you were unhappy," Elphaba snapped.

"You _always_ do this," Fiyero spoke over her. "The only one looking over their shoulder, Elphaba, is you. And now I'm wondering if you're just looking for an excuse to run."

A flash of white hot rage surged through Elphaba and as raised her hand to gesture, the heat swept over her, and there was a loud, echoing crash as the plant flew against the wall, the pot shattering.

A painting that hung on the wall fell with the force, glass joining the shards of pottery and soil that now littered the floor and wall.

Elphaba and Fiyero both froze, realising in an instant what had occurred.

"Dad?"

Elphaba spun around so that her back was to the doorway, grabbing another piece of laundry from the basket to look busy. It was one of Jiyah's dresses and she pressed it to her mouth, her shoulders trembling as she inwardly crumpled.

"Hey, Joz," Fiyero said, the light tone sounding false to his own ears. "You alright?"

"The thunder woke me up," Jozua complained. "Can I have some more water?"

Fiyero nodded. "Sure, bud. Come on," he said, quickly leading him away.

He got Jozua his water and then settled him back in bed. He was waiting for Jozua to ask questions, but his son said nothing.

By the time he left the boys' room, the dining room was empty, the mess still on the floor.

Sounds from their bedroom caught Fiyero's ear over the sound of the rain, and he headed down the hall. As he opened the door, he found Elphaba grabbing clothes from the closet, tossing them into one of the suitcases he'd bought two years ago, but they'd yet to use.

"Fae, what are you doing?"

"Leaving," Elphaba said, her voice thick with tears.

Fiyero hastily stepped into the room, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Whoa. Wait. What do you mean _leaving?"_ he demanded, panicked.

Elphaba was crying too hard to speak in more than gasps. "I need- I need to go. If- If Joz had come in _t-two_ seconds earlier-"

She dissolved into broken sobs as Fiyero pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.

"I could have hurt him," she wept. "I need to go."

Fiyero tightened his grip on her.

"You're not going anywhere," he said firmly. "It's late, it's raining… you can't go," he finished in a small voice.

He held her in silence as she wept, although she tried to pull away a few times, which only made him tighten his grip.

It seemed an age before Elphaba's sobs finally subsided, her breaths coming unevenly as she slumped tiredly against Fiyero's chest, trembling.

"Come and sit," Fiyero spoke finally, releasing her slightly to guide her to the bed.

Elphaba obeyed, and Fiyero shoved the suitcase aside to sit next to her.

"I can't do this anymore," she murmured.

"We'll just go to sleep, and talk about this in the morning," Fiyero said soothingly, but she shook her head.

"No! Fiyero, I haven't lost control of my magic in _years,"_ she said, her eyes wide. " _Years._ And I can't… if I ever hurt the kids-"

Fiyero winced, reaching out to brush a lock of her hair back from her face. He knew it. If she ever hurt the kids, she'd never forgive herself.

"I know," he whispered.

"I can't do this anymore," Elphaba repeated.

Panic seized Fiyero's gut.

"So, we have problems," Fiyero exclaimed. "We'll fix it. We'll stop fighting."

Elphaba snorted. "We haven't managed that in months."

"No, but we can't do it," he said determinedly. "We can."

She met his gaze tearfully. "Yero… what if I can't handle another ten minutes?"

Fiyero felt dizzy. It hurt to breathe.

"No. _No,"_ he burst out. "No. Because we said- we said 'for as long as you're mine'. It was in our _vows,_ dammit."

"But am I still yours?" she choked out, fresh tears spilling from her eyes.

Fiyero cupped her face in his hands. "You are _always_ going to be mine. Until the end of time," he told her and then they were both crying.

"What do we do?"

Elphaba was tucked tightly in his arms, her head on his chest. She felt empty and like she wasn't really there. It was still so hot, but Fiyero flatly refused to relinquish his grip on her and she didn't think she had the energy to move anyway.

She heaved a shuddering sigh. "Maybe… I think we need some space," she whispered. "Are you happy? Honestly?"

She couldn't look at him from her position, but maybe it was better that way.

Fiyero was silent, and if it wasn't for the fact she could feel his heart pounding furiously, she might have wondered if he'd fallen asleep.

"No," he admitted.

His response weighed heavily in the room.

"Do you remember the day at the train station?" he asked her.

Elphaba stilled, a slight frown falling over her face. She knew that tone. It was the same tone he used to recount memories to her to soothe her back to sleep after a nightmare. This wasn't a nightmare.

Well, maybe it was. One she couldn't wake up from.

"Yes," she murmured.

"I thought I was going to miss the train," Fiyero continued. "I almost hoped I would miss the train. I wasn't planning on going. Glinda- or Galinda then, I guess- had told me what time your train was leaving, but I told myself I wasn't going to go. Because why would I? We weren't friends, right?"

Elphaba couldn't speak.

"I kept saying to myself ' _don't be stupid. You're not going. She'll be back in a few days, and by then all these feelings will be gone. Everything will go back to normal'._ And then I looked at the clock, and the next thing I knew, I was running out the door."

He sighed.

"I was taking a shortcut through the woods, and I saw the poppies. I don't even remember noticing them when we were in the clearing at the time, but I saw them and I remembered them. And I grabbed them, roots and all, and kept running."

He chuckled ruefully.

"I was supposed to be all cool and collected. I was just going to go, give you the flowers and wish you good luck. Like it was no big deal. And then I saw you, and my brain went blank. Do you remember what you said to me?"

Elphaba shook her head numbly.

"I told you I'd been thinking about the day with the Cub a lot… and you said ' _So do I'._ I had those words on a loop around my head the whole time you were gone, wondering if you'd meant them the say way I did. I'd finally made up my mind to ask you about it when you came back… and then I heard the news. And everything changed. Weirdly enough, my first thought was that I'd never get to ask you. That I'd missed my chance."

He lapsed into silence again.

"I'll move out," he said suddenly.

Elphaba startled. "What? No," she protested, moving so she was able to see his face. "I should-"

"You should stay here. With the kids," Fiyero said firmly.

Elphaba bit her lip anxiously.

"Hey," Fiyero said gently. "You're not going to do anything hurt them. Tonight was a fluke. You'll be fine."

Elphaba nodded slowly.

"I'll move out," Fiyero repeated. "We'll get some breathing space. And we'll work it out, ok?"

"That's not much of a plan," Elphaba whispered.

"We can work it out tomorrow," Fiyero promised her. "Civilly, I promise."

He coaxed her into bed and then crawled in beside her, once he'd moved the suitcase to the floor. At least he'd get to use it once. They were both still dressed, but that didn't seem to matter anymore.

Once they were in bed, he pulled her to him once more. It was the closest he'd felt to her in weeks, if not months.

"I'm sorry," Elphaba spoke softly into the darkness.

"I'm sorry too," Fiyero replied.

But they both knew it was a little late for "sorry".

 **Chapter Title Song:** _ **Battlefield**_ **by Lea Michele**


	29. Waiting on a Sign

**DISCLAIMER: No**

 **Chapter 29: Waiting on a Sign**

 **March, 1949**

Elphaba stared at the calendar which hung on the kitchen wall, tapping a pen against her chin as she mused over the coming month.

Hanisretan and Ekunagle were fast approaching- they fell on the same weekend this year, which was always convenient for inter-faith families. Stores were already selling chocolate goose eggs and had been practically since Lurlinemas, which Elphaba thought was ridiculous. Still, she made a mental note to discuss plans for the holiday with Fiyero when he dropped the kids back soon.

In a little over a week, on the fifteenth, was Jozua's eighth birthday. Six days later, on the twenty-first, would be Elphaba's own thirty-fifth birthday. And the twenty-ninth, which was circled many times in red, was their deadline. The marriage counselling session with Dr Palloa where they would re-evaluate their marriage.

It had been a week since Elphaba and Fiyero's second dinner date and her subsequent confession.

Elphaba hated that she didn't have an answer yet. It reminded her of when Fiyero had proposed, except instead of nausea, she had a constant headache. There was a constant pressure behind her eyes, presenting itself as a throbbing headache that refused to abate. This time, the stakes were so much higher.

Fiyero had promised her then that nothing would change if she couldn't agree to marry him. He couldn't make that same promise to her now.

Elphaba wasn't sleeping. She was up until the small hours of every night, making lists and trying to put her thoughts and feelings into words, in the hope it would lead her to an epiphany.

"You can't force this decision, Elphaba," Dr Palloa told her gently when she'd arrived early for their marriage counselling session.

"If you don't have an answer by the deadline, that's fine. We can re-evaluate. That's really what it's for, I'm not demanding a 'yes' or 'no' from you by then."

"But-"

"When you realised you loved Fiyero, there was no lists were there? You didn't sit down and _decide_ to be in love with him? Likewise, you didn't make the decision to marry him based on lists? There was just a moment when you knew. Right?"

"Right," Elphaba confirmed reluctantly.

"So, I imagine the same will happen here. Just be patient."

Elphaba had never really been good at being patient.

 _One thing at a time,_ Elphaba told herself and turned away from the calendar with a sigh.

First things first, Jozua's birthday. Elphaba found it hard to fathom that her baby was turning eight- and was definitely no longer a baby.

His birthday was on a Tuesday this year, and he was less than enthused at having to go to school on the day, but Elphaba had promised to bake him a cake to share with his classmates, and then his best friend was invited for dinner that night, where he got to pick the menu.

Fiyero was making him soccer goals for the backyard, and Elphaba had picked a few books out for him. All in all, it was business as usual. Elphaba was definitely more relaxed about Jozua's birthday than she had felt at Jiyah's birthday, or even Cale's.

Elphaba and Fiyero had agreed to have dinner at the house, as it had more room than the cottage. Then Fiyero would take the kids back to sleep.

" _Mom!_ We're _home!"_

Elphaba rolled her eyes and turned away from the calendar.

"I can hear that, thank you, Jozua," she said dryly, stepping into the hall.

"Joz, put your bag in your room, not in the middle of the doorway," Fiyero chided their son, ushering Cale and Jiyah through the door.

Jozua heaved a sigh and obeyed, trudging after Cale and Jiyah.

"Hi," Fiyero greeted her.

"Hi," Elphaba replied. "You got a sec?"

Fiyero nodded, slightly wary, and followed her back into the kitchen.

"What's up?"

She pointed to the calendar. "Ekunagle. What do you want to do about it?"

"Oh," Fiyero said in surprise. "I hadn't really thought about it yet."

"It's just, it'll be your weekend with the kids," Elphaba explained. "But I wasn't sure…"

"No. Yeah. I mean, we should do something together, right?" he asked tentatively.

"I saw Kal yesterday. She asked if we wanted to go there for Hanisretan dinner. It's the same weekend."

"All of us?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that would be fun."

Elphaba grimaced. "Alvar's parents are coming to stay that weekend."

Fiyero grinned. "I know. That's why it'll be fun, I want to meet Al's mother."

Elphaba chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"I think we should go. Unless you'd rather not?" Fiyero asked her.

"No," Elphaba said quickly. "No, it'll be fine. We'll be fine," she reassured him. "But Alvar's parents don't know about us…"

Fiyero frowned, unsure whether she was referring to their identities or the marriage status.

"His mother's a pretty devout Unionist, from what Kalhey's said. I don't know where she stands on the idea of… divorce."

Elphaba cringed at the word even as she spoke it. Fiyero winced too.

"Right," Fiyero said in understanding. "Well, we'll deal with it. Right?"

Elphaba forced a smile. "It'll be like every conversation with my father all over again," she replied.

Fiyero gave her a look, but didn't comment on it. His eyes were still on the calendar.

"What about your birthday?"

"What about it? Do you want some tea or coffee or something?" she asked, moving to light the stove and fill the kettle.

"I'm fine, thanks. What do you want to do for your birthday?"

Elphaba shrugged. "It's a Monday. It won't be different than any other Monday."

"Fae-"

"Thirty-five is hardly a milestone year, Fiyero," she reminded him.

Fiyero hesitated. "Should we do dinner or something? I can at least make sure the kids have something for you."

"I don't need anything," Elphaba said simply.

"You did for mine."

She smiled. "Yeah, but you care about your birthday more than I care about mine."

That much was true.

"Look, if you want to help the kids with a card or gift, that's fine," she relented. "But I don't need anything. Are you even listening?" she said impatiently.

"I'm listening," Fiyero replied hastily. "I got it. Limited fuss."

Elphaba looked to him doubtfully.

Fiyero said nothing more of the subject of her birthday, which ordinarily would have made Elphaba suspicious, but she had other things on her mind at the moment.

The morning of Jozua's birthday, Elphaba was awoken by the birthday boy himself jumping onto the bed at half past five in the morning.

"It's my birthday!" he exclaimed as soon as Elphaba opened her eyes.

Elphaba squinted at the clock through the darkness. "Kid, it's also half past five."

"You promised last night we could have pancakes for breakfast," Jozua reminded her.

"Yes. But it's not breakfast time yet. Are Cale and Jiyah still asleep?"

Jozua shrugged. "I think so."

Elphaba sighed and sat up in bed, running a hand through her hair. She studied Jozua carefully. Maybe it was her imagination, but she didn't remember him being so tall yesterday.

"Happy birthday, sweets," she said softly. "Are you too old to hug me yet?"

Jozua considered that carefully.

"No," he said finally, and clambered over to hug Elphaba tightly.

Elphaba wondered how much longer she'd have until the answer was 'yes'.

Fiyero showed up as Elphaba was serving pancakes to the kids a few hours later. Jozua abandoned his pancakes to greet his father, and then peered around him.

"Where is it?" he asked.

"Where's what?" Fiyero replied.

Jozua rolled his eyes. "Dad. Where's my present?"

Fiyero feigned ignorance and looked over his head to Elphaba. "Present? Were we supposed to get him a present?"

Elphaba tried and failed to hide a smile, as Cale and Jiyah giggled. Jozua was not as amused.

" _Dad. Mom._ Seriously. Where is it?"

"Seriously, you'll get it tonight," Elphaba retorted and Jozua pouted.

"Pancakes smell good," Fiyero changed the subject. "Any left, or did the birthday boy eat them all?"

Elphaba motioned to a plate. "You're just in time."

Jozua badgered them all through breakfast trying to guess what he was getting, only stopping when Elphaba warned him that birthday or not, if he didn't go get ready for school he'd get no presents at all.

"How are you feeling?" Fiyero asked her when the kids had left the room.

Elphaba looked up in surprise. "Fine," she said, placing the cake she'd baked into a basket. "You may want to carry that to the school and hand it over to the teacher. I don't trust Joz not to drop it."

Fiyero didn't look convinced.

"Really, I'm fine."

"Ok. Dinner's at six?"

She nodded. "Yep."

Aside from having to reassure Jiyah that there'd be another birthday cake that night, and so she wouldn't miss out for not attending school, it was a morning like any other.

Elphaba worked all day at the store, and on a rare occurrence for a Tuesday, she closed the store at five-thirty and went home.

"Can I have my presents yet?" Jozua demanded, the minute he entered the house.

Elphaba lifted an eyebrow pointedly at him.

"Please?" he asked sheepishly, shooting her a winning smile.

" _This_ close, kid," she warned him, pinching her thumb and forefinger together.

Fiyero had sneaked the finished soccer goals into the backyard that afternoon, and with a glance, they directed Jozua outside.

"Oh, _cool!"_

Jozua immediately bolted over to the goals, Cale and Jiyah trailing behind him.

"You think the bow was overkill?" Fiyero asked Elphaba.

She chuckled. "Possibly. Do you want to supervise or cook dinner?"

"What about the other present? The books and card?"

Jozua barrelled past them back into the house, emerging a moment later with his soccer ball under his arm.

"Thanks, Mom and Dad!" he cried as he passed them.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "We'll give it to him after dinner."

The books weren't received quite as enthusiastically as the goals, but Jozua still thanked them both and carefully stored them on the bookshelf in his bedroom.

"Good birthday?" Elphaba asked him as the kids and Fiyero prepared to head back to the cottage.

Jozua shrugged. "Yeah, it was alright," he said nonchalantly. "Thanks for the books, Mom. And the cake."

Elphaba chuckled. "You're welcome. Be good for your dad, ok? I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

Jozua nodded and then hugged her. "Love you, Mom."

Elphaba kissed the top of his head. "Love you too, sweets."

"Alright," Fiyero announced. "We ready to go, guys? Joz, did you thank Mom?"

"Yep. For the presents and the cake," Jozua nodded.

"Meh, I meant for the whole 'giving you life' thing, but cake's important too," Fiyero grinned, ushering him towards the door.

Jozua stared at him in bewilderment.

"Huh?"

Fiyero rolled his eyes. "Never mind, let's go. Kids, say bye to Momma."

Elphaba waved them out the door and locked it behind them.

"One thing down," she muttered to herself with a sigh.

Elphaba would be lying if she said she hadn't been hoping that something would occur throughout the day to give her an answer about whether she felt ready to give their marriage another chance.

So far, nothing.

"Be patient," she repeated Dr Palloa's words. "Easy for _him_ to say."

All she could hope was that the rest of the month was guaranteed to go this smoothly.

"What kind of sign are you waiting for?" Kalhey asked her. "Aren't you the same person who doesn't believe in Fate?"

Elphaba laughed. She and Kalhey had met for coffee on Friday afternoon, under the pretence of Kalhey preparing Elphaba for Hanisretan dinner the next night, but was really just an excuse to not be there when her in-laws arrived.

"I have three patients due this week, and I'm honestly almost tempted to bribe them to going into labour," she'd sighed to Elphaba when they met up.

Elphaba groaned slightly now, burying her face in her hands.

"You're right, I don't believe in fate," she admitted. "But I'm _desperate._ Because _I'm_ the one holding this up. If I said I was ready, Fiyero would move back in tonight, I know it."

"So, what's holding you back? Why aren't you ready?"

Elphaba scowled into her coffee cup. "Because I'm a chicken. Committing treason, sure. Don't think twice about it. Committing to my husband and my marriage? _That's_ my limit, apparently."

"You're being too hard on yourself," Kalhey said gently. "How is it between you two?"

Elphaba frowned thoughtfully. "We're getting along. And I don't know if _awkward_ is the best way to describe it. There's just that distance between us again. He's trying to give me space and not push me, and I just don't know what to say to him anymore. I don't want to make any promises I can't keep."

Elphaba shook her head. "Anyway. Tell me about tomorrow. Is it just dinner? You're not going to church, are you? And should I bring a lily of the valley?"

Unionists typically exchanged lily of the valley plants as a symbol of happiness.

Kalhey stared at her in surprise and Elphaba shrugged.

"My father and sister were Unionists. I know stuff."

"Right. Well, you can if you want, but don't feel obligated. The only one who's going to care is Alvar's mother. She's the only Unionist I know who still puts out fifty candles. And she refuses to understand why I won't, when I have two children around. You guys all eat goose, yeah?"

Elphaba nodded. "Yeah. I mean, Jiyah's never had it before, so we'll see how that goes, but the boys will be fine."

Unionists believed that many years ago, the Unnamed God sent a Goose to Oz to try and counter all the sorrow of the land. This Goose apparently lived until the age of fifty, instead of the usual life span of twenty four, and word began to spread. The Goose was hunted by a group of men who thought eating him would protect them from sorrow. Unionists choose to believe that the Goose sacrificed himself to bring happiness to Oz, and celebrate his sacrifice each year on Hanisretan.

Lurlinists, however, took the holiday of Ekunagle to commemorate the murder of the Goose, believing it was just an Animal with an unusually long lifespan and had nothing to do with any deity.

The sole connection among traditions of the two holidays was the exchange of chocolate goose eggs. Elphaba found the Unionist tradition of eating goose on Hanisretan a little morbid, and had flatly refused to take part in it growing up. But she'd eat it for Kalhey's sake.

"Is it going to be an issue that Fiyero and I are separated?" Elphaba asked her bluntly.

Kalhey grimaced slightly. "Alvar and I haven't said anything about it, and we won't," she reassured her. "You don't know her, and it's none of her business. But if it should come up, I'm sure she'll have comments. And just know that Alvar and I sincerely apologise for everything."

"I'm not worried," Elphaba smiled faintly. "If you'd met my father, you'd understand why."

On Saturday evening, Elphaba and Fiyero arrived at the Wood farm with the children together. Kalhey met them at the door and led them inside, where Alvar and an older couple were waiting.

"Elphaba, Fiyero, these are my parents, Tibald and Edelin," Alvar introduced them. "And this is Jozua, Cale and Jiyah," he gestured to the children.

Tibald smiled warmly and shook both their hands. He was a tall, thin man who had the same dark colouring as Alvar. Edelin, however, who was shorter than both Kalhey and Elphaba and stouter, only nodded politely.

"Bella and Zak are in his room if you want to go play," Kalhey said warmly.

The kids needed little encouragement to abandon their parents.

"Are you Unionists?" was the first thing Alvar's mother said to Elphaba.

"Mom," Alvar said tiredly, but Elphaba merely smiled.

"Actually, I'm an atheist," she replied brightly.

Edelin's eyes narrowed and Elphaba practically saw Kalhey brace herself and felt sorry for her.

"But I was raised Unionist," she added, and that was some consolation apparently.

"I'm Lurlinist," Fiyero replied quickly the moment Edelin's gaze moved to him, sounding almost apologetic about it.

Elphaba rolled her eyes as Kalhey hastily offered them seats and refreshments.

"You would not have lasted a minute with my father," she muttered to Fiyero.

He glared at her.

Elphaba offered to help Kalhey in the kitchen soon after, and she knew her friend was less than impressed when Edelin followed suit.

"I know what you did."

Elphaba and Kalhey stilled.

"Excuse me?"

"In Oz. Helping those Animals," Edelin continued, watching Elphaba carefully. Then she nodded approvingly.

"It was a good service in the name of the Unnamed God."

Elphaba was very tempted to reply that He had nothing to do with it, but didn't want to make things worse for Kalhey.

"Thank you," she finally replied, unsure what else to say.

"I didn't realise you were _actually_ green," the elderly woman continued nonchalantly. "I thought it was a figure of speech. But I suppose that is a penance for you to bear as the result of a sin committed by your parents."

"Edelin, could I get you to peel some potatoes while I check on the goose?" Kalhey jumped in.

 _Sorry,_ she mouthed to Elphaba when Edelin turned her back, looking mortified.

Elphaba merely shook her head with a small smile. It was nothing she hadn't heard her entire childhood. She just hoped Edelin kept anymore comments along those lines out of earshot of the children. Or Fiyero. Elphaba didn't want to know _what_ he'd do if he'd heard that.

Edelin made a face as though biting into a lemon, but made no comment on Kalhey's intertwined Hanisretan and Ekunagle decorations. The next thing of incident that occurred was when they sat down to dinner, the children at the kitchen table and the adults in the dining room.

"Alvar, will you do the blessing?" his mother asked sweetly. "Or should your father do it?"

"Dad can do it," Alvar replied.

His face told Fiyero he regretted everything about this day. Fiyero felt a moment of joy that he and Elphaba, although they had many problems, dealing with the other's crazy families wasn't one of them.

Alvar's father recited a long prayer that included the quotation of scripture, reminding Elphaba vividly of her childhood and just one of the many reasons why she'd become an atheist in the first place.

Other than that, the meal itself was quite pleasant.

Elphaba and Fiyero were both very conscious of the fact they were trying to act... well, normal. They were at the point now where Elphaba wasn't sure if they were genuinely getting along, or just very good at pretending.

They soon realised Kalhey had not been exaggerating in the least about her mother-in-law, and Elphaba had to nudge Fiyero a few times from reacting too visibly to some of Edelin's comments.

When they finally left, Edelin handed them a lily of the valley plant.

"To plant in your garden," she told Elphaba. "May the Unnamed God bless you and bring you happiness in the coming year."

Elphaba choked out a "thank you" and left.

" _Wow,"_ Fiyero breathed as they began the walk back to the cottage. "Wow."

Jiyah was asleep in his arms and the boys scampered a short way ahead of their parents. Alvar had given the kids chocolate goose eggs after dinner, so they were on a bit of a sugar high.

"Were your father and Nessa this… intense about the religion thing?"

Elphaba shrugged. "Nessa liked to quote scripture- mainly as a way to point out why everything I was doing was wrong. I think for my father it was more about image. I'm pretty sure my father only took it seriously after I was born, in case it was some kind of punishment. And then when Nessa was born… well, clearly it hadn't worked."

Fiyero was silent. "It went well tonight, don't you think? The you and me part, not the religion part," he added hastily off Elphaba's incredulous stare.

That made more sense.

"It did," Elphaba agreed slowly.

"But you didn't get an answer," Fiyero said knowingly.

Elphaba looked to him, startled and he shrugged. "I know you, Fae. You're waiting for something. To either push you off the edge of cliff or back, to borrow your analogy."

Elphaba grimaced.

"Do you think that's stupid?" she asked him.

"No, of course not," Fiyero shook his head. He'd spent his own fair share of time waiting for a sign from the universe.

"But I know that patience isn't your strong suit. And you can't force a sign."

Elphaba made a face. "You sound like Dr Palloa," she muttered.

When they came to the fork where Fiyero and the kids would head to the cottage and Elphaba would continue onto the house alone, Fiyero stopped.

"Fae, I told you. If you need more time, we can have more time. I want you to be really sure about whatever you decide."

"But that's the thing," Elphaba burst out. "It's _my_ decision. Because you're still sure, aren't you?"

"Yes," Fiyero admitted.

He couldn't deny that. And the fact was, Elphaba still wasn't. He just wasn't sure why.

The last time Elphaba had woken up alone on her birthday, it had been her twenty-fourth birthday. Although if memory served her correct, she hadn't actually realised it had been her birthday until about three days afterwards.

She wasn't _dreading_ her birthday, at least not in terms of aging. But even by her standards, she felt rather apathetic towards the occasion this year. And she was willing to admit that it was largely due to Fiyero's absence.

She lay there, staring at the ceiling, expecting Jiyah to scamper into the room at any moment. But by the time her alarm went off, the house was still silent. Elphaba wasn't completely surprised, they'd eaten quite a lot of chocolate while at Fiyero's that weekend, from what Elphaba understood. Getting them to bed last night had been fun.

Elphaba got up and dressed, heading to the kitchen to make herself some coffee. Fifteen minutes later, a noise caught her attention and she looked up to see Cale peering around the doorway.

"Morning, kid," she greeted him. "You're up early."

"You have to wait there," Cale replied.

Elphaba frowned. "What? Why?" she asked in bewilderment.

Cale regarded her solemnly. "Just don't move," he told her and then disappeared.

Elphaba had no idea what was going on, but obeyed. She sat there listening to the sounds of whispers that were now drifting into the room.

"Kids?" she called out. "What are you doing?"

There were more whispers, a giggle, and then the kids hurried into the room, each carrying a piece of paper.

"Happy birthday, Momma!" Jiyah beamed, running over to hug her.

"Happy birthday, Mom," Jozua said through a yawn.

"What's this?" Elphaba asked, taking the piece of paper Cale offered her.

"We made you birthday cards," he explained. "Dad helped us yesterday."

Elphaba was touched. Her usual birthday custom was a gift and card from Fiyero with the kid's name on the card. Homemade birthday cards were something she hadn't expected. And something far better than any gift in her eyes.

"Thank you, guys."

"There's presents too," Jozua informed her. "But you have to wait until tonight for it," he said with a sly smirk in her direction.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Which one do I read first?"

"Mine!" Jiyah insisted, shoving past her brothers and scrambling her way onto Elphaba's lap. "Open mine, Momma!"

"Ok, ok," Elphaba said placatingly, taking Jiyah's card.

The front was decorated with a rainbow of scribbles, with a large wonky _Mom_ spelled out in green crayon (they were working on the handwriting thing), which made Elphaba smile. Jiyah was still convinced that because Elphaba's skin was green, it must be her favourite colour. Elphaba wasn't ready to disillusion her of that idea yet, even if it did mean having to explain why Jiyah couldn't have purple skin (she had been two at the time).

"It's a rainbow, see?" Jiyah beamed up at Elphaba.

Elphaba gently ran a hair through her tangled blonde hair. "I see that, sweets. It's beautiful."

She opened the card and saw a combination of Jiyah's scribbles and words that were obviously written with Fiyero's help.

' _Dear Momma. Happy birthday. You are pretty. Love from, Jiyah.'_

"Thank you, Jiyah. I love it. Alright, who's next? Boys?"

"Cale," Jozua prodded his brother forward.

Cale had drawn what appeared to be a cake with candles on it, with the words 'Happy Birthday' above it.

Cale tucked himself against Elphaba's side as she opened the card, resting his head on her shoulder.

" _To Mom,"_ Elphaba read aloud. " _Happy birthday. You are my favourite mom. I like it when you make us cookies and give us hugs. I love you. Cale."_

Jozua's card didn't have a picture on the front, it just had a large "For Mom" written on the front, and a simple ' _To Mom. Happy Birthday. Love Jozua"_ inside.

"I love them, guys. Thank you," Elphaba said sincerely, hugging them all tightly. "Should we have some breakfast now?"

Fiyero arrived later than usual that morning, and as a result, barely had time to do more than wish Elphaba a happy birthday before he was whisking the kids out the door.

Elphaba was just starting to rinse the breakfast plates when the front door opened and slammed shut and there was the sound of hurried footsteps.

" _Mom?"_

"Kitchen!" Elphaba called back. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

Jozua barrelled into the kitchen and hugged a bewildered Elphaba.

"Happy birthday," he said, looking up at her. "You're a pretty awesome Mom."

Elphaba smiled, even as tears welled up in her eyes. "Pretty awesome, huh?" she asked, her voice thicker than usual.

Jozua nodded seriously. "The best. I just forgot to tell you."

Elphaba's smile widened and she kissed the top of his head.

"Thank you, Joz. I love you." Elphaba nodded and squeezed him lightly. "Alright, well you don't want to be late."

Jozua nodded. "Ok. See you this afternoon."

"Bye, hon."

Jozua left as quickly as he'd come, once again slamming the front door, Elphaba found she was unable to stop herself from smiling. Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible a birthday after all.

 **Chapter Title Song:** _ **Waiting on a Sign**_ **by Ben Harper**

 **AN. I saw _The Man Who Invented Christmas_ last night (starring Dan Stevens, the story of Charles Dickens writing _A Christmas Carol)_ and LOVED it. Of course, those who have read _Sins of the Father_ won't be surprised to hear I love _A Christmas Carol,_ and I love movies that are about the writing process. **


	30. Heart Shaped Wreckage

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

 **AN. The last therapy session... gosh, why does posting this chapter make me want to cry?**

 **Chapter 30: Heart Shaped Wreckage**

 **Counselling Session, March 1949**

This counselling session, Dr Palloa resolved to not take part. He was simply going to sit there, take notes and observe. Elphaba and Fiyero would mediate this session themselves.

The only thing he had done to help facilitate their discussion was to bring out the letters they had each written to one another months ago, and leave them lying on the coffee table in front of them.

"You can read them at whatever point in the session you wish. But you will read them before you leave this room today," Dr Palloa informed them.

They took to this idea with different reactions. Elphaba looked worried, while Fiyero seemed highly sceptical.

" _We're_ mediating ourselves?" he asked.

"I can't always be there to help," Dr Palloa reminded them gently. "I want to see how you go managing to have a difficult discussion by yourselves. The same rules apply- this is a safe space. If you _really_ need it, I'll step in, but I'd prefer not to."

"What do you _want_ us to talk about?" Elphaba questioned.

Dr Palloa smiled at her. "Whatever you want. This session is about you evaluating your separation, remember? Only you'll know if there's questions you still need answered."

This resulted in a good eight minutes of silence as Elphaba and Fiyero looked at one another, each waiting for the other to start the conversation.

"Can I ask you something?" Fiyero asked her, eventually breaking the silence.

Elphaba nodded.

"What's holding you back from making a decision?"

Elphaba chuckled faintly. She'd been asking herself the same question.

"Fear."

"Of what?"

"We have been doing better lately," she acknowledged. "I know now that no matter what happens between us, we can still work together as parents. That we'll both put the kids first. But I worry that we'll fall into old habits again. If you moved back in now, how long would it take before we're fighting over nothing again? I don't want to put us or the kids back into that environment. And there's only so much that we can fix."

Fiyero frowned. "Like what? What can't we fix?"

Elphaba winced and lowered her eyes. "You said that it was exhausting. My negativity. Fiyero, I am _never_ going to be an optimistic person," she told him. "I don't have it in me."

Fiyero winced too. "Fae…" he trailed off and then exhaled deeply. "It doesn't sound like enough to say that I'm sorry. I never should have said that. And you _know_ that I'm an idiot," he stressed, hoping to coax a smile from her.

It didn't work.

"I know that it's hard for you to be positive at times," he said. "And that's something I can work on. To be more patient, and help you see the silver lining."

"You said you don't need it. That this wasn't the life you imagined."

The pain of those words still echoed in her eyes, and Fiyero reached for her hands. He hadn't realised she was still dwelling on the words they'd exchanged that night in the heat of the moment, and he felt incredibly stupid for not thinking about it.

"Elphaba, I'm an _idiot._ The biggest. The worst," Fiyero implored her. "A colossal-"

"Yeah, _ok_ ," Elphaba interrupted exasperatedly. "If you're waiting for me to disagree with you, it's not going to happen."

She brushed her hair back from her face.

"But it wasn't a lie, was it? This isn't the life you imagined?"

Fiyero faltered.

"Don't lie to me Fiyero," Elphaba said quietly. "I need you to tell me the truth."

Fiyero nodded slowly. "Ok," he said heavily. "You're right. It wasn't a lie. At least not a total lie."

He sighed. "Some parts of our life are not how I imagined. I never thought I'd live in a small town. Obviously, the carpenter thing I never saw coming. The fact that after so long, you're still worried about someone finding us, I hate that. That you still have nightmares, I hate. I want you to feel safe and happy."

Elphaba closed her eyes and Fiyero squeezed her hand.

"But what I should have mentioned, is that there are parts that are so much more than I could have ever dreamed. Our kids? Do you think I could ever imagine something as amazing as them?"

Elphaba managed a weak smile.

Fiyero leaned forward and grabbed the letter addressed to Elphaba from the table.

"Read it," he prodded her.

Elphaba bit her lip, took a deep breath and opened the envelope.

Fiyero was torn between watching her face as she read, and trying to peer at the letter himself. He'd written it four months ago, and he'd be lying if he said he remembered clearly what he'd written.

Elphaba's chest ached as she read his words once, twice, then a third time. Lines jumped out at her, hitting her like bricks.

 _I'm afraid to tell you that I miss you. And I do, so much. I think you know this. And I'm pretty sure you miss me too. But I'm afraid that you're trying not to. I'm afraid that you're preparing yourself to walk away._

 _There is a part of you that is just getting ready to leave._

 _If I thought it'd do any good, I would get down on my knees and beg you to let me come home._

 _Please, please, please. Don't give up on us._

 _I don't know how to spend the rest of my life missing you._

"Fae?" Fiyero asked hesitantly.

Elphaba's breaths were shallow, her hands trembling as she held the letter.

"Elphaba?" Fiyero asked worriedly. "What? What is it?"

Unable to speak, Elphaba only handed him her letter. It seemed only fair.

Fiyero wasted no time tearing it open, skimming it frantically. He was sure there must be something in the letter to explain her reaction to his, but although there was a lot in the letter he wanted to address, he wasn't sure what had caused the blood to drain from her face.

He meant to ask her what had caused her dramatic reaction to his letter. But somewhere between his brain and his mouth, the words got lost and what came out instead was,

"Is it love or loved?"

Elphaba frowned, puzzled. "What?" she asked weakly.

"Is it _love_ or _loved?"_ Fiyero repeated, showing her the line she had written four months ago.

 _I loved you. I love you. I don't know what tense I'm supposed to speak in anymore._

There was a frantic note in his tone, which he hoped she didn't notice. She had finished the letter with ' _I do still love you',_ but Fiyero needed to hear it from her lips now.

Elphaba's face softened as she sank back amongst the couch cushions.

"It's love," she whispered. "I love you. You know that."

Fiyero's shoulders eased in relief.

"OK," he breathed. "Ok. Just wanted to make sure."

A flicker of a smile crossed her face. "That's hardly the only hurdle, Fiyero."

"No, but it helps," Fiyero replied, trying to make his tone light. "You said- you said you were scared to let yourself be in love with me. That it was a choice," Fiyero reminded her.

Elphaba nodded.

"But I want to keep loving you," she said. "I don't want to screw us up even more. I don't want to get to the point where we _can't_ fix it."

"So, you'd rather potentially not even _try_?" Fiyero asked her, trying to understand

"No!" Elphaba exclaimed. "I don't know."

She ran her hand over her face tiredly. "I don't want a divorce," she said.

It was perhaps the greatest five words Fiyero had ever heard her say. His heart lifted and his joy and hope must have been obvious on his face, because Elphaba cringed.

"But… I'm not ready yet… I don't trust myself yet," she continued, watching him apprehensively.

Fiyero shook his head and reached for her.

"That's ok," he encouraged her. "I told you, Fae. I'll wait as long as you need."

Elphaba looked a little lost. "But then what do we do now? Where do we go from here? I don't want to stay like this either, I want to move forward."

Fiyero frowned thoughtfully.

"We… we have moved forward," he said finally. "From where we were in September? We have," he insisted, off her doubtful look.

"So the trick is to keep moving forward. We keep doing date nights, we keep communicating. We work out what needs to fixed and we fix it. And I know, I _know,_ it can't be that simple," he said before she could open her mouth.

"But we'll try," he promised her. "If we're both agreed that we're not giving up-"

"We're not," Elphaba agreed quietly.

"-Then we'll find a way to make it work," Fiyero finished. "What else scares you?"

Elphaba considered the question carefully.

"I still don't know what happened. I still don't know what changed so suddenly to make us fight all the time. I don't know what changed over the holidays to make us start getting along better. Do you?"

"No," Fiyero admitted.

"That scares me. If we don't know what happened, how do we know how to stop it from happening again?"

Fiyero hadn't really thought about that.

At a loss, he turned to Dr Palloa.

"Help us out here, Doc?"

Dr Palloa was busy writing. "You're doing well," he replied calmly. "Keep going."

It wasn't a particularly helpful response.

"Any ideas?" Fiyero asked Elphaba.

"I asked the question," she reminded him tiredly.

"Right. Right."

They fell into silence.

Finally, Dr Palloa broke in with some gentle encouragement.

"Why don't you make a list?" he suggested. "Draw up some rules for how to manage your relationship in this next phase?"

Elphaba and Fiyero stared at him for a moment.

"Damn. Maybe it _is_ that simple," Fiyero muttered.

He felt like even _he_ should have thought of that.

Elphaba asked for some paper and pen, which Dr Palloa readily gave her, and then she turned to Fiyero.

"What kind of rules?"

"Weekly date nights," Fiyero replied immediately.

"Weekly?"

"Weekly," Fiyero nodded firmly. "I've been thinking we could trade off. One week for the whole 'getting to know each other', wooing thing; the other for communication stuff."

Elphaba raised an eyebrow, stifling a smile. "Wooing?"

"Are you just going to repeat everything I say?" he asked her.

"Sorry," she apologised. "I just have never heard you say _'wooing'_ before."

Fiyero nodded. "I figure a little wooing can't hurt, right?" he asked hopefully and dared to wink at her.

Elphaba actually laughed.

"One small issue with weekly date nights," she said when she sobered.

"The inevitable arguments when I try and do something fancy?" Fiyero guessed.

"Weekly baby-sitters," Elphaba pointed out. "And _don't_ just say we'll dump the kids on Kalhey and Alvar or Mrs Gibbs. That's not fair."

Fiyero was sure they wouldn't mind, given the cause, but was conscious of Elphaba's complaint that he failed to think realistically.

"Well, I think when we're just talking, we can stay at home. We'll probably have to slip the kids sleeping tablets in order to have a conversation that lasts more than ten minutes-" he acknowledged and Elphaba let slip a smile.

"But we'll manage it. And the weeks when we go out, maybe we can rotate? Kalhey and Al, Mrs Gibbs… Totit?" he suggested.

It wasn't so much an issue of finding baby sitters, it was finding people that Elphaba trusted with the kids, he knew.

But she seemed to agree with his suggestion.

"Alright," Fiyero said, rather pleased with himself. "What else?"

"I want us to remember," she said slowly, picking at her fingernails. "That we won't be able to go back to where we were before all this. Which is something I keep trying to remind myself."

Fiyero grabbed her hand again to stop her. "We can't go back," he agreed. "But we can make it better, can't we?"

"I hope so."

They managed to come up with a few more rules between them. Nothing too complicated, but Elphaba still felt apprehensive about their ability to keep to them.

"I would like to add a rule to your list, if you don't mind," Dr Palloa interjected.

"You're not very good at sitting out of things, are you Doc?" Fiyero asked wryly.

Elphaba shot him a look.

"Go ahead," she said to the Peacock.

"I want you to make a promise to one another right now. Because you're both right. You can't go back to where you were, but you can go forward and make your relationship better. The only way to truly do that, however, is to let go of the past."

"Let it go? You mean, forget about it?" Fiyero asked.

"I mean, forgive yourselves. You both hurt one another, you both said things. I don't want you to dwell on that, or to apologise for it anymore. Just focus on what you've learned from the past year, and how you can improve on that."

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance.

"It's a good point," Fiyero said. "But I need to ask one thing first."

He turned to Elphaba. "Would you really have stopped me from coming with you that night?"

"Fiyero, you ended up living as a Scarecrow for nearly two years," Elphaba reminded him in a pained voice. "Everyone thinks you're a traitor, and that you're dead. You can't honestly tell me that you wouldn't change that if you could."

"I wouldn't change anything that's happened to us," Fiyero replied immediately. "Not even this past year, which has been one of the worst of my entire life."

" _One_ of the worst?"

Elphaba was fairly certain it was absolutely the worst of her life.

He shrugged. "It's still better than when you were on the run. At least I know where you are and that you're ok," he told her.

"And you'd change nothing?"

Fiyero shook his head. "Nope. I'm not saying I _loved_ being made of straw," he conceded. "But I know that it meant that you loved me so much that you couldn't live without me. And we'd only been together for a few hours," he reminded her.

"And I know that you knew I'd do anything to protect you and to keep you safe," he continued, frowning slightly. "I don't know what happened to us, Fae. I wish I did, and I wish I could guarantee that we won't ever fight again."

They both knew that wasn't ever going to happen.

"If this was something we had to go through to make us stronger, then I wouldn't change it."

Elphaba didn't know what to say in response to that. She couldn't say she agreed with him, but he'd given her a lot to think about.

"Now, there is a decision you have to make," Dr Palloa said.

"About our marriage?" Elphaba asked, stricken. "You said we were just re-evaluating."

"Not about your marriage," Dr Palloa reassured her gently. "You have a made a decision, Elphaba. A decision to take more time. It's a perfectly valid decision, and dare I say, a brave one."

He chuckled at the scepticism that flickered in her eyes at that comment. Elphaba certainly didn't feel brave.

"The decision you need to make is about these sessions," Dr Palloa addressed them. "Elphaba, you've made excellent progress in our individual therapy sessions, and I'd like to continue them if you're open to it. But it's up to the two of you if you'd like to continue these couples counselling sessions."

"Do you think we're ready to stop?" Fiyero asked, visibly surprised.

"I can't make that decision," Dr Palloa shook his head. "You made the decision to start counselling together, and only you'll know when you're ready to stop. You can stop, or change to a monthly appointment, or continue with our present arrangement. It's up to you."

Fiyero looked to Elphaba. "What do you think, Fae?'

Elphaba was thoughtful. "Maybe we should make it monthly," she said slowly. "I don't think we're ready to stop yet, but I think we need to start trying to work things out on our own. Is that ok?"

Considering how reluctant she'd been to do counselling in the first place, Fiyero was surprised she was keen to continue, but not complaining.

"That's fine," he reassured her. "I think you're right."

At the end of the session, they made an appointment for a month from now and left.

"I feel like nothing's changed," Elphaba said as they stood outside.

"Fae, everything's changed," Fiyero replied.

"How? I don't have an answer."

"Maybe not a definite answer," Fiyero allowed. "But I know now that when an answer comes now, it's a matter of 'when' and not 'if'. And I can live with that."

"You can?"

"I've had so many 'ifs' with you," he told her solemnly as they slowly headed down the street. "It was a matter of _if_ I'd find you; _if_ you'd be able to turn me back; _if_ you'd agree to marry me. It's nice to have a 'when' for once."

Elphaba was silent. Fiyero assumed she was processing his words.

" _If_ I turned you back?" she finally asked.

Fiyero laughed. "Of _course_ that's what you took from that," he said, rolling his eyes.

Elphaba glared at him.

Maybe they weren't yet at the point where they could be sarcastic with one another again.

"Elphaba, it wasn't your _ability_ I doubted. It was whether there was anything strong enough to stick over the Grimmerie," Fiyero explained. "I had every confidence in you, but sometimes, I did wonder if it would ever happen."

He shrugged. "Hey, I had no need to sleep, and there is not a lot to do around here," he reminded her.

Elphaba smiled reluctantly.

"I didn't get a chance to ask in there. Have you thought anymore about the whole restless, finishing school thing?"

Elphaba shook her head. "No. Not really."

"But will you?" he pressed her.

Elphaba hesitated, and then sighed. "Yes, I'll think about it."

Fiyero would take that answer for now.

"I'll see you later?" she asked him, as they came to the place where they'd part.

Fiyero nodded. "Yeah. See you later."

Elphaba went and picked up the kids from Mrs Gibbs' and took them home. After they were eventually all in bed and sleeping, Elphaba locked up the house and retreated to bed. She had the next novel they had to read for book club, and was going through it making notes and points of discussion.

"Mom?"

Elphaba lifted her head sharply, seeing Jozua in the open doorway. "Are you ok, hon? What are you doing up?"

The last thing she needed right now was for one of the kids to get sick again.

Jozua merely shrugged. "I woke up and I can't go back to sleep," he complained.

Elphaba glanced at the clock, it was after eleven. Usually Jozua was the soundest sleeper of all the kids, so if he was having trouble sleeping, something was up.

She put the book down and beckoned. "Come sit with me for a bit, kid."

Jozua climbed onto the bed beside her and nestled himself under the covers. Elphaba immediately reached out to check him for a fever.

"Do you feel ok?"

Jozua nodded. "Yep."

Elphaba frowned slightly, but nodded. "OK. Close your eyes and try to get some sleep," she said gently.

Jozua nodded and made himself comfortable.

Elphaba went back to her book, keeping an eye on Jozua from the corner of her eye.

"Mom?" he said quietly a few minutes later.

"Yes, Joz?" Elphaba asked patiently.

"Is Dad going to come home?"

Elphaba stilled. She'd expected a request for a glass of water, or something to eat, but not this.

She placed her bookmark on the page and closed the book, placing it aside on the nightstand as she turned to face her son, who was watching her solemnly.

"You miss your dad, huh?"

Jozua shrugged slightly. "We still see him, like, _all_ the time," he reminded her. "Do you miss Dad?"

Elphaba sighed softly. "Yeah, kid. I do."

"Is he going to come home?" Jozua repeated.

Elphaba faltered. She didn't want to lie, but she didn't think "eventually" was a good answer. "Soon" would only lead to more questions.

"I hope so," she replied vaguely.

Judging from Jozua's face, that wasn't a good answer either.

"Kid, it's complicated."

"But you don't seem as sad anymore," Jozua argued. "Isn't that why Dad moved out? Because you were sad? Are you still sad?"

"Is that what this is about? You can't sleep because you're worried that Dad and I are sad?" Elphaba asked him and he gave a small nod.

Elphaba's heart melted and she reached out her arms to hug him tightly.

"Listen to me, kid," she said gently. "No matter what happens with your Dad and I, we're never going to be really sad. Because we have you, Cale and Jiyah, and you guys make us _so_ happy."

She sighed. "Joz… Dad and I are really working to make sure we do what's best for our family. And, I can't tell you when, but I- I do think Dad is going to come home. When it's the right time. Ok?"

Elphaba inwardly kicked herself even as the words were coming out of her mouth; not at all sure that she was saying the right thing. The books she had read over the past few months had plenty of advice about answering this question from your kids after a divorce, but not during a separation you knew would (eventually) end positively.

Jozua, however, seemed content with that response. He nodded, but didn't move away. Elphaba chose not to push that, sure that she had a limited time before he'd be too old to cuddle with her like this. So, she merely laid her cheek against the top of his head.

She couldn't help but note that it appeared Jozua was getting more like his father the older he got.

"Do you think you can get to sleep now, kid?" she asked him quietly after a few moments.

There was no response, and when Elphaba glanced down, she saw he was sound asleep.

Elphaba sighed. "Of course," she muttered, and then gently eased him onto the empty side of the bed.

She could have woken him and sent him back to bed, but she didn't have the heart for it right now.

He didn't stir, and Elphaba shut off the light and settled down to go to sleep herself.

She still wasn't sure if she'd said the right thing to Jozua, but he seemed reassured, if the little snores coming from him were any indication. And it hadn't been a lie; she reasoned with herself, Fiyero would come home. She was resolved on that.

She didn't agree with Fiyero that she wouldn't change anything. It was easier to say what she _wouldn't_ change, rather than list everything she wished she could redo. But Elphaba had learned early on that you couldn't wind back the clock- learned it the hard way.

But Elphaba knew Dr Palloa was right. Before she'd be ready to welcome Fiyero home, they had to let go of the past. Only then could they be better, stronger. Ready to move forward. Elphaba was determined not to rush this. She owed the kids that. She owed Fiyero that.

Elphaba's final conscious thought was that Fiyero was right. It was nice, for once, to know the answer was not _if_ but _when._

 **Chapter Title Song:** _ **Heart Shaped Wreckage**_ **by Katharine McPhee and Jeremy Jordan from** _ **Smash.**_

 **AN. If I'm really lucky, we'll get to 250 REVIEWS this chapter. I can't believe it, and I'm so grateful to you all. I could go on so much about this story and what it meant for me to post it, but I won't. We do still have one more chapter to go!**

 **It'll be up on Sunday or Monday sometime- I'm off to Melbourne this weekend, so it'll depend how I'm feeling when I get home on Sunday to whether I post it then or not.**

 **What should reviewer 250 get as a reward?**


	31. Once in a Lifetime

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

 **Chapter 31: Once in a Lifetime**

 **July, 1949**

Pendle Vale was a small city, about six hours' drive east of Limelle. Nestled in a valley along green hills, it was smaller than Dorbush, and had a reputation for being a fairly quiet city. For that reason, it was especially popular with retirees, and had a large Animal population.

It had been to Pendle Vale that Elphaba and Fiyero had been heading when they found Limelle, intending to make their home there. They'd chosen it because Elphaba had known of the Animal community and that they'd be safe there. In the ten years since they'd come to Limelle, however, they had never actually gotten there.

Until now.

Elphaba sat in the hired wagon, her stomach churning anxiously. Jiyah leaned into her tiredly as she sat on her lap, and the boys squabbled lightly behind her. She was too consumed with her own thoughts to bother intervening.

The wagon approached the hotel and came to a stop.

"How are you doing?" Fiyero asked her, glancing at her.

"Fine," Elphaba replied shortly.

It was a lie, and they both knew it, but Fiyero didn't call her in it. Instead, he merely climbed down and went to go check them in, leaving Elphaba to deal with the kids.

Elphaba was finally going on her first vacation.

Despite her anxiety and apparent lack of enthusiasm, it had actually been her- somewhat tentative- idea.

She and Fiyero were still living separately, but both working hard together to make a stronger marriage for themselves. As they'd found themselves approaching the one year mark since the night it had all come to a head, Elphaba had found herself reflecting on the argument that had almost ended everything.

Some days, letting go of the past and forgiving herself was a work in progress.

"Maybe we should try a vacation," she said slowly, in their monthly counselling session in the middle of June.

Fiyero had merely gaped at her in response.

" _Words,_ Fiyero," she said irritably. "Use them."

Fiyero cringed. "Sorry," he said. "I just, I'm surprised," he said honestly.

"Yeah, well," Elphaba replied uncomfortably. "I'm trying here, ok? This was your idea."

"I know," Fiyero replied. "But I don't want to push you."

"You were right though. I can't spend the rest of my life in Limelle," Elphaba said, although her face seemed to suggest as though it was not as bad an idea as her words implied.

Fiyero grinned at her. "The kids are going to be so excited," he told her.

Elphaba smiled weakly.

"Don't worry, Fae. I'll take care of everything," he promised.

After much discussion, they'd chosen Pendle Vale as their location ("We know it's safe, because we were going there anyway; and it's just far enough so a carriage ride there with the kids won't make us suicidal," Fiyero had reasoned), and decided they'd only go for a long weekend.

Elphaba's nerves couldn't take much more than that. Not yet.

Fiyero had made all the arrangements- renting the carriage and finding the accommodation. All Elphaba had had to do was help the kids pack and ensure Totit could manage the store for a few days. Of course, Totit hadn't hesitated.

"Of course you should take a vacation!" she'd exclaimed, when Elphaba broached the subject with her.

"I can manage everything."

"We'd leave on the Friday and come back on the Monday," Elphaba replied. "So it'd only be two and a half days of business to worry about."

"Elphaba, everything will be fine," Totit reassured her. "How long have I worked here now? I know how everything works."

Elphaba smiled. "Ok," she nodded.

Fiyero had booked them a two bedroom suite. The kids would share one room, Elphaba would take the other, and he'd sleep on the couch in the small living area.

That had almost been an argument, but Fiyero had put his foot down and insisted she take the other bedroom.

"Your back is not going to thank you for spending three nights sleeping on a couch," Elphaba pointed out resignedly, even as she took her suitcase into the bedroom.

"My back will be fine," Fiyero replied.

He was definitely lying, and they both knew it, but Elphaba was learning to recognise when to give up on an issue.

It wasn't a terribly fancy hotel- they couldn't afford that- but it was safe, clean and family friendly. And the suite was comfortable enough, there was even a small balcony off the living area, and their room overlooked the hills that surrounded the town.

The kids were excitedly poring over every inch of the suite. That alone was enough to make Elphaba feel like she'd made the right decision. Seeing their excitement and wonder at seeing a new town, Elphaba was reminded vividly of how she'd felt when she and Glinda had first seen the Emerald City.

It ached slightly to think about Glinda and how long ago that day seemed, and everything that had changed and been lost since then, but it was no longer painful.

"What should we do now?" Elphaba asked Fiyero once they'd settled in somewhat.

He checked his watch. It was late in the afternoon, but too early for dinner.

"We could go for a walk around town?" he suggested. "See what's here? Eventually get some dinner and hopefully tire the kids out?"

Elphaba chuckled and agreed.

Pendle Vale had a population of nearly ten thousand people, over half of that being Animals. The town was mostly known for its agriculture industry, specifically its production of dairy. As Elphaba had said, "it's basically Munchkinland in a valley."

It wasn't a big tourism town, which was another reason Elphaba and Fiyero had picked it, but there was a few things they thought would easily amuse the kids throughout their stay.

Elphaba was noticeably tense as they went for a short walk to explore the immediate surroundings of the hotel. Fiyero said nothing, but watched her as carefully as he did the kids. And gradually, as people and Animals passed them with little more than a polite smile, her shoulders began to ease slightly.

"It's going to be ok," he murmured to her.

She nodded wordlessly.

Typically, the kids took an age to settle and go to sleep that night, too wired after a long carriage ride and the prospect of being somewhere new. But eventually, they all succumbed to sleep, and Fiyero, who had lost the coin toss (literally) at who had to deal with them, was free to join Elphaba.

She was sitting out on the balcony, staring distantly over the town.

"What are you thinking about?" Fiyero asked, easing down beside her with a bottle of water.

Elphaba had her feet resting on the chair, her knees drawn up to her chin.

"Wondering if we would have made a home here if we hadn't found Limelle. If things would be any different if we had."

Fiyero nodded thoughtfully. He didn't have an answer.

"It's nice here," he remarked. "Cooler than Limelle."

"It's the hills," Elphaba responded.

Fiyero took a drink of his water. "Right. Sounds like something I learned in school."

Elphaba snorted lightly.

"Hey, speaking of-"

Elphaba cut him off with a groan. "No! I have not yet made any decisions about going back to school or any other means of being intellectually challenged. Fiyero, you ask me every week. It's not helping."

"I'm just curious," Fiyero defended himself. "I still think it's a good idea… and if you'd completed your admission forms before the summer, you could have been starting in the fall…"

He trailed off as Elphaba glared at him.

"Ok, ok."

In truth, asking about whether she'd go back to school seemed a better idea than asking her each week if he could come home yet. This was the question he was trying really hard not to ask her every day. He was still determined not to push her.

They fell silent again, but it was a comfortable silence.

"It'd be nice to live here," Fiyero eventually commented. "But I'm glad we're in Limelle."

Elphaba smiled faintly. "Me too."

"It's so _green_ here," Fiyero remarked. "The only place I've ever seen this green before is the Emerald City."

Elphaba had to agree, but it wasn't the green she was marvelling at.

"It's so still," Elphaba replied softly. "I've never seen anywhere this peaceful."

The whole town- or what they'd seen of it thus far- had a comforting feel to it. It was easy to see why so many Animals had made Pendle Vale their home in Quox.

"It's nice," Fiyero agreed, when she said as much. "What do you want to do tomorrow?"

Elphaba shrugged. "There's a town museum we walked past earlier. We could take the kids there," she suggested.

Fiyero made a face and she laughed.

"We don't exactly have a lot of options," she pointed out. "And isn't anything better than keeping them cooped up in the hotel room?"

Fiyero couldn't argue with her there.

"Museum it is," he nodded, and then stifled a yawn.

"I'm going to go to bed," Elphaba said. "Are you sure you want to sleep-"

"I'll be fine on the couch," Fiyero reassured her.

"Ok, then. Goodnight."

"Night," Fiyero replied.

As Elphaba walked past him to go back inside, Fiyero reached out and grabbed her hand. "Hey, Fae?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Elphaba smiled slightly. "Love you too."

Fiyero went to bed not long after, settling himself on the couch with a pillow and a blanket, although he didn't find it easy to fall asleep.

This was the first time he'd gone to bed in the same place as Elphaba since last October, the night Jiyah had fallen ill. That night had been awkward. Tonight just made him wistful for what once was.

They'd made definite strides forward in the past few months, but it wasn't the same.

In an early counselling session, Fiyero had referred to Elphaba as his best friend. He'd thought nothing of it, and didn't think Elphaba had even noticed it. And then one date night in April, as they sat talking quietly Elphaba had turned to him.

"Am I really your best friend?"

Fiyero was surprised. "What?"

"Months ago, you said I was your best friend. Is that true?"

"Well, yeah. Who else would it be?"

She'd shrugged. "Alvar? We were never really friends," she pointed out. "It's hard for me to think of us as friends, let alone best friends."

Fiyero had frowned thoughtfully. "Well… maybe that's something else we can work on," he replied finally.

Once they'd started developing a friendship, as Fiyero waited patiently (or not so patiently, as the case may be) for Elphaba to take steps forward in their romantic relationship; they'd found it did go a long way in helping them become more comfortable around one another.

In a way, it had been nice to strip everything back and build a friendship as a foundation for their stronger romantic relationship.

Fiyero didn't have the most restful night sleeping on the couch, not that he'd admit that to Elphaba. Jiyah woke at dawn, which gave him the excuse to be up early, and then the morning started with a bang.

Jiyah was thrilled that she hadn't had an accident the night before, but when she demanded a stamp and Fiyero reminded her that her stamp chart was back home, she had a meltdown that only Elphaba could deal with.

"See, it's just like we're at home," Fiyero said to Elphaba brightly over Jiyah's sobs and she rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure our neighbours are thrilled," she retorted, nodding towards the next room.

Fiyero laughed and went to make sure the boys were getting dressed.

They had breakfast down the road from their hotel, and then spent the morning exploring the local museum, much to Jozua's dismay.

"It's like _learning,_ when we're not even at school!" he complained.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say he wasn't your son," Elphaba deadpanned to Fiyero.

"You're freakin' hilarious," Fiyero muttered to her and she grinned.

Cale was looking around in interest at the artefacts on display, while Jiyah had found that the museum made a wonderful performing space and had barely glanced at any of the artefacts since.

"Joz, come here," Elphaba called Jozua over to an exhibit she was standing at. "Come look at this."

Jozua dragged himself over to her with a sigh that put every moody high school girl Fiyero had ever known to shame. It suddenly made him dread Jozua's teenage years more than he'd ever dreaded Jiyah's. (Which was a lot. From the moment she'd been born and Kalhey had announced "it's a girl!")

Fiyero was called over to look at something by Cale, and he listened attentively while holding Jiyah's hand, who was more interested in dancing around than looking at anything in the museum. Even as he did though, he was watching Elphaba and Jozua.

She seemed to be explaining something to him about the exhibit, and Fiyero stifled a grin as he saw reluctant interest flicker on his son's face.

The museum wasn't overly full, it was too nice a day for that, so they had it pretty much to themselves. Cale soon joined Elphaba and Jozua looking at the exhibits, leaving Fiyero to supervise Jiyah.

"Your daughter is adorable," an elder woman said to him as she and her husband passed.

Fiyero glanced down at Jiyah, who had let go of his hand and was dancing along to music only she could hear.

"Well, she thinks so," he grinned at the couple.

He decided not to mention Jiyah's decidedly not-adorable meltdown that morning.

When they finally left the museum, they continued down the street, trying to decide what to do next.

"Hey, there's a park!" Cale pointed out.

"Mom, Dad, can we go play?" Jozua asked immediately.

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged a glance and agreed.

While the kids ran off, Elphaba sat down on a bench nearby to watch. Fiyero joined her, looking around.

"There's going to be somewhere that sells ice cream here, right?" he asked her.

Elphaba gave him a look.

"What? I'm hungry. It's hot."

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "We can get ice cream after lunch. What do you want to do this afternoon?"

As they were discussing suggestions, a tentative voice interrupted them.

"Excuse me? Elphaba?"

Elphaba tensed immediately, her face paling as she slowly turned her head. Fiyero's head was a whirlwind of panicked curses and escape plans, while a little voice whispered, _Elphaba was right._

As they turned, they saw who had spoken. Approaching them apprehensively was an Elephant.

That made Fiyero relax, at least. He didn't know her, and from the look on Elphaba's face, she wasn't familiar to her either.

"Yes?" Elphaba managed to reply.

The Elephant looked relieved. "Hi. You probably don't remember me, but you rescued me from a camp near Mount Runcible about twelve years ago. My name's Ibha," she introduced herself.

Elphaba's brow was furrowed slightly as she thought back. "You were pregnant," she finally said slowly and Ibha smiled.

"Yes, I was," she nodded.

Elphaba's shoulders eased slightly.

"I heard you were living in Quox now, but I didn't know where," Ibha continued. "And when I saw you, I just knew I had to come and thank you. For rescuing me, I mean."

Elphaba's face flushed slightly. "It was really nothing," she tried to brush it off.

"It was," Ibha insisted. "If it wasn't for you, I don't know what would have happened to me. Or my daughter."

That caught Elphaba's attention. "You had a daughter?"

There had been only one Animal camp near Mount Runcible, mostly full of expecting Animals or ones with young children. Elphaba had never known what became of most of the Animals she'd helped free, but she'd wondered about the pregnant ones the most.

"Yes. That's her over there," the Elephant said, pointing her trunk to the other side of the park.

Elphaba and Fiyero both turned, seeing a young Elephant drinking from the water fountain.

"She's lovely," Elphaba commented.

"Her name is Elphaba."

Elphaba gaped at Ibha, and she didn't have to look at Fiyero to know that he was grinning broadly.

"Really?" he asked her. "That is _amazing."_

"It seemed the least I could do," Ibha replied warmly.

Fiyero happily made small chat with her, as Elphaba appeared to be rendered speechless, until the Elephant's daughter made her way over to her mother.

"Mom, can we go home? I'm hungry."

Ibha nodded. "Of course, sweetie. Let's go. It was so nice to see you again, and to meet you," she addressed Elphaba and Fiyero.

Elphaba could only manage a weak smile and a nod.

"Come on, Elphie," Ibha said to her daughter as they walked away, and Elphaba's breath caught.

Fiyero watched her carefully.

"Fae? You ok?" he asked her gently.

Elphaba nodded, but she certainly didn't look okay.

"Alright," Fiyero said finally. "I'm going to round the kids up. Wait here."

He did, amid much complaining.

"We weren't done playing yet," Jiyah whined.

"Yeah, well, Momma's not feeling well right now," Fiyero told her. "So, we're going to go back to the hotel so she can lie down, and maybe get some ice cream. Does that sound ok?"

Jiyah considered that offer carefully, frowning.

"Ok," she agreed.

So, Fiyero left Elphaba at the hotel with strict orders to rest, before he whisked the kids away for the promised ice cream.

He ended up wrangling them alone all afternoon, trying to give Elphaba the space to process what he knew had been a heavy bombshell. He was still a little rattled himself, just from the shock of being approached.

Even when Totit had found them, he hadn't been that stunned, although he couldn't tell you why. Although he was happily delighted at the thought an Animal had named their child after his wife.

He wondered if there were any more little namesakes out there. He wondered if Glinda had named her children in some form for her best friend. Or perhaps, like Elphaba had when it came to naming Jiyah, she had found the idea too painful.

Elphaba joined them for dinner that night, although she was very quiet. She put the kids to bed that night, and then retreated to the balcony as she had the night before.

Fiyero wasn't sure exactly what he should do- what he could do, to help. But he was wary of giving Elphaba _too_ much space, not exactly sure what was going through her head.

Inspired by an idea, Fiyero ducked out of the room for a few minutes to run a quick errand and then returned, confirming all three kids were asleep before joining Elphaba on the balcony. Elphaba stared at him as he handed her a bottle of wine.

"I think you need this."

Elphaba took it from him silently.

"Is there a glass somewhere, or am I supposed to drink from the bottle?" she asked.

Fiyero pulled two glasses from behind his back. "I won't judge if you _want_ to drink from the bottle," he said. "But here."

Elphaba smiled faintly.

"Did I ruin the vacation?" she asked once he'd poured them each a glass and sat down beside her.

"No," Fiyero answered immediately. "No, of course not."

She exhaled slowly. "I just didn't expect…"

"To see her," Fiyero finished. "Me either. Is that throwing you more, or the fact she named her daughter for you?"

Elphaba laughed hollowly, running a hand through her hair. "Oh, don't remind me. That's _crazy."_

"It's not crazy," Fiyero argued. "I think it's amazing."

Elphaba sighed. "She calls her ' _Elphie',"_ she said quietly, tears springing to her eyes.

Fiyero nodded. "Yeah. I know."

He paused. "Little perky, isn't it?" he asked and she laughed, a little shakily.

"Ridiculously perky," she agreed.

They sat there silently, drinking the wine.

"So, not to say "I told you so", but… I told you so," Fiyero finally spoke.

She turned her head towards him and raised an eyebrow. "You _told_ me so? Told me _what?"_

He merely smiled. "That you did good. With the Animals. I've been telling you for ten years, and now I have proof."

Her eyebrow rose even higher.

"No one names their kid after bad people," he pointed out. "And I would not be surprised if there's a few more little 'Elphaba's' around the place."

Elphaba grimaced at the thought. That was a little more than she could handle.

"I'm proud of you, Fae."

Elphaba took another sip of wine. "You weren't proud of me before?"

"Nah, I've been proud of you since the moment Glinda told me what you did. I just wanted to remind you of it," he grinned.

Elphaba was quiet, looking over at the dark hills of Pendle Vale and the new silver moon shining over them.

"You know, a new moon is supposed to symbolise new beginnings," she said.

Fiyero glanced at her curiously, wondering where she was going with this.

"I remember," he finally replied.

It had been a possibility when they had been discussing names for _Chapter Two._ Fiyero had been all for it, but Elphaba had ultimately decided it was better to link the name back to books.

Elphaba went quiet again, staring at the moon with a deep frown. Fiyero continued to drink his wine.

"Come home."

Fiyero almost dropped his glass as her words registered with him.

"What?"

She met his gaze solemnly. "Come home," she repeated.

Fiyero placed the wine glass on the ground. "Are you sure?" he asked her, his heart in his throat.

Elphaba nodded. "I miss you. And what happened this morning… I remember that camp. The one where Ibha was. It was one of the worst ones I saw, not because the conditions were especially awful- actually they were pretty decent," she had to admit.

"But because it was mostly pregnant Animals or Animals with small children. The Wizard was using them to see how young they could stop Animals from talking or developing Animal traits. It was like the Cub all over again," she recalled.

She drained her wine glass, shaking her head as though to shake off the memories.

"Getting out was kind of a close call," she said. "I got hurt… that's when I got the scar on my hip," she told him and Fiyero nodded in realisation.

He'd always wondered about the few scars she'd gained throughout her time on the run, but Elphaba rarely spoke of them. All she'd ever been willing to say about it until now was "I got hurt rescuing some Animals" and she'd refused to give specifics whenever he'd asked.

"I remember afterwards, I missed you so badly. I kept thinking about the Lion Cub, and that day. And I knew if you'd been there, you would have helped me."

She sighed. "While you and the kids were gone this afternoon, I was thinking about that this afternoon, and I realised something. I'm always going to be scared," she admitted. "Scared of being found, scared of screwing up what we have, what we've built. But when Ibha called out to me today, I was so glad that you were with me. And I think I'm more scared to be without you than anything else."

Elphaba swallowed hard. "I know not everything is fixed yet, but maybe we should try fixing it... while in the same house now. I think we can handle that, can't we?"

Fiyero did the only thing he could think of, he leaned over and kissed her deeply. Elphaba returned the kiss without hesitation, sinking into his touch.

"I love you," she whispered when they finally broke apart.

Fiyero grinned. "I love you too, Fae. So much."

He couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. Oddly enough, he kept thinking that he couldn't wait to tell Dr Palloa when they got back to Limelle.

"So, when we go home on Monday, I can stay?" he asked eagerly.

Elphaba laughed. "We'll still have to deal with the cottage," she reminded him, and he waved a hand.

"That doesn't matter. When we get home on Monday, I can stay?" he repeated, his voice dropping and Elphaba's face softened.

"You can stay," she nodded and he kissed her again.

Elphaba gently caressed his cheek, her fingers trembling slightly. "We can't mess this up again," she told him fearfully. "We have to keep working on everything, I don't want to get lax. Because if things go bad again, I can't- I wouldn't be able to bear it."

Fiyero shook his head, turning his head to kiss her palm gently. He captured her hand in his and drew it around to kiss the back of it. "We won't," he reassured her. "We'll keep working on it, I promise. Because we're forever, right?"

Elphaba nodded. "For as long as you're mine," she murmured in reply and Fiyero kissed her once more, as the moon rose over Pendle Vale, seeming to shine extra brightly with the promise of a new beginning.

 **Chapter Title Song:** _ **Once in a Lifetime**_ **by Keith Urban**

 **The End**

 **AN. And there we have it. Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed. I appreciate it, as always.**

 **The playlist for this story, that many of you contributed to, is now public on Spotify. I'll post the link on both my Twitter and Tumblr (links to both are on my profile). You can probably also just search for it on Spotify. It's called "After Forever" and my Spotify username is carlie_dawn.**

 **My next multi-chapter fic will be the sequel to _Life's Epochs,_ but I couldn't tell you when it'll be up. I've barely started at the moment, admittedly. **

**Thank you again.**


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